Fundamentalist Humour Quotes

When my turn came, I said I hoped one day to be the dictator of an Islamic republic with nuclear capability; the others appeared shocked, and I was forced to explain that I had been joking. ~ Mohsin Hamid

NMK is a well know maxillofacial surgeon, from India, pens his first poetry book Miracle Mix, favourably reviewed by literary critic Prof. M Krishnan Nair. He says "Every poem has an emotional reality. This is rarely found in modern poetry."
Almost all the poems have a curious mix of humour and pathos. This anthology captures impressions made on poet's mind by various images and objects ranging from passing clouds, flowing streams to life itself. In simple yet evocative manner, the poet introduces the readers to his world of imagination through these poems. Sometimes he becomes one with the elements of nature and at others he narrates an old legend.
Dr. Nikhil Kurien writes under the pen name NMK, he is an oral and maxillofacial surgeon.

ISBN: 978-93-85020-82-7
Publisher: Zorba Books
book available on Zorba Book Store, Flipkart, amazon, Infibeam and shop clues and on Kindle. ~ NMK

Personal faintness, and an overpowering personal candour, were the distinguishing features of Mrs Billickin's organization. She came languishing out from her own exclusive back parlour, with the air of having been expressly brought-to for the purpose, from an accumulation of several swoons. ~ Charles Dickens

Given the circumstances, I think the rabbi did a very good job. What did you think?"
"It's my policy not to review funerals. ~ A.M. Homes

I was worried people would laugh at me when I started to talk the language, but they were just pleasantly surprised that I could. The sense of humour here is great - once I could have a giggle, I settled down. ~ Parminder Nagra

A horse loves freedom, and the weariest old work horse will roll on the ground or break into a lumbering gallop when he is turned loose into the open. ~ Gerald Raftery

You have a sense of humour. I am in favor of jokes. They have political value. Jokes are a release for the cowardly and the impotent. ~ Graham Greene

Sasha snorted. "I have never in my extremely long life seen anyone take so long to answer a question. It's like you went into your brain and got lost. you need a bread crumb, buddy?" He made a noise like he was calling his pet. "Here Lassie, here. Come back girl. ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

Well, dearest, what would you tell a farmer who had an over-abundant harvest? To plant less, of course!" ...
"I am not complaining about the frequency of the planting," she said. "I'd just rather not reap a crop every year. ~ Sharon Kay Penman

Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one. ~ Spike Milligan

No. I just like dabbing girls' faces with napkins. It's a fetish of mine. Don't worry - my shrink says it's harmless. ~ Zoe Sugg

I meant to be nice, but there were so many other options. ~ Anonymous

I don't know if you have had the same experience, but the snag I always come up against when I'm telling a story is this dashed difficult problem of where to begin it. ~ P.G. Wodehouse

I was tempted to tell her it was because we were British and actually had a sense of humour, but I try not to be cruel to foreigners, especially when they're that strung out. ~ Ben Aaronovitch

I don't need to travel back in time to cause trouble. Seeing back through time finds me trouble enough! ~ A.A. Bell

His relationship with illness was flirtatious; only a particularly attractive ailment could tempt him into bed. ~ Sam Byers

I can tell you that if there's nothing wrong with you except fat it is easy to get thin. You eat and drink the same as always, only half. If you are handed a plate of food, leave half; if you have to help yourself, take half. After a while, if you are a perfectionist, you can consume half of that again … On the question of will-power, if that is a factor, you should think of will-power as something that never exists in the present tense, only in the future and the past. At one moment you have decided to do or refrain from an action and the next moment you have already done or refrained; it is the only way to deal with will-power. ~ Muriel Spark

It's always funny until someone loses a testicle. ~ Bob N. Boguslavski

You see football isn't just about 90 minutes, it's about passion and, yes, if you like, about life. We men will do things under the umbrella of football fandom that we would never dream of doing in any other sphere of life, and within the pages that follow I will try and explain why. ~ Dougie Brimson

So here were the facts: I felt possessive of her. Not in a romantic sort of way, but in a "hit her over the head, drag her off by the hair, and fuck her" way. Like she was my toy and I was keeping the other boys in the sandbox from playing with her. How sick was that? If she ever heard me admit to that, she would cut off my balls and feed them to me. ~ Christina Lauren

Heaven. The biggest waste of our time we ever invented, outside jigsaws. ~ Caitlin Moran

When the bishop farted we were amused to hear about it. Should the ploughboy find treasure we must be told. But when the ploughboy farts ... er ... keep it to yourself. ~ Kingsley Amis

Eavesdropping is a deplorable habit, but I have developed worse ones since. ~ Patrick Rothfuss

[An example of misattribution:]

If you don't know the source of a quote,
you can always make it sound better by attributing it to me.

- Mark Twain ~ Jakub Marian

Will laughed. 'I now know why fate linked you with Xav. You are going to tease each other unmercifully.'
Victorthrew down a card. 'Might make the world a little safer for the rest of us then.'
'Unless they turn their powers jointly on us,' suggested Sky, her old sparkle back in her eyes.
The Benedict brothers groaned in unison. ~ Joss Stirling

I find that if you just talk, your mouth comes up with stuff. ~ Karl Pilkington

Babbage's Three Laws of Difference Engines
First Law: A difference engine must have at least six cogs.
Second Law: A difference engine must be able to operate a loom.
Third law: A difference engine must be able to kill a man, should the mood so take it. ~ Gideon Defoe

I've never seen a naked torso that wasn't on a cross, at least not so close up. I don't know where to look. His belly button. Belly button. Look at the belly button. ~ J.C. Lillis

Lots of distractions - that's good.
Murderous angels everywhere - that's bad.
That's about as far as my frozen brain will go. ~ Susan Ee

No! Aguaje is for girls. If a man eats to much of it, he starts to look like a woman.

That is the most unscientific thing I've ever heard.

Then you haven't met my cousin Jacari. Too much aguaje. Now the mothers use him as wet nurse. ~ Jessica Khoury

Your lifeline ... oh, the burning stick. Right. Leo resisted the urge to set his hand ablaze and yell: BWAH HA HA! ~ Rick Riordan

Don't pack your bags just yet, stay awhile,
Don't try to run away to higher ground,
You're in my twisted clouds of sad misfortune,
And you are such an entertaining crowd!
(I've never had such cheerful toys to play with...)
Forget I said that – just a little natural disaster Humour,
Ha-ha-ha.

Pull up a rusty lawn chair
On the waterfront in New Orleans,
And ignore the wind that howls,
Things aren't always as they seem.
I can smell fear in the air,
Fresh amidst the cornbread steam,
Forgive me if I sound excited,
(I'm going to be famous, you know!)
And let me take your money, please!

I'll drown your family, hunt down your pets,
I've got tricks that I've never even tried yet,
And it's so easy when I get the chance!
(I'll swipe your house in just one glance!)

As the saying goes, it all comes out in the wash,
But I'm the only wash that leaves no stone unturned,
Financial devastation is my middle name,
And social degradation is my third!

You, little boy from the bayou bank,
You used to fish for pointless fun
(I can appreciate having fun),
But after I go, you'll find your parents poor,
You'll have eviction notices on your door,
You'll have to sell any fish you can catch,
In a desperate grasp for money,
Although I hate to break it to you,
That bayou's polluted, honey!
I see nothing in your future ~ Rebecca McNutt

Maybe we could, um, go sit in the truck? he said, but even as he said it, it sounded so dumb. And not exactly the way he wanted her to remember a marriage proposal. ~ Robyn Carr