Funny Merry Christmas Quotes

Christmas is a season not only of rejoicing but of reflection. ~ Winston Churchill

Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.' I suppose you could say 'Merry Christmas' and 'Happy New Year,' but you probably have sh*t to do. ~ Jon Stewart

When did wishing someone a Merry Christmas become politically incorrect? ~ Suzanne Woods Fisher

I picked up the phone, 'Hello?'
'Merry Christmas!' said Mom and Dad.
...
'I love you too' I replied. I hung up the phone. My students were gaping at me. Two girls in the back row brushed away tears and hugged each other. Parents and children rarely said those three words in China. They knew their parents loved them, but they knew from their actions, not because they had ever been told. The students had studied and heard about the importance of family at Christmas, but with that telephone call they saw it for themselves. ~ Aminta Arrington

Merry Christmas to all, and y'all sleep tight. ~ Po Bronson

The dude in red's back at the pole,
Up North where everything is cold.
But if he were right here tonight,
He'd say 'Merry Christmas! And to all, a good night!' ~ Kurtis Blow

Merry Christmas" - Bing Crosby singing "Adeste fideles" on The Voice of State Street ~ Joan Wehlen Morrison

For me, the spirit of Christmas means being happy and giving freely. It's a tradition for all the kids in the family to help mom decorate the tree. Christmas is all about family, eating, drinking and making merry. ~ Malaika Arora Khan

We are soon approaching a refined holiday, "Merry Mas," where Christ will be taken out of its context. ~ Anthony Liccione

December 21, 1970 well, the amateur drunks have taken over and will hold this town until Jan. 2 ... driving on the wrong side of the street, running red lights, bellowing the same songs. figs of people, twigs of people, shits of people ... MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY NEW YEAR. Christomighty, yeah. ~ Charles Bukowski

The Church does not superstitiously observe days, merely as days, but as memorials of important facts. Christmas might be kept as well upon one day of the year as another; but there should be a stated day for commemorating the birth of our Saviour, because there is danger that what may be done on any day, will be neglected. ~ Samuel Johnson

Merry Christmas, movie house! Merry Christmas, Emporium! Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Building and Loan! ~ George Bailey

A Merry Christmas to us all, my dears. God bless us!" Which all the family re-echoed. "God bless us every one!" said Tiny Tim, the last of all. ~ Charles Dickens

Just when the air turns frosty and the days shrink into darkness, the Christmas season arrives in America. It begins at Thanksgiving--with families, feasts and football. Then during the next six weeks we shop and decorate, worship and make merry. Our hearts warm in the winter cold. We find compassion for strangers, and we remember there are miracles. Pious or festive or both, we join together in an extraordinary national festival. ~ J. Curtis Sanburn

I made a French film called 'Merry Christmas' which is a very European film. It's a World War I piece. ~ Diane Kruger

I wish you a Merry Christmas sparkle with endless love, gladness and goodwill. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

A little smile, a word of cheer, A bit of love from someone near, A little gift from one held dear, Best wishes for the coming year. These make a merry christmas! ~ John Greenleaf Whittier

When I was ten years old I was actually given McDonald's gift certificates for Christmas by my mom. Yes, my own mother. I guess she couldn't find gift certificates for a vending machine. I like to think it was her way of saying, "Merry Christmas. Here are some coupons for poison." McDonald's introduced the gift certificate prior to the obesity epidemic. I'm not saying that McDonald's gift certificates caused the obesity epidemic, but in retrospect, the timing is kind of suspicious. ~ Jim Gaffigan

Let kindness go from us to others with every gift, and good desires with every Christmas greeting. Deliver us from evil by the blessing which Christ brings, and teach us to be merry with a clear heart. May the Christmas morning make us happy to be Thy children, and the Christmas evening bring us to our beds with grateful thoughts, forgiving and forgiven, for Jesus' sake. Amen. - ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON ~ David P. Gushee

If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should. ~ Charles Dickens

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white. ~ Irving Berlin

Christmas music in the summer?" I asked.
"Of course." Aaron turned the sound up, letting the music burst through our ears and out the open windows. The poor people who were walking by gave us strange looks. "Good tidings we bring, to you and your kin! We wish you a Merry Christmas and a haaaaapyyyyyyy neeewwwww yeeaaarrrrr!"
I clapped my hands over my ears. "You need voice lessons! ~ R.A. Rooney

Wisdom of the Ages: "The Nativity" The Son of God was born in a manger-not surprising, have you seen the prices of hotel rooms in Bethlehem? Oy Vay! Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah Peace! ~ Matthew D. Heines

If ifs and buts were candies and nuts we'd all have a very Merry Christmas, ~ Gillian Flynn

A very Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear. ~ John Lennon

You lose what individualism you have, if you have enough of course, you retain some of it, but most don't have enough, so they become watchers of game shows, y'know, things like that. Then you work the 8 hour job with almost a feeling of goodness, like you're doing something, and you get married, like marriage is a victory and you have children like having children is a victory, but most things people do are a total grind, marriage, birth, children, it's something they HAVE to do because they have nothing else to do. There is no glory in it, no esteem, no fire, their lives are flat and the earth is full of them. Sorry, but thats the way I see it. I could not accept the snail's pace 8-5, Johnnie Carson, merry christmas, happy new year, to me it's the sickest of all sick things. ~ Charles Bukowski

