No Kidding Quotes

You need some help, Rosie?"
His footsteps quicken behind me, and before I can respond, I feel his calloused hands on my waist. I accidently slide back against his chest and inhale the scent that has always clung to his whole family - something like forests, damp leaves, and sunshine. I suppose when your father is a woodsman you're bound to carry the scent of oak in your veins. One breath is all I get the chance for, though; he kicks the door open and sets me down on the front stoop, then takes a step back. I turn to face him, hoping to thank him for the help and in the same sentence admonish him for carrying me like a little girl.
Instead, I smile. He's still Silas - Silas who left a year ago, the boy just a little older than my sister. His eyes are still sparkling and expressive, hair still the brown-black color of pine bark, body broad-shouldered and a little too willowy for his features. He's still there, but it's as if someone new has been layered on top of him. Someone older and stronger who isn't looking a me as if I'm Scarlett's kid sister . . . someone who makes me feel dizzy and quivery. How did this happen?
Calm down. It's just Silas. Sort of.
"You're staring," he says cautiously, looking worried.
"Oh. Um, sorry," I say, shaking my head. Silas shoves his hands into his pockets with a familiar sway. "It's just been a while, that's all."
"Yeah, no kidding. You're heavier than I remember."
I frown, mortified.
"Oh, no, wait. I di ~ Jackson Pearce

Bill looks different without a suit. He was wearing his old graduate school T-shirt. Which was Brown. The school. Not the color. His girlfriend was wearing sandals and a nice flowered dress. She even had hair under her arms. No kidding! ~ Stephen Chbosky

I understood and appreciated the miracle of birth, but I did not understand motherhood, nor did I appreciate the oveselling of it. To me it was a choice, one of many options. To others it was what women did. We were supposed to breed. It had been decided for us. Society expected it. Religion demanded it. ~ Judy Morgan

Got us a full moon too coming tomorrow night. Just make things a whole lot worse. All we need.
- Why is that?
- What's that, Marshal?
- The full moon. You think it makes people crazy?
- I know it does.- Found a wrinkle in one of the pages and used his index finger to smooth it out.
- How come?
- Well, you think about it - the moon affects the tide, right?
- Sure.
- Has some sort of magnet effect or something on water.
- I'll buy that.
- Human brain,- Trey said, - is over fifty percent water.
- No kidding?
- No kidding. You figure ol' Mr. Moon can jerk the ocean around, think what it can do to the head. ~ Dennis Lehane

This is why I'm not married," Ranger said. "Women ask questions." "Unh!" I said, smacking my forehead with the heel of my hand. "That's not why you're not married. You're not married because you're ... impossible." He dragged me to him and kissed me, and I felt the kiss travel like lava to my doo-dah. "I have some issues to resolve," he said. No kidding. He gave my ponytail a playful tug and left. ~ Janet Evanovich

And as for Aurora being a female, her status as a team member embodies her as an asexual presence."
"Gee, thanks."
"It wasn't a compliment."
"No kidding."

A & E Kirk (2014-05-26). Drop Dead Demons: The Divinicus Nex Chronicles: Book 2 (Divinicus Nex Chronicles series) (p. 169). A&E Kirk. Kindle Edition. ~ A. Kirk

Then I started reading this timetable I had in my pocket. Just stop lying. Once I get started, I can go on for hours if I feel like it. No kidding. Hours. ~ J.D. Salinger

Polly was a writer of many deadlines. There were the ignorable deadlines, the not-to-be-taken-too-seriously deadlines: the deadlines-before-the-deadlines deadlines, and finally, the no-kidding-around deadlines. She set these various dates, she'd told him, to fool herself. ~ Martha Grimes

You see," I explained to Joshua, "what Joy is doing is ironic, yet that's not her intent. That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm."
"No kidding?" said Josh.
"Why do I waste my time with you? ~ Christopher Moore

