No Im Not Drunk Quotes

Actually, I'm really quite vain about the whole problem because I figure there is no competition - I am what I am, and either I am needed as that or I'm not suitable anyway. ~ Michael Caine

I'm not looking thru you Kami, I'm looking into you. I'm standing here, wondering how the hell a girl so beautiful could hold so much sadness in her gorgeous green eyes. And I'm asking myself why I want- no- why I NEED to know what's made her so sad. And what I can do to take away every ounce of that sadness. I need to know what it will take for you to let me in, so I can do just that. ~ S.L. Jennings

I danced on light boxer's feet over to Barrons. "Punch me."
"Don't be absurd."
"Come on, punch me, Barrons."
"I'm not punching you."
"I said, punch--Ow!" He'd decked me. Bones vibrating, my head snapped back. And forward again. I shook it. No pain. I laughed. "I'm amazing! Look at me! I hardly even felt it." I danced from foot to foot, feigning punches at him. "Come on. Punch me again." My blood felt electrified, my body impervious to all injury.
Barrons was shaking his head.
I punched him in the jaw and his head snapped back.
When it came back down his expression said I suffer you to live. "Happy now?"
"Did it hurt?"
"No."
"Can I try again?"
"Buy yourself a punching bag."
"Fight me, Barrons. I need to know how strong I am."
He rubbed his jaw. "You're strong," he said dryly. ~ Karen Marie Moning

Mrs. Indianapolis was in town again. She looked like a can of Sprite in her green and yellow outfit. She always likes to come down to the front desk just to chat. It was 4:04 am and thankfully I was awake and at the front desk when she got off the elevator and walked towards me. 

"Good morning, Jacob," she said.

"My name is Jarod," I replied.

"When did you change your name?"
"I was born Jarod, and I'll probably die. Maybe."

"You must be new here. You look like a guy named Jacob that used to work at the front desk."

"Nope, I'm not new. And there's no Jacob that's worked the front desk, nor anybody who looks or looked like me. How can I assist you, Mrs. Indianapolis?"

"I'd like to inform you that the pool is emitting a certain odor."

"What sort of odor?"

"Bleach."

"Ah, that's what we like to call chlorine. It's the latest craze in the sanitation of public pools. Between you and me, though, I think it's just a fad."

"Don't get sassy with me, young man. I know what chlorine is. I expect a clean pool when I go swimming. But what I don't expect is enough bleach to get the grass stain out of a shirt the size of Kentucky."

"That's not our policy, ma'am. We only use about as much chlorine as it would take to remove a coffee stain the size of Seattle from a light gray shirt the size of Washington."
"Jerry, I don't usually give advice to underlings, but I'm feeling charitable tonight. So I'll tell you that if yo ~ Jarod Kintz

Instead of scaring him, that threat set fire to his temper. No one threatened Nick Gautier.
"I'm not afraid of you. You want to fight ... bring it."
Something struck the wall by his face. Hard. It was so close to him that whatever it was grazed his nose.
In spite of his bravado, that actually scared him blind. Hard to fight something when you couldn't see it ... Jack-rabbiting up the stairs, he went into Kyrian's training room instead of his office.
Nick slammed the door and threw himself against it, arms wide to keep it shut. ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

This morning she told a joke to make me feel better. She's tough and funny and caring. Beautiful. And that ass. Don't look at her ass, you idiot. It's the same ass you've seen a million times, so just forget about it because the last thing you need is to start remembering what it feels like. She really isn't Lillian, is she? She sort of is, Lillian, though, in all the best ways. No, that's wrong. I'm not looking for Lillian in Lily anymore, and I haven't since we've been on the run. It's strange, but I'm starting to wonder if it wasn't Lillian I loved. Maybe what I loved was the Lily in Lillian. Oh, shit. I think I love Lily ... ~ Josephine Angelini

