Kidding Quotes

Harold, Julia - are you kidding? There's nothing - nothing - I've ever wanted more. My whole life. I just never thought - He stopped; he was speaking in fragments. For a minute they were all quiet, and he was finally able to look at both of them. ~ Hanya Yanagihara

When I swore that you're getting more and more beautiful everyday. Well, I was only kidding, honey. ~ Al Yankovic

I have to admit, for a second it was sort of turning me on, because I kept imagining Georgia in a very positive light. She was donning designer swimwear with fringe or whatever and she was lying on her stomach with the bikini-top straps untied. I was lathering her up with sun block and my hands were getting into all the cracks and crevices. The image got me pretty excited, and before I knew it, I had an erection. At first I thought it would go away, but it kept getting worse, like harder in that painful way. So that's when I did something a little weird – I started barking at it. Like a Great Dane or a pit bull or whatever. I literally barked at my erection! And it worked, I'm not kidding. ~ Adam Rapp

We lived in a safe, family-friendly area, but parts of London were rough, as you'd expect from any large city. Mark had a knack for attracting muggers. One time, we were in a train station and a little kid--no more than about eight years old--came up to him: "Oi, mate, give me your phone." We always carried the cool Nokia phones with the Snake game on them, and they were the hot item. It was like inviting trouble carrying one around, but we didn't care.
Mark thought the mini-mugger was crazy: "Are you kidding me? No way." Then he looked over his shoulder and realized the kid wasn't alone; he had a whole gang with him. So Mark handed over his phone and the kid ran off. I never let him live down the fact that an eight-year-old had mugged him.
I had my own incident as well, but I handled it a little differently. I got off the train at Herne Hill station and noticed that two guys were following me. I could hear their footsteps getting closer and closer. "Give us your backpack," they threatened me.
"Why? All I have is my homework in here," I tried to reason with them. They had seen me on the train with my minidisc player and they knew I was holding out on them. "Give it," they threatened.
My bag was covered with key chains and buttons, and as I took it off my shoulder, pretending to give it to them, I swung it hard in their faces. All that hardware knocked one of them to the ground and stunned the other. With my bag in my hand, I ran the mile home without ever ~ Derek Hough

[My mother] once cooked a ham and later found it in my father's shirt drawer. I am not kidding. ~ Dick Van Dyke

She led him past the engine room, which looked like a very dangerous, mechanized jungle gym, with pipes and pistons and tubes jutting from a central bronze sphere. Cables resembling giant metal noodles snaked across the floor and ran up the walls.
"How does that thing even work?" Percy asked.
"No idea," Annabeth said. "And I'm the only one besides Leo who can operate it."
"That's reassuring."
"It should be fine. It's only threatened to blow up once."
"You're kidding, I hope."
She smiled. "Come on. ~ Rick Riordan

I've actually got a new sorta-boyfriend and I suppose maybe I'll have shake-the-rafters, rattle-the-windows sex with him since I'll finally be legal and all."
"Eponine," Phil hissed. Maube I'd only said it for the reaction, because there was absolutely no way that would be happening withing the month. I could count the numbers of boys I'd merely kissed on one hand. I didn't even need a hand at all to number the guys I'd slept with. I figured the integer wasn't about to change any time soon, either.
"Obviously I'm kidding, Phil." His posture relaxed, only slightly. "We'll be quiet. ~ Megan Squires

Grandpa Portman really knew how to keep a secret, didn't he?""Are you kidding? The man was an emotional Fort Knox. ~ Ransom Riggs

Were you in the military?"
"Are you kidding me? I was in high school."
"High school," he said quietly. "You're American. And a civilian?"
"Uh, yes. An American civilian."
"Lovely. A straight answer. Keep it up. Did somebody train you?"
"No, nobody trained me. Unless you count the Rhode Island child welfare and juvenile justice systems. Why?"
Malachi held up his hand and ticked off the reasons with his fingers. "You stole a Guard's weapon. If I'm not mistaken, it belonged to a Gate Guard. Which means you managed to do it on your way into the city. You escaped Amid even after he had you in hand. You slashed his leg in just the right place, preventing him from chasing you. Under extreme duress, injured and cornered, you threw a knife and hit a target-"
"It's not like I hit something vital. ~ Sarah Fine

There should be evidence that there is demand for your ministry that exceeds the capacity of your current geographical location or facilities. If there isn't enough demand for your ministry to fill one building, who are you kidding? There won't be more demand on the other side of town either. ~ Scott McConnell

