Humor Living Quotes

I had a very funny and depressing talk with my seventy-four-year-old mother. I decided, she doesn't have a bucket list - she has a kick-the-bucket list. ~ Lori Lesko

Live like a man, fuck like an animal and die like a plant. ~ Claire Amber

Here's to another year and let's hope it's above ground. ~ Carol Shields

I want my life to be about LIVING, not leaving
which is why I'm LEAVING nothing behind. ~ Shelley K. Wall

I don't know it is that I always feel that other people can create things but that I can't. I imagine it's simpler living in remote tribes or communities where one is obliged to have a go or else you have to do without. I suppose it is fear of failure in an age where political correctness is trying to erase the word 'failure' from the language. It's OK to fail isn't it, but only if you've tried? What is so bizarre is that when one does try, one rarely falls short. Obviously some people do things better than others but if it gives you pleasure, then so what? As my grandmother used to say, 'patience and perseverance made a bishop of his reverence!' So don't say you can't make candles or soap or that you can't spin or weave until you've tried it. As for mending, well, if you're not throwing everything away, then you have no option but to make do and mend. After all, the only way to get rid of shopping malls and supermarkets with their food miles is for people not to shop in those places and the way to cure this mercenary mercantile world is to make your own things. ~ Clarissa Dickson Wright

In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular. ~ Kathleen Norris

I am happy for the first in my life, I can report that I am standing on an incline instead of an edge. ~ Erica Goros

I think as a society we forget that men also have daddy issues, they've also had bad childhoods, they're vulnerable beings.. They also need love. We are made to think men don't have a hard time, and that's mainly because we've trained them not to show emotion, not to shed a tear.. but I can assure you, we men break down just like every other being. We get depressed. We get heartbroken, we get scared, lonely, butterflies.. We feel every emotion just as women do. ~ Scott Mcgoldrick

The weekly cartoons, as were my plays, came from a sense of criticism, criticism of the times, critical of the culture, of our manners and attitudes towards each other. The children's books come from the reverse. They're more supportive, since we're living in a time where we talk more about kids and do less, we talk about balancing the budget and we do it by cutting education. ~ Jules Feiffer

I think Ive got a pretty good sense of humor. ~ PJ Harvey

I always identified with that feeling of being an underdog. So I always was looking to connect with and meet people from other cultures, to experience people living a different life that I am. ~ Michael Franti

America: It's like Britain, only with buttons. ~ Ringo Starr

Mother calls up the stairs to ask what in the world I'm typing up there all day and I holler down, 'Just typing up some notes from the Bible study. Just writing down all the things I love about Jesus. ~ Kathryn Stockett

It is impossible to deny that Christians and Muslims have a common agenda here: both faiths have at their heart the living image of a community raised up by God's call to reveal to the world what God's purpose is for humanity. ~ Rowan Williams

I agree with you one hundred percent." Diana batted her lashes. "I think you've made a very wise decision,
Colby."
He ran his palm up her bare arm. "And I think you're picking up the finer nuances of being a wife faster than I'd
ever imagined you would. How the hell did I wind up agreeing to spend Christmas with Margaret Fulbrook?"
"How the hell did I wind up pregnant and unemployed and financially dependent on a man for the first time in my
life?"
"You forgot barefoot," he said with satisfaction. "At the moment you're barefoot, pregnant and unemployed."
She started to tickle him in the ribs. A few minutes later Colby's sexy laughter aroused Specter. The dog sighed
heavily, got up and padded down the hall to find some peace and quiet in the living room. ~ Jayne Ann Krentz

There is a greater difference between the genuine Christian and the deceived professing Christian than there is between a living man and a corpse. None need remain in doubt if they will honestly measure themselves by the Holy Word of God. ~ Arthur W. Pink

Tina Fey is my comedy wife. I have known her for almost a double decade. We met each other when we were poor and single. Now we are both rich as shit and have husbands all over the world. People think of us as a "comedy team" and I am not quick to correct them. Why wouldn't I want to connect myself to the fiercest and most talented voice in the comedy world? ~ Amy Poehler

