Humorous Relationship Quotes

After all, nothing nurtures a friendship bond more than the ability to consistently bitch about someone else! ~ Pawan Mishra

If Shane had learned one thing, it was to never tamper with a firecracker during an explosion. That stood double when applied to women – especially when you were the idiot who'd lit the fuse. ~ Kimberly Krey

Hotel Conundrum: The continental breakfast. What is it that makes continents so shitty at providing an adequate breakfast? ~ Demetri Martin

It is important for a husband to understand that his words have tremendous power in his wife's life. He needs to bless her with words. She's given her life to love and care for him, to partner with him, to create a family together, to nurture his children. If he is always finding fault in something she's doing, always putting her down, he will reap horrendous problems in his marriage and in his life. Moreover, many women today are depressed and feel emotionally abused because their husbands do not bless them with their words. One of the leading causes of emotional breakdowns among married women is the fact that women do not feel valued. One of the main reasons for that deficiency is because husbands are willfully or unwittingly withholding the words of approval women so desperately desire. If you want to see God do wonders in your marriage, start praising your spouse. Start appreciating and encouraging her. Every single day, a husband should tell his wife, "I love you. I appreciate you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me." A wife should do the same for her husband. Your relationship would improve immensely if you'd simply start speaking kind, positive words, blessing your spouse instead of cursing him or her. ~ Joel Osteen

I began to expand my personal service in the church, and to search more diligently for a closer relationship with God among my different business, professional and political interests. ~ Jimmy Carter

He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." That good work begins in relationship to Jesus and is brought to completion within an ever-deepening union with him. ~ Timothy S. Lane

My gramps is a lot like you. No sense of adventure. All he does is sit in his urn... ~ Cleo Peitsche

I learned that if a relationship is honest, it can last through anything despite all the challenges we have to face and everything that happens around us. ~ Robert Pattinson

Bet they'll change their minds when they meet the right woman," she murmured. "A few months ago I would have disagreed," he said ruefully. "Now, not so much." She smiled at him. He was cute in his befuddlement. But she had to hand it to him. He was taking their relationship - or whatever the hell it was they had - very well. He hadn't seemed to fight it at all, though she had no idea what had gone on in his mind, especially when she'd been missing for so many weeks. Maybe in that time he'd come to terms with his feelings for her. It had definitely solidified things in her mind. But then she'd already fallen hard and fast from the very first night they'd spent together. ~ Maya Banks

The great paradox of the 21st century is that, in this age of powerful technology, the biggest problems we face internationally are problems of the human soul. ~ Ralph Peters

The central attitudes driving Mr. Right are:
You should be in awe of my intelligence and should look up to me intellectually. I know better than you do, even about what's good for you.
Your opinions aren't worth listening to carefully or taking seriously.
The fact that you sometimes disagree with me shows how sloppy your thinking is.
If you would just accept that I know what's right, our relationship would go much better. Your own life would go better, too.
When you disagree with me about something, no matter how respectfully or meekly, that's mistreatment of me.
If I put you down for long enough, some day you'll see. ~ Lundy Bancroft

In early Judaism, the priesthood was maintained within various families and passed down from father to son, thus necessitating marriage. But this is the old covenant, and even within this model priests were required to abstain from having sex with their wives during the time they served in the Temple. Catholics believe that priests fulfill this Temple relationship ever day - the Mass and the Eucharist mean they are serving in the Temple every day of their ordained lives. ~ Michael Coren

Many people fail in their career, business and relationship, and others get stuck because of their inability to make quality decisions. ~ Nkem Paul

The incestuous relationship between government and big business thrives in the dark. ~ Jack Anderson

In the coldest February, as in every other month in every other year, the best thing to hold on to in this world is each other. ~ Linda Ellerbee

I lean over you, your equal, offering you a mirror for your perfect nothingness, for your shadows which are neither light nor absence of light, for this void which contemplates. To all that which you are, and, for our language, are not, I add a consciousness. I make you experience your supreme identity as a relationship, I name you and define you. You become a delicious passivity. ~ Maurice Blanchot

Sports provide girls with the opportunity to develop a better relationship with their bodies. They can be aggressive on the court, be strong and still be feminine. ~ Gabrielle Reece

Mr. Bush, I don't recognize the world you paint. I find your speech a form of sheer propaganda, having almost no relationship to reality ... You can't 'stay the course' because you don't have a course. ~ Juan Cole

Every president needs to deal with the permanent government of the country, and the permanent government of the country is Wall Street oligarchs and corporate plutocrats and the questions becomes what is the relationship between that president and Wall Street. ~ Cornel West