You need some help, Rosie?"
His footsteps quicken behind me, and before I can respond, I feel his calloused hands on my waist. I accidently slide back against his chest and inhale the scent that has always clung to his whole family - something like forests, damp leaves, and sunshine. I suppose when your father is a woodsman you're bound to carry the scent of oak in your veins. One breath is all I get the chance for, though; he kicks the door open and sets me down on the front stoop, then takes a step back. I turn to face him, hoping to thank him for the help and in the same sentence admonish him for carrying me like a little girl.
Instead, I smile. He's still Silas - Silas who left a year ago, the boy just a little older than my sister. His eyes are still sparkling and expressive, hair still the brown-black color of pine bark, body broad-shouldered and a little too willowy for his features. He's still there, but it's as if someone new has been layered on top of him. Someone older and stronger who isn't looking a me as if I'm Scarlett's kid sister . . . someone who makes me feel dizzy and quivery. How did this happen?
Calm down. It's just Silas. Sort of.
"You're staring," he says cautiously, looking worried.
"Oh. Um, sorry," I say, shaking my head. Silas shoves his hands into his pockets with a familiar sway. "It's just been a while, that's all."
"Yeah, no kidding. You're heavier than I remember."
I frown, mortified.
"Oh, no, wait. I di ~ Jackson Pearce

Go down on you? Are you kidding me? In two years, you can count the times on one hand?" Lucas looked appalled. "He had the sweetest pussy in all creation right next to him all that time and he didn't spend his days and nights buried in it? ~ Melanie Harlow

We violated each other's boundaries with verbal missiles of anger disguised in the pretense of "just kidding. ~ David W. Earle

We are designed to feel that the next great goal will bring bliss, and the bliss is designed to evaporate shortly after we get there. Natural selection has a malicious sense of humor; it leads us along with a series of promises and then keeps saying "Just kidding. ~ Robert Wright

And Sanderson?" "Are you kidding? I bet his girlfriend is a dominatrix or something." "Or his boyfriend." "No, he's so not cool enough to be gay." She was very funny. ~ Mary Calmes

Can I get you some refreshment?" Angela asked. "Ambrosia perhaps?" Was she kidding? He hadn't had ambrosia in several millennia, and where would they have procured it, anyway? "My daughter teases. We weren't expecting you so soon. It hasn't yet fermented properly. ~ L.J. Vickery

Most writers write too much. I have the exact opposite problem. I feel I could write almost anything in a paragraph. I have a natural ability to condense, and so I often think, "Are you kidding me? Five thousand words? How am I gonna make 5,000 words out of that?" ~ Fran Lebowitz

Don't go all mushy on me," I warn him, half-kidding. "Baby," he says, kissing my chin and pressing his weight on me. "Have you felt how hard I am? There ain't a mushy bone in me. ~ Karina Halle

And I know someone who's
perfect for her. He works in my lab. He's smart. He's funny. His name is Bert."
Bert?
Is she fucking kidding me? What kind of sick son of a bitch names his kid Bert in this day and
age? That's just cruel.
"He'll show Kate a good time. I plan on setting them up this weekend."
And I plan on handcuffing myself to Kate's ankle and eating the key. Let's see what kind of good
time Bert can show Kate when she's dragging me around behind her like a Siamese twin. ~ Emma Chase

When people are coming to Krakow and we show them how and where we practice, they are like, 'Seriously? Are you kidding me?' But we're always saying that what matters about the courts - the lines, the nets - are the same. I'm practicing in Poland even when I don't have good facilities. ~ Agnieszka Radwanska

Bill looks different without a suit. He was wearing his old graduate school T-shirt. Which was Brown. The school. Not the color. His girlfriend was wearing sandals and a nice flowered dress. She even had hair under her arms. No kidding! ~ Stephen Chbosky

How could I do it, how could a person go that low? And I understand your question, to which I reply, Are you kidding? That's nothing. I'd been much lower than that. And I expected to see myself do worse. ~ Denis Johnson

If there were an Olympics for kidding yourself, I'd take home the gold. ~ Huntley Fitzpatrick

Safety first!

Just kidding. Coffee first, Safety's, like , third or fourth.

-MEME ~ Darynda Jones

We are about to be attacked by Al Qaeda. Wave flags if you have them. That always seems to scare them away. I'm kidding. ~ Kurt Vonnegut

Mount You-Gotta-Be-Kidding-Me. ~ Rick Riordan

Cade stood midfield, waiting for Zach to take his place at the line of scrimmage.

