Weight Loss Humour Quotes

I can tell you that if there's nothing wrong with you except fat it is easy to get thin. You eat and drink the same as always, only half. If you are handed a plate of food, leave half; if you have to help yourself, take half. After a while, if you are a perfectionist, you can consume half of that again … On the question of will-power, if that is a factor, you should think of will-power as something that never exists in the present tense, only in the future and the past. At one moment you have decided to do or refrain from an action and the next moment you have already done or refrained; it is the only way to deal with will-power. ~ Muriel Spark

Permission is the key that unlocks the door that's been holding us trapped, muzzled, and stifled in our grief. Permission is the opposite of rejection. Permission is the opposite of abandonment. Permission lifts the weight, eases the pressure, and loosens the reins. ~ Shelby Forsythia

Another good reducing exercise consists in placing both hands against the table edge and pushing back ~ Robert Quillen

Major fluctuations in weight gain and loss are detrimental to your health and embarrassing to explain to your friends and family. ~ Linda Sunshine

I wish I could hold time in my hands. I wish I could talk to it. Oh, how I would ask it to give me just a few more increments of its elusive power. How can something we can't touch or see have so much control over our lives.

It was time that took you too soon, too young, before I got to say all of the things I wanted to, needed to. Things you will never know. And I carry them like a weight, these words, these sentences, right in the middle of my chest, because they have nowhere else to go.

If only time had allowed me to understand the things I would want to say after you were gone. That's the thing. They told me "don't leave anything unsaid." But I didn't know what I wanted to say until it was too late, until you were gone. It was the time afterward that held all the wisdom. ~ Jacqueline Simon Gunn

Every weight loss program, no matter how positively it's packaged, whispers to you that you're not right. You're not good enough. You're unacceptable and you need to be fixed. ~ Kim Brittingham

Fitness should be the passion, fitness should be the fashion. ~ Amit Kalantri

Weight loss does not make people happy. Or peaceful. Being thin does not address the emptiness that has no shape or weight or name. Even a wildly successful diet is a colossal failure because inside the new body is the same sinking heart. ~ Geneen Roth

...your attempts to control your eating and body may well be what's sabotaging your weight and health. ~ Tansy Boggon

I have more energy to run after our four children. Weight loss and great skin were a bonus! ~ Niecy Nash

Pretty straightforward and simple right? Absolutely. On paper, the ingredients to a successful weight loss program are very basic. In fact, it is almost mathematical. How? ~ Lance Armsonn

Oh, I think that Lord Tyrion is quite a large man," Maester Aemon said from the far end of the table. He spoke softly, yet the high officers of the Night's Watch all fell quiet, the better to hear what the ancient had to say. "I think he is a giant come among us, here at the end of the world." Tyrion answered gently, "I've been called many things, my lord, but giant is seldom one of them." "Nonetheless," Maester Aemon said as his clouded, milk-white eyes moved to Tyrion's face, "I think it is true." For once, Tyrion Lannister found himself at a loss for words. He could only bow his head politely and say, "You are too kind, Maester Aemon." The blind man smiled. He was a tiny thing, wrinkled and hairless, shrunken beneath the weight of a hundred years so his maester's collar with its links of many metals hung loose about his throat. "I have been called many things, my lord," he said, "but kind is seldom one of them." This time Tyrion himself led the laughter. ~ George R R Martin

I'm not against working out. It's just not effective for weight loss. I like strength training to tone and firm the body so you look tight. But working out just makes you hungrier. ~ Jorge Cruise

I make no claims. I have set down the facts; and the only warning advice or admonition I have to give is that any person who makes up his mind to try this method and things he isn't in for the hardest struggle of his life would do well not to try. This isn't frolic. It's a fight. ~ Samuel G. Blythe

I don't believe in God. Can you understand that? Look around you man. Cant you see? The clamor and din of those in torment has to be the sound most pleasing to his ear. And I loathe these discussions. The argument of the village atheist whose single passion is to revile endlessly that which he denies the existence of in the first place. Your fellowship is a fellowship of pain and nothing more. And if that pain were actually collective instead of simply reiterative then the sheer weight of it would drag the world from the walls of the universe and send it crashing and burning through whatever night it might yet be capable of engendering until it was not even ash. And justice? Brotherhood? Eternal life? Good god, man. Show me a religion that prepares one for death. For nothingness. There's a church I might enter. Yours prepares one only for more life. For dreams and illusions and lies. If you could banish the fear of death from men's hearts they wouldnt live a day. Who would want this nightmare if not for fear of the next? The shadow of the axe hangs over every joy. Every road ends in death. Or worse. Every friendship. Every love. Torment, betrayal, loss, suffering, pain, age, indignity, and hideous lingering illness. All with a single conclusion. For you and for every one and everything that you have chosen to care for. There's the true brotherhood. The true fellowship. And everyone is a member for life. You tell me that my brother is my salvation? My salvation? Well then damn ~ Cormac McCarthy

