Laurence Sterne Quotes

Heat is in proportion to the want of true knowledge. ~ Laurence Sterne

There is no definitive list of the duties of a stage manager that is applicable to all theaters and staging environments. Regardless of specific duties, however, the stage manager is the individual who accepts responsibility for the smooth running of rehearsals and performances, on stage and backstage. ~ Laurence Sterne

If death, said my father, reasoning with himself, is nothing but the separation of the soul from the body;
and if it is true that people can walk about and do their business without brains,
then certes the soul does not inhabit there. ~ Laurence Sterne

We get forwards in the world not so much by doing services, as receiving them: you take a withering twig, and put it in the ground; and then you water it, because you have planted it. ~ Laurence Sterne

As monarchs have a right to call in the specie of a state, and raise its value, by their own impression; so are there certain prerogative geniuses, who are above plagiaries, who cannot be said to steal, but, from their improvement of a thought, rather to borrow it, and repay the commonwealth of letters with interest again; and may wore properly be said to adopt, than to kidnap a sentiment, by leaving it heir to their own fame. ~ Laurence Sterne

Look into the world
how often do you behold a sordid wretch, whose straight heart is open to no man's affliction, taking shelterbehind an appearance of piety, and putting on the garb of religion, which none but the merciful and compassionate have a title to wear. ~ Laurence Sterne

Every obstruction of the course of justice,
is a door opened to betray society, and bereave us of those blessings which it has inview ... It is a strange way of doing honour to God, to screen actions which are a disgrace to humanity. ~ Laurence Sterne

I am positive I have a soul; nor can all the books with which materialists have pestered the world ever convince me to the contrary. ~ Laurence Sterne

There is a plain distinction to be made betwixt pleasure and happiness. For tho' there can be no happiness without pleasure
yet the converse of the proposition will not hold true.
We are so made, that from the common gratifications of our appetites, and the impressions of a thousand objects, we snatch the one, like a transient gleam, without being suffered to taste the other. ~ Laurence Sterne

There is no such thing as real happiness in life. The justest definition that was ever given of it was "a tranquil acquiescence under an agreeable delusion"
I forget where. ~ Laurence Sterne

Plutarch has a fine expression, with regard to some woman of learning, humility, and virtue;
that her ornaments were such as might be purchased without money, and would render any woman's life both glorious and happy. ~ Laurence Sterne

The great end of all religionis to purify our hearts
and conquer our passions
and in a word, to make us wiser and better men
better neighbours
better citizens
and better servants of GOD. ~ Laurence Sterne

I was acquainted once with a gallant soldier who assured me that his only measure of courage was this: upon the first fire, in an engagement, he immediately looked upon himself as a dead man. He then bravely fought out the remainder of the day, perfectly regardless of all manner of danger, as becomes a dead man to be. So that all the life or limbs he carried back again to his tent he reckoned as clear gains, or, as he himself expressed it, so much out of the fire. ~ Laurence Sterne

Upon the present theological computation, ten souls must be lost for one that is saved. At which rate of reckoning, heaven can raise but its cohorts while hell commands its legions. From which sad account it would appear, that, though our Saviour had conquered death by the resurrection, he had not yet been able to overcome sin by the redemption. ~ Laurence Sterne

- My brother Toby, quoth she, is going to be married to Mrs. Wadman.
- Then he will never, quoth my father, be able to lie diagonally in his bed again as long as he lives. ~ Laurence Sterne

... so long as a man rides his Hobby-Horse peaceably and quietly along the King's highway, and neither compels you or me to get up behind him,
pray, Sir, what have either you or I to do with it? ~ Laurence Sterne

Is it not an amazing thing, that men shall attempt to investigate the mystery of the redemption, when, at the same time that it is propounded to us as an article of faith solely, we are told that "the very angels have desired to pry into it in vain"? ~ Laurence Sterne

How many thousands of [lives] are there every year that comes cast away, (in all civilized countries at least)
and consider'd asnothing but common air, in competition of an hypothesis. ~ Laurence Sterne

