Profane Funny Quotes

Collection of famous quotes and sayings about Profane Funny.

Quotes About Profane Funny

Enjoy collection of 36 Profane Funny quotes. Download and share images of famous quotes about Profane Funny. Righ click to see and save pictures of Profane Funny quotes that you can use as your wallpaper for free.

My particular dread--the vivid possibility that left me staring at tree shadows on the bedroom ceiling night after night--was having to lie in a small tent, alone in an inky wilderness, listening to a foraging bear outside and wondering what its intentions were. I was especially riveted by an amateur photograph in Herrero's book, taken late at night by a camper with a flash at a campground out West. The photograph caught four black bears as they puzzled over a suspended food bag. The bears were clearly startled but not remotely alarmed by the flash. It was not the size or demeanor of the bears that troubled me--they looked almost comically nonaggressive, like four guys who had gotten a Frisbee caught up a tree--but their numbers. Up to that moment it had not occurred to me that bears might prowl in parties. What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I would die, of course. Literally shit myself lifeless. I would blow my sphincter out my backside like one of those unrolling paper streamers you get at children's parties--I daresay it would even give a merry toot--and bleed to a messy death in my sleeping bag. ~ Bill Bryson
Profane Funny quotes by Bill Bryson
I know stealing a foot is weird. But, hello, living in a house where a foot is available to be stolen is weird. ~ Lauren Ambrose As Claire Fisher
Profane Funny quotes by Lauren Ambrose As Claire Fisher
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. ~ Groucho Marx
Profane Funny quotes by Groucho Marx
Satan's hairy ass! ~ Robert Thier
Profane Funny quotes by Robert Thier
Crazy chicks are usually pretty tough. ~ Darynda Jones
Profane Funny quotes by Darynda Jones
How are you feeling?"
"Like I fell out a burning building onto pavement, you?" I grumbled.
"Like I was pushed out of a burning building by a maniac," she retorted, a small smile playing across her face. ~ R.R. Virdi
Profane Funny quotes by R.R. Virdi
Nerd life is just so much better than regular life. ~ John Green
Profane Funny quotes by John Green
You know, I was gutting this loser the other day, and I thought, It'd be more fun fighting that little dhampir. I wonder if she's recovered yet. And here you are."
"Lucky me," I said.
Scarface grinned. "You know, I might even let you live. You're funny. ~ Karen Chance
Profane Funny quotes by Karen Chance
Funny story. A bunch of people -- the cult -- blame the appearance of abilities on the invention of the internet. ~ Alex Lane
Profane Funny quotes by Alex Lane
She shuddered. What is it with slobbery kissers? Are they trying to drown us in spit? I mean, Jesus, swallow every now and then. ~ Tammara Webber
Profane Funny quotes by Tammara Webber
Funny, no matter how fast one travels, the past is just a moment, just a thought away. ~ Van Heerling
Profane Funny quotes by Van Heerling
I'm doing what I love, and then I get months and months of rest. I have a lot of money for a 21-year old. I can't stand it when actors complain. ~ Jennifer Lawrence
Profane Funny quotes by Jennifer Lawrence
I would have grown up to be a gentleman adventurer if I were more of a gentleman. ~ Alex Potvin
Profane Funny quotes by Alex Potvin
You can be funny and kind or funny and cruel. The second one is easier, but the first one is worth it. ~ Justin McElroy
Profane Funny quotes by Justin McElroy
Remember that there's no one way of doing things ... If you just get a hammer and hit it really hard, whatever it is, I guarantee you it'll open. ~ Fred Armisen
Profane Funny quotes by Fred Armisen
Old Zen was very funny; there was a great deal of humor and happiness. Zen today seems much drier. While there's a certain amount of humor, it seems to lack that total intensity because humor is one of the primary tools for liberation. ~ Frederick Lenz
Profane Funny quotes by Frederick Lenz
This year's Olympics will be replacing the women's beach volleyball bikinis with uniforms that are less revealing. The stricter dress code was made to appease the conservative nation of 'Buzzkillistan.' ~ Conan O'Brien
Profane Funny quotes by Conan O'Brien
That's the funny thing about mazes: what's baffling on the ground begins to makes sense when you can begin to rise above it, the better to understand your history and fix yourself. (p. 717) ~ Wally Lamb
Profane Funny quotes by Wally Lamb
My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals. ~ Bob Monkhouse
Profane Funny quotes by Bob Monkhouse
Whoa. Not too stiff," Cody said. "Secure, strong, but calm. Like you're caressing a beautiful woman, remember?"
That made me think of Megan.
I lost control, and a green wave of smoky energy burst from my hand and flew out in front of me. It missed the pipe completely, but vaporized the metal leg of the chair it sat on. Dust showered down and the chair went lopsided, dumping the pipe to the floor with a clang.
"Sparks," Cody said. "Remind me to never let you caress me, lad. ~ Brandon Sanderson
Profane Funny quotes by Brandon Sanderson