It seems that researchers at Colorado University say wine may help people lose weight. It's not the wine directly that causes the weight loss, it's all the walking around you do trying to find your car. ~ Jay Leno

Royce traveled wrapped in his cloak with the weight of the rain collapsing the hood around his head - not a good sign for Thranic and Bernie. Until then, Royce had played the part of the good little sailor, but with the reemergence of the hood, and the loss of his white kerchief, Hadrian knew that role had ended. They had not spoken much since the attack. Not surprisingly, Royce was in no mood for idle discussion. Hadrian guessed that by now his friend had imagined killing Thranic a dozen times, with a few Bernies thrown in here and there for variety. Hadrian had seen Royce wounded before and was familiar with the cocooning - only what would emerge from that cloak and hood would not be a butterfly. ~ Michael J. Sullivan

Three Miracles of weight loss and health gain
First, you were given a constantly-renewing body. Second, all the foods you need have been provided. And third, you have a brain that is operating to coordinate your body and life according to your instructions. ~ Celso Cukierkorn

Cutting back on calories is not the answer to successful weight loss and successful health ... you have to increase the quality of what you eat, not just reduce the quantity. ~ Joel Fuhrman

Maximus was my model for self-control, fixity of purpose, and cheerfulness under ill-health or other misfortunes. His character was an admirable combination of dignity and charm, and all the duties of his station were performed quietly and without fuss. He gave everyone the conviction that he spoke as he believed, and acted as he judged right. Bewilderment or timidity were unknown to him; he was never hasty, never dilatory; nothing found him at a loss. He indulged neither in despondency nor forced gaiety, nor had anger or jealousy any power over him. Kindliness, sympathy, and sincerity all contributed to give the impression of a rectitude that was innate rather than inculcated. Nobody was ever made by him to feel inferior, yet none could have presumed to challenge his pre-eminence. He was also the possessor of an agreeable sense of humour. ~ Marcus Aurelius

Despite what many nutritionists have preached for years, rapid weight-loss diets can be healthy if done correctly and can work wonders on reducing pounds and inches in just days. ~ Mike Moreno

Optimism is the one quality more associated with success and happiness than
any other.
~ Brian Tracy

After my second, I started working with a nutritionist who specializes in post-baby weight loss. It's called Simply Beautiful Mom. I'm in restaurants all the time because of work, and she actually will look at menus online before I go and she says, 'These are the three things you're allowed to order. Don't even open a menu.' ~ Lauren Weisberger

Strong emotional feelings don't just go away overnight. In fact, they may never go away. The fears of feeling disliked, or that I wasn't going to fit in, all quickly bubbled up to the surface. but it was the choices I made when I was faced with challenges that really mattered. I had to continually tell myself that I was always in control. If someone was pressuring me to do something that I knew was not good for me, I had the power to simply say no. No one can ever take that power away from me. If someone was upset or didn't like me for saying no, that was someone that I really didn't need in my life. ~ Stephen Cremen

When followed correctly, the Dukan Diet is both a safe and effective method of weight loss. ~ Pierre Dukan

Put all excuses aside and remember this: YOU are capable. ~ Zig Ziglar

The bottom line is that you will not lose fat effectively with exercise-driven weight-loss efforts unless your eating habits moderate insulin production. ~ Mark Sisson

nearly all of us have experienced similar results following the Conventional Wisdom of our time: weight-loss efforts doomed to a 96 percent long-term failure rate, workout programs leading to fatigue and increased appetites for sugar, and medications that exacerbate the underlying cause of pain while barely alleviating symptoms (not to mention the unpleasant side effects). ~ Mark Sisson

Experts indicate that you should aim for consistent weight loss of about one to two pounds per week, so you should remain realistic - you aren't going to lose 40 pounds per week (no matter what any diet product claims). ~ Phillip C. McGraw