Holy cow," Chloe said faintly.
"No kidding," Gwen breathed.
The sexy Fae prince flashed them a smile that was pure devilish charm, sexy and playful and mischievous, briefly catching the tip of his tongue between white teeth, before his lip curved, dark eyes sparkling gold.
Gabby groaned. She choked on it hastily, camouflaging it with a dry little cough. Her own private stash of eye candy had just been made available for public consumption and she didn't like it one bit.
Apparently she wasn't the only one.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Dageus?" Drustan said irritably.
"Och, aye," Dageus said darkly. "You liked him better invisible too?"
"Och, aye."
"Should I curse him again?"
"Och, aye."
Adam threw back his head and laughed, eyes sparkling with gold fire. "Bloody hell, it's good to be back," he purred. ~ Karen Marie Moning

Teller and I worked Renaissance Festivals and street performing - actually more real, no kidding around, Philadelphia street performing than we did Renaissance Festivals. ~ Penn Jillette

Incident report." That sounds so . . . I don't know.' 'Inadequate?' 'No kidding. I like what Kizzy called it better.' 'What was that?' 'A "monstro clusterfuck."' Ashby laughed dryly. 'I doubt they have a form for that,' he said. ~ Becky Chambers

No kidding. That's really true. You're paying your own bills through this. It's not a pleasant experience. ~ Bruce Babbitt

Forgive me,' the woman says. 'I think I've interrupted you in a private moment.'
'Well,' I reply, instead of yelling something to the effect of :'No kidding lady, I'm in the bathroom!'
'Were you praying?' she asks.
'Sort of.'
'That's what I thought,' the woman says with a nod, 'which is why I spoke up. I like the idea of answering prayers,' she says. 'Plus, I figure I'm so old, I could have been God's babysitter. ~ Robin Epstein

Gloucester's not some chi-chi tourist town. It's a working-class seaport: a no-kidding-around down-and-dirty place. ~ Israel Horovitz

Everything. If you were mine, I'd do everything." Our gold bubble locks shut, and a little universe fills it. The possibilities are infinite.
"I have a big imagination. Could you be more specific?" I put my hand on the side of his neck and stroke down to the hard bar of his collarbone. His skin is hot satin. His pulse nudges me.
Mine, mine, mine. One thousand percent mine until the end of time. He looks like he agrees.
"Everything you wanted or needed, I'd do it." Amazing how he can keep it clean, but it feels so dirty. That's the thing about good boys.
"I want and need a lot."
A big white smile now. "No kidding. Well, I'm a hard worker. ~ Sally Thorne

They keep telling you, when you're older, you'll have experience - and that's supposed to be so great. What would you say about that, sir? Is it really any use, would you say?"

"What kind of experience?"

"Well - places you've been to, people you've met. Situations you've been through already, so you know how to handle them when they come up again. All that stuff that's supposed to make you wise, in your later years."

"Let me tell you something, Kenny. For other people, I can't speak - but, personally, I haven't gotten wise on anything. Certainly, I've been through this and that; and when it happens again, I say to myself, Here it is again. But that doesn't seem to help me. In my opinion, I, personally, have gotten steadily sillier and sillier and sillier - and that's a fact."

"No kidding, sir? You can't mean that! You mean, sillier than when you were young?"

"Much, much sillier."

"I'll be darned. Then experience is no use at all? You're saying it might just as well not have happened?"

