Humor Bittersweet Quotes

The near dark streets where Friday night's business began to accomplish itself, strolling couples, arm in arm, girls bright as just pricked flowers, halfdrunk belligerent men herded homeward by fierce women with bitter persecuted faces ... ~ William Gay

Tell me about him... please. ~ Nalini Singh

The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

As we reached the wooded hill that led to the pipe, Cheater said, "Uh-oh."
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Is anyone here thinking about kicking the crap out of me?" he asked.
"Not me," I said.
"Me either," Lucky said.
"Maybe tomorrow," Flinch told him. "But not at the moment." hidden talents ~ David Lubar

Bok knows everything about me, including my thing with auras. Truth is, though, he isn't much good as a bodyguard. Bok is a shade heavier than an eating disorder, has a cute button nose and long, silky, straight hair most girls would kill for. We've been friends since prep when he used to sit behind me in class and hit me with his ruler. I put up with it for weeks, and then one day when the teacher stepped out of the room I pushed him off his chair and watched as he fell flat on his skinny, pretty arse. ~ Marianne Delacourt

Fran? Frances Hill, you stop that right now! What the devil's got into you? Ada, you should be ashamed! Braying like a mule, you are! And you, Mattie Gokey ... would you like to tell me what could possibly be so funny? ~ Jennifer Donnelly

You're not the only one in this relationship who loves a
challenge," he says. "And just so you know for the future, I like my double-chocolate chip
cookies warm and soft in the middle ... and without magnets glued to them. ~ Simone Elkeles

I think a sense of humor will help get a girl out of a dark place. ~ Twyla Tharp

That will solve nothing, my lord." His wife strode into the kitchen, stiff pride shining in her eyes. "I told you to keep her in hand." Brodick glared at his cousin, wondering just when his life had turned inside out. Druce scowled at the sweet smile Brodrick's wife cast toward him. He lifted his finger and pointed at her. "She bit me. ~ Mary Wine

As the saying goes: God made man and woman; Colonel Colt made them equal. ~ Ann Coulter

Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons? ~ Steven Wright

Wendy warmed my heart, earned my trust, touched my soul, and then touched me in a lot of other places. And right after we'd slept together for the very first time she looked up at me with her chocolate-brown, trustworthy doe eyes and said, I've got herpes. I thought you should know. ~ Caprice Crane

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. ~ Steven Wright

Commander: What's that?
Foaly: It's a finger, what does look like? ~ Eoin Colfer

Sir," returned Mrs. Sparsit, " I cannot say that i have heard him precisely snore, and therefore must not make that statement. But on winter evenings, when he has fallen asleep at his table, I have heard him, what I should prefer to describe as partially choke. I have heard him on such occasions produce sounds of a nature similar to what may be heard in dutch clocks. Not," said Mrs. Sparsit, with a lofty sense of giving strict evidence, " That I would convey any imputation on his moral character. Far from it. ~ Charles Dickens

Ivan gabbled something in Shu that I didn't understand. The giant just laughed.
"You speak Shu like a tourist," he said. ~ Leigh Bardugo

Are you going to keep her?"
"Yes."
"Does she know it?"
"Not yet."
Ramsey overheard the conversation and laughed heartily. "I assume you've considered all the problems, Brodick."
"I have."
"It won't be an easy life for her living with - " Ramsey began. Brodick finished his sentence for him.
"Living with the Buchanan clan. I know, and I worry about her adjustment."
Ramsey grinned. "That's not what I was going to say. It won't be easy for her living with you. Rumor has it, you're a difficult man to be around."
Brodick didn't take offense. "Gillian's aware of my flaws."
"And she'll still have you?" Winslow asked.
"As a matter of fact, she has refused to marry me."
Knowing Brodick as well as they did, both Ramsey and Winslow began to laugh again.
"So when's the wedding?" Ramsey asked. ~ Julie Garwood

A wise man (or the first comedian in history) once said, "If you wish to make God laugh, tell him your plans." This is why during praying, I occasionally slip in my business plans. If there were an internet of somekind in heaven, my story would've been forwarded to everyone even before lunch break. ~ Isman H. Suryaman

I stared at him, baffled. But at that moment Gideon began to play, and I entirely forgot what I had been going to ask the count. Oh, my god! Maybe it was the punch - but wow! That violin was really sexy! Even the way Gideon raised it and tucked it under his chin! He didn't have to do more than that to carry me away with him. His long lashes cast shadows on his cheeks, and a lock of hair fell over his face as he began passing the bow over the strings. The first notes filling the room almost took my breath away, they made such tender, melting music, and suddenly I was close to tears. Until now, violins had been way down on my list of favorite instruments, and I really liked them only for accompanying certain moments in films. But this was just incredibly wonderful - well, all of it was: the bittersweet melody and boy enticing it out of the instrument. All the people in the room listened with bated breath, and Gideon played on, immersed in the music as if there were no one else there.
I didn't notice that I was crying until the count touched my cheek and caught a tear gently with his finger. Then I jumped in alarm.
He was smiling down at me, and I saw a warm glow in his dark brown eyes. "Nothing to be ashamed of," he said quietly. "If it were otherwise, I'd have been very disappointed. ~ Kerstin Gier