"When's the last time you threw a football?" Zach asked worriedly.

Aside from the few times Cade had tossed one around casually with friends, a long time. "About twelve years."

Zach threw him a panicked look.

"I won't push it," Cade said. It wasn't as if his shoulder was entirely unusable; in fact, on a daily basis it didn't bother him at all. His rotator cuff simply couldn't withstand the repetitive stress of competitive football. "I just want to see what I can do." He pointed emphatically. "And if the answer is 'not much,' you better not tell a soul. I've got a reputation to uphold here."

Zach smiled, loosening up. "All right. I don't want to stand in the way of you reliving your glory days or whatever."

"Good. But in case this all goes south, my car keys are in the outside pocket of my duffle bag. When you drive me to the emergency room, if I'm too busy mumbling incoherently from the pain, just tell them I've got Blue Cross Blue Shield insurance."

Zach's eyes went wide.

"I'm kidding, Zach. Now get moving. ~ Julie James

There's a company that wants to put hair on me! I don't know if it's plugs, I'm sure it is. I laughed and said, 'You gotta be kidding.' ~ Terry Bradshaw

(You think I'm gonna tell you how much I spend on fro yo? Are you kidding me? We just met. ~ Brian Donovan

People asked if I could have played the Terminator. Are you kidding? Not a chance, I never could have played the Terminator. ~ Sylvester Stallone

Does Grandpa love to baby-sit his grandchildren? Are you kidding? By day he is too busy taking hormone shots at the doctor's or chip shots on the golf course. At night he and Grandma are too busy doing the cha-cha. ~ Hal Boyle

At first I thought you were just using me" she said
"I definitely am." I just wasn't sure for what.
"Asshole!" she said, and punched me in the side. And she laughed as my kidney began to hemorrhage.
That's the beauty of honesty. Everyones so unused to hearing it they just assume you're kidding, and you get to feel very good and forthcoming without suffering any consequences except for traces of blood in your urine for the next day or two. ~ Paul Neilan

Sophia Mercer," Elodie intoned, "we have come to induct you into our sisterhood. Say the five words to begin the ritual."
I blinked at her. "Are you freaking kidding me?"
Anna gave an exasperated sigh. "No, the five words are 'I accept you offer, sisters. ~ Rachel Hawkins

Most of my writing is emotionally autobiographical. You've got to pull up the things that mean something to you in order for them to mean anything to your audience. That's how they know you're not kidding. ~ Bruce Springsteen

Reverend Ted Haggard's followers still think he's not gay. I'm not kidding. In their world, there are no gay people. There are just straight people who are sinning. They don't want to do it, but the Devil makes them! He targets people like Reverend Ted. That's how it happened. The Devil got hold of Reverend Ted, and Ted said, 'Get thee behind me, Satan! And put it in, gently'. ~ Bill Maher

Condom," she gasped.
A movement stopped.
"What?"
Phoebe felt the earth open up in preparation of swallowing her. How could she have not mentioned this before?
"I'm not on anything right now," she whispered. "Birth control. I'm not on the Pill." She gestured helplessly.
"Shit, fuck, damn."
Disappointment tied her in knots. "I was really only interested in that middle part," she joked.
There was a second of silence, followed by a low chuckle. "You're never predictable, Phoebe. I'll give you that. Cross your fingers."
"What?"
"Cross your fingers. I might have a condom in my shaving kit."
There was movement and rustling, then the sound of a zipper being opened.
"I'm going to have to put on the light."
She briefly debated being polite and closing her eyes, but who was she kidding? She wanted to see Zane naked. In preparation, she raised up on one elbow and stared in his general direction. When the light came on, she saw all she wanted and more.
He was kneeling at the end of the sleeping bag. Naked, aroused and more physically perfect than any man had a right to be. She saw the definition in his arms, the broad strength of his chest and his flat stomach before lowering her attention to his large, hard penis.
The physical proof of his desire for her made her so happy, she nearly cried. Her other instinct was to part her legs, tell him never mind with birth control and protection and demand he take her right there ~ Susan Mallery

Loose you're kidding, right? You're wound up tighter than a pissed-off rattlesnake. ~ Ashley Elston

