Brothers Humor Quotes

Her brothers assured her that as much as they wished to demonstrate the appropriate acts of worship, they were currently suffering from very painful knee ailments caused by chasing their troublesome sister around the countryside, so would she mind very much if, instead of genuflecting, they just cussed each time she entered a room and cheered every time she exited? ~ Jane Carter Barrett

When he glanced back at his twin, he saw that Offi's general woe-is-me-for-I-am-a-tortured-soul-and-I-walk-the-world-alone face had been replaced by a brand-new by-dinkus-this-is-worrisome face. ~ Delilah S. Dawson

What do you want?" Jake asked.
"Nothing. Can't I sit down for a chat with someone I once shared an egg with?"
"Trevor, you never chat with me. You mock me, you torment me, and sometimes you even say something profound. But you never chat. So spit it out and put me out of my misery. ~ Kat Attalla

You're some freaky shit, my brother. You really are ~ J.R. Ward

Fat Charlie blew his nose. "I never knew I had a brother," he said.
"I did," said Spider. "I always meant to look you up, but I got distracted. You know how it is."
"Not really."
"Things came up."
"What kind of things?"
"Things. They came up. That's what things do. They come up. I can't be expected to keep track of them all."
"Well, give me a f'rinstance."
Spider drank more wine. "Okay. The last time I decided that you and I should meet, I, well, I spent days planning it. Wanted it to go perfectly. I had to choose my wardrobe. Then I had to decide what I'd say to you when we met. I knew that the meeting of two brothers, well, it's the subject of epics, isn't it? I decided that the only way to treat it with the appropriate gravity would be to do it in verse. But what kind of verse? Am I going to rap it? Declaim it? I mean, I'm not going to greet you with a limerick. So. It had to be something dark, something powerful, rhythmic, epic. And then I had it. The perfect line: Blood calls to blood like sirens in the night. It says so much. I knew I'd be able to get everything in there - people dying in alleys, sweat and nightmares, the power of free spirits uncrushable. Everything was going to be there. And then I had to come up with a second line, and the whole thing completely fell apart. The best I could come up with was Tum-tumpty-tumpty-tumpty got a fright."
Fat Charlie blinked. "Who exactly is Tum-tumpty-tumpty-tumpty?"
"It's not any ~ Neil Gaiman

McKenzie was Caroline's primary wingman. They had matching Coach bags to prove it. ~ Amy LaPalme

Both of my kids have my sense of humor - they're definitely entertaining. ~ Jodie Sweetin

A king may rule the kingdom but the queen still moves the board. ~ Donna Marie Timney

Bibliomancy: Divination by jolly well Looking It Up. ~ Marilyn Johnson

All love is socioeconomic. It's the gradients in status that make arousal possible. ~ Gary Shteyngart

Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess. ~ Bill Watterson

RADICALISM, n. The conservatism of to-morrow injected into the affairs of to-day. ~ Ambrose Bierce

There's a cover for every pot, but I've never seen so many mismatched pots and covers in all my life. - Ellen Wasserfeldman, from Notes from Ellen Wasserfeldman by Alisa Dana Steinberg ~ Alisa Steinberg

The Wild West didn't have much in the way of forensics; when you saw the bullet hole you'd say, 'That's prob'ly what kilt 'im. ~ P.K. Vandcast

Helen savored the peace and quiet that only came in the complete absence of stupid questions. ~ Christopher Farnsworth

A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road. ~ Tommy Cooper

From my novel "Broken Things" (Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas):
Those eyes had haunted his dreams―and nightmares too―for over a quarter of a century.
"I wanted to tell you Allie's in town. Allie Drake. You remember her, don't you?"
Jack's gaze shifted back to his brother's grinning face and suddenly he wanted to pop Steve right in the nose. Did he remember Allie Drake? What a stupid question! ~ Andrea Boeshaar

You know what Mr. Bates called me?" Seward shook his head with wonder. "An unprincipled liar. And here I am one of the most heavily principled men in politics." Lincoln chuckled. In every way, making allowances for regional differences, Seward's humor was not unlike his own. "And since you're a smart man, Governor, you never actually lie. Smart men never have to. ~ Gore Vidal

Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway. ~ Stephen Colbert

Do you know what friendship is ... it is to be brother and sister; two souls which touch without mingling, two fingers on one hand. ~ Victor Hugo

This may be impossible for you to believe," Colt said in a hushed voice, "but as recently as last year, I was a hyper, naive-albeit extremely good-looking-minor myself."
"And now you're a persistent, outdoorsy, unshaven man-boy who cavorts with clones of your former self?"
Colt plucked a round stone out of the water. "I prefer boy-man, but the rest of the sentence sounded fairly accurate. ~ Karsten Knight

At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said Certainly. He said Do I need to dial 9 I say Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick. ~ Mitch Hedberg

We are all part of the human family and we should be about doing what all good families do - caring for our less fortunate brothers and sisters. ~ Dan O'Neill

I think it's a brilliant tool to have, not only to have a sense of humor, but to be able to use humor to help one navigate life, and I tend not to be that type of person. I wish I were. ~ Delroy Lindo

Follow the ideal doing,
grind the beans just before brewing.
Use spring water,
for softened water,
makes a horror.
A parley perfect,
between the coffee,
and the milk,
with some,
brown sugar thick."
(Poem: An apology of a coffee lunatic, Book: Ginger and Honey) ~ Jasleen Kaur Gumber

Reilly Brown is a master of balancing action, humor, and extreme violence, and his character designs for some of the alien races and technology that we encounter is just amazing. ~ Cullen Bunn

I must say, Graystone, you are surviving married life very nicely." Peter helped himself to claret from the decanter that had been set out in the library.
"Thank you, Sheldrake. I flatter myself that not every man could survive being married to Augusta. ~ Amanda Quick

Just a month from this day, on the twentieth of September, 1850, I shall be sitting in this chair, in this study, at ten o' clock at night, longing to die, weary of incessant insight and foresight, without delusions and without hope. ~ George Eliot

A wrathful Jessamin is a wondrous thing to behold."
Before I can finish blushing, he's held out his arm to Sir Bird. "Come along."
Sir Bird caws ill-temperedly. "Go on." I hand him an extra biscuit. "I promise to visit."
Finn's face lights up. "Suddenly, I am intensely fond of this bird. We shall be great friends, you and I. ~ Kiersten White

And if the word integration means anything, this is what it means: that we, with love, shall force our brothers to see themselves as they are, to cease fleeing from reality and begin to change it. For this is your home, my friend, do not be driven from it; great men have done great things here, and will again, and we can make America what America must become. ~ James Baldwin

Humor, humility, and, of course, honesty, all are qualities that work in public and cultural diplomacy. ~ Cynthia P. Schneider

No one will ever ask me to sing because it's beautiful. My secret is hiding my musicianship behind humor. ~ Nick Offerman

Here she tossed her foot impatiently, and showed an inch or two of calf. A sailor on the mast, who happened to look down at the moment, started so violently that he missed his footing and only saved himself by the skin of his teeth. 'If the sight of my ankles means death to an honest fellow who, no doubt, has a wife and family to support, I must, in all humanity, keep them covered,' Orlando thought. Yet her legs were among her chieftest beauties. And she fell to thinking what an odd pass we have come to when all a woman's beauty has to be kept covered lest a sailor fall from a mast-head. 'A pox on them!' she said, realizing for the first time what, in other circumstances, she would have been taught as a child, that is to say, the sacred responsibilities of womanhood ... ~ Virginia Woolf

We have to be back in three hours," Ronan said. "I just fed Chainsaw but she'll need it again."
"This," Gansey replied "is precisely why I didn't want to have a baby with you. ~ Maggie Stiefvater

I love the world, just, you know ... not the people in it. ~ Hannah Vandegrift

During our first date,
I wanted to hold your hand so bad
I almost cut mine off
and threw it at you
to see if you would catch it ~ Colin Gilbert

