Humor Advice Inspirational Quotes

Don't put all your eggs in one basket ~ Nikki Ziehl

I share the same advice that my mom gave me - stay hydrated and sleep well. And that being a beautiful person on the inside is what really matters. ~ Jessica Alba

I've had situations when I've actually encouraged authors to self-publish because their book was poor. Now one would conclude that I'm asking them to self-publish because their book was poor and the self-publishing warehouse is where all the poor books belong. But no, it's because "poor" is only my opinion, and I'm just one in millions of readers. ~ King Samuel Benson

First you jump off the cliff and build your wings on the way down. ~ Ray Bradbury

All right. But take my advice, Mr. Hel. Don't let this chance get away. Opportunity doesn't knock twice, you know."
"Penetrating observation. Did you make up the epigram?"
"I'll see you tomorrow."
"Very well. And ask the guard to knock on my cell door twice. I wouldn't want to confuse him with opportunity. ~ Trevanian

Just because it makes no sense doesn't mean it's not good advice. ~ Mick Farren

Never give in to peer pressure, especially if the peer is not attractive. ~ Eugene Mirman

Never put off until tomorrow that which may be avoided entirely. ~ Bill McKean

My personal advice is to go to school first and get a liberal arts education, and then if you want to pursue acting, go to graduate school. ~ Jillian Bach

Never f*!k with the ineffable. ~ Terry Pratchett

But don't worry," she continued. "Most snakes don't want to hurt you. If you're out in the bush and a snake comes along, just stop dead and let it slide over your shoes."
This, I decided, was the least-likely-to-be-followed advice I have ever been given. ~ Bill Bryson

Love is an active word. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

When you start something, make sure that you're willing to take the time to finish it right because, honey, the work you put into it will be more than worth it in the end. The best things always are. ~ C.M. Stunich

Never second guess yourself. Or do, maybe. Whatever you feel good about. ~ Dan Florence

Wait, that's your idea? That's your expert advice? You're going to tell these novelists to just keep going? You're going to tell these honest, earnest writers: You gotta have faith? Those are George Michael lyrics, asshole. If they wanted that pep talk, they could just hang out inside a mall elevator. ~ Karen Russell

Every child should be taught how to read, write and think. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

Don't wait. Writers are the only artists I know of who expect to get somewhere by waiting. Everyone knows you have to dance to be a dancer, you have to sing to be a singer, you have to act to be an actor, but far too many people seem to believe that you. don't have to write to be a writer. So, instead of writing, they wait. Isaac Asimov said it beautifully in just six words: "It's the writing that teaches you." Writing is what teaches you. Writing is what leads to "inspiration." Writing is what generates ideas. Nothing else-and nothing less. Don't meditate, don't do yoga, don't do drugs. Just write. ~ Daniel Quinn

Why do you think, A.J.," they say in unison, "that you find these boys so attractive?"
I didn't say that this fiery chemical explosion leaps from somewhere inside me. Parents don't want to hear these things. I shrugged and said nothing.
"Maybe you should try sitting on the intensity," Mom suggests, "just until your feelings catch up with reality."
"We could chain you to the water heater," Dad offers, "until these little moments pass."
You see what I'm up against. ~ Joan Bauer

Sometimes you have to take the good with the bad to get what you need. ~ Patrick Carman

Talk openly about important issues like money, sex, and religion. They can affect your life and happiness a great deal. Especially when it comes to cults. ~ Jesse Petersen

Now write this down because I have a feeling you're too psychotic to remember: Saturday, January twentieth, at two o'clock. And try the Infermiterol. Bye-bye. ~ Ottessa Moshfegh

When I told my teachers I wanted to be a writer, alot of them encouraged me to lower my expectations and to be more realistic. So I rode away on my magical, winged horse, spraying faerie dust behind me, and laughing manically as I went. ~ M.E. Vaughan

If you are out of trouble, watch for danger. ~ Sophocles

Word of advice. These have a kick, so don't suck too hard -
Holy hypoxia, Batman. ~ J.R. Ward

Good to meet you, Patrick," Will said. "And thank you for the ... advice."
"Oh, just trying to help my girlfriend get the best out of her job," he said. "That's all." There was a definite emphasis on the word my.
"Well, you're a lucky man," Will said, as Nathan began to steer him out. "She certainly gives a good bed bath." The words came out so quickly that the door was closed before Patrick even realized what he had said. ~ Jojo Moyes

My light must shine, so that the darkness will disappear. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

A woman loves purposeful commitment. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

If you want to marry me, here's what you'll have to do:
You must learn how to make a perfect chicken-dumpling stew.
And you must sew my holey socks,
And soothe my troubled mind,
And develop the knack for scratching my back,
And keep my shoes spotlessly shined.
And while I rest you must rake up the leaves,
And when it is hailing and snowing
You must shovel the walk ... and be still when I talk,
And-hey-where are you going? ~ Shel Silverstein

I'd rather be a hopeless romantic than a skeptic, because while the hopeless romantic may get burned many times, the skeptic will never really experience love. ~ Kealohilani

Every fairy tale, it seems, concludes with the bland phrase "happily ever after." Yet every couple I have ever known would agree that nothing about marriage is forever happy. There are moments of bliss, to be sure, and lengthy spans of satisfied companionship. Yet these come at no small effort, and the girl who reads such fiction dreaming her troubles will end ere she departs the altar is well advised to seek at once a rational women to set her straight. ~ Catherine Gilbert Murdock

When single you are," Roger said, imitating Yoda dispensing advice to Luke, "get laid you can. When married you get, make love you do. ~ Sean Kennedy

Once you realize that your relationship is more important than your individual point of view. That's where the true definition of "union" lives. ~ Lauren Handel Zander

They drummed into you that pain was good, you were supposed to go with it, push into the pain, and only ... now ... did I contemplate what retarded advice this was. ~ Lionel Shriver

When people are on the same page, when they agree wholeheartedly, when they see eye to eye, very little learning actually takes place. Insight and learning only occur when what we experience in the moment conflicts, clashes with, or expands our awareness beyond what we know or take for granted. ~ Jeffrey Russell

Tropical forests are on fire, the desert encroaches. All humanity, if you like, is harmful. What is one to say to this? Try walking more? ~ Ludvík Vaculík