Very powerless people [snickers] He's such a minority, I mean, you know Please, what are you kidding? I'm telling you that everybody who runs CNN is a lot like Stewart, and a lot of people who run all the other networks are a lot like Stewart, and to imply that somehow they, the people in this country who are Jewish, are an oppressed minority? Yeah. ~ Rick Sanchez

We all look so young. John with his rosy cheeks, Trevor with his chubby ones, Peter with his skinny legs.
Underneath the picture I wrote, THE BEGINNING. "Aww," he says tenderly. "Baby Lara Jean and Baby Peter. Where'd you find this?"
"In a shoe box."
He flicks John's smiling face. "Punk."
"Peter!"
"Just kidding," he says. ~ Jenny Han

Would you let me drive this?" I ask, surprised that I say the words out loud.
"Of course," Christian replies, smiling. "What's mine is yours. If you dent it, though, I will take you into the Red Room of Pain." He glances swiftly at me with a malicious grin.
"You're kidding. You'd punish me for denting your car? You love your car more than you love me?" I tease.
"It's close," he says and reaches across to squeeze my knee, "But she doesn't keep me warm at night."
"I'm sure it could be arranged. You could sleep in her," I snap.
Christian laughs. "We haven't been home one day and you're kicking me out already?" He seems delighted. ~ E.L. James

He regarded us with dark, evaluating eyes. "This can't be good."
"I'll go first," Dabria began, sucking in a rattling breath.
"Not even close," I shot back. I faced Patch directly, cutting Dabria out of the conversation. "She kissed you! And Dante, who's been tailing you, by the way, caught it on camera. Imagine my surprise when that's what I got an eyeful of earlier tonight. Did you even think to tell me?"
"I told her I kissed you, and that you pushed me away," Dabria protested shrilly.
"What are you still doing here?" I exploded at Dabria. "This is between me and Patch. Leave already!"
"What are you doing here?" Patch echoed to Dabria, his tone sharpening.
"I - broke in," she sputtered. "I was scared. I couldn't sleep. I can't stop thinking about Hanoth and the other Nephilim."
"You have got to be kidding me," I said. ~ Becca Fitzpatrick

She saw Derek and without so much as a hello, leaned to look behind him. "Where's Simon?"
"He's - "
"Is he okay? Why isn't he here?" She glared up at Derek. "Where'd you leave him?"
"Passed out in an alley." Derek frowned in thought. "Not sure where, though ... "
"He's kidding," I said as Tori sputtered.
"We need to get moving." Derek hooked a thumb as Tori while looking at me. " She's your responsibility."
"Excuse me?" Tori said.
Derek didn't even glance her way. "Make sure she keeps up. And shuts up." ~ Kelley Armstrong

You've got to be kidding me. You're propositioning me in a church?"

"Now where else are you going to be civil to me? ~ Jae T. Jaggart

You're kidding, right?" Ezra barked. "We're not just going to wait." "I suppose we could help people clean up a bit," "Girl!" Ezra called out. "Big eyes!" Winter turned from what she was looking at. "Are you talking to me? ~ Obert Skye

There was someone sitting in his room, over on that chair -
"Are you kidding me?" He exhaled a curse and rubbed the back of his brain. "Really? Are you fucking kidding me?"
Across the way, like some fucked-up scarecrow, a pair of blue jeans, that Nirvana concert T-shirt of the angel's, the flannel bullshit, and a set of Nikes had been stuffed with God only knew what. The head of the "Lassiter" was made out of a nylon bag that had had potatoes in it, and the black and yellow hair was a collection of knee-high business socks - probably Butch's - and Swiffer cleaning rags that had been safety pinned in place.
Around its neck? A handwritten sign that read: the boss was here. ~ J.R. Ward

The best part of being an angel investor is seeing these kids coming up with companies that get way more traffic than Reddit had when we sold it. I think, 'Are you kidding me? They're just kids, and they've done so much.' ~ Alexis Ohanian

I want to be with you, too," he said.
"I'll come to your room after dawn."
Qhuinn didn't want to ask. Had to. "What about Saxton?"
"He's gone on vacation."
Reaaaaaaaaaaaaaally. "For how long?"
"Just a couple of days." Too bad. Any chance of an extension ... for like a year or two? Maybe forever?
"Okay, it's a - " Qhuinn stopped himself before he finished that with date.
There was no sense kidding himself. Saxton was away. Blay wanted to get laid. And Qhuinn was more than willing to supply the male with what he wanted. ~ J.R. Ward

