Idiot Ex Boyfriends Quotes

Meena wasn't sure which she found more disturbing: that she'd been hunting her ex-boyfriend's murderous wife with a hair dryer beneath the streets of Manhattan, or that when she opened her eyes after having been knocked unconscious by this person, she realized she'd been rescued by another one of her ex-boyfriends. ~ Meg Cabot

They like their coffee like they like their ex-boyfriends: bitter. ~ John Green

Why are you here?" I asked him.
"That's an awfully big question, Anya."
"No, I meant here outside this office. What did you do wrong?"
"Multiple choice," he said. "(a) A few pointed comments I made in Theology. (b) Headmaster wants to have a chat with the new kid about wearing hats in school. (c) My schedule. I'm just too darn smart for my classes. (d) My eyewitness account of the girl who poured lasagna over her boyfriend's head. (e.) Headmaster's leaving her husband and wants to run away with me. (f) None of the above. (g) All of the above."
"Ex-boyfriend," I mumbled.
"Good to know," he said. ~ Gabrielle Zevin

He reached out and intertwined our hands. Gently urging me forward he whispered, Have I lost you love? ~ Erin Jamison

Once she had told him, "The thing about cross-cultural relationships is that you spend so much time explaining. My ex-boyfriends and I spent a lot of time explaining. I sometimes wondered whether we would even have anything at all to say to each other if we were from the same place," and it pleased him to hear that, because it gave his relationship with her a depth, a lack of trifling novelty. They were from the same place and they still had a lot to say to each other. ~ Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else. ~ Mae West

These days, though, he was as unpredictable as an alley cat. One minute, he's purring on
your lap. The next, he's scowling at you from the window sill, and you're left wondering if he's plotting your demise over there, just waiting for you to fall asleep. That's Will. ~ Laura Miller

So there we were. Once upon a time, during the storybook version of dating we'd gone through, I'd pretended that it was possible to love her when I only mildly liked her. Now I had no desire to pretend we'd ever be in love, and I liked her madly.
'Can we try to be wise with each other for a very long time?' I asked her.
She laughed. 'You mean, can we share our fuckups and see if we can get any wisdom out of them?'
'Yeah,' I said. 'That would be nice. ~ David Levithan

My boyfriends have all been as stoical as queen's guards. They'd been patient, committed, and dispassionate, and I'd had to really debase myself to extract any emotion, either grin or grimace, from them. ~ Koren Zailckas

I was thinking about the cow thing. About how hanging on to an ex-boyfriend is like chewing your cud until somebody drops a fresh bale of hay in front of you. Or something like that. ~ Dandi Daley Mackall

I would think you'd have better things to do right now than look up the marital status of my ex-boyfriends on the Internet," Mom had said to him, scathingly.
"I like to keep track of their mating habits," Dad had smirked. ~ Meg Cabot

I think a beautiful quality that's a biological, hormonal imperative for women, whether they have children or not, is that we're built to be empathic. For me, it was finally being maternal in an appropriate way instead of trying to mommy ex-boyfriends. ~ Alanis Morissette

I don't have any jokes about my divorce or my ex-husband, who is a lovely person. It really is about how I was an idiot trying to push this guy to get married when I wasn't even sure if I wanted to. ~ Jen Kirkman

On tour, it's either call ex-boyfriends or tweet a lot. You're just looking for any proof that you're not completely alone. ~ Chelsea Peretti

So did I mishear over the communicator, or did you send your girlfriend off on a super-sexy secret mission with her ex-boyfriend?'
'We're fighting a war here, Nine, it's not a joke,' John replies sternly. After a moment's awkward pause, a begrudging smile breaks on his face. 'Also, shut up. It's not super sexy. What does that even mean?'
'Wow, you really need my guidance,' Nine says. He throws his arm around John's shoulders and leads him towards the house. 'Come on. I'll explain what sexy is.'
'I know what it – ugh, why am I even discussing this with you?' John shoves Nine in frustration, but Nine just holds on tighter. 'Get off me, idiot.'
'Come on, Johnny, you need my affection now more than ever. ~ Pittacus Lore

Almost all the ex-boyfriends are like this - never really three-dimensional, but it soon becomes apparent that this is deliberate, that Tiny's showing how he never got to know all of their dimensions, that he was so caught up in being in love that he didn't really take the time to think about what he was in love with. ~ John Green