"No. I'm not saying that. I only mean, you can't use it. But if you don't try to - if you just realize it's there and you've got it - then it can be kind of marvelous. ~ Christopher Isherwood

I hung my head. Ranger was next on the list. "Yo," Ranger said when he answered. "Small problem." "No kidding. Your car just went off the screen." "It sort of burned up." Silence. "And you know that keypad you gave me? It was in the car." "Babe. ~ Janet Evanovich

After a long moment Laurent said, with painful honesty, "I ... find it difficult to let go of control."
"No kidding," said Damen. ~ C.S. Pacat

Where am I? (Nick) Hospital. (Kyrian) Really? No kidding? And here I thought I was at McDonald's. (Nick) ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

For John le Carre, it was always who's betraying who: the hall-of-mirrors kind of thing. When you go back to the '30s, it's a case of good vs. evil, and no kidding. When I have a hero who believes France and Britain are on the right side, a reader is not going to question that. ~ Alan Furst

It happened, you see, after the war, when I saw people making money while the others were dying in the trenches. You saw it and you couldn't do anything about it. Then later I was at the League of Nations, and there I saw the light. I really saw the world was ruled by the Golden Calf, by Mammon! Oh, no kidding! Implacably. Social consciousness certainly came to me late. ~ Louis Ferdinand Celine

It had been almost exactly four months since we'd met; four months since we'd locked glances in that bar; four months since his eyes and hair had made my knees turn to overcooked noodles. It had been four months since he'd failed to call me the next day, week, month. I'd moved on, of course, but the rugged image of Marlboro Man had left an indelible mark on my psyche.
But I'd just begun my Chicago planning before I'd met him that night and had continued the next day. And now, at the end of April, I was just about set to go.
"Oh, hi," I said nonchalantly. I was leaving soon. I didn't need this guy.
"How've you been?" he continued. Yikes. That voice. It was gravelly and deep and whispery and dreamy all at the same time. I didn't know until that moment that it had already set up permanent residence in my bones. My marrow remembered that voice.
"Good," I replied, focusing my efforts on appearing casual, confident, and strong. "I'm just gearing up to move to Chicago, actually."
"No kidding?" he said. "When are you going?"
"Just a couple of weeks," I replied.
"Oh…" He paused. "Well…would you like to go out to dinner this week?"
This was always the awkward part. I could never imagine being a guy.
"Um, sure," I said, not really seeing the point of going out with him, but also knowing it was going to be next to impossible for me to turn down a date with the first and only cowboy I'd ever been attracted to. "I'm pretty free all this week, s ~ Ree Drummond

How did you meet him?" I asked her.
She smiled. "Here, actually. During a dinner rush. He was sitting at the counter and Isabel knocked a cup of coffee in his lap."
"Ouch," I said.
"No kidding. She was so slammed she just kept moving, so I cleaned it up and made all the apologies. He said it was okay,, no problem, and I laughed and said pretty girls get away with anything." She looked down, twisting her ring a bit so the diamond sat in the centre of her finger, "And he smiled, and looked at Isabel, and said she wasn't his type."
There was a faint cheer from the stadium, and I saw a ball whiz over the far fence and out of sight.
"And so," she went on, "I said, "Oh really? What is your type, exactly?" and he looked up at me and said, "You. ~ Sarah Dessen

I'm turning fifty, and it is just now dawning on me that I have limited time," Nash said. "No kidding. I always felt my life was circumscribed by the finite terms, you know? There is a whole world of things I missed out on and will never experience. Whatever I have done, there is an endless amount I have not done. Do you know what that tells me?"
...
"It tells me it is not meant to be this all-encompassing journey. It is not meant to be catholic or encyclopedic. By now I have carved some grooves in this life. A few. What I need to do is hunker down and make those grooves deep and indelible. ~ Dana Spiotta

People asked if I could have played the Terminator. Are you kidding? Not a chance, I never could have played the Terminator. ~ Sylvester Stallone

Bob Scarpelli [of DDB] has told me I'd rot in hell for the commercials I've done, but I think he's kidding. ~ Jeff Goodby

Ah, there you are, Bard," came a familiar voice, and she turned to see Alucard striding over.
"Saints, is that a dress you're in? The crew will never believe it."
"You've got to be kidding me," growled Kell. ~ V.E Schwab