Dictators, unlike Democrats, depend on a small coterie to sustain their power. These backers, generally drawn from the military, the senior civil service, and family or clan members, have a synergistic relationship with their dictator. The dictator delivers opportunities for them to become rich, and they protect him from being overthrown. ~ Bruce Bueno De Mesquita

I don't have any relationship with God and I've never wanted it. I don't believe in fate or in any superior entity; if a plane crashes and people die, it's not because Heaven said so. ~ Fernando Alonso Diaz

There is a staggering perversity in all the human categories that are applied to the God-man; for if we could speak in a completely human way about Christ we would have to say that the words "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" show a want of patience and a want of truth. Only if God says it, can it be true, i.e., even if the God-man says it. And since it is true, it is also truly the climax of pain. The relationship to God is evidently such a tremendous weight of blessedness that, once I have laid hold of it, it is absolute in the most absolute sense; by contrast, the worldly notion that my enemies are to be excluded from it would actually diminish this blessedness. The ~ Hans Urs Von Balthasar

By Saturday night we still didn't have Jeb's body. Mom and I ate dinner quietly, letting the shared pizza and the noise of the TV substitute for the companionship and conversation of a real relationship. The Simpsons was on, but I wasn't really watching - I wanted that body. If the police kept it much longer, we wouldn't be able to embalm it at all, just seal it in a bag and hold a closed-casket funeral. ~ Dan Wells

Never expect someone to care for you or to care for your feelings and emotions, Everyone's fucking heartless, people just don't give a damn about your stupid feelings or your boring stories. People only know how to fool you around for their own benefits... ~ Taimoor Madni

He was not at the moment in very good odour at Bow Street. Such epithets as Blockhead and Blunderer had been used in connection with his last case. 'Jeremiah Stubbs, miss,' said the Runner. 'I am here in the execution of my dooty. ~ Georgette Heyer

Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script. ~ Erma Bombeck

Then I realize what it is. It's him. Something about him makes me feel like I am about to fall. Or turn to liquid. Or burst into flames. ~ Veronica Roth

Accept that what you see is what you'll get. Once your relationship becomes firmly established, your partner's personality and the way in which [he or] she treats you will most likely be what your future together will look like. Staying with a partner whom you hope will change usually results in disappointment. ~ Mary C. Lamia

Song writing is about the male-female relationship. Yes, there are songs of, of brotherhood and politics but very rarely do we write about computers or, there are car songs, cars are cool. But even in the car songs, it's, ah, usually gets down to me and my baby and my car. ~ Jeff Barry

You cannot have a private relationship in a public arena. You must look to an inner circle of people who really know you. Don't expect to have that kind of intimate relationship with people who only know you publicly. Do not seek to be understood by the world. ~ T.D. Jakes

There are many things that can keep you in a relationship," I say. "Fear of being alone. Fear of disrupting the arrangement of your life. A decision to settle for something that's okay, because you don't know if you can get any better. Or maybe there's the irrational belief that it will get better, even if you know he won't change. ~ David Levithan

I suspected his middle name was "Yum". ~ Camilla Chafer

God can heal anything, especially if you let go and let him take over your relationship. ~ Stephanie Boyette

Sometimes in order to save a relationship, you have to sacrifice it first. ~ Colleen Hoover

People do not always take responsibility for their own spirituality and their own spiritual relationship with God. ~ Echo Bodine

I don't really like directing. I've had a good relationship with actors, but I can do what I do and back off. I don't want that much romancing. I don't want them to call me up at two in the morning saying, 'I don't know who I am. ~ Gordon Willis

Because of the oil-and-water relationship governments have cultivated between ethics and political economy, speaking in plain terms - spelling it out as it is - as become foreign to the public. So here goes: When government sports a surplus, this implies that the political pickpockets have stolen more funds than they can possibly dream of spending. The property is not theirs to keep! Conversely, when deficits are reported, this means that the kleptomaniacs have not been able to steal sufficient funds to cover their profligacy. ~ Ilana Mercer

Okay," he said, "would I be twisting you words too much if I said that you are mad at Lydia because she loves you?"
I had to think about that for a while. "I suppose not. We weren't supposed to fall in love with each other."
So she's violated your agreement?" Then he wanted to know why Lydia would have ever agreed to such a thing in the first place. Why would she want to be in a relationship not based on love? We decided the only reason would be if she was afraid of love. And if she was no longer afraid of love, wasn't that good? Didn't it say that she was healthier and more mature? And why had I ever wanted to be with someone who was neither of these things? Was I, too, afraid of love? ~ Peter Ferry

You hold the ability to build it or ruin it. It's entirely up to you. It's definitely possible. ~ Patricia Dsouza