Breastfeeding Humor Quotes

It seems as if every month brings another study showing that breast milk is what Ponce de León should have been searching for. ~ Nicholas Day

In case you haven't heard, let me tell you now, babies do not come out knowing how to breastfeed. ~ Cassi Clark

If we wear our nursing covers backwards like capes, then everyone can see we're breastfeeding superheroes. ~ Cassi Clark

Heaven is the feeling of hand warmers on sore nipples. ~ Cassi Clark

I think I would scream too if someone violently jammed a big ass breast in my mouth. ~ Cassi Clark

The physical relief of having fully drained boobs cannot be overstated. ~ Cassi Clark

Though breastfeeding is supposed to the most natural thing ever, it seems like a rich-people sport for all the stuff we buy to help. ~ Cassi Clark

Hershey is so bent on avoiding cliché that each sentence is as tortured as an American whistleblower. ~ David Mitchell

My philosophy is, it's always very rewarding when you can make an audience laugh. I don't mind making fun of myself. I like self-deprecating comedy. But I'd like you to laugh with me occasionally, too. ~ Dwayne Johnson

Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher. There was just that minor drawback of him having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head! ~ J.K. Rowling

Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising. ~ Meg Cabot

He held out his hand to Sophie, just like Mrs. Pentstemmon, but a little less royally. Sophie levered herself up, wondering if she was meant to kiss this hand or not. But since she felt more like raising her stick and beating the King over the head with it, she shook the King's hand and gave a creaking little curtsy. ~ Diana Wynne Jones

There's never a good time to tell someone that you don't really exist. ~ Philip Ardagh

Chapter One of My Life. I walk down the street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in.
I am lost. I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It still takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter Two. I walk down the same street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I'm in the same place! But it isn't my fault. And it still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter Three. I walk down the same street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it there. I still fall in. It's a habit! My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.
Chapter Four. I walk down the same street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
Chapter Five. I walk down a different street. ~ Portia Nelson

Cery: So, Hem, tell me why I shouldn't see how many holes I need to make before you start leaking money? ~ Trudi Canavan

If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious. ~ Rita Rudner

Turns out that sometimes, faith and a sense of humor really can be all you need. ~ Amy Lane

The most dangerous thing of all, and something he wanted to warn me about above all else, the one thing that had consigned whole regiments of unfortunate young people to the twilight world of insanity, was reading books. This objectionable practice had increased among the younger generation, and Dad was more pleased than the could say to not that I had not yet displayed any such tendencies. Lunatic asylums were overflowing with folk who'd been reading too much. Once upon a time they'd been just like you and me, physically strong, straightforward, cheerful, and well balanced. Then they'd started reading. Most often by chance. A bout of flu perhaps, with a few days in bed. An attractive book cover that had aroused some curiosity. And suddenly the bad habit had taken hold. The first book had led to another. Then another, and another, all links in a chain that led straight down into the eternal night of mental illness. It was impossible to stop. It was worse than drugs.

It might just be possible, if you were very careful, to look at the occasional book that could teach you something, such as encyclopedias or repair manuals. The most dangerous kind of book was fiction-- that's where all the brooding was sparked and encouraged. Damnit all! Addictive and risky products like that should only be available in state-regulated monopoly stores, rationed and sold only to those with a license, and mature in age. ~ Mikael Niemi

Merda! Her lace panties had snagged on his ring, the signet ring he'd inherited from his father, Giacomo Casanova. His father had seduced hundred of women without any problems whatsoever, and he was having trouble with just one. This was the real reason he never used the Casanova name. He could never live up to his father's reputation. The old man was probably laughing in his grave.

Nine circles of hell," Jack muttered.

Hell?" Lara asked. "I thought I was the Holy Land."

You're paradise. Unfortunately, I am stuck there."

Her eyes widened. "Stuck?"

Normally, I would love being stuck to your lovely bum, but it would look odd if we go sightseeing with my hand under your skirt. Especially in the basilica."

She glanced down. "How can you be stuck?"

My ring. It's caught in the lace. See?" He moved his hand down her hip, dragging her undies down a few inches.

Okay, stop." She bit her lip, frowning, then suddenly giggled. "I can't believe this has happened."

I assure you, as much as I had hoped to get your clothes off, this was not part of my original plan."

She snorted. "No problem. Just rip yourself loose."

Are you sure?" It will destroy you undies."

She narrowed her eyes with a seductuve look. "Rip it."

Very well." He jerked his hand away, but the panties came with him. He yanked his hand back and forth, but the lacy, latex material simply ~ Kerrelyn Sparks

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms" ~ Tommy Cooper

Sometimes stupid is crime enough. ~ Lois Greiman

Never make a person feel, that he/she is very (extra) special.. Cause, then that person starts feeling that 'You' are not worth him/her. ~ Honeya

I am no coward sir! I shall stand and fight!"
"Well, I am," said Sal. "So can we go ... please? ~ Alex Scarrow

Dory is what Mum used to call a "strong-looking woman," which means that, from the back, she looked like a man, and, from the front, you preferred the back ~ Maggie Stiefvater

I had a dream about you last night. Eons ago, we created a Universe, then sat back and watched miniature versions of ourselves try to make all the same mistakes we did. ~ Michael Summers

So I didn't have time to craft artful lies and evasions even if I'd wanted to. ~ Anthony Bourdain

Humor is a tool to ease the harsh realities of life. ~ Ken Poirot

What exactly does that expression mean, 'friends with benefits'? Does he provide her with health insurance? ~ Chuck Lorre

This is a free country, madam. We have a right to share your privacy in a public place. ~ Peter Ustinov

The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons. ~ David Sedaris

A passport, as I'm sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly. ~ Lemony Snicket

Holding back is so close to stealing. ~ Neil Young

I don't suppose you believe love could last forever."
I'd hurt him. I looked away, chagrined.
"You're mistaken," I said. "I do believe it could. But it would depend upon the lovers."
He folded his arms and watched me, forcing me to return his gaze. Oh, those eyes.
"And what kind of lovers must they be?" he asked.
The You-and-Me kind? ~ Julie Berry

Break ups aren't fair. Why does only one person have power? We both agreed to start dating. Why do you get to make the decision to end it? Shouldn't it be a joint decision too?
Relationships aren't a democracy. Not everyone gets an equal vote. ~ Alyssa Ivy Rose

We're done? You don't want to ask me anything else?"
"No."
"Oh, darn, I enjoy this so much<" Vaughn said before walking away like he hadn't just ruined the interview.
Bursting at the seams, Brie whipped around to another person in a suit. "Doesn't he know that was live? He can't do that! He ruins it every single time. I refuse to interview him anymore. He wasn't even wearing pants! ~ Toni Aleo

Politics is the art of achieving prestige and power without merit. ~ P. J. O'Rourke

If you stepped out of the shower and saw a leprechaun standing at the base of your toilet, would you scream, or would you innately understand that he meant you no harm? ~ David Sedaris

Next time she flew off a cliff, she would try to remember to wear her worsted skirts. Perhaps then, ouch, she would not have to suffer additional bruising. ~ Cindy Anstey