The chaste mind, like a polished plane, may admit foul thoughts, without receiving their tincture. ~ Laurence Sterne

I often derive a peculiar satisfaction in conversing with the ancient and modern dead, - who yet live and speak excellently in their works. My neighbors think me often alone, - and yet at such times I am in company with more than five hundred mutes - each of whom, at my pleasure, communicates his ideas to me by dumb signs - quite as intelligently as any person living can do by uttering of words. ~ Laurence Sterne

There are many ways of inducing sleep
the thinking of purling rills, or waving woods; reckoning of numbers; droppings from a wet sponge fixed over a brass pan, etc. But temperance and exercise answer much better than any of these succedaneums. ~ Laurence Sterne

The brave only know how to forgive. ~ Laurence Sterne

Philosophy has a fine saying for everything.-For Death it has an entire set. ~ Laurence Sterne

We all cry out that the world is corrupt,
and I fear too justly,
but we never reflect, what we have to thank for it, and that itis our open countenance of vice, which gives the lye to our private censures of it, which is its chief protection and encouragement. ~ Laurence Sterne

I had had an affair with the moon, in which there was neither sin nor shame. ~ Laurence Sterne

There are few instances of the exercise of particular virtues which seem harder to attain to, or which appear more amiable and engaging in themselves, than those of moderation and the forgiveness of injuries. ~ Laurence Sterne

Harriet, to hide her excitement, had turned to the bookshelves in the corner between the windows and the fireplace. The books, untidily arranged, some standing, some piled on their sides, with newspapers and magazines wedged among them, confused her. There were no sets and a great many were paper-backed. She saw friends - Mr. Dickens was present - and nodding acquaintances - Laurence Sterne, for instance, and Theodore Dreiser - but they were among strangers: Henry Miller, Norman Douglas, Saki, Ronald Firbank, strangers all. ~ Jack Iams

Alas! if the principles of contentment are not within us, the height of station and worldly grandeur will as soon add a cubit to a man's stature as to his happiness. ~ Laurence Sterne

Shall we for ever make new books, as apothecaries make new mixtures, by pouring only out of one vessel into another? ~ Laurence Sterne

O blessed Health! thou art above all gold and treasure; 'tis thou who enlargest the soul, and openest all its powers to receive instruction, and to relish virtue. He that has thee has little more to wish for, and he that is so wretched as to want thee, wants everything with thee. ~ Laurence Sterne

A man should know something of his own country too, before he goes abroad. ~ Laurence Sterne

When, to gratify a private appetite, it is once resolved upon that an ignorant and helpless creature shall be sacrificed, it is an easy matter to pick up sticks enough from any thicket where it has strayed, to make a fire to offer it up with. ~ Laurence Sterne

Patience cannot remove, but it can always dignify and alleviate, misfortune. ~ Laurence Sterne

I'll not hurt thee, says Uncle Toby, rising with the fly in his hand. Go, he says, opening the window to let it escape. Why should I hurt thee? This world is surely wide enough to hold both thee and me. ~ Laurence Sterne

I have a strong propensity in me to begin this chapter very nonsensically, and I will not balk my fancy.
Accordingly I set off thus: ~ Laurence Sterne

And what of this new book the whole world makes such a rout about?
Oh ! 'tis out of all plumb, my lord,
quite an irregular thing! ~ Laurence Sterne

'Tis known by the name of perseverance in a good cause, and of obstinacy in a bad one. ~ Laurence Sterne

I am persuaded that every time a man smiles - but much more so when he laughs - it adds something to this fragment of life. ~ Laurence Sterne

We lose the right of complaining sometimes, by denying something, but this often triples its force. ~ Laurence Sterne

The proper education of poor children [is] the ground-work of almost every other kind of charity ... Without this foundation firstlaid, how much kindnessis unavoidably cast away? ~ Laurence Sterne

Courtship consists in a number of quiet attentions, not so pointed as to alarm, nor so vague as not to be understood. ~ Laurence Sterne