I told my best friend in the world, my sister.
"Okay, so I'm not going now," I told Betsy over the phone. I'd awakened her from a deep collegiate sleep.
"Going where?" she asked groggily.
"Chicago," I continued.
"What?" she shrieked. That woke her up. That woke her up but good.
"I'm, like, totally in love," I said. "I'm totally in love with the Marlboro Man." I giggled wildly.
"Oh, God," she said. "Are you gonna get married to him and move out to the boonies and have his babies?"
"No!" I exclaimed. "I'm not moving to the boonies. But I might have his babies." I giggled wildly again.
"What about Chicago?" Betsy asked.
"Well…but…," I argued. "You have to see him in his Wranglers."
Betsy paused. "Well, so much for this conversation. I've gotta go back to sleep anyway--I've got class at noon and I'm exhausted…"
"And you should see him in his cowboy boots," I continued.
"Alrighty, then…"
"Okay, well, don't worry about me," I continued. "I'll just be here, kissing the Marlboro Man twenty-four hours a day in case you need me."
"Whatever…," Betsy said, trying hard not to laugh.
"Okay, well…study hard!" I told her.
"Yep," she replied.
"And don't sleep around," I admonished.
"Gotcha," Betsy replied. She was used to this.
"And don't smoke crack," I added.
"Righty-oh," she replied, yawning.
"Don't skip class, either," I warned.
"You mean, like you did?" Betsy retorted.
"Well ~ Ree Drummond

Just let everyone know not to give her a hard time."
"Fine, you miserable shit, but if she gives us a hard time there's nothing I can do."
As if anyone would dare go against my word.
They know the consequences of that.
I'm not a bully.
I never take my fists to anyone - never play mean pranks, that shit is for turds with no self-esteem, who need to feel like a man in any way they can. But if I issue a demand, then I expect it to be followed.
And Delaney Sloan is now hands off to everyone.
Excluding me.
I want my dirty hands all over her. ~ V. Theia

There's ten of us, we've been best friends for thirty years. Ten guys. And their wives, and their kids, are all family now. I'm not big on keeping up on the phone, none of us are. Some guys I won't talk to for two months and then you pick up the phone and hear, "So, anyway." There's no guilt or where have you been? or what's been going on? or why haven't we talked? There's an ease to it. ~ George Clooney

I am so secure in who I am. I really am! And I'm not conceited. I just think, 'Wow, okay, that's the life you want to live.' It wasn't about who he chose. I mean, I had moments, 'Am I not sexy enough? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not smart enough?' But in so many of those questions, I immediately stopped and said, 'No, don't start doing that.' Because you can get stuck in that cycle and you can carry on to other things. ~ Eva Longoria

Years ago, a member of Congress slipped a laminated quote into my hand that he must have thought I would find meaningful. I paid little attention at first and unfortunately I don't recall just who gave me the quote. I placed it next to my voting card and have carried it ever since. The quote came from Elie Wiesel's book One Generation After. The quote was entitled "Why I Protest."

Author Elie Wiesel tells the story of the one righteous man of Sodom, who walked the streets protesting against the injustice of this city. People made fun of him, derided him. Finally, a young person asked: "Why do you continue your protest against evil; can't you see no one is paying attention to you?" He answered, "I'll tell you why I continue. In the beginning, I thought I would change people. Today, I know I cannot. Yet, if I continue my protest, at least I will prevent others from changing me."

I'm not that pessimistic that we can't change people's beliefs or that people will not respond to the message of liberty and peace. But we must always be on guard not to let others change us once we gain the confidence that we are on the right track in the search for truth. ~ Ron Paul

If on paper one would say, "You're gonna spend three weeks in Death Valley," you say, "No, I'm not going to be able to." Very often, very quickly you forget about it. ~ Isabelle Huppert

It is my mission to change the world. I'm not kidding: Make no small plans, dream mighty things. I feel if we get enough people engaged in climate change, we will get enough people to change the world. We will revolutionize the way we produce electricity and provide clean water to people. ~ Bill Nye

I am improvising a brassiere," I said with dignity. "I don't mean to ride sidesaddle through the mountains wearing a dress, and if I'm not wearing stays, I don't mean my breasts to be joggling all the way, either. Most uncomfortable, joggling." "I daresay." He edged into the room and circled me at a cautious distance, eyeing my nether limbs with interest. "And what are those?" "Like them?" I put my hands on my hips, modeling the drawstring leather trousers that Phaedre had constructed for me - laughing hysterically as she did so - from soft buckskin provided by one of Myers's friends in Cross Creek. "No," he said bluntly. "Ye canna be going about in - in - " He waved at them, speechless. "Trousers," I said. "And of course I can. I wore trousers all the time, back in Boston. They're very practical." He ~ Diana Gabaldon

