Your Ex Quotes

President Obama is in China. Also in China is evil Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. They're both in China at the same time. It's like running into your ex-girlfriend on vacation. ~ David Letterman

You don't particularly want to stay close to your ex-wife. Or why would she be your ex-wife? ~ Ian McShane

Personally, I think there's a lot to recommend being friends with your ex, and I'm glad to admit that I'm living proof of its possibility. ~ Mariella Frostrup

So are we stalking your ex-husband?"
"I'm a licensed private investigator," I said. "I'm licensed to stalk."
"Really?"
"In most cases."
"What about this case?"
"In this case," I said. "We're stalking the hell out of him. ~ J.R. Rain

Going back to your ex is like taking back your spit from the ground. ~ M.F. Moonzajer

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I'm in love with your ex-wife," ... "I've loved her since high school, man. She means everything to me. You gotta drag her down, that'll suck, but I'll pick her back up. You gotta rip her apart, I'll fuckin' hate watchin' it, but I'll put her back together. ~ Kristen Ashley

Stop blaming racism, politics, bullies, your crappy parents, your ex-wife, your lack of friends or anything else for your problems. Sometimes, I think our "problems" are really just opportunities to test our metal. We look at them as holes that we fall into, when really, they are the CHANCE to prove to ourselves and those around us just what kind of men we are! ~ Josh Hatcher

When was the last time you were kissed?" he went on easily. "And I'm not talking about the dry, noncommittal, meaningless kiss you forget about as soon as it's over."

I scrambled out of my stupor long enough to quip, "Like last night's kiss?"

He cocked an eyebrow. "That so? I wonder, then, why you moaned my name after you drifted to sleep."

"I did not!"

"If only I'd had a video recorder. When was the last time you were really kissed?" he repeated.

"You seriously think I'm going to tell you?"

"Your ex?" he guessed.

"And if he was?"

"Was it your ex who taught you to be ashamed and uncomfortable with intimacy? He took from you what he wanted, but never seemed to be around when you wanted something back, isn't that right? What do you want, Britt?" he asked me point-blank.
"Do you really want to pretend like last night never happened?"

"Whatever happened between me and Calvin isn't your business," I fired back.

"For your information, he was a really great boyfriend. I-I wish I was with him right now!" I exclaimed untruthfully. My careless comment made him flinch, but he recovered quickly.

"Does he love you?"

"What?" I said, flustered.

"If you know him so well, it shouldn't be a hard question. Is he in love with you? Was he ever in love with you?"

I tossed my head back haughtily. "I know what you're doing. You' ~ Becca Fitzpatrick

What are you gonna say?" Emma asked. " 'I'm not sure I want you back, but I'm sure I don't want your ex-con ex-girlfriend to have you, either'? Yeah. That'll start this little triangle off on the right foot. ~ Rachel Vincent

If your ex is making things up about you, he's obviously miserable. It's just like, 'Wow, this person really cares to go out of their way to start a rumor about me.' I've dealt with it so much, obviously. The first couple of times, it really sucks. But then [they] just come out with something else. If you dwell on it, it's going to make you miserable. Just move on and laugh it off. ~ Brody Jenner

Fletcher was always going to be your ex-boyfriend, from the moment you met him. He's just finally caught up with where he's supposed to be. ~ Derek Landy

And your ex, or maybe you're back with her
I don't know, Emma. I read some of what she wrote
To you when I broke into your gmail account.
She's charming. A little shallow maybe ~ Ariana Reines

She is here. And she comes to you, and she does not speak, and the others do not notice her, and she takes your hand, and you ready yourself to die, eyes open, aware this is all an illusion, a last aroma cast up by the chemical stew that is your brain, which will soon cease to function, ad there will be nothing, and you are ready, ready to die well, ready to die like a man, like a woman, like a human, for despite all else you have loved, you have loved your father and your mother and your brother and your sister and your son and, yes, your ex-wife and you have loved the pretty girl, you have been beyond yourself, and so you have courage, and you have dignity, and you have calmness in the face of terror, and awe, and the pretty girl holds your hand, and you contain her, and this book, and me writing it, and I too contain you, who may not even be born, you inside me inside you, though not in a creepy way, and so may you, may I, may we, so may all of us confront the end. ~ Mohsin Hamid

Your allegiance is with your spouse; you cannot break that by showing allegiance to your ex-spouse. ~ Connie Sellecca

when it is but it ain't

Some of us love badly.
Sometimes the love is the type of love that implodes.
Folds in on itself. Eats its insides.
Turns wine to poison.
Behaves poorly in restaurants.
Drinks. Kisses other people.
Comes back to your bed at 4am smelling like everything outside.
Asks about your ex. Is jealous of your ex.
Thinks everyone a rival.