It had ever, as I told the reader, been one of the singular blessings of my life, to be almost every hour of it miserably in love with some one ... ~ Laurence Sterne

Keep away from the fire! ~ Laurence Sterne

Endless is the search of truth. ~ Laurence Sterne

Of all the cants which are canted in this canting world, - though the cant of hypocrites may be the worst, - the cant of criticism is the most tormenting! ~ Laurence Sterne

Freethinkers are generally those who never think at all. ~ Laurence Sterne

Tis no extravagant arithmetic to say, that for every ten jokes, thou hast got an hundred enemies; and till thou hast gone on, and raised a swarm of wasps about thine ears, and art half stung to death by them, thou wilt never be convinced it is so. ~ Laurence Sterne

The way to fame, is like the way to heaven,
through much tribulation. ~ Laurence Sterne

Positiveness is a most absurd foible. If you are in the right, it lessens your triumph; if in the wrong, it adds shame to your defeat. ~ Laurence Sterne

There is nothing so awkward as courting a woman whilst she is making sausages. ~ Laurence Sterne

When the heart flies out before the understanding, it saves the judgment a world of pains. ~ Laurence Sterne

Is this a fit time, said my father to himself, to talk of Pensions and Grenadiers? ~ Laurence Sterne

But mark, madam, we live amongst riddles and mysteries
the most obvious things, which come in our way, have dark sides, which thequickest sight cannot penetrate into; and even the clearest and most exalted understandings amongst us find ourselves puzzled and at a loss in almost every cranny of nature's works. ~ Laurence Sterne

Vanity bids all her sons be brave, and all her daughters chaste and courteous. ~ Laurence Sterne

The pulsations of the arteries along my fingers pressing across hers, told her what was passing within me:
she look'd down - a silence of some moments followed. ~ Laurence Sterne

One may as well be asleep as to read for anything but to improve his mind and morals, and regulate his conduct. ~ Laurence Sterne

The circumstances with which every thing in this world is begirt, give every thing in this world its size and shape;
and by tightening it, or relaxing it, this way or that, make the thing to be, what it is
great
little
good
bad
indifferent or not indifferent, just as the case happens. ~ Laurence Sterne

I like subordination, quoth my uncle Toby... ~ Laurence Sterne

In a word, my work is digressive, and it is progressive too, - and at the same time. ~ Laurence Sterne

I hate set dissertations,
and above all things in the world, 'tis one of the silliest things in one of them, to darken your hypothesis by placing a number of tall, opake words, one before another, in a right line, betwixt your own and your readers conception. ~ Laurence Sterne

Learning is the dictionary, but sense the grammar of science. ~ Laurence Sterne

Death opens the gate of fame, and shuts the gate of envy after it; it unlooses the chain of the captive, and puts the bondsman's task into another man's hand. ~ Laurence Sterne

A dwarf who brings a standard along with him to measure his own size, take my word, is a dwarf in more articles than one. ~ Laurence Sterne

The director is responsible for interpreting the playwright's work through the cast with the help of the staff. It is the director's artistic concept of the play that the cast, staff, and crew work to obtain. ~ Laurence Sterne

I was interrupted in the heyday of this soliloquy, with a voice which I took to be of a child, which complained "it could not get out." - I look'd up and down the passage, and seeing neither man, woman, or child, I went out without further attention.
In my return back through the passage, I heard the same words repeated twice over; and looking up, I saw it was a starling hung in a little cage. - "I can't get out - I can't get out," said the starling.
I stood looking at the bird: and to every person who came through the passage it ran fluttering to the side towards which they approach'd it, with the same lamentation of its captivity. - "I can't get out," said the starling. - God help thee! said I, but I'll let thee out, cost what it will; so I turn'd about the cage to get to the door; it was twisted and double twisted so fast with wire, there was no getting it open without pulling the cage to pieces. - I took both hands to it.
The bird flew to the place where I was attempting his deliverance, and thrusting his head through the trellis, press'd his breast against it, as if impatient. - I fear, poor creature! said I, I cannot set thee at liberty. - "No," said the starling - "I can't get out - I can't get out," said the starling. ~ Laurence Sterne