It is my mission to change the world. I'm not kidding: Make no small plans, dream mighty things. I feel if we get enough people engaged in climate change, we will get enough people to change the world. We will revolutionize the way we produce electricity and provide clean water to people. ~ Bill Nye

Are you kidding? I jumped off a building
of course I'm hurt. ~ Derek Landy

Logan?'
'Yes?' I pulled my clothes back on even though the fabric stuck to my wounds. So much for trying to keep them clean.
'How did you know it wasn't really me?'
'Are you kidding? Your eyeballs could be on fire and you wouldn't bat your lashes at me like that. ~ Alyxandra Harvey

The Saint - for I was convinced he was a Saint, indeed, whatever the rest of us might have been - now had a fistful of dangling mind-fire threads. "She is broken, this one, in her mind and heart," he said, carefully scooping up the blazing filaments and packing them back into Jannoula. "You must learn to fill yourself with yourself, Blessed."
"D-don't break her any further," I pleaded, feeling responsible.
He gave me a sidelong look, and for a moment I thought he was angry. But he said, "Would you break a mirror, Seraphina, because you fear to look into it? ~ Rachel Hartman

I should've prayed that day. Maybe, just maybe, a few hours ago would've been different. Who am I kidding; everything led up to that moment. This is the first time I have been in the hospital. I am speechless. The cool sheets rest upon my lifeless body. The cold silence within the room carries the beeps echoing from the heart monitor. ~ T.K. Ware

I'm not David Bowie. Who are we kidding? At the end of the day, I'm the same person I've always been. I'm Don Garvey's son from up the road. ~ Guy Garvey

Otrera stayed dead the second time," Kinzie said, batting her eyes. "We have to thank you for that. If you ever need a new girlfriend ... well, I think you'd look great in an iron collar and an orange jumpsuit."
Percy couldn't tell if she was kidding or not. He politely thanked her and changed seats. ~ Rick Riordan

New Rule: Now that liberals have taken back the word "liberal," they also have to take back the word "elite." By now you've heard the constant right-wing attacks on the "elite media," and the "liberal elite." Who may or may not be part of the "Washington elite." A subset of the "East Coast elite." Which is overly influenced by the "Hollywood elite." So basically, unless you're a shit-kicker from Kansas, you're with the terrorists. If you played a drinking game where you did a shot every time Rush Limbaugh attacked someone for being "elite," you'd be almost as wasted as Rush Limbaugh.

I don't get it: In other fields--outside of government--elite is a good thing, like an elite fighting force. Tiger Woods is an elite golfer. If I need brain surgery, I'd like an elite doctor. But in politics, elite is bad--the elite aren't down-to-earth and accessible like you and me and President Shit-for-Brains.

Which is fine, except that whenever there's a Bush administration scandal, it always traces back to some incompetent political hack appointment, and you think to yourself, "Where are they getting these screwups from?" Well, now we know: from Pat Robertson. I'm not kidding. Take Monica Goodling, who before she resigned last week because she's smack in the middle of the U.S. attorneys scandal, was the third-ranking official in the Justice Department of the United States. She's thirty-three, and though she never even worked as a prosecutor, was tasked with overseeing ~ Bill Maher

The chorus of "Jack and Diane" is: Oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone. Are you kidding me? The thrill of living was high school? Come on, Mr. Cougar Mellencamp. Get a life. ~ Mindy Kaling

You weren't kidding about the rolls," Rebus said, taking another bite.

"Bacon just the right side of crispy," Robert Chatham agreed.

They were seated across from one another at a booth with padded seats and a Formica-topped table. Mugs of dark-brown tea and plates in front of them, Radio Forth belting out from the kitchen. ~ Ian Rankin

Chloe, I'm not kidding. I'm not letting you out of my sight until Christmas." She squinted up at the later afternoon June sun. "Christmas? That sounds a little gimp-in-the-basement for my tastes." "If you're not into that, this relationship might not work after all," I teased. ~ Christina Lauren

I think you're my hero,' she said. Only half-kidding.
He stared at her, the picture of incredulity. 'Most people,' he said, 'think I am a very bad man.'
She studied his eyes to try to find out if that bothered him. He didn't seem bothered by them. He seemed discomfited by her. 'Well,' she said at last, 'maybe you're a very good dragon. ~ Thea Harrison