Some of us love others badly, love ourselves worse.
Some of us love horrid, love beastly.
Love sick love anti light.
Sometimes the love can't go home at night,
can't sleep with itself, cannot contain itself,
catches fire, destroys the stomach,
strips buildings, goes missing.
Punches. Smashes heirlooms.
Tells lies. The best lies. F*s around.
Writes poems, impresses people.
Chases lovers into corners.
Leaves them longing. Sea sick.
Says yes. Means anything but.
Tricks the body.
Kills the body.
Dances wild
and walks away, smiling. ~ Yrsa Daley-Ward

There will come a time in every girl's life when she realizes that your ex-girlfriend wasn't crazy. Actually, she was right (about you). ~ Nakia R. Laushaul

Politicians are really getting desperate. In fact, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid sent out a final fundraising email to Democrats with the subject line, 'I'm begging.' Because what better way to show you're a strong leader than acting like you're drunk and dialing your ex? ~ Jimmy Fallon

Most people just say 'sorry'. But handing over your ex for painful handling was so much better. ~ Suzanne Wright

She remembers her name. She remembers the name of the president. She remembers the name of the president's dog. She remembers what city she lives in. And on which street. And in which house. The one with the big olive tree where the road takes a turn. She remembers what year it is. She remembers the season. She remembers the day on which you were born. She remembers the daughter who was born before you – She had your father's nose, that was the first thing I noticed about her – but she does not remember that daughter's name. She remembers the name of the man she did not marry – Frank – and she keeps his letters in a drawer by her bed. She remembers that you once had a husband, but she refuses to remember your ex-husband's name. That man, she calls him.

She does not remember how she got the bruises on her arms or going for a walk with you earlier this morning. She does not remember bending over, during that walk, and plucking a flower from a neighbour's front yard and slipping it into her hair. Maybe your father will kiss me now. She does not remember what she ate for dinner last night, or when she last took her medicine. She does not remember to drink enough water. She does not remember to comb her hair.

She remembers the rows of dried persimmons that once hung from the eaves of her mother's house in Berkeley. They were the most beautiful shade of orange. She remembers that your father loves peaches. She remembers that every Sunday morning, at ten, he ta ~ Julie Otsuka

Being Puerto Rican, born and raised on the streets of New York, you go, 'Wow, you're still friends with your ex, man? Really? That's weird.' I don't play that. ~ Marc Anthony

It's probably a bad indicator of your lifestyle when you miss your ex-boyfriend because he's absolutely lethal. ~ Charlaine Harris

Why are you so petrified of silence, here can you handle this? Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines or when you think you're gonna die? Or did you long for the next distraction ... ~ Alanis Morissette

But if there was a protocol for how to say goodbye to your newly ex-boyfriend's brother, right after you kissed him and probably sent your ex into the arms of his willing ex-girlfriend, I didn't know what it was. ~ Rachel Vincent

I think sometimes the bits of your life happen in the wrong order, or all at the same time and you waste time feeling angry about it, but that's the way it is, it's real life. You meet the person who you think could make you happy the rest of your life, but at the same time your ex-girlfriend who's told you umpteen times she never wants to see you again tells you you're going to be a dad.'
Elle took up the story.
'And then you move to another country and then the next time you see that person, even though its like no time has passed, you sleep together and then - your mum dies'
She gave a short, sad laugh.
'Yep that's rubbish timing ~ Harriet Evans

It's a mood record. Like one night you're going to be down in the dumps depressed because you're thinking about your ex-boyfriend and the next moment you're gonna be like screw him you know? And the next one you're saying to yourself 'God I'm in love.' ~ Willa Ford