When it's time to confess, you don't know what you're saying. Are you telling the truth, or do you confuse your lies with reality? The question is comical. The answer is lost in the maelstroms of consciousness. It's even impossible to pretend, eventually, that the question wasn't asked. You've been kidding yourself about yourself for so long, you're someone else. Your you is just a fragile fabrication. Every morning, you have to wake up, assemble this busy, dissembling monster, and get him or her on his or her feet again for another round of fantasy. ~ David Guterson

Well, it's a little harder in New York. It's not as forgiving to a film crew. You hold up a bunch of New Yorkers who can't cross the street, they're not going to take it well. Southern California? They'll wait. It's cool man. In New York, they're like, 'Are you kidding me? I gotta get to work.' ~ Matthew Rhys

You keep claiming you're not mysterious, but who are you kidding?
-Keeper of the Lost Cities ~ Shannon Messenger

She stared at his sharp teeth and swallowed the lump
that formed in her throat. "Um, you look scary when you
show your ... uh ... teeth. They look really sharp."
He didn't get angry. In fact, her words seemed to
amuse him greatly. "The better to eat you with," he
teased softly.
Tammy's heart flipped inside her chest. "That's a bad
joke, right? Please tell me you're just kidding."
"I'm not a wolf."
"I'm not wearing red."
"I still want to eat you. ~ Laurann Dohner

You're sure he's not a vampire?' Claire said.'I've seen movies. They're sneaky.' She was kidding. Eve didn't smile. ~ Rachel Caine

We made it, baby.
We're riding in the back of the black
limousine. They have lined
the road to shout our names.
They have faith in your golden hair
& pressed grey suit.
They have a good citizen
in me. I love my country.
I pretend nothing is wrong.
I pretend not to see the man
& his blond daughter diving
for cover, that you're not saying
my name & it's not coming out
like a slaughterhouse.
I'm not Jackie O yet
& there isn't a hole in your head, a brief
rainbow through a mist
of rust. I love my country
but who am I kidding? I'm holding
your still-hot thoughts in,
darling, my sweet, sweet
Jack. I'm reaching across the trunk
for a shard of your memory,
the one where we kiss & the nation
glitters. Your slumped back.
Your hand letting go. You're all over
the seat now, deepening
my fuchsia dress. But I'm a good
citizen, surrounded by Jesus
& ambulances. I love
this country. The twisted faces.
My country. The blue sky. Black
limousine. My one white glove
glistening pink - with all
our American dreams. ~ Ocean Vuong

It's honestly every time that I'm doing something, and every time I visit a station and hear my song on the radio and people buying my stuff, I'm like 'Are you kidding me? This is insane!' ~ Jana Kramer

Mom!" Becca stared at her. "You think - you think I'm dating Michael?"
Her mom stared back at her, obviously thrown. "You're not?"
This would be hilarious if her mom didn't look so serious.
"Oh my god," cried Becca. "Are you kidding? Michael is the last person I would ever - oh my god. I wouldn't go out with him if someone paid me. Ugh, that's just - "
"You know I can hear you, right?" called Michael. ~ Brigid Kemmerer

I'm the guy who wrote The Authority Song. Did they think I was kidding? Did they think it was only a song to entertain? ~ John Mellencamp

The chorus of "Jack and Diane" is: Oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone. Are you kidding me? The thrill of living was high school? Come on, Mr. Cougar Mellencamp. Get a life. ~ Mindy Kaling

I haven't done anything wrong. "Get off me!"
"You're kidding, right? You've injured a sheriff, broken in and entered a house, stole a car - mine - stole Hal Haverton's clothes, broken a glass, and littered. ~ Terry Spear

Yeah?" Stradlater said. That really interested him. About the booze hound running around the house naked, with Jane around. Stradlater was a very sexy bastard.
"She had a lousy childhood. I'm not kidding."
That didn't interest Stradlater, though. Only very sexy stuff interested him. ~ J.D. Salinger

You amaze me, Cameron."

That got a slight smile out of her. "High praise, coming from someone who knows how to kill people with paper clips and everything."