Nothing sinister. Just getting exercise. Although some might consider that sinister. ~ Marian Keyes

Don't feel bad, I'm usually about to die. ~ Rick Riordan

Was I the only one who became unsettled and swoonish at the sight of a large, inverted carcass hanging from a tree, its vital organs strewn about like children's toys, the occasional pack of hunting dogs fighting over a lung, another one looking for a quiet place to enjoy the severed head? It happened all the time and nobody else seemed bothered. People just walked up to the bloody carcasses and carried on entirely normal conversations, as though a man wasn't standing there squeezing deer feces out of a large intestine and small children weren't playing football with a liver. ~ Harrison Scott Key

What's wrong with my clothing?' she asked, glancing down the length of her body, clothed in a tank top and shorts.
He helped her up, unable to stifle a grin. 'Let's just say women do not dress like that in 1863. ~ Suzannah Daniels

Shall we go?' he murmured, perhaps regretting his decision to show me his army of plastic cartoon figurines. ~ Jon Ronson

You wear your armor even to dinner, Lady Wilhelmina?"
"Of course I wear armor. I am sitting with a pirate, a mercenary, an adventurer, and a bounder. If a shot is not fired tonight, I daresay that your reputations are nothing but lies. ~ Meljean Brook

The king's worth is exactly one potato. ~ Sara Wolf

He wrote that if great sex were necessary to make babies, humans would be fossils by now. ~ Randi Hutter Epstein

The thing is you cannot imagine what is going to happen next. If you're imagining it - it's from your imagination. ~ Art Hochberg

I have been stabbed, shot, burned, bitten, beaten unconscious too many times to count, and even staked. None of those held a candle to the pain I felt at seeing his mouth on hers. ~ Jeaniene Frost

What I value most in new music is strangeness, oddity. Passion. And humor. I listen to a lot of hip-hop because it combines so many things like that. ~ Carrie Brownstein

If the gods have no sense of humor they must weep a great deal. ~ Pearl Mary Teresa Craigie

What happened?" he asked softly, after a moment's silence.
Heathcliff lifted his head at the same time Rose did. Her eyes were red and swollen, her cheeks streaked with tears. A piece of hay clung to her chin and stuck to her hair.
She looked beautiful Achingly so.
"You're wet," she said, her voice thick. She wasn't impressed with his arrival, that much was clear.
"I commanded the rain to stop before I left the house but it didn't listen." She didn't smile at his poor attempt at humor. "Why the tears, Rosie? ~ Kathryn Smith

The missing link between humans and apes? It's certainly those brutes who haven't yet learned to respect privacy. ~ Raheel Farooq

You never know what funny can do. ~ Ellen DeGeneres

Everything happens all the time forever, and this would be a terrifying concept if I wasn't so enlightened and in-tune with the natural forces of the universe, which include but aren't limited to; A. taco salad, B. taco salad, and C. my own glorious ass (glorioass). ~ Sara Wolf

He peered down at me. "Jesus Christ. You're leaking."
If by "leaking" he meant "sobbing like a girl," I guess so. ~ Lili St. Crow

It is not the destination where you end up but the mishaps and memories you create along the way! ~ Penelope Riley

I understand the gist of your speculation,' said Rhialto. 'It is most likely nuncupatory. ~ Jack Vance

Oh, sorry. My excitement must be clouding my ability to judge comedic hyperbole. ~ Daniel Palladino

How do you live with yourself, Lord Arrogant?" "Very easily, Lady Difficult. I find myself quite
charming. ~ G.A. Aiken

Being Jewish is a big part of my artistic sensibility and my humor ... I think it gives me a certain take on the world on a literary level. ~ Adam Mansbach

Although I like a good scary movie, I've never actually believed anything paranormal or supernatural could be real ... until today. Magic genies, witch spells, and magic troll dolls with funky bright hair are other ideas that have crossed my mind. It also occurs to me that I may be going crazy, and will have to be committed before I finish high school. ~ Jen Naumann

NEVER INTERFERE WITH MELENGAR AGAIN
BY ORDER OF THE KING
... AND US ~ Michael J. Sullivan

I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary. ~ George Carlin

It's a kilt, dumbass. It's only a skirt if I'm wearing underwear. ~ Damon Suede

Richard didn't mind Gwyn being rich ... Having always been poor was good preparation for being rich. Better than having always been rich ... The well and all its sweet water would surely one day run dry. ~ Martin Amis

... but what are people but deaths that haven't happened yet?"
"Births that already happened?" Jacky said without thinking.
The mayor laughed. She looked different when she laughed, and then she stopped laughing and she did not look different anymore. ~ Joseph Fink

- So my own sister will not promote me? Speaking of which, weren't you supposed to find me a beautiful future wife with a small fortune? Have you had any success on that front?
- Yes - I have warned them all. ~ Libba Bray