In all unmerciful actions, the worst of men pay this compliment at least to humanity, as to endeavour to wear as much of the appearance of it, as the case will well let them. ~ Laurence Sterne

What were his views in this, and in every other action of his life, - or rather what were the opinions which floated in the brains of other people concerning it, was a thought which too much floated in his own, and too often broke in upon his rest, when he should have been sound asleep. ~ Laurence Sterne

An atheist is more reclaimable than a papist, as ignorance is sooner cured than superstition. ~ Laurence Sterne

To saya man is fallen in love,or that he is deeply in love,or up to the ears in love,and sometimes even over head and ears in it,carries an idiomatical kind of implication, that love is a thing below a man:this is recurring again to Plato's opinion, which, with all his divinityship,I hold to be damnable and heretical:and so much for that. Let love therefore be what it will,my uncleToby fell into it. ~ Laurence Sterne

So much of motion, is so much of life, and so much of joy, and to stand still, or get on but slowly, is death and the devil. ~ Laurence Sterne

If thou art rich, then show the greatness of thy fortune; or what is better, the greatness of thy soul, in the meekness of thy conversation; condescend to men of low estate, support the distressed, and patronize the neglected. Be great. ~ Laurence Sterne

Almost one half of our time is spent in telling and hearing evil of one another ... and every hour brings forth something strange and terrible to fill up our discourse and our astonishment. ~ Laurence Sterne

A coward never forgives. ~ Laurence Sterne

Honours, like impressions upon coin, may give an ideal and local value to a bit of base metal; but Gold and Silver will pass all the world over without any other recommendation than their own weight. ~ Laurence Sterne

- Now my father had a way, a little like that of Job's (in case there ever was such a man - if not, there's an end of the matter.
Though, by the bye, because your learned men find some difficulty in fixing the precise aera in which so great a man lived; - whether, for instance, before or after the patriarchs, &c. - to vote, therefore, that he never lived at all, is a little cruel, - 'tis not doing as they would be done by - happen that as it - My father, I say, had a way, when things went extremely wrong with him, especially upon the first sally of his impatience - of wondering why he was begot, - wishing himself dead; - sometimes worse: - ~ Laurence Sterne

I know there are readers in the world, as well as many other good people in it, who are no readers at all, - who find themselves ill at ease, unless they are let into the whole secret from first to last, of every thing which concerns you. ~ Laurence Sterne

We often think ourselves inconsistent creatures, when we are the furthest from it, and all the variety of shapes and contradictory appearances we put on, are in truth but so many different attempts to gratify the same governing appetite. ~ Laurence Sterne

A man cannot dress, but his ideas get cloath'd at the same time. ~ Laurence Sterne

Ye whose clay-cold heads and luke-warm hearts can argue down or mask your passions
tell me, what trespass is it that man should have them? ... If nature has so wove her web of kindness, that some threads of love and desire are entangled with the piece
must the whole web be rent in drawing them out? ~ Laurence Sterne

But this is neither here nor there why do I mention it? Ask my pen, it governs me, I govern not it. ~ Laurence Sterne

The most accomplished way of using books is to serve them as some people do lords; learn their titles and then brag of their acquaintance. ~ Laurence Sterne

In solitude the mind gains strength and learns to lean upon itself. ~ Laurence Sterne

The desire of knowledge, like the thirst of riches, increases ever with the acquisition of it. ~ Laurence Sterne

My father, you must know, who was originally a Turkey merchant, but had left off business for some years, in order to retire to, and die upon, his paternal estate in the county of - - , was, I believe, one of the most regular men in every thing he did, whether 'twas matter of business, or matter of amusement, that ever lived. As a small specimen of this extreme exactness of his, to which he was in truth a slave, he had made it a rule for many years of his life, - on the first Sunday-night of every month throughout the whole year, - as certain as ever the Sunday-night came, - to wind up a large house-clock, which we had standing on the back-stairs head, with his own hands: - And being somewhere between fifty and sixty years of age at the time I have been speaking of, - he had likewise gradually brought some other little family concernments to the same period, in order, as he would often say to my uncle Toby, to get them all out of the way at one time, and be no more plagued and pestered with them the rest of the month.