That's quite a pile," he said. "I suppose you want me to spin it into gold."
"Well, the situation has changed just a bit," said the miller's daughter (who also had a name--it was Meredith). "If you don't, I will die. If you do, I marry the king."
Now that, thought Rumpelstiltskin, has possibilities. After all, getting to be the queen was a big step up for a miller's daughter. She would surely pay him anything. And there was only one thing in the world he really wanted--a little child to love and care for.
"Okay, here's the deal," he said. "I will spin the straw into gold, just like before. In return, once you become queen, you must let me adopt your firstborn child. I promise I'll be an excellent father. I know all the lullabies. I'll read to the child every day. I'll even coach Little League."
"You've got to be kidding," Meredith said. "I'd rather marry you than that jerk!"
"Really?" said Rumpelstiltskin, and he blushed all the way from the top of his head to the tip of his toes (which admittedly wasn't very far, because he was so short).
"Sure," she said. "I like your ideas on parenting, you'd make a good provider, and I have a weakness for short men. ~ Diane Stanley

I'm like a Happy Meal without the toy."
Liam gave him an incredulous look. "Are you kidding? You're like a Happy Meal with two toys. ~ K.A. Merikan

On Receiving Straight As on My Report Card Hot damn! You're a smart kid - I don't care what people say about you! ... I'm kidding, nobody says you're not smart. They say other stuff, but not that. ~ Justin Halpern

Who's he kidding? He's no gentleman. He has my panties ~ E.L. James

I'm happy to be here. I'm happy to be anywhere. I'm not kidding. ~ Larry Hagman

Quoting Demosthenes, 'For what each man wishes, that he also believes to be true.' I would rather make money playing a piano in a whorehouse than arguing that no cost is incurred when employees are paid in stock options instead of cash. I am not kidding. ~ Charlie Munger

If you read reviews that you think by their very nature are not respectful of the actresses involved or not appreciating the work as it should be, I think you should write to reviewers or comment and say, "Are you kidding me?" ~ Romola Garai

I was just kidding, shuck-face," Minho said. "Let's all go over there. She could have an army of psycho girl ninjas hiding in that shack of hers."
"Psycho girl ninjas?" Newt repeated, his voice showing he was surprised, if not annoyed, by Minho's additude. ~ James Dashner

In the Age of the Almighty Computer, drones are the perfect warriors. They kill without remorse, obey without kidding around, and they never reveal the names of their masters. ~ Eduardo Galeano

Family is family, and business is business. I love the boy, but not that much."
"Who are you kidding?" Heath had said. "You'd walk over coals for him."
"Yes, but I'd leave my checkbook behind while I was doing it. ~ Susan Elizabeth Phillips

But I've been kidding myself that this thing I feel for her is just a crush. No matter what I'd heard or read or seen in a movie - no one ever said it was supposed to suck so badly. ~ Melissa Keil

That's not necessarily a bad thing," Caitlyn protested. "I'm sure it keeps you out of trouble."
"Thierry told me I was cold. He wasn't the first boy to say that, either."
Caitlyn winced. "Ouch."
Amalia turned toward Caitlyn. "I wish I could be more like you."
"Me? Are you kidding? Why?"
"You let your emotions show on your face. They're right on the surface, for all to see."
Caitlyn grimaced. "I thought I'd learned to control that."
"See?" Amalia copied her grimace. "Right on the surface!"
"Mmph," Caitlyn grunted unhappily.
"Mmph," Amalia copied.
Caitlyn threw up her hands in defeat, then cast a quick warning look at Amalia. "Don't you do it!"
Amalia chuckled. ~ Lisa Cach

My advice to American filmmakers is to marry a European. I'm not kidding. Otherwise they don't qualify for international co-production treaties. ~ Jeremy Thomas

Guys ask me, 'Why are you always smiling?' Are you kidding? I'm in the NFL, that's why! ~ Hines Ward

Who are the advertising men kidding, besides the European tourist? Between the tired, sad, gentle faces of the subway riders and the grinning Holy Families of the Ad-Mass, there exists no possibility of even a wishful identification. ~ Mary McCarthy

The more expensive a school is, the more crooks it has - I'm not kidding. ~ J.D. Salinger