Jack looked over in surprise. "You know about the paper clips?" He stroked his chin. "Hmm. Now that was good. Even for me."

Cameron stared at him, stupefied.

He laughed. "I'm just kidding." Mostly. Staples maybe, but never paper clips. ~ Julie James

You should have seen it. Women were all over him. Nora and Juliette had to beat them off with a stick. I'm not kidding. Juliette picked up a stick and hit a girl with it, but the chick was a bisexual pain slut so it only made things worse. ~ Tiffany Reisz

The counselor says that we are "at the beginning of a long, uphill journey." She says, "Relapse is a part of recovery."

I think, You have got to be fucking kidding me.

I say, "Do I look like someone who's ready for a long, uphill journey?" Lucy snickers for a second, and I love her. I lover her much more than I want to.

But I am worn down and out. The thought of another trip crushes me. I tell Lucy, You are my family. But I'm not coming with you. ~ Ariel Levy

[On acupuncture:] The needles are small and won't hurt at all. In fact, they'll feel good. Ha, ha! Just kidding. They feel like needles. Because they are. ~ Jenny Lawson

Stop kidding me, angel! ~ Piper Shelly

That's quite a pile," he said. "I suppose you want me to spin it into gold."
"Well, the situation has changed just a bit," said the miller's daughter (who also had a name--it was Meredith). "If you don't, I will die. If you do, I marry the king."
Now that, thought Rumpelstiltskin, has possibilities. After all, getting to be the queen was a big step up for a miller's daughter. She would surely pay him anything. And there was only one thing in the world he really wanted--a little child to love and care for.
"Okay, here's the deal," he said. "I will spin the straw into gold, just like before. In return, once you become queen, you must let me adopt your firstborn child. I promise I'll be an excellent father. I know all the lullabies. I'll read to the child every day. I'll even coach Little League."
"You've got to be kidding," Meredith said. "I'd rather marry you than that jerk!"
"Really?" said Rumpelstiltskin, and he blushed all the way from the top of his head to the tip of his toes (which admittedly wasn't very far, because he was so short).
"Sure," she said. "I like your ideas on parenting, you'd make a good provider, and I have a weakness for short men. ~ Diane Stanley

Now that I am awake I shall reveal my true form.. to the world!!" Hahahaha! Hey You Morons! I'm Just Kidding! -Yusuke YuYu Hakusho ~ Yoshihiro Togashi

Andrew interrupts. "You're letting her drive your car? Are you kidding me? You've never even let me sit behind the damn wheel!" I look over at Andrew and shrug. "You aren't the one I'm in love with. ~ Colleen Hoover

Doubtful, but it did work ...
"Annabeth?" Percy said again. "You're planning something. You've got that I'm-planning-something look."
"I don't have an I'm-planning-something look."
"Yeah, you totally do. Your eyebrows knit and your lips press together and
"
"Do you have a pen?" she asked him.
"You're kidding, right?" He brought out Riptide.
"Yes, but can you actually write with it?"
"I
I don't know," he admitted. "Never tried. ~ Rick Riordan

Let's all start wearing bolo ties, and when they become hip again, we'll all say we were kidding. ~ Dana Gould

Eleanor looked hard at him. Are you kidding? Tina's a monster. She's what would happen if the devil married the wicked witch, and they rolled their baby in a bowl of chopped evil. ~ Rainbow Rowell

Thank God he wasn't in full uniform or her panties might have melted.
Who was she kidding? The strap of silk covering the good china was already toast just looking at him in his form-fitting jeans and a black polo with the Salvation Police Department logo. ~ Avery Flynn

I was only kidding about the hundred," she says.
oh," I say, "what will it cost me?"
she lights her cigarette with
my lighter and looks at me
through the flame:
her eyes tell me.
look," I say, "I don't think I
can ever pay that price again. ~ Charles Bukowski