What the hell kind of bed you giving us, anyways? We don't want no pants rabbits. ~ John Steinbeck

The life bears a likeness to a song, it, though low or high, pours the whole of itself into each musical note. The song will be only wonderful if a singer sings it in the perfect pitch. This resembles to the life, it overwhelms with tasks that you have to finish. Thus, you must come up with proper timetable to bring strength to your health before doing well everything. I consider health as the most important reward of this life. Just put it in priority, don't ruin it due to any reasons ~ AnhTri

Humor is the contemplation of the finite from the point of view of the infinite. ~ Christian Morgenstern

Morning light through his windshield was pale and tired; the city had the desultory, cluttered look of a living room after a drunken party; Martin ~ Richard North Patterson

First of all, i'm not an actor - I'm an asshole. ~ Chelsea Handler

Damn it,Izzy, I told you, keeping a low profile is an essential part of every job."
"I was trying!"
"And breaking someone's arm by second period? That was your attempt at trying? ~ Rachel Hawkins

Ah, I know that," said Tiffany, as the boat rocked on the swell. "Whales aren't dangerous, because they just eat very small things ... "
"Row like the blazes, lads!" Rob Anybody yelled. ~ Terry Pratchett

Sometimes I feel like the punchline of God's favorite joke. ~ Lara McLaughlin

Look, look, we tell each other. It's Tom!

He's Mr. Bellamy to his history students. But he's Tom to us. Tom! It's so good to see him. So wonderful to see him. Tom is one of us. Tom went through it all with us. Tom made it through. He was there in the hospital with so many of us, the archangel of St. Vincent's, our healthier version, prodding the doctors and calling over the nurses and holding our hands and holding the hands of our partners, our parents, our little sisters - anyone who had a hand to be held. He had to watch so many of us die, had to say goodbye so many times. Outside of our rooms he would get angry, upset, despairing. But when he was with us, it was like he was powered solely by an engine of grace. Even the people who loved us would hesitate at first to touch us - more from the shock of our diminishment, from the strangeness of how we were both gone and present, not who we were but still who we were. Tom became used to this. First because of Dennis, the way he stayed with Dennis until the very end. He could have left after that, after Dennis was gone. We wouldn't have blamed him. But he stayed. When his friends got sick, he was there. And for those of us he'd never know before - he was always a smile in the room, always a touch on the shoulder, a light flirtation that we needed. The y should have made him a nurse. They should have made him mayor. He lost years of his life to us, although that's not the story he'd tell. He would say he gained. And he ~ David Levithan

All I try to do is as earnestly and as acutely as I can, conceive a character and try to portray this character just honestly. If the humor is within the absurdity and the awfulness of situations, then let it be seen that way. ~ Patrick Warburton

She was murdered by rebels.' He took in her unconcealed look of shock. 'So there you go. Something for you to celebrate.'
Magnus turned away from her, ready to find solace in his chambers, but the princess grabbed his arm to stop him. He sent a dark look at her over his shoulder.
'I would never celebrate death, no matter whose it is,' she said, her gaze filled with anger and something else. Something that looked vaguely like sympathy.
'Come now, I'm sure you wouldn't mourn any Damora.'
'I know very well what it's like to lose a parent in a tragic way.'
'Oh, yes, we have so much in common. Maybe we should get married. ~ Morgan Rhodes

Prostitution and robbery are two living protests, respectively female and male, made by the natural state against the social state. ~ Honore De Balzac

Alas, what wickedness to swallow flesh into our own flesh, to fatten our greedy bodies by cramming in other bodies, to have one living creature fed by the death of another! ~ Pythagoras

He put his life on hold as he waited for his life to begin. ~ Keith Donohue

'Friends' started because Rachel left her husband at the altar. This likability factor is just so stupid to me. It's the same thing as 'wish-fulfillment,' which is a big word you hear in a lot of Hollywood rooms. It basically means that people want to see other people living a life they can't lead, and I don't buy that. I think that's not true. ~ Adam Pally