What would you do without me?" he asked one night. We were tangled in the silky sheets of his gigantic bed. My heart was still pounding as I came down from the high of what we'd just done, and he wasn't helping matters by putting his lips so close to my ear.
"Live a happy… happy life," I murmured. "I might even… be an optimist… if you weren't around."
"Liar." He bit my earlobe playfully. "You'd be absolutely miserable. Admit it, Duffy. I'm the wind beneath your wings."
I bit my lip, but I still couldn't hold back the laughter-and just as I was finally catching my breath, too. "You just referenced Bette Midler… in bed. I'm starting to question your sexuality, Wesley."
Wesley looked at me with a defiant glint in his eye. "Oh, really?" He grinned before moving his mouth back to my ear and whispering, "We both know that my manhood has never been in question… I think you're just changing the subject because you know it's true. I'm the light of your life."
"You…" I struggled for words as Wesley pressed his mouth into the crook of my neck. The tip of his tongue moved down to my shoulder and made my brain get all fuzzy. How was I supposed to argue under these conditions? "You wish. I'm just using you, remember?"
His laughter was muffled against my skin. "That's amusing," he said, his lips still grazing my collarbone. "Because I'm pretty sure your ex is out of town by now." One of his hands slid between my knees. "Yet you're still here, aren't you?" His f ~ Kody Keplinger

What's the purpose of being single, if all your going to do is play game? What's the purpose of saying your single, when you're still chasing your Ex? What's the purpose of knowing you're single, if you're going to compare the new to your last? What's the purpose of being single, if your not going open up to let a person know you? What's the purpose of saying you're single, if you're going to let someone else decide on who you deal with? So before you say you're single! Ask yourself, are you're really single or someone else's back up plan. And if so, are you happy? ~ Jerome D. Williams

In your ex-wife's stingy, slutty pussy, is the subtle point I'm trying to portray. ~ R.K. Lilley

Here is where the hard part comes in. The time has come to BLOCK him. Sigh. That part. Whether the relationship ends badly or not, you will want to know how your ex is fairing even if you never say it out loud. That's normal. When you're broken hearted these type of updates can be torture. Having to see him on your IG or FB feed can prove to be too much if you're just trying to heal. To some this may not seem like a big deal, but here is what we know. We know that wounds can't heal if they are being constantly poked at. So give yourself the breathing room. ~ Stalina Goodwin

My ex-husband happens to be one of the most gifted moviemakers. And what is so bizarre about working with someone like that? I guess it is bizarre to be good friends with your ex-husband. ~ Ali MacGraw

The biggest obstacle is that when people fall in love, they tend to seek out the qualities of their ex in the people they date afterwards. A guy will seem attractive because he has the same hair as your ex, because he dresses similarly, because he drives the same car, or because he has similar mannerisms or interests. You are liable to believe that it is those things about him that attract you; however, the truth is that those things merely remind you of being attracted. On a psychological level, those two feelings are not so incredibly different, so they are easily confused. ~ Andrew Aitken

You should not propose marriage until you have resolved your feelings about your ex. ~ Amy Dickinson

Your extracurricular activities are definitely somewhat lackluster, Annie."
"What? Being the daughter of a celebrated criminal doesn't count as an extracurricular activity?"
"No," Scarlet said. "A case could be made for poisoning your ex-boyfriend however. ~ Gabrielle Zevin

If I could read people's minds,
I would not invade your privacy.
Instead I would eavesdrop on every passerby.
tattoo my arms with all the compliments,
every wow she's good looking,
every I wish I was that confident.
Meeting all of your ex-lovers
would turn my chest and back into a masterpiece.
Record every thing they should have told you
every how could I have ever let her get away,
every she was the best thing that ever happened to me.
My legs would turn into patchwork with hatch marks
for every time I wished you were still with me.
It would not take a full day
to cover this body with all of the nice things people
didn't think you needed to hear.

If I could travel through time,
I would go back to the moment
before it was too late. ~ Jared Singer

As a screenwriter - if you are completely honest with yourself - you can't help but admit that your greatest threat is the audience, where audience is not understood as a demographic category but as a character outside the script to whom the story is addressed. A good part of the drama necessary for uncovering the story resides in the conflict between the storyteller and his/her audience. Audience plays the part of antagonist to the writer's role as protagonist. The writer drives the action, which is forever complicated, frustrated and undermined by the audience's needs and sensibilities. Audience wants you to prove it. Audience has a chip on its shoulder, and doesn't give a damn. Audience has been there and done that in the guise of your mother, your father, your ex-, your worst enemy. Audience laughs at your stupidity and dares you to change its view of you and the story world that you would have it care about. Audience is defiant. It has your number. The only way you can defeat it is by carrying a bigger stick - your only defence is an inspired offence, namely the story. ~ Billy Marshall Stoneking

I know you lost your partner in crime, but ... I want YOU to be MINE. Maybe WE should travel the world together, Camryn ... I know I can't replace your ex
"
"Andrew ... it was always you. ~ J.A. Redmerski

Ha! Does Agatha know we're coming?"