I had to detach myself from myself, if that makes any sense, to conjure an authentic first-person voice. In that sense, it was similar to writing a first-person novel. But I was writing about real people, not fictional ones - myself, my family, my friends and boyfriends and ex-husband, and that was extremely tricky. ~ Kate Christensen

What-ifs are kind of like ex-boyfriends. The more attention you give them, the more likely they are to stalk you and show up in you bedroom closet when you are getting out of the shower. ~ Kristen Day

Me: just don't ask about his forty-three ex-boyfriends, okay? or ask him about why he's carrying around an axe.
mom: ...
me: i'm kidding about the axe part. ~ David Levithan

I've actually always started with what feels most natural. Which is, the people who surround me in my daily life. So, the first show I ever wrote, which is called 'Surface Transit,' was based in part on people I knew from my family. Co-workers, ex-boyfriends. All of that kind of thing. ~ Sarah Jones

You're going to have people who are going to say 'Oh, you know like, she just writes songs about her ex-boyfriends' and I think frankly that's a very sexist angle to take. No one says that about Ed Sheeran. No one says it about Bruno Mars. They're all writing songs about their exes, their current girlfriends, their love-life, and no one raises a red flag there. ~ Taylor Swift

But it's that fucking dress she's wearing. It's low-cut and tight and just ... Jesus. Why would she wear a dress like that? Is she doing it just to torture me? I like the idea that maybe she had me in mind when she picked it out. Of course, she might be wearing it because she wants to get attention from other guys.
I look around the wedding suspiciously, trying to see if anyone is looking at her. I don't want to have to punch someone out, but i'll do it if I have to. ~ Lauren Barnholdt

You idiot! What do you call a person who plays the piano?' she said, a steely glint in her eyes. 'Pi . . . Pianist?' Derek mumbled. 'And a person who exorcises?' 'Ex . . . Exorcist?' 'So what would you call a person who prepares Mayo . . . whatever?' she screeched. And then the ball dropped. A trembling Derek gasped, 'Mayo . . . ist! Shit! ~ C.S. Krishna

Boys say they don't mind how you get your hair done. But then they leave you for someone with really great standard girl hair and the next thing you know you're alone with a masculine crop crying into your granola. ~ Alexa Chung

Italian food trumps ex-boyfriends every time, ~ Ilsa Madden-Mills

One of my mother's friends said to me, 'Your ex-boyfriends didn't stand a chance with you and your mother.' And I think I probably was unfair to them because she was the first person and the last person I called about every single thing. Sorry, ex-boyfriends. ~ Lily Rabe

Back To December is a song that addresses a first for me. In that I've never apologized in a song before. Whether it be good or bad or an apology. The person I wrote this song about deserves this. This is about a person who was incredible to me- just perfect in a relationship- and I was very careless with him. So, this is a song full of words that I would say to him that he deserves to hear.


I've never felt the need to apologize in a song before, but in the last two years I've experienced a lot, a lot of different kinds of learning lessons And sometimes you learn a lesson too late and at that point you need to apologize because you were careless. ['Back To December'] is about a person who was incredible to me, just perfect to me in a relationship, and I was really careless with him

I've written songs about things like burning my ex boyfriends pictures… I've written songs about the times that I've been hurt by love. But then one day I woke up and realized that I had hurt somebody… And so I wrote this song to tell him I'm sorry ~ Taylor Swift

I'd rather sit in bed and watch TV. All of my ex-boyfriends, of course, not Paris, would be like, 'What's the problem? You're so not sexual.' ~ Paris Hilton

Amongst all the beautiful women in this world..
There's always an idiot ex-boyfriend, who still expects her love again ~ 69rascal

I feel like a traitor, a phony, a fake. But I am a hypocrite with the best intentions, and I need kissing desperately. ~ Coco J. Ginger

It has taken me a long time to work out the function of ex-boyfriends, at least for me: how they can help you work out what you want from life and from a partner by showing you what you don't. If a man is your ex, it's better all round if he was not Mr. Right. ~ Nicola Monaghan

What I hate about Halle Berry is there's always drama around her. It's always fighting, automobile accidents, fistfights, boyfriends fighting ex-husbands for the child. ~ Donald Trump

With some people there is easy conversation and not enough time in one meal to get out everything you want to tell her
all the things you didn't know you'd been holding in until you're suddenly confessing to Facebook-stalking ex-boyfriends and how nerdy you are for coveting the iPad
and with others there is that subtle but heavy weight of constantly trying to think of what you might say next to avoid an uncomfortable silence. ~ Rachel Bertsche