It was attended but with one misfortune, which, in a great measure, fell upon myself, and the effects of which I fear I shall carry with me to my grave; namely, that from an unhappy association of ideas, which have no connection in nature, it so fell out at length, that my poor mother could never hear the said clock wound up, - but the thoughts of some other things unavoidably popped into her head. ~ Laurence Sterne

Only the brave know how to forgive ... a coward never forgave; it is not in his nature. ~ Laurence Sterne

I have undertaken, you see, to write not only my life, but my opinions also; hoping and expecting that your knowledge of my character, and of what kind of a mortal I am, by the one, would give you a better relish for the other: As you proceed further with me, the slight acquaintance which is now beginning betwixt us, will grow into familiarity; and that, unless one of us is in fault, will terminate in friendship. ~ Laurence Sterne

The best friends in the world may differ sometimes. ~ Laurence Sterne

When the precipitancy of a man's wishes hurries on his ideas ninety times faster than the vehicle he rides in
woe be to truth! ~ Laurence Sterne

I define a nose, as follows, - intreating only beforehand, and beseeching my readers, both male and female, of what age, complexion, and condition soever, for the love of God and their own souls, to guard against the temptations and suggestions of the devil, and suffer him by no art or wile to put any other ideas into their minds, than what I put into my definition. - For by the word Nose, throughout all this long chapter of noses, and in every other part of my work, where the word Nose occurs, - I declare, by that word I mean a Nose, and nothing more, or less. ~ Laurence Sterne

Tis going, I own, like the Knight of the Woeful Countenance, in quest of melancholy adventures
but I know not how it is, but I am never so perfectly conscious of the existence of a soul within me, as when I am entangled in them. ~ Laurence Sterne

There are a thousand unnoticed openings, continued my father, which let a penetrating eye at once into a man's soul; and I maintain it, added he, that a man of sense does not lay down his hat in coming into a room,
or take it up in going out of it, but something escapes, which discovers him. ~ Laurence Sterne

The improbability of a malicious story serves but to help forward the currency of it, because it increases the scandal. So that, in such instances, the world is like the pious St. Austin, who said he believed some things because they were absurd and impossible. ~ Laurence Sterne

- all I can say of the matter, is - That he has either a pumkin for his head - or a pippin for his heart, - and whenever he is dissected 'twill be found so. ~ Laurence Sterne

Respect for ourselves guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners ~ Laurence Sterne

It is not in the power of every one to taste humor, however he may wish it; it is the gift of God! and a true feeler always brings half the entertainment along with him. ~ Laurence Sterne

Let love therefore be what it will, my Uncle Toby fell into it - And possibly, gentle reader, with such a temptation so wouldst thou: For never did thy eyes behold, or thy concupiscence covet, anything in this world more concupiscible than widow Wadman. ~ Laurence Sterne

It is sweet to feel by what fine spun threads our affections are drawn together. ~ Laurence Sterne

Lessons of wisdom have the most power over us when they capture the heart through the groundwork of a story, which engages the passions. ~ Laurence Sterne

Solitude is the best nurse of wisdom. ~ Laurence Sterne

In part of Lord Kames' Elements of Criticism, he says that "music improves the relish of a banquet." That I deny,
any more than painting might do. They may both be additional pleasures, as well as conversation is, but are perfectly distinct notices; and cannot, with the least propriety, be said to mix or blend with the repast, as none of them serve to raise the flavor of the wine, the sauce, the meat, or help to quicken appetite. But music and painting both add a spirit to devotion, and elevate the ardor. ~ Laurence Sterne