With these Funny or Die videos, I do everything for them. I write them, act in them, and co-direct them with my buddy Brian McGinn, who I grew up with. We also edit them together. We're working on a small scale of Internet videos, but we're slowly trying to make them become a bigger thing. ~ Dave Franco
Profane Funny quotes by Dave Franco
If you wagered $5,000 on each of my winning NFL picks in 2012 and $500 ($550) on each of my losing picks, you'd be ahead $70,050. Wow. ~ Norman Chad
Profane Funny quotes by Norman Chad
Black people loving and losing is something we don't see enough of. We're always in these heightened situations like something big is happening, something funny or something violent. And you know what? Sometimes we die of breast cancer or a broken heart. Things happen that are just not being explored cinematically. It's time we reinvigorated that type of film. ~ Ava DuVernay
Profane Funny quotes by Ava DuVernay
Perfect worlds do not exist. There are only the funny, strange, weeping, singing, truncated, and imperfect universes created by the gods of paintbrush and musical instruments, the gods who infuse their creations with their own blood, their own soul. When he looks at these worlds, the true Lord of Hosts, the creator of the universe, probably cannot help but smile mockingly ~ Vasily Grossman
Profane Funny quotes by Vasily Grossman
To me, wealth is the peace of mind you have, your family, your friends, your colleagues. Everything else is just money, and it really is funny how people pay so much attention to that. ~ Ricardo Salinas Pliego
Profane Funny quotes by Ricardo Salinas Pliego
Uphill? There's nothing up the hill," Colly said, trying desperately to work out where this conversation was going.
"As a matter of fact, there is. There's a bluff about twelve meters high, with a river running below it. The water's deep, so it'll be quite safe for you to jump." In his brief glimpse of the river, Halt had noticed that the fast-flowing water cut under the bluff in a sharp curve. That should mean that the bottom had been scoured out over the years. A thought struck him. "You can swim, I assume?"
"Yes. I can swim," Colly said. "But I'm going jumping off some bluff just because you say to!"
"No, no. Of course not. That'd be asking far too much of you. You'll jump off because if you don't, I'll shoot you. It'll be the same effect, really. If I have to shoot you, you'll fall off. But I thought I'd give you a chance to survive." Halt paused, then added, "Oh, and if you decide to run downhill, I'll also shoot you with an arrow. Uphill and off is really your only chance of survival."
"You can't be serious!" Colly said. "Do you really-"
But he got no further. Halt leaned forward, putting a hand up to stop the outburst.
"Colly, take a good, long look into my eyes and tell me if you see anything, anything at all, that says I'm not deadly serious."
His eyes were deep brown, almost black. They were steady and unwavering and there was no sign of anything there but utter determination. Colly looked at them and after a few second, his eyes d ~ John Flanagan
Profane Funny quotes by John Flanagan
You know they invented wheelbarrows to teach FAA inspectors to walk on their hind legs. ~ Martin Caidin
Profane Funny quotes by Martin Caidin
This is going to sound cheesy, but with acting there are so many tools. When you're on camera, you're using all of it. You're using the voice, you're using your body, you're using wardrobe, all of it, but it's funny, once you take all of those things away, you realize how much you rely on the physicality. ~ Jennifer Stone
Profane Funny quotes by Jennifer Stone
The way I write is totally instinctive. I just write what I feel or what I find funny - and hope everyone else agrees. ~ Sophie Kinsella
Profane Funny quotes by Sophie Kinsella
The only person who worries about my mother is God, and that's only because she wants His job. ~ Sue Civil-Brown
Profane Funny quotes by Sue Civil-Brown
Grace shivered even though it was hot out, because that's what detectives do in detective books. ~ Ella Minster
Profane Funny quotes by Ella Minster
Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having. ~ Mitch Hedberg
Profane Funny quotes by Mitch Hedberg
Are you afraid of the future? That is funny because future does not exist yet! Future is not even a shadow, because shadow exists! Let go your fear and concentrate on the present time! ~ Mehmet Murat Ildan
Profane Funny quotes by Mehmet Murat Ildan
I bet the very first piñata was surprised. "Oh, hey a party! Cool! What's the occa - HEY, WHAT THE HELL, KID? ~ Jessica Park
Profane Funny quotes by Jessica Park
Just when you thought the mafia novel was dead, Tod Goldberg breathes new life into it. Gangsterland, the best mafia novel in years, is a dark, funny, and smart page-turning crime story. It's also a moving, thoughtful meditation on ethics, religion, family, and a culture that eats itself. I loved this book. ~ Sara Gran
Profane Funny quotes by Sara Gran
Wonder Showzen is one of my favorite shows of all time. When I first saw it, I thought it was so funny and new and original and edgy and insane and subversive. I didn't know comedy could do that. ~ Eric Andre
Profane Funny quotes by Eric Andre
Productivity Principle Quotes «
» Reason For Coming Out Quotes