"It'll be a surprise!" Penny says.

"Surprise!" Baz singsongs. "It's your ex-boyfriend and his boyfriend and that girl you never liked very much!"> ~ Rainbow Rowell

Rebound sex is fine when you want to rebound and bounce back in life, but when you only want to bounce back into a bed with your ex-girlfriend, rebound sex would only ever turn out to be a regrettable thing ~ Jimmy Tudeski

If you had a man when I was your friend and then we started hooking up and you broke up with your boyfriend, so now we're together and you have a new male friend? I'm going to look at you sideways because your character's horrible and now I'm thinking you're going to do to me what you did to your ex. ~ Damien Lemon

Get Your Ex Back: The 4 Things Your Ex Needs You to Do Before You Get Back Together ~ Clay Andrews

It has taken me a long time to work out the function of ex-boyfriends, at least for me: how they can help you work out what you want from life and from a partner by showing you what you don't. If a man is your ex, it's better all round if he was not Mr. Right. ~ Nicola Monaghan

Does it really matter? Don't we have more important things to contend with than the staid details of my previous relationships?" "Normally? Yes. But when the supreme commander of North America is your ex-girlfriend, and she's already feeling really stressed about the fact that you've been lying to her? And then all of a sudden you other ex-girlfriend shows up and Juliette doesn't even know about her? And she realizes there are, like, a thousand other things you've lied to her about and then our very powerful supreme commander gets, like, super, super pissed? I don't know man, I don't see that ending well. ~ Tahereh Mafi

I'm sensin' we're comin' to a positive end to this discussion so I don't wanna piss you off, but I'm not your counselor. I'm your ex-wife's man. You need to process shit, do it with one of your boys. I got shit to do. ~ Kristen Ashley

One of my mother's friends said to me, 'Your ex-boyfriends didn't stand a chance with you and your mother.' And I think I probably was unfair to them because she was the first person and the last person I called about every single thing. Sorry, ex-boyfriends. ~ Lily Rabe

He came back up with a brighter smile. "And I'm proven right, again! You guys should hire me for this talent I have. Mom, I bet you have a better sex life with that Garrett dude than you did with dad."
"Logan!"
He turned towards James. "And dad, I bet your sex life is pretty good with Analise. She strikes me as the slutty type."
"Logan!"
He grinned broadly. "And David ... I don't know you that well, but you strike me as conservative. You're only going to be with a conservative woman, maybe one that looks exotic though. I can tell you have control issues. You don't like anyone who is wilder than you, probably why you had problems with your ex, huh? As for the current one, she's hot under the covers, but I don't know if you want her to be." He shook his head in sympathy. "You might want to take care of that. ~ Tijan

You can successfully take a jab at your ex without having everyone criticize you for it. ~ Selena Gomez

When your Ex asks you to remain friends after you break-up, it's like a kidnapper asking you to "keep in-touch" after he releases you. ~ Nitya Prakash

It's been so many years since I actually had a date that I've forgotten how to act. You don't mention your ex when you've finished fucking your date; it's poor protocol ~ Scarlet Blackwell

Divorce isn't the child's fault. Don't say anything unkind about your ex to the child, because you're really just hurting the child. ~ Valerie Bertinelli

If another woman had been around, this would never have happened."

"Whatever you're trying to say, just spit it out."

"Come on, Heath. I'm not blond, leggy, or stacked. I was the default setting. Even my fiance never said I was sexy."

"Your ex-fiance wears lipstick, so I wouldn't take that to heart. I promise, Annabelle, you're very sexy. That hair..."

"Do not start in on my hair. I was born with it, okay. It's like making fun of someone with a birth defect. ~ Susan Elizabeth Phillips

The problem with breaking up with someone, if you are a little unsure - and so often, people are unsure - is that breaking up involves persuasion. You have to persuade your ex that it is better this way for everyone. And this is difficult if you have not entirely persuaded yourself. It is especially tricky to do this if you are also naked, and making two cups of coffee. ~ Adam Thirlwell

I'M SORRY

I am developing a new board game. It's called "I'm Sorry." It's also a form of "Self-Help Psychological Therapy!"