Well, it all comes to this; there's no use trying to live in other people's opinions. The only thing to do is to live in your own. After all, I believe in myself. I'm not so bad and silly as they think me, and I'm not consumptive, and I can write. Now that I've written it all out I feel differently about it. The only thing that still aggravates me is that Miss Potter pitied me
pitied by a Potter! ~ L.M. Montgomery

What we feel and how we feel is far more important than what we think and how we think. Feeling is the stuff of which our consciousness is made, the atmosphere in which all our thinking and all our conduct is bathed. All the motives which govern and drive our lives are emotional. Love and hate, anger and fear, curiosity and joy are the springs of all that is most noble and most detestable in the history of men and nations.

The opening sentence of a sermon is an opportunity. A good introduction arrests me. It handcuffs me and drags me before the sermon, where I stand and hear a Word that makes me both tremble and rejoice. The best sermon introductions also engage the listener immediately. It's a rare sermon, however, that suffers because of a good introduction.

Mysteries beg for answers. People's natural curiosity will entice them to stay tuned until the puzzle is solved. Any sentence that points out incongruity, contradiction, paradox, or irony will do.

Talk about what people care about. Begin writing an introduction by asking, "Will my listeners care about this?" (Not, "Why should they care about this?")

Stepping into the pulpit calmly and scanning the congregation to the count of five can have a remarkable effect on preacher and congregation alike. It is as if you are saying, "I'm about to preach the Word of God. I want all of you settled. I'm not going to begin, in fact, until I have your complete attention."

No sermon ~ Mark Galli

I make a joke of it, but ... but I'm afraid of death." He straightened up and turned to look into Joseph's eyes. Joseph saw the fear there and was shocked by the intensity of it. "Are you afraid to die, Joseph?"
Joseph considered for a moment, then shook his head. "I'm not afraid to now, but then I'm not dying now. When I come to that moment, I will probably be ... what's the right word? Maybe frightened in a way that you're frightened when an experience lies before you you've never had.
"No more than that?"
"I hope not. ~ Gilbert Morris

We'd all like to see our poems walking alone in the world. Like children reared to be independent adults. Some parents raise a child conservatively (that is, with no exposure to the darker things awaiting them beyond the door), but you can see how that's a mistake right? There's no way to know how best to prepare a child for the future. No way to know how to write a publishable poem -- I'm not saying safe poems don't get published. Or that sheltered children can't succeed. Just that you write the best poems you can and send them out. Sometimes they return home weeping. Sometimes they make their own way. ~ Terrence K. Hayes

I'm trying to focus on the 100 and 200 breaststroke now. There's no point concentrating on the 50 when it's not in the Olympics. I'm not going to quit the 50 but it's not my priority any more. I'll do it but as part of my bid for gold at the other distances. ~ Cameron Van Der Burgh

Death," said Akiva. His life was leaving him fast now that he no longer held his wound. His eyes just wanted to drift closed. "I'm ready."
"Well, I'm not. I hear it's dull, being dead."
She said it lightly, amused, and he peered up at her. Had she just made a joke? She smiled.
Smiled
He did, too. Amazed, he felt it happening, as if her smile had triggered a reflex in him. "Dull sounds nice," he said, letting his eyes flutter closed. "Maybe I can catch up on my reading. ~ Laini Taylor

I'm sorry," I say, bringing my hand over my mouth. "I'm so sorry, Erik."

Erik shakes his head. "I'm useless to you now," he says. "I have no army for you, Theo. I can't lead a battalion. I'm not even sure I could lead the way out of this tent."

"You're blind," Heron says, finding his voice again finally.

