High School Humor Quotes

I mean if there was any justice in the world you wouldn't even have to go to school during your period. You'd just stay home for five days and eat chocolate and cry. ~ Andrea Portes

I feel like I might start crying and that I'm going to cry pee. ~ John Green

High School. Society's bright idea to put all their aggressive, naive youth into one environment to torment and emotionally scar each other for life. ~ Chris Colfer

For the record, I would like to point out that it is NOT being obsessive to memorize a boy's schedule so that you can accidentally bump into him. It is called being efficient. ~ Jess Rothenberg

I didn't really spend much time with anyone my own age during high school because I believed my true calling would be representing New Jersey in the U.S. Senate, and if that didn't work out, I could always fall back on becoming an Olympic pole vaulter. ~ Chelsea Handler

According to Sarah, who had gone two years ago, prom was famous for being an overpriced disappointment where most people had no fun. ~ Cammie McGovern

There's always a bit of suspense about the particular way in which a given school year will get off to a bad start. ~ Frank Portman

Famous at high school is like being employee of the month at the sanitation department. ~ Orson Scott Card

Ann did detention like Whitney Houston did cocaine - frequently and without consideration of the consequences. ~ Sage Steadman

You're more romantic than a Taylor Swift song ~ Flynn Meaney

He just wasn't into flaunting his awesomeness, but sometimes a person's awesomeness simply flaunts itself, even when you politely ask it not to. ~ Sage Steadman

Although I like a good scary movie, I've never actually believed anything paranormal or supernatural could be real ... until today. Magic genies, witch spells, and magic troll dolls with funky bright hair are other ideas that have crossed my mind. It also occurs to me that I may be going crazy, and