There should be evidence that there is demand for your ministry that exceeds the capacity of your current geographical location or facilities. If there isn't enough demand for your ministry to fill one building, who are you kidding? There won't be more demand on the other side of town either. ~ Scott McConnell

I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding; I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything. ~ Demetri Martin

We walk for about an hour before Raffe whispers, "Does moping actually help humans feel better?"
"I'm not moping," I whisper back.
"Of course you're not. A girl like you, spending time with a warrior demigod like me. What's to mope about? Leaving a wheelchair behind couldn't possibly show up on the radar compared to that."
I nearly stumble over a fallen branch. "You have got to be kidding me."
"I never kid about my warrior demigod status."
"Oh. My. God." I lower my voice, having forgotten to whisper. "You are nothing but a bird with an attitude. Okay, so you have a few muscles, I'll grant you that. But you know, a bird is nothing but a barely evolved lizard. That's what you are."
He chuckles. "Evolution." He leans over as if telling me a secret. "I'll have you know that I've been this perfect since the beginning of time." He is so close that his breath caresses my ear.
"Oh, please. Your giant head is getting too big for this forest. Pretty soon, you're going to get stuck trying to walk between two trees. And then, I'll have to rescue you." I give him a weary look. "Again."
I pick up my pace, trying to discourage the smart comeback that I'm sure will come.
But it doesn't. Could he be letting me have the last say?
When I look back, Raffe has a smug grin on his face. That's when I realize I've been manipulated into feeling better. I stubbornly try to resist but it's already too late. ~ Susan Ee

The irony of it, is how Freemasons have been trying to create and fulfill prophecy, and in their endeavor to hide behind secrecy they have been the catalyst for prophetic fulfillments. Moreover, I have taken the worst excrement ever defecated by mankind and have turned it into knowledge. Therefore, I have made the Thought a Thing and have aided the march of a TRUTH which I have bequeathed to mankind as a personal estate to hold in trust and I have dropped it into the world's wide treasury as an example of a human excellence of growth that shall make the spiritual glory of the human race greater because this endowment has been cultivated from Truth as raw as a diamond in the rough. For what man develops and creates will always be artificial and glorified fabrication that when dismantled, is nothing more than just a lie regardless of how sophisticated the deception. A con artist will never be more than just a thief, and a cubic zirconia will never be more perfect than a diamond. Thus I have written in the same line as Moses and he who died upon the cross, and I have achieved an intellectual sympathy with the Deity himself and since[according to Albert Pike] the best gift we can bestow on humanity, is manhood, then I shall call it:
ANTI - CHRIST ENDOWMENTS
Because I'm the Little Horn with the biggest horn on the field. They were not kidding when they said I would be more stout than my fellows. ~ Alejandro C. Estrada

I am the orangutan of love. OK, who am I kidding? I'm merely the love monkey. ~ Jarod Kintz

Me: just don't ask about his forty-three ex-boyfriends, okay? or ask him about why he's carrying around an axe.
mom: ...
me: i'm kidding about the axe part. ~ David Levithan

My wife and I both come from Irish families. There are two kinds of Irish families: the hitting kind and the kidding kind. If you're fortunate - and both of us are - you come from the kidding kind of Irish family. ~ P. J. O'Rourke

Louisiana stood up again. She was holding Bunny close to her chest. She faced forward. 'Go faster,' she said.
'Are you kidding?' said Beverly. 'Who do you think you are? Some kind of queen? We're pushing as hard as we can. This grocery cart is worthless. It's like the wheels aren't even wheels. It's like they're squares or something. ~ Kate DiCamillo

Does Grandpa love to baby-sit his grandchildren? Are you kidding? By day he is too busy taking hormone shots at the doctor's or chip shots on the golf course. At night he and Grandma are too busy doing the cha-cha. ~ Hal Boyle

Can't you nudge her into submission? (Taryn)
Are you kidding? As stubborn as she is? I'd fry my brain trying. (Sphinx) ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon