Twat Quotes

If there's a sure-fire way to stop the awe of meeting a celeb, it was for them to be a complete and utter twat. ~ Tillie Cole

The poet Robert Browning caused considerable consternation by including the word twat in one of his poems, thinking it an innocent term. The work was Pippa Passes, written in 1841 and now remembered for the line "God's in His heaven, all's right with the world." But it also contains this disconcerting passage:
Then owls and bats
Cowls and twats
Monks and nuns in a cloister's moods,
Adjourn to the oak-stump pantry!
Browning had apparently somewhere come across the word twat
which meant precisely the same then as it does now
but pronounced it with a flat a and somehow took it to mean a piece of headgear for nuns. The verse became a source of twittering amusement for generations of schoolboys and a perennial embarrassment to their elders, but the word was never altered and Browning was allowed to live out his life in wholesome ignorance because no one could think of a suitably delicate way of explaining his mistake to him. ~ Bill Bryson

I personally have a cunt. Sometimes it's 'flaps' or 'twat', but most of the time, it's my cunt. Cunt is a proper, old, historic, strong word. I like that my fire escape also doubles up as the most potent swearword in the English language. Yeah. That's how powerful it is, guys. If I tell you what I've got down there, old ladies and clerics might faint. I like how shocked people are when you say 'cunt'. It's like I have a nuclear bomb in my pants, or a tiger, or a gun.

Compared to this the most powerful swearword men have got out of their privates is 'dick', which is frankly vanilla, and I believe you're allowed to use on, like, Blue Peter if something goes wrong. In a culture where nearly everything female is still seen as squeam-inducing, and/or weak - menstruation, menopause, just the sheer simple act of calling someone 'a girl' - I love that 'cunt' stands, on its own, as the supreme unvanquishable word. It has almost mystic resonance. It is a cunt - we all know it's a cunt - but we can't call it a cunt. We can't say the actual word. It's too powerful. Like Jews can never utter the Tetragrammaton - an must make do with 'Jehovah', instead. ~ Caitlin Moran

Beside me, Richie chimed in. "What the ... Max. there's a girl on your face."
Sara pulled back and her eyes widened in realization. "Oh, crap."
"Calm down," I told her quietly. "No one here gives a fuck who we are. They hardly remember my name every week."
"Patently untrue," Richie said. "Your name is Twat."
I tilted my head to him, smiling at Sara. "Like I said. ~ Christina Lauren

Don't even talk to me about being a mother. You were never a mother! Just the psychotic twat I lived with for the first fourteen years. ~ Brandon Shire

Oh wouldn't that twist your twat if that turned out to be true! ~ Eric Arvin

Dorian Fairchester Faddington IV was a promiscuous poetaster of whom even his best friends declared that he "went from bed to verse." Though he was sexually omnivorous and on occasion preferred camels, like nine out of ten doctors, ordinarily his taste ran to women. Hermione Fingerforth was a woman-or so she liked to assume-and whenever she ran into Dorian it was not long before their lips met in a succession of interesting poses.

"The skin is the largest organ of the body," she once nonchalantly remarked to him as they were sunbathing in the nude together on the terrace of her penthouse in Flatbush.

"Speak for yourself," he declared, leaping on top of her in a sudden paroxysm of passion.

"Out, out of my damned twat!" she yelled, pushing him away and shielding her much-vaunted virginity with a silver-foil sun reflector.

"I take it you want me to reflect on what I'm doing," he quipped.

"Jesus Christ," she said crossly, "men are only interested in women in spurts. ~ Erica Jong

That twat is a few syrup pouches shy of a waffle. You shouldn't trust anything she says. ~ Jessica McHugh

I was wondering if you would like to come over and assist me in going over those photographs." Malcolm said without any preamble. His voice was distracted and distant, and it rankled me.
"I don't know," I told him. "Are you going to stick your tongue in my twat and then run away again? ~ Ava Lore

Oh, I love you, June, I really do. It's just that you sounded so ... twat-ish just then. ~ Red Tash

Pussy punch: when a twat tap just isn't enough ~ Tara Sivec

That was pure, dumb Cool Girl bullshit. What a cunt. Again, I don't get it: If you let a man cancel plans or decline to do things for you, you lose. You don't get what you want. It's pretty clear. Sure, he may be happy, he may say you're the coolest girl ever, but he's saying it because he got his way. He's calling you a Cool Girl to fool you! That's what men do: They try to make it sound like you are the Cool Girl so you will bow to their wishes. Like a car salesman saying, How much do you want to pay for this beauty? when you didn't agree to buy it yet. That awful phrase men use: "I mean, I know you wouldn't mind if I ... " Yes, I do mind. Just say it. Don't lose, you dumb little twat. ~ Gillian Flynn

Are you sure about this?" I wring my hands. "I was a homeless druggie, a beggar and an escort. I'm prone to breakdowns and poor decisions. Have you picked up strays before and let them into your house?" He laughs, not taking me seriously at all. "I don't give a flying fuck as long as you're here." He rubs my abs to soothe me. "Liam. You make me happy. Life's too short not to grab hold of happiness when it comes knocking at my door." Fuck. He has done it again. Tears surge in my eyes. "And you just seem to make me cry like a fucking twat!" He smiles, comes closer and kisses me. Before I know it, he wraps his arms around my waist and thighs and tries to lift me up and carry me. I am pretty lithe but I'm still too tall and heavy for him. He manages to half-lug, half-drag me up the stairs and into the bedroom while laughing his head off. ~ A. Zukowski

I don't give a rat's warty ass she's dead. It only means she's a dead cunt."
"That's a strong opinion."
"And the only kind worth having. I threatened to shove a stick up her twat and light it on fire just yesterday. Maybe the day before. I lose track as there was rarely a day that went by she didn't make me want to strangle her with my bare hands after I'd beaten her in the face with a rusty shovel. ~ J.D. Robb

Im.' The monosyllable was heavy with contempt. 'E's a twat.'
'Is he?'
'Yeah, 'e is. Ask Kieran.'
She gave the impression that she and Kieran stood together, sane, dispassionate observers of the idiots populating Lula's world. ~ Robert Galbraith

It's awful, telling it like this, isn't it? As though we didn't know the ending. As though it could have another ending. It's like watching Romeo drink poison. Every time you see it you get fooled into thinking his girlfriend might wake up and stop him. Every single time you see it you want to shout, 'You stupid ass, just wait a minute,' and she'll open her eyes! 'Oi, you, you twat, open your eyes, wake up! Don't die this time!' But they always do. ~ Elizabeth Wein

I wasn't being a git. I wasn't even being a twat, or a wanker, or any of your other bleeding Briticisms - ~ Stephanie Perkins

For the love of Mary, I get it, she's got a nifty twat. Tell me what I need to know and you can go up there and try'n get back into it. ~ Glen Duncan

How can I believe the people that say women have equal rights? When the worst insult a man can be called is a woman, girly, a twat, a cunt, that he needs to 'man up' and the list goes on. My gender is not an insult. I'm tired of all this shit. ~ Laura Bates

Seriously, you have no idea how much your situation is affecting me. I've been stress-eating my way across Greece."
I frowned. "You don't stress-eat - "
"Cock, Natalie. I was stress-eating cock. There, you made me say it, happy now?"
"Opa!"
"Twat."
"Bitch. ~ Kresley Cole

If I went punching every twat and idiot I encounter in this city on a daily basis, I'd have fists as raw as mince. ~ Mary Jennifer Payne

He seemed to notice for the first time that we weren't exactly rushing to his side, but were mainly watching him as a zoo patron would watch a crazy monkey, curious but ready to move at the first sign of poo-flinging. There was a minute of awkward silence before someone near the back with their head held under their arm said who's this twat? ~ Yahtzee Croshaw

Once upon a time there was a twat. It was you. The end. -Meme ~ Lani Lynn Vale

Twat is twat and that is that. ~ George Carlin

Reina sounds awesome," Sid says. "I'm digging her more and more."

"Were you there?" I ask. "Have you seen one of these movies?"

"No," Scottie says.

"Scottie," Alex says, kicking Sid in the ribs. "Reina is a fuckedup ho bag, and you need to stay away from her. I've already told you that. Do you want to end up like me?"

"Yes," Scottie says.

"I mean the earlier me, when I was yelling at Mom."

"No," Scottie says.

"Well, Reina is going to be a crackhead, and she's going to get used. She's a twat. Say it."

"Twat," Scottie says. She gets up and runs across the room, saying, "Twat twat twat twat twat."

"Holy shit," Sid says. "This is some messed-up parenting. Isn't it?"

Alex shrugs. "Maybe. I guess we'll see."

"I don't get it," I say. "I don't know what to do. These things she does, they keep happening."

"It will go away," Alex says.

"Will it? I mean, look at how you kids talk. In front of me, especially. It's like you don't respect authority."