Uhh, Emerson, are you okay?" Ryker asked as he unfolded his tall frame from the pickup, flickering his attention to Bash.
"She's fine," Bash answered for me.
"I sure as hell am not!" I answered.
"Are you going to stand there while this caveman carries me off?" Bash's hand tightened across my ass in response.
Ryker tilted his head and sighed. "Fuck my life, you two. You're not in the same town for a week and you're already at each other. Bash, are you going to hurt her? Rape her? Lock her away in a cave?"
"Don't be a pain in my ass, Ryker. Of course not."
"Emerson, are you honestly scared of Bash?" "What? No. He's just an asshole! Put me down!" I kicked my foot and Bash grunted. Good. "Okay, well you two kids have a nice night and work your shit out. Emmy, give him hell." He waved us off and went into the bar where his sister waited.
"Looks like it's just us, Emmy."
"You have to be kidding me," I groaned. ~ Rebecca Yarros

BLAMING IDIOTS FOR interruptions is like blaming clowns for scaring children - they can't help it. It's their nature. Then again, I had (who am I kidding - and have), on occasion, been known to create interruptions out of thin air. If you're anything like me, that makes us both occasional idiots. Learn to recognize and fight the interruption impulse. This is infinitely easier when you have a set of rules, responses, and routines to follow. ~ Timothy Ferriss

I'm totally not kidding ... Life is too short. This is all too hard to do to actually be kidding about the whole thing. ~ Miranda July

All my important decisions are made for me by my subconscious. My frontal lobes are just kidding themselves that they decide anything at all. All they do is think up reasons for the decisions that are already made. ~ Rex Stout

Oh, who was she kidding? She wasn't fucking lucky. But hope sprang eternal, for whatever stupid reason. ~ Stacia Kane

Those who have succeeded at anything and don't mention luck are kidding themselves. ~ Larry King

I palmed his face and mushed him away from me before I got too angry and started really wailing on him. "Grab Alex's guitar then and see if you can even remember how to hold it."We all watched in horror as Tucker drunkenly tried to strap Alex's precious guitar on,banging it into the speakers and amps, stumbling and struggling with it as he tried to stand up straight.
"You have got you be kidding me," Ethan growled when Tucker finally got the guitar strapped
to him. Backwards. Then his legs seemed to buckle under him and he dropped heavily to his knees on
the floor. Alex's eyes widened and his jaw flew open. "Get my guitar! Get it away from him! Get it!
Geeeeet Ittttttttt!" he yelled. ~ Christine Zolendz

It wasn't Dean's fault," Allie insists. "Seriously, it's all on me. I freaked out for no reason." She finally looks over at me. "See? This is why I don't like horror movies! You watch one scary movie when you're a kid and suddenly everyone who comes to your door is a serial killer."

"Are you kidding me right now? You'll watch a horror movie with my sister but not me? We have to watch the cancer movie?"

"Dicky," Summer chides. "You're being grumpy."

I glare at my sister with enough force to make her wince. "Not one word out of you," I snap. "And don't think I didn't feel you kick me right before I passed out. Who does that, Summer? Who kicks a man when he's down?"

From the corner of my eye, I see Tucker sink to the floor. He buries his face in his hands, shaking with laughter.

The EMT blocks my line of sight by squatting in front of me. "I need to examine you for a concussion."

Oh for fuck's sake. ~ Elle Kennedy

I was conveniently bisexual for a long time, and then I went, 'Come on, who am I kidding?' And I have to say, it was the single biggest step I took toward emotional well-being, to stop feeling like I had to hide who I am. ~ Alan Ball

Doubtful, but it did work ...
"Annabeth?" Percy said again. "You're planning something. You've got that I'm-planning-something look."
"I don't have an I'm-planning-something look."
"Yeah, you totally do. Your eyebrows knit and your lips press together and
"
"Do you have a pen?" she asked him.
"You're kidding, right?" He brought out Riptide.
"Yes, but can you actually write with it?"
"I
I don't know," he admitted. "Never tried. ~ Rick Riordan

But for as long as I've done this, there are still times I'm blown away when souls drop in for a visit. I'll never forget when, during a group reading, I saw a man sitting at the end of the dining room table. He wanted me to tell the host that he knew she was concerned about her best friend's husband. Then he looked at me and said, "I'm going to be with my father now." I told this story to the group in real time, and the host, overwhelmed with emotion, excused herself and left the room upset. When she came back, she said that just forty minutes before the session began, her best friend called to say that her husband died and his last words in private were, "I'm going to be with my father now." Are you kidding me with this? If that's a parlor trick, I'm one hell of a magician. ~ Theresa Caputo

