Chuck Lorre Quotes

I won't say that all senior citizens who can't master technology should be publicly flogged, but if we made an example of one or two, it might give the others incentive to try harder.

According to the rules of comedy, your suffering will be funny after an undetermined length of time. Maybe not while you're having your gangrenous leg sawed off, watching your home burn down or learning how to be intimate with your cellmate, but, in the big scheme of things, soon.

I believe that the very act of believing in something causes us to distance ourselves from that thing, thus a duality is created: oneself and the thing in which one believes. Now since we all know that in order to fully understand a thing one must be that thing -- walk a mile in its shoes so to speak -- it seems obvious that the state of believing in something inevitably causes us to not truly understand that thing in which we believe. This noncomprehension leads to all sorts of difficulties. "I believe in love" has a better than even chance of leading to divorce, while "I believe in God" seems to end in variations on the Spanish Inquisition. But -- and it's a big but -- if one were love, one couldn't help but be affectionate and caring towards oneself and others. If one were God, one would act toward all beings and all things as if they were one's own creations. And that, my friends, is the secret of life in a two-second vanity card. Of course, the secret could also be "Sit, Ubu, sit." We have to keep an open mind

I believe that the Laws of Karma do not apply to show business, where good things happen to bad people on a fairly regular basis.

People who write poisonous things about your work are using up precious moments of their life dwelling on yours. These are moments they will never get back. Let that be a comfort to you.

We have all been given a gift with 'The Big Bang Theory,' a show that's not only based in the scientific community, but also enthusiastically supported by that same community - this is our opportunity to give back, in that spirit, our 'Big Bang' family has made a meaningful contribution, and together, we'll share in the support of these future scholars, scientists and leaders.

I believe I've spent my life expecting people to behave in a certain way. I believe that when they didn't behave according to my expectations, I became angry, sad, confused and occasionally fearful. I believe these expectations are the reason I've been angry, sad, confused and occasionally fearful more than I care to admit. As a result, I now believe my expectations are the real problem. I believe that everyone has this very same problem, and they ought to start acting accordingly.

I work from a deep sense of insecurity. I have the belief, and I can't shake it, that there are endless reasons to turn the channel. There are hundreds of channels and entirely other things to do besides TV. And if you make a bad television show there's no reason for the audience to come back the following week.

For the record, I do have genitals; and they are functional and aesthetically pleasing.

Life is never quite like the brochure.

For every man that ever walked the Earth, except maybe the sociopaths, when it comes to talking to pretty girls ... it's just stark terror.

What exactly does that expression mean, 'friends with benefits'? Does he provide her with health insurance?

I am wired on some deep level to seek out something to be worried and obsess about.

I'm thinking of writing a children's story about a leaf on a tree who arrogantly insists he's a self-made, independent leaf. Then one day a fierce wind blows him off his branch and to the ground below. As his life slowly ebbs away, he looks up at the magnificent old tree that had been his home and realizes that he had never been on his own. His entire life he had been part of something bigger and more beautiful than anything he could have imagined. In a blinding flash, he awakens from the delusion of self. Then an arrogant, self-centered kid rakes him up and bags him.

I believe that the obsessive worship of movie, TV and sports figures is less likely to produce spiritual gain than praying to Thor.

Is my coitus whimsically inventive?