"Half," Erik says, motioning to the swollen eye. "This one should heal, I think. But with no depth perception and a narrower field of vision - "

"No," Heron says. "I mean you're blind - you aren't dead. You want to help, you want to save your people, then do it. You don't have to lead an army to do that. ~ Laura Sebastian

It's your panties; they're pulling me in," he grinned. Oh no he didn't. "How can they be? I'm not wearing any. ~ Dawn Doyle

You're the only woman for me. I've known that my whole life. And I'm not the kind of guy who's content to pretend with another. It was you or no one. You're the only woman I've been with. I'm the only man you have. ~ Nicole Williams

Would you like to dance with me?"

He laughed. "With you? No."

She looked at the marble floor, her chest tight. "You needn't be so cruel."

"Cruel? Celaena, Perrington is just over there. I'm sure he's not happy about you being here, so I wouldn't risk drawing his attention any more than necessary."

"Coward."

Chaol's eyes softened. "If he weren't here, I would have said yes." (...)

"Anyway," Chaol added, jerking his chin at Dorian, "I think you have far more attractive suitors vying for your attention. I'm boring company to keep."

"I don't mind being here with you."

"I'm sure you don't," Chaol said dryly, though he met her stare.

"I mean it. Why aren't you dancing with anyone? Aren't there ladies whom you like?"

"I'm the Captain of the Guard - I'm not exactly a catch for any of them." There was some sorrow in his eyes, though it was well concealed.

"Are you mad? You're better than everyone in here. And you're - you're very handsome," she said, taking his hand in her free one. There was beauty in Chaol's face - and strength, and honor, and loyalty. She stopped hearing the crowd, and her mouth became dry as he stared at her. How had she missed it for so long?

"You think so?" he said after a moment, looking at their clasped hands.

She tightened her grasp. "Why, if I wasn't - ~ Sarah J. Maas

Don't get mad at me cause I call something a 'nothing thing'. I mean it's nothing in terms of the majority of people ... I'm not that concerned with my son. I'm more concerned with all people. I look at all people as brothers and sisters. I have no priority for members of the family. ~ Jacque Fresco

You think I'm strong because I sound off and go on about things and am very direct and seem very full of myself ... but the truth is, I am much, much feebler than you. I just go on like this to keep my end up. You think what you're doing is right and that gives you strength. You see, I know I'm not right, I know there is no right. The only "right" I am is that I know what I like and what I want, and what I like and what I want is you, more than anyone else in all the world does, or could."
Thomas to Elizabeth "The Other Side of You ~ Salley Vickers

I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for. ~ Karl Pilkington

Lena." Alex's voice is stronger, more forceful now, and it finally stops me.
He turns so that we're face-to-face. At that moment my shoes skim off the sand
bottom, and I realize that the water is lapping up to my neck. The tide is coming
in fast. "Listen to me. I'm not who - I'm not who you think I am."
I have to fight to stand. All of a sudden the currents tug and pull at me. It's
always seemed this way. The tide goes out a slow drain, comes back in a rush.
"What do you mean?"
His eyes - shifting gold, amber, an animal's eyes - search my face, and
without knowing why, I'm scared again. "I was never cured," he says. For a
moment I close my eyes and imagine I've misheard him, imagine I've only
confused the shushing of the waves for his voice. But when I open my eyes he's
still standing there, staring at me, looking guilty and something else - sad,
maybe? - and I know I heard correctly. He says, "I never had the procedure."
"You mean it didn't work?" I say. My body is tingling, going numb, and I
realize then how cold it is. "You had the procedure and it didn't work? Like what
happened to my mom?"
"No, Lena. I - " He looks away, squinting, says under his breath, "I don't
know how to explain. ~ Lauren Oliver

Maybe I . . . shouldn't tell him what I thought I'd heard. Not until I knew more. How exactly would I put the revelation anyway? Jack's alive, but apparently he kept that little detail secret. Ah, but Matthew spilled the beans! Buying myself time, I waved Aric on.

I was scarcely listening as he began talking about Paul, of all people. How the EMT had grown worried when I'd been shut in with my grandmother for so long. How I had lost weight and become listless. The man had pleaded with me to get a checkup, even offering to source contraception after Aric and I had started sleeping together.

Wait. I glanced up. "After?"

Aric nodded. "He said you told him you had no need of contraception."