I went back to China and did a movie in Mandarin, and I don't speak Mandarin, so I learned it phonetically. Now, when I'm on set and somebody gives me English lines, I'm like, "Are you kidding? What's happening? This is amazing!" ~ Maggie Q

What are you two doing?" Her uncle's teasing voice came into the room before he did. But his voice was the second warning that they were no longer alone, since Violet had tasted his presence long before he'd actually stepped into her house. Ever since saving her and Jay at Homecoming, her uncle carried an imprint of his own. The bitter taste of dandelions still smoldered on Violet's tongue whenever he was near. A taste that Violet had grown to accept. And even, to some degree, to appreciate. "Nothing your parents wouldn't approve of, I hope," he added.
Violet flashed Jay a wicked grin. "We were just making out, so if you could make this quick, we'd really appreciate it."
Jay jumped up from beside her. "She's kidding," he blurted out. "We weren't doing anything."
Her uncle Stephen stopped where he was and eyed them both carefully. Violet could've sworn she felt Jay squirming, even though every single muscle in his body was frozen in place. Violet smiled at her uncle, trying her best to look guilty-as-charged.
Finally he raised his eyebrows, every bit the suspicious police officer. "Your parents asked me to stop by and check on you on my way home. They won't be back until late. Can I trust the two of you here . . . alone?"
"Of course you can - " Jay started to say.
"Probably not - " Violet answers at the same time. And then she caught a glimpse of the horror-stricken expression on Jay's face, and she laughed. "Relax, Uncle Stephen, we're fine. We ~ Kimberly Derting

You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding. ~ Dov Davidoff

I actually had a small kangaroo - and I'm not kidding this time. I was holding a small kangaroo, baby kangaroo ... it was very nice to me this time. Do you know what it did afterward? I gave it some milk, and it just spit it all over me. I was like, Is this a thank-you for just being nice and petting the kangaroo? I got milk all over myself. I guess I deserved that from the story last year. ~ Caroline Wozniacki

Here, I have an opportunity to affect the lives of a lot of young people - and not just on my football team. I'm not kidding myself that that would be true at the professional level. ~ Joe Paterno

Did you send an escort with my family?" "Yes. They're a target." "How did you know they would be leaving?" "My people saw them load up, called me, and I told them to follow." Duh. "Thank you." "You're welcome. I plan to hold them hostage until you sleep with me." I stumbled. He turned and gave me a brilliant, impossibly handsome smile. "Just kidding." Damn it. ~ Ilona Andrews

Anybody who pretends that how you read the 10th and 11th Amendment doesn't have a fundamental impact on the things we care about is kidding themselves. They're either uninformed or they're kidding themselves. ~ Joe Biden

Got it with you?" I asked Butters. "Are you kidding?" he said, grinning. "I may never put it down again." "So show her," I said. "You think that's . . . you know. Okay? To show it off like that?" "You aren't showing off," I said. "You're confirming her faith." Butters screwed up his face and then said, "Yeah. I guess that's okay, then. ~ Jim Butcher

Let's all start wearing bolo ties, and when they become hip again, we'll all say we were kidding. ~ Dana Gould

What's it like being opposite Arnold Schwarzenegger? For me? Are you kidding? Maybe if I'm lucky, come up to his navel! ~ Linda Hunt

An iron? Was he kidding? God ~ Suzanne Johnson

I once had someone swerve her tank out of our column and straight into a house. With a very large basement. Because she was too sleep-deprived to think. It's funny now, but it wasn't funny then. – Oh, who am I kidding, it was HILARIOUS, even if it was kind of a disaster. I laughed so hard my aide almost shot me. ~ Yoon Ha Lee

Kalina remained paralyzed in her seat. "Oh, crap. Aaron was a vampire." She straightened up. Remain calm, Kalina. Breathe. "You're not going to eat me, are you?"
"No," said Stuart. "Not all vampires feed on humans. I choose not to. I drink Vampire Wine."
"Vampire Wine." Kalina put the pieces together. "Jaegar ... I thought he was kidding ... "
"And Aaron drank Vampire Wine, too. To avoid succumbing to temptation. To avoid drinking blood whenever he got too ... excited ... "
Kalina's eyes widened. "So you mean ... "
"Vampire Wine wasn't the problem, Kalina. It was the only solution. ~ Kailin Gow

The werewolf pointed at a bench next to the door into the Kirkwoods' tomb. "Sit. Wait."
Did I mention werewolves were chatty? ~ Mindee Arnett