Heap on more wood! - the wind is chill; But let it whistle as it will, We'll keep our Christmas merry still. ~ Walter Scott

Happy Christmas" was their version of "Merry Christmas," and a better version, it seemed to him, for making merry was different from making happiness. ~ Michael D. O'Brien

A man bumps me on his busy way without so much as an apology. But that is all right. I forgive you, busy man about town with the sharp elbows. Hail and farewell to you! For I, Gemma Doyle, am to have a splendid Christmas in London town. All shall be well.
God rest us merry gentlemen. And gentlewomen. ~ Libba Bray

I say 'Merry Christmas' to people I don't know, or to people I know are Christians. I say 'Happy Hanukkah' to people I know to be or suspect to be Jewish. And I don't say 'Happy Kwanzaa,' because I think African Americans get enough insults all year round. ~ Christopher Hitchens

The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad,
For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. ~ G.K. Chesterton

Without the door let sorrow lie,
And if for cold it hap to die,
We'll bury 't in a Christmas pie,
And evermore be merry. ~ George Wither

My particular dread--the vivid possibility that left me staring at tree shadows on the bedroom ceiling night after night--was having to lie in a small tent, alone in an inky wilderness, listening to a foraging bear outside and wondering what its intentions were. I was especially riveted by an amateur photograph in Herrero's book, taken late at night by a camper with a flash at a campground out West. The photograph caught four black bears as they puzzled over a suspended food bag. The bears were clearly startled but not remotely alarmed by the flash. It was not the size or demeanor of the bears that troubled me--they looked almost comically nonaggressive, like four guys who had gotten a Frisbee caught up a tree--but their numbers. Up to that moment it had not occurred to me that bears might prowl in parties. What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I would die, of course. Literally shit myself lifeless. I would blow my sphincter out my backside like one of those unrolling paper streamers you get at children's parties--I daresay it would even give a merry toot--and bleed to a messy death in my sleeping bag. ~ Bill Bryson

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyful Kwanzaa, Happy Holidays, Righteous Spaghetti Monster in the Sky Week, Joyous Platypus Day, or whatever other holiday you celebrate this season. Oh, and may the Force be with you. ~ Erik Schubach

Merry Christmas! the man threatened. ~ William Gaddis

The charming aspect of Christmas is the fact that it expresses good will in a cheerful, happy, benevolent, non-sacrificial way. One says: "Merry Christmas" - not "Weep and Repent." And the good will is expressed in a material, earthly form - by giving presents to one's friends, or by sending them cards in token of remembrance. ~ Ayn Rand

Have yourself a merry little Christmas, make the Yuletide gay. ~ Ralph Blane

Good for you, Big Brother! Nothing says Merry Christmas like Hi, Dad! I'm gay! ~ J.M. Colail

Merry Christmas. His would be without the Merry for sure. ~ Debbie Macomber

You don't like surprises?" "I'm fine with them." Merry Christmas, Happy Birthday. Let's get naked on the porch. Oh God. ~ Nora Roberts

Lindsay, do you think that child in Bethlehem cares how many cards you send out, or whether you have a tree up? Those things are meant to help you remember the holiday, not be swallowed up in it. It's supposed to be a time of joy, and you go about it with such grim purpose. 'I'm going to have a merry Christmas this time even if it kills me. ~ Sierra Donovan

When I was five years old I was on a merry go round. There was a gunshot nearby. The horses stampeded. There I was running down the street on a purple wooden horse. ~ Steven Wright

In case anyone would like to know, we have now entered the Christmas season. Christmas as in Jesus Christ. This is not the "happy holidays" season ... Don't "Happy Holidays" me because I will "Merry Christmas" you in return. ~ Lyn Nofziger

The secular progressive movement in America has been successful in removing all vestiges of faith in God from the public square. The very fact that people hesitate to say "Merry Christmas" to strangers lets you know just how successful they have been. Why are they so determined to remove God from our lives? They recognize that if we have no higher authority to answer to than man, we become gods unto ourselves and get to determine our own behavior. In their world, "If it feels good, do it." They can justify anything based on their ideology because in their opinion, there is no higher authority other than themselves to overrule them. They have a visceral reaction to the mention of God's word, because it tears at the fabric of their justification system. ~ Ben Carson

I send my thoughts afar, and let them paint your Christmas Day at home. ~ Edward Rowland Sill

There is nothing else to say, so I just murmur, "I know. Thank you for the chance." And I add, "Merry Christmas, Missus Stein."
"We call it Hanukkah, but thank you, Miss Phelan. ~ Kathryn Stockett

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. ~ Ben Stein

Merry Christmas me bollocks. The words of the Pogues's 'Fairytale of New York' also came to mind: surrounded by scumbags and maggots, I prayed God it would be my last in Los Teques. ~ Paul Keany

I wish you a very merry Christmas filled with abundance and a magnificent magical New Year. ~ Debasish Mridha