Are there moments when I see unrequited crushes or ex-boyfriends slow dancing with their dates and kind of want to stab myself in the spleen with a salad fork? Yeah, sure. ~ Sloane Crosley

..reading your ex's horoscope every week isn't going to help you control his life. No, you need to hide in his bushes, break into his email, or kidnap his dog if you want to effect any real change. ~ Jenny Mollen

I collect ex-boyfriends
and more than five, at last count. ~ Jasper Fforde

I don't care what is written," Meyer Landsman says. "I don't care what supposedly got promised to some sandal-wearing idiot whose claim to fame is that he was ready to cut his own son's throat for the sake of a hare-brained idea. I don't care about red heifers and patriarchs and locusts. A bunch of old bones in the sand. My homeland is in my hat. It's in my ex-wife's tote bag. ~ Michael Chabon

I didn't know what else to do. So now I'm here, my pride in the toilet, hoping I can stay in my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend's bachelor pad, and I want to kill myself. And I can suffer through that if it means James will be safe. But right now I'm still waiting for your shithead of a boyfriend to show up and try to kill me. ~ Tahereh Mafi

But if there was a protocol for how to say goodbye to your newly ex-boyfriend's brother, right after you kissed him and probably sent your ex into the arms of his willing ex-girlfriend, I didn't know what it was. ~ Rachel Vincent

She trusted him to break them out, and he trusted her to pick up a gun and fight by his side. They'd break free, and then they'd have an entire lifetime of adventures ahead of them. It was everything she'd ever wanted, except that even in her wildest dreams, she'd failed to imagine a man as cool and sexy and brave as Shane. You're a bunch of losers, she informed her imaginary boyfriends - imaginary ex-boyfriends, now. It never even occurred to me to have any of you turn into a panther. ~ Zoe Chant

His hand rested above my hip, having a totally different impact on me. My skin tingled underneath the chiffon. Daemon cleared his throat as he glanced away. 'You ... you look beautiful, by the way. Really too good to be with that idiot. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

God preserve me from idiots and men in love, which is the same thing. ~ M. V. Heberden

Let me be absolutely clear: Tumnus was an idiot. He was absolutely NOT a spy for the White Witch. That dude couldn't have spied on a blind unicorn. He was a deadbeat who spent most of his time sitting on street corners, playing his pan flute, and panhandling for change. He was on the Narnia version of welfare, and he told the White Witch about Lucy in the hopes of getting some kind of handout. ~ Stephen Altrogge

People who got on their feet and freaked about were called idiot dancers. and nobody wants to be called an idiot dancer. But the whole idea of rock and roll is to get people off their arses - that's what it's about. ~ Steve Marriott

What kind of soldier are you that you're going to just sit in a cell while the world is thrown into chaos? Do you not understand what could happen if those weapons fall into the wrong hands? How could you be so selfish? (Syd)
I'm selfish? Look, Agent Westbrook, your daddy's a Boston stockbroker. I'm a death broker. I'm sure you don't lecture Daddy on finance, so don't even try to lecture me on assassination politics. I know all about them. Some bureaucratic ass-wipe sitting in a pristine office that's totally isolated from the rest of the world decides the son of King Oomp-Loomp is a threat. He then hands down orders to people like me to go off King Oomp-Loompa's son. Like an idiot, I do what he says without question. I hunt my target down, using information that is mostly bullshit and unreliable, gathered by someone like you who assured me it was correct as the time. But hey, if it changes minute by minute, and God forbid we pass that along to you. So me and my spotter lie in the grass, sand, or snow for days on end, cramped and hungry, never able to move more than a millimeter an hour until I have that one perfect shot I've been waiting for days. I take it, and then we lie there like pieces of dirt until we can inch our way back to safety, where hopefully the helicopter team will remember that they were supposed to retrieve us. Have you any idea of the nerves it takes to do what I do? To lie there on the ground while other armed men search for you? Have them step on yo ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

It's SpongeBob, Eleanor," he said, speaking very slowly and clearly as though I were some sort of idiot. "SpongeBob SquarePants?" A semi-human bath sponge with protruding front teeth! On sale as if it were something completely unremarkable! For my entire life, people have said that I'm strange, but really, when I see things like this, I realize that I'm actually relatively normal. ~ Gail Honeyman