You take turns moving around the board like Monopoly. But if you land on a Yellow or Green "I'm Sorry Space"… you have to make a Phone call. Both green and yellow cards are labeled- the same with things like: Your Ex, Parental figure, friend, co-worker, boss, children, etc. You get the point…

If you land on the yellow space, the game stops, everyone gets quiet and you have to call that person up – on speakerphone. You apologize for something you've done in your past. Come on you know you are not perfect and you probably screwed up, hurt or disappointed everyone in your past at one time or another. So you call and you apologize. You explain what you did to them wrong if they forgive you, you move forward 10 places and everyone cheers! No forgiveness back- you move back to the beginning.

If you land on the green space- it's similar. But you call the person up and you try to explain to them how, in someway, they hurt you in the past. If they apologize… cheers and you move forward 10 spaces. No apology… move backward ten spaces. They curse at you- game over.

In the original packaging of the yellow and green cards, are mixed in a set of "I'm Sorry Cards." If you are lucky enough to get to pick up an "I'm Sorry Card," it's like a Get Out of Jail Free Card, and you don't have to make the call.

Th ~ Jose N Harris

I'm going after your ex-husband," I heard him say softly. "And when I finish, there won't be enough left of him to fill a fucking matchbox. ~ Lisa Kleypas

The skanky vamp biting for bucks on the dark end of state street is your ex boyfriend? William asked. The look on William's face implied he hoped I washed after interacting with Parrish ~ Tate Hallaway

So you're going shopping with your ex-boyfriend to find an outfit to snare your next boyfriend? Oh, what a tangled web you weave. ~ Jillian Dodd

Dr. Hathaway is head of the burn unit.I think I'll have her take a quick look."
"Your ex-wife?"
"She is. Why?"he says slowly.
"I realize she's a doctor,but it has to be weird letting your ex-wife see your naked ass… butt… buttocks…gluteus." I smile,my go-to when things get really awkward - which happens way too often. ~ Jewel E. Ann

When your ex says "I miss you", that means the person they tried to replace you with has failed. ~ Manasa Rao

Darlin', you can't tell me your ex wasn't adventurous and not expect me to see it as a challenge. ~ Leah Braemel

Turn around, and the people you thought you knew might change. Your little boy might now live half a world away. Your beautiful daughter might be sneaking out at night. Your ex-husband might by dying by degrees. This is the reason that dancers learn, early on, how to spot while doing pirouettes: we all want to be able to find the place where we started. ~ Jodi Picoult

know that you are moving forward when you stop talking shit about your ex. ~ Bonga Qhineba

TEN BREAKUP COMMANDMENTS:
1. Move out
2. You cannot be friends
3. Do not process this break-up together
4. Do not bad mouth your ex to other people
5. Get rid of anything that reminds of him
6. Start and exercise regimen
7. Pursue an interest you could not have pursued while you and your ex were together
8. Take a vacation
9. Embrace Change
10. Go on a date ~ Melissa Kantor

Our higher officials are fond as a rule of nonplussing their subordinates; the methods to which they have recourse to attain that end are rather various. The following means, among others, is in great vogue, 'is quite a favourite,' as the English say; a high official suddenly ceases to understand the simplest words, assuming total deafness. He will ask, for instance, What's to-day?' He is respectfully informed, 'To-day's Friday, your Ex-s-s-s-lency.' 'Eh? What? What's that? What do you say?' the great man repeats with intense attention. 'To-day's Friday, your Ex - s - s - lency.' 'Eh? What? What's Friday? What Friday?' 'Friday, your Ex - s - s - s - lency, the day of the week.' 'What, do you pretend to teach me, eh? ~ Ivan Turgenev

You're serious? You want me to go to school?"
"Why not?" he challenged. "So long as you take care of shit around here, I'm fine with it. Might want to move on that whole divorce thing too while you're at it. Club's got a lawyer, I'll set up an appointment for you. I can pretty much guarantee your ex won't put up a fight."
He smiled when he said it - not a nice smile.
"Okay, I'll go check it out," I said slowly. "This is weird, you get that? You kidnapping me, holding me hostage and then sending me to school? This isn't how things like this usually work."
Horse grinned at me, eyes lazy and satisfied.
"Just roll with it," he whispered. "And keep doing whatever exercises you do to make your cunt squeeze like that. They got a college degree for that? ~ Joanna Wylde

You don't bad-mouth your ex or anything like that. The key is your kid knowing that both parents still love him and are there for him. ~ Dennis Quaid

The Orwellian vision was about state-sponsored surveillance. Now it's not just the state, it's your nosy neighbor, your ex-spouse and people who want to spam you. ~ Howard Rheingold