The kids stare at the television. I tell them to get out. I'm going to bed. ~ Kaui Hart Hemmings

A child isn't a symbol, it's a child! It needs applesauce and, and, and playpens and an ass-load of other things we can't provide while we're on the goddamn lam!
Just to be clear. Your exact words to me were: "Please shoot it in my twat."
Yeah. I know. ~ Brian K. Vaughan

Germaine, on the other hand, was a whore from the cradle; she was thoroughly satisfied with her role, enjoyed it in fact, except when her stomach pinched or her shoes gave out, little surface things of no account, nothing that ate into her soul, nothing that created torment. Ennui! That was the worst she ever felt. Days there were, no doubt, when she had a bellyful, as we say – but no more than that! Most of the time she enjoyed it – or gave the illusion of enjoying it. It made a difference, of course, whom she went with – or came with. But the principal thing was a man. A man! That was what she craved. A man with something between his legs that could tickle her, that could make her writhe in ecstasy, make her grab that bushy twat of hers with both hands and rub it joyfully, boastfully, proudly, with a sense of connection, a sense of life. That was the only place where she experienced any life – down there where she clutched herself with both hands. ~ Henry Miller

As I pull down my dress the sudden
realisation that I have just brutalised my own twat in the company of others places me in the most perplexing situation that I have ever found myself in. ~ E.J. Wood

Your wife is a psycho path. I wouldn't fuck her with your dick. She's probably pull some booby trap shit and shove some razor-blades up her twat to try and slice my cock off. ~ Emma Chase

So, did you spend the night with the blond rich wanker or the dark haired posh twat? ~ Georgiana Derwent

Is that...the Looney Tunes theme?"
Mer and St. Clair cock their ears.
"Why,yes.I believe it is," St. Clair says.
"I heard 'Love Shack' a few minutes ago," Mer says.
"It's official," I say. "America has finally ruined France."
"So can we go now?" St. Clair holds up a small bag. "I'm done."
"Ooo,what'd you get?" Mer asks. She takes his bag and pulls out a delicate, shimmery scarf. "Is it for Ellie?"
"Shite."
Mer pauses. "You didn't get anything for Ellie?"
"No,it's for Mum.Arrrgh." He rakes a hand through his hair. "Would you mind if we pop over to Sennelier before we go home?" Sennelier is a gorgeous little art supply sore,the kind that makes me wish I had an excuse to buy oil paints and pastels. Mer and I went with Rashmi last weekend. She bought Josh a new sketchbook for Hanukkah.
"Wow.Congratulations,St. Clair," I say. "Winner of today's Sucky Boyfriend award.And I thought Steve was bad-did you see what happened in calc?"
"You mean when Amanda caught him dirty-texting Nicole?" Mer asks. "I thought she was gonna stab him in the neck with her pencil."
"I've been busy," St. Clair says.
I glance at him. "I was just teasing."
"Well,you don't have to be such a bloody git about it."
"I wasn't being a git. I wasnt even being a twat, or a wanker, or any of your other bleeding Briticisms-"
"Piss off." He snatches his bag back from Mer and scowls at me.
"HEY!" Mer says. "It's Christmas. Ho-ho-ho. Deck ~ Stephanie Perkins

Shanti leaned further toward him, still grinning. "I can't believe it. You like me."

Mick snorted as he glanced at Shanti's grinning face. "No I don't. I think you're a twat."

Snickering, Shanti nodded. "Yeah you do. You like me. You like me a lot."

Mick smiled at him, then looked back down at his plate. "You're okay I guess. And I like the sound you make when you come. ~ Darien Cox

I changed my mind. Maybe I do want a black hole for a vagina. How bad could it be? I wouldn't need to carry a purse anymore. I could just shove things up my twat. 'Oh, you need a pen? Hold on, let me check in my vagina. What's that you say? Do I have a flashlight? Let me stick my hand up my vag and find out.' Let's go home. We could do a home birth in the bathtub. It might be a tight squeeze but I bet we could both fit in there. ~ Tara Sivec

At least she was creative. Whoever heard of an angel calling a coven leader a magic-stealing twat waffle? ~ Deanna Chase

Sweet mother of twat tingles. ~ K.M. Golland

Just shut your mouth, you ignorant twat."
"Aw, Dallas, he called me a twat. How come you get to be a bitch, but I only get to be a twat."
"It's the rank," Eve told her. "You'll make bitch one day."
"Thanks. That means a lot to me. ~ J.D. Robb

The other night I took her on-out of pity-and what do you think the crazy bitch had done to herself? She had shaved it clean ... not a speck of hair on it. Did you ever have a woman who shaved her twat? It's repulsive, ain't it? And it's funny, too. Sort of mad like. It doesn't look like a twat any more: it's like a dead clam or something." He describes to me how, his curiosity aroused, he got out of bed and searched for his flashlight. "I made her hold it open and I trained the flashlight on it. You should have seen me ... it was comical. I got so worked up about it that I forgot all about her. I never in my life looked at a cunt so seriously. ~ Henry Miller

Oh God, I'm fucked. So, so fucked. This isn't flying, this is the art of dying, and the one person who got me into this mess is gone.

I guess I now have my answer to that stupid "rhetorical" question: if a friend asked you to jump, would you?

Apparently, twat-waffle that I am, I would. ~ Laura Thalassa

You, sir, are a twat. ~ John Goode