(Taken from the scene in which protagonist Rebeka is caught snooping around down in the underground floors of Project Code-X...)
"I was just curious as to what was down here," I said boldly.
He studied me, evaluating the situation carefully. His face relaxed.
"They say curiosity is the mark of a great scientist," he mused light-heartedly. "It is often the loss of that child-like curiosity that ends the career of many a great scientist prematurely. Their minds go dead and they are no longer inspired. Once that light goes, they are completely and utterly useless to me."
He had a habit of ruminating aloud, so I said nothing. Then perceiving me again, he took me by the arm. "Well now, Doctor Taft. Let me show you precisely what we are doing down here in the basement," he said, proceeding to guide me around the corridor. ~ S.J. Robinson

Your body is not just yours. It is a gift and a responsibility. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

The hardest thing was going through different stages of weight loss. At the beginning, it was easy to take off the weight with exercise and eating less but then you reach a point where 90% of the weight loss is achieved purely through reducing your calorie intake. My goal was to lose four lbs per week and that worked well for the first few months but then things got tricky. ~ Matthew McConaughey

Place a picture of someone that looks like what you want to look like when you reach your weight loss and fitness goal somewhere nearby. However, be sure to keep it realistic to your own body type. This is a visual reminder of what the end result of your fitness and weight loss program will be, helping to keep you motivated. ~ Jackie Warner

This is life.
Learning to love through loss. Seeking warm pockets in the bitter cold. Finding the worth of a smile on a cloudy day. Carrying the weight of the world on weary shoulders - mistakes, sins, injustices - added upon daily. Enduring burdens that spur greater strength.
This is life.
Sorting through layers of expressions staring you straight in the eye. A battle to be right when wrong, to be good when bad, to be content when in need, and to laugh when tearing up.
This is life.
Valuing things of no worth. Reevaluating dreams. Laboring ceaselessly against the current. Seeing less, wanting more, having enough.
This is life.
Chasing the moon when the sun would extend its warmth. Slapping the hand that would offer a gentle caress. Cowering at personal, monstrous shadows. Giving and taking in unbalanced weights. Diminishing the majesty of mountains in order to form our own lowly hills. Hoping for more than we deserve.
This is life.
Hurting. Despairing. Losing. Weeping. Suffering. Laboring. Sinking. Mourning. Appreciating with greater capacity and sincerity a learned knowledge that these adversities do have their opposites.
This is life.
A taste. A revelation. A banishment. A mercy. A test. An experience. A turbulent sea-voyage that shall assuredly reach the unseen shore, making seasoned sailors of us all.
This is life. ~ Richelle E. Goodrich

If Nature brought you to it. Nature will get you through it. ~ Nancy S. Mure

As you experience success in applying kaizen to clear goals like weight loss or career advancement, remember to hold onto its essence: an optimistic belief in our potential for continuous improvement. ~ Robert D. Maurer

The Venus Factor weight loss system has nothing to do with silly exercise machines, cardio, restrictive or pre-packaged diets, or whatever weird berry pill the diet industry is talking about these days. ~ John Barban

To unleash the powers of your P-Spot you need to let go of the controlling rules and restrictions of traditional diets, one Naughty Step at a time. You need to get out of your head and into your sensual, genius body - learn to feel it, trust it, revel in it. And you need to eat for Pleasure, which means eating for Quality - and by definition, health too. We are born Pleasure-seekers; it's not just the calories from food that fill us up, but the Pleasure we get from eating them. When you eat for pleasure your P-spot purrs, metabolism turns on, all senses are heightened, stress levels drop, food tastes more flavorful and its nutritional value soars. Activate your P-Spot and you'll balance your appetite - and aid weight loss - too. ~ Melissa Milne

She used to write all the time,' Elizabeth explained, 'before she lost all that weight. Remember? When she was the butt of everyone's jokes instead of the girl all the boys want to date? ~ Francine Pascal

You must see the change you wish to be in the world. ~ Dr. Robert Jones MD PhD DDS ODD

Things that we do every day make up who we are and the results we have in our life. Bank accounts collect from constant deposits and good health is achieved or maintained from what we put into our bodies daily. ~ Malti Bhojwani

When I hear health professionals suggesting that you shouldn't worry about the balance of calories in versus calories out, but rather eat clean and follow your hunger instincts, well, I really just want to pinch their heads off. That's like a millionaire suggesting that instead of worrying about that's in your bank account, just listen to your shopping instincts and buy high-quality goods ... weight loss is not magic. To a great extent, it's accounting. ~ Chalene Johnson

Having applied ancient principle of aligning the Mind-Body-Spirit in my own challenges, I applied the same concept to my weight loss patients. The results exceeded my and their wildest." expectations. ~ Sergey Sorin