The hell? "I went to him and got a shot prior to us getting together. I told you about it."

"As I told him in turn, but he swears that never happened."

Real? Unreal? Had I . . . imagined my meeting with Paul? I'd already feared gaps in my memory; Gran had told me things that I'd had no recollection of. Was I now inventing memories?

Had I invented Jack's return?

In a soothing voice, Aric said, "I'm not angry, love. Just talk to me." He wasn't the first person to look at me as if I'd gone insane, like I was trouble with the possibility of rubble.

Won't be the last.

No. I refused this. I had heard Jack, and I had gotten that shot. "It did happen, which means Paul's a liar." But why would ~ Kresley Cole

I'm not adorable," Wade protested. "I am manly and grizzled and have no emotions. None. ~ Molly Harper

If I'm not directing it, I need to be right in the director's ear so we can be talking about this." You do something like use the wrong music, the tone's off, and everything feels off". And I was like, "I'm not going down with this one. I wrote it, but I don't like that play." Then I thought, "Well, no one's producing my stuff, letting me star in it, and direct it at these theaters, so I'll just do them in comedy clubs." ~ Jake M. Johnson

No I did not call in sick to work today
No I'm not out hanging with my friends
There's no more wasting time
On what I think I'm supposed to do
My clock is standing still so
I can have my dream life life
With the ones I love
Playing all day long
Laying back by the water side
With nowhere to go
And the music on
I'm working hard for my dream life
To be my real life
And that can't be wrong
All I have is this life
So I'm making it what I want ~ Colbie Caillat

My head snaps in her direction. 'Stop that,' I say, standing in place.
'Stop what?' she asks.
'With this thing, this niceness.'
'What d-you-?'
'I'm kytaen, a tool. You're Chosen. We're not friends. That kind of word doesn't exist between our two species. Treat me how you're supposed to and stop this… act.'
A moment passes, and then she says, 'I see. So there's going to be no civility between us, eh?'
'I'm glad you finally understand.'
'I didn't exactly overlook your unsubtle hostility towards me.'
'Then why bother being nice?'
'I was raised to be polite to elderly people.'
'Then you should know I'm not old. I'm immortal.'
'Quit bragging'
I blink. 'I wasn't bragging, I was stating a fact.'
'It sounded like bragging to me.'
'It wasn't.'
'It sounded like it.'
'Well it wasn't.'
'Old men do tend to brag after all.'
'I wasn't bragging!'
She gives me an impish grin. 'They also lose their temper easily.'
I grit my teeth. ~ Giselle Simlett

Wouldn't you like just for once to see Charlie Brown hit that ball?"
"No... I'm not prepared to have the world come to an end! ~ Charles M. Schulz

Because I know." Daemon appeared in front of me, eyes narrowed. He thumped his hand off his chest, directly above his heart. "Because I know what I feel in here. And I'm not the type of person to run from anything, no matter how hard it is. I'd rather face-plant against a brick wall than live for the rest of my life wondering what could've been. And you know what? I don't think you were the type to run either. Maybe I was wrong ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

What do you suppose it means?' he asked. ' "Do what you wish." That must mean I can do anything I feel like. Don't you think so?
All at once Grograman's face looked alarmingly grave, and his eyes glowed.
'No,' he said in his deep rumbling voice. 'It means that you must do what you really and truly want. And nothing is more difficult.' ... 'It's your own deepest secret and you don't know it.'
'How can I find out?'
'By going the way of your wishes, fro one to another, from first to last. It will take you to what you really and truly want.'
'That doesn't sound so hard,' said Bastian.
'It is the most dangerous of all journeys.'
'Why? Bastian asked. 'I'm not afraid.'
'That isn't it,' Grograman rumbled. 'It requires the greatest honesty and vigilance, because there's no other journey on which it's so easy to lose yourself forever.'
'Do you mean because our wishes aren't always good?' Bastian asked.
The lion lashed the sand he was lying on with his tail. His ears lay flat, he screwed up his nose, and his eyes flashed fire. Involuntarily Bastian ducked when Grograman's voice once again made the earth tremble: 'What do you know about wishes? How would you know what's good and what isn't?' In the days that followed Bastian thought a good deal about what the Many-Colored Death had said. There are some things, however, that we cannot fathom by thinking about them, but only by experience. ~ Michael Ende