Standing at the edge of time
Almost falling down to the dark abyss
As I near the end of mine
I reminisce the things I will miss

The smiles and laughter
Running around without a care
The time when my grin will never falter
Being so free, willing my soul to bare

Heartaches, heartbreaks and tears
Now I know better and to myself I will never lie
Because in woe, I learned to love and never fear
Those were the best and worst moments of my life

As the memories rush back to me
I look down and now I feel relieved
Because when it is time
Everything will be fine when I leave ~ Isabelle Guzman

Another great mistake is this; another understandable error is this: living to live the footprints of others when you have your own foot! Live your footprints! You were born unique! If possible, put the shoes of others, (they must fit you however) but don't walk as they walked and as much as possible, don't leave the same footprints they left except you were born to be like them or you can change the face of their footprints into a unique artifact! ~ Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

Being a part of the world in a healthy, mindful, present sense means learning to have complete faith that things will work out. Living in this world means that instead of cowering away, or giving up when the going gets a bit tough, get up and keep going. You're not here merely to survive or fight your way through the world. ~ Leigh Hershkovich

Incase the title was misleading, this is the story of Qorth. He was an alien, but he was more normal, more boring, more goofy, and more ho-hum than any human I'd ever known . . . to the point that I sometimes wonder if he was really even an alien. To be fair, he did have "magical" otherworldly powers and some weird traits, like pointed ears. It rained when he was sad. His eyes were solid black, which really creeped me out in the beginning but, eh, I got used to it. He had weird tastes in food, like he would put ketchup on pancakes, and animals were sock puppets to him. The night I found him, it was the animals who led me to him. ~ Ash Gray

Oh, this beer here is cold, cold and hop-bitter, no point coming up for air, gulp, till it's all
hahhhh. ~ Thomas Pynchon

A sturdy hold, but I think there's something up with the material. ~ Pete Sortwell

Men are linear creatures, led by their lusts. You only have to give them an excuse to act on what they already want to do. ~ Nancy Gideon

At some point Ewan had taken off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. His forearms were bulging with muscle, and his shoulders appeared likely to rip through the thin linen of his shirt. Annabelle swallowed, thinking of Ewan without his shirt at their picnic. He wasn't even breathing hard.
"Where do you get all these muscles?" she asked.
"Lifting damsels in distress." He grinned at her, and there was a slight lurch as he leaped off the carriage and landed with a splash in the ditch. ~ Eloisa James

Even those who die in terrorist attacks, and have thus had the bad luck to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, are described as "heroes", though given a choice most of them would no doubt have preferred to be somewhere else when the blow was struck. ~ Michael Korda

The highest form of worship is to answer God's prayer. ~ Agona Apell

believe that this way of living, this focus on the present, the daily, the tangible, this intense concentration not on the news headlines but on the flowers growing in your own garden, the children growing in your own home, this way of living has the potential to open up the heavens, to yield a glittering handful of diamonds where a second ago there was coal. This way of living and noticing and building and crafting can crack through the movie sets and soundtracks that keep us waiting for our own life stories to begin, and set us free to observe the lives we have been creating all along without ever realizing it.
I don't want to wait anymore. I choose to believe that there is nothing more sacred or profound than this day. I choose to believe that there may be a thousand big moments embedded in this day, waiting to be discovered like tiny shards of gold. The big moments are the daily, tiny moments of courage and forgiveness and hope that we grab on to and extend to one another. That's the drama of life, swirling all around us, and generally I don't even see it, because I'm too busy waiting to become whatever it is I think I am about to become. The big moments are in every hour, every conversation, every meal, every meeting.
The Heisman Trophy winner knows this. He knows that his big moment was not when they gave him the trophy. It was the thousand times he went to practice instead of going back to bed. It was the miles run on rainy days, the healthy meals when a burg ~ Shauna Niequist

If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats? ~ Philip, Duke Of Edinburgh