What sun is there within us that shoots his rays with so sudden a vigor? To see the soul flash in the face at this rate one would think would convert an atheist. By the way, we may observe that smiles are much more becoming than frowns. This seems a natural encouragement to good-humor; as much as to say, if people have a mind to be handsome, they must not be peevish and untoward. ~ Jeremy Collier

From "Caleb's Crossing"
This is an excellent thought about family though it doesn't apply to me. I am lucky in my brothers.
"Now, of all times in my life, did I wish Caleb truly was my brother, rather than that selfish, imperious, weak-willed soul to whom fate had shackled me. ~ Geraldine Brooks

Yes, Fraulein,' he said to Hannah. 'How gauche of you to have been born in another county. It is almost a capital offense. Here in this house we believe that one must be severely punished for the happenstance of one's birth.' His face was a jester's mask of mockery, but there was a tightness about his eyes, a tense set to his smile. 'What a dilemma for the English, though- we agree with Germany on so many things, including the patent inferiority of anyone who is not US. Darling Mum, did it ever occur to you that to the rest of the world, WE are foreigners?'
'The very idea!' Lady Liripip said with a nervous titter. ~ Laura L. Sullivan

Even Sally wound't want to cross fans with the Dowager Duchess of Dovedale. The woman had a tongue of steel and drank the blood of young virgins for breakfast. ~ Lauren Willig

On a far-flung parcel of government land situated somewhere in the vast reaches of parched American western desert sits an abandoned and long forgotten government facility known as Lost Cactus. That is what the shadowy agency ~ that operates there to this day ~ wants everyone from presidents on down to John Q. Public to believe. ~ John Hopkins

The farm god rolled his eyes. He pointed at the corn plant, and BAM! Nico di Angelo appeared in an exposion of corn silk. Nico looked around in panic. I-I had the weirdest nightmare about popcorn. ~ Rick Riordan

Some logics get nervous breakdowns. Overloaded phone system behaves like frightened child. Mike did not have upsets, acquired sense of humor instead. Low one. If he were a man, you wouldn't dare stoop over. His idea of thigh-slapper would be to dump you out of bed - or put itch powder in pressure suit. ~ Robert A. Heinlein

Valkyrie had never noticed this before, but walking was really, incredibly boring. She'd watched those Lord of the Rings films where they all went walking up and down mountains and it seemed so adventurous and purposeful, and they didn't look too tired and no one really complained and that Aragorn guy looked really sexy with his stubble and his long hair and what had she just been thinking about? Beards? Lord of the Rings? Walking, that was it. Walking and boredom. God, she was bored. "I'm bored," she said. "We know," said Skulduggery. "This looked a lot more fun on Lord of the Rings." "So you've said. ~ Derek Landy

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

I was really putting a lot of pressure on this beer prop; it was going to distract me enough so that I didn't run around screaming like a lunatic on fire. ~ Jessica Fortunato

Humor is anger that was sent to finishing school. ~ Richard Peck

So if I get loveted and it's three months in this mesto and another six in that, and then, as P. R. Deltoid so kindly warns, next time, in spite of the great tenderness of my summers, brothers, it's the great unearthly zoo itself, well, I say, 'Fair, but a pity, my lords, because I just cannot bear to be shut in. My endeavour shall be, in such future as stretches out its snowy and lilywhite arms to me before the nozh overtakes or the blood spatters its final chorus in twisted metal and smashed glass on the highroad, to not get loveted again. ~ Anthony Burgess

Very often as a little girl, then as a young woman, I have suffered my lot of discrimination. I was brought up with brothers; I grew up in a boys' world. You have to elbow your way in. When you come with that sentiment of having been in a minority for a long period of time, then you are much more attentive to minorities. ~ Christine Lagarde

There's no point in wasting calories on cheap chocolate, always opt for the darkest and richest. ~ Nanci Rathbun

Once or twice, in the first days of his marriage, he had asked himself with a slight shiver what would happen if Susy should begin to bore him. The thing had happened to him with other women as to whom his first emotions had not differed in intensity from those she inspired. ~ Edith Wharton