Jack was mid-jump when I burst into my room. I snatched his ankle,flipping him horizontal.He crashed down hard to my bed and rolled off onto the floor.
And laughed.
"Let's do that again! But this time I'll jump even higher."
"No! No,you won't! What are you going here?"
He sat up on the floor and shrugged. "I was bored."
"I don't care! I'm not your babysitter!"
His blue eyes twinkled.Honestly, whose eyes actually twinkle? Then his face crumpled,his lower lip jutting out.He blinked his ridiculously long eyelashes at me. "I thought we were friends."
"Oh,knock it off. ~ Kiersten White

I hear you're quite the writer. Quite the teacher's pet."
"I ... I don't know what you mean."
"No? The maybe you're in for a surprise. A maybe it won't be a nice one."
Kate heard her voice lashing out, braver than she felt.
"I don't know what you're talking about. But nothing that pertains to me is any of your business.'
The match hissed again. She saw his black, black eyes flickering.
"You're right. How inconsiderate of me."
Shaken, Kate willed her feet to move her forward.
"You should be more careful," Pearce said. "Anyone could find your key. Anyone could get into your cabin."
Kate whirled to face him. "I have a roommate. I'm not alone."
"A roommate?" And he sounded like he was smiling ... a dark strange smile as if she'd said something particularly funny. "If someone wanted to get you," Pearce said slowly, and another match went out, "a roommate wouldn't stop them. They'd just get you. Wouldn't they? ~ Richie Tankersley Cusick

I choose not to fight - it doesn't mean I can't! I'm no heroic vampire, but I'm not the useless coward many think I am."

"If you fought more often, they wouldn't think that," I noted.

"True," he admitted. "But their opinion doesn't matter." Kurda put his fingers on my chest and pressed softly down on my heart. "In here is where a man should judge himself, not on bars or in a ring or on a battlefield. If you know in your heart that you're true and brave, that should be enough. ~ Darren Shan

No I'm not a great believer in getting back over things and saying if only, or if, or buts because I don't think we actually get anywhere on that. ~ Iain Duncan Smith

Reaching into his pocket, he took out the amulet Isis had given him the night before, slipped it over Eve's neck.
"What's this for?"
"It looks better on you than me."
She narrowed her eyes at him. "Bull. You're being superstitious."
"No, I'm not," he lied and set her plate in with his before he shifted and began to unbutton her shirt.
"Hey, what are you doing?"
"Passing the time." His hands, clever and quick, swooped down to take her breasts. "It'll take an hour to get there by car."
"I'm not having sex in the back of a limo," she told him. "It's
"
"Delicious," he finished and replaced his hands with his mouth. ~ J.D. Robb

If you grow up poor you're always going to worry about money, no matter how successful or lucky you become. I'm not moaning about what actors get paid - I'm very, very lucky - but the difference between what leading actors get paid and supporting actors get is a lot. ~ Jason Flemyng

Yes ma'am," I said, "Anna Celeste's party is Saturday, but I don't need a ride ... No ma'am. It's because Anna Celeste is my Sworn Enemy for Life and I'd rather go face-down in a plate of raw chicken entrails than go to her party. Plus I'm not invited ... ~ Sheila Turnage

Hagrid, look what I've got for relatives!" Harry said furiously. "Look at the Dursleys!"
"An excellent point," said Professor Dumbledore. "My own brother, Aberforth, was prosecuted for practicing inappropriate charms on a goat. It was all over the papers, but did Aberforth hide? No, he did not! He held his head high and went about his business as usual! Of course, I'm not entirely sure he can read, so that may not have been bravery ... ~ J.K. Rowling

Sometimes I think the loneliness inside of me is going to explode through my skin and sometimes I'm not sure if crying or screaming or laughing through the hysteria will solve anything at all. Sometimes I'm so desperate to touch, to be touched, to feel, that I'm almost certain I'm going to fall off a cliff in an alternate universe where no one will ever be able to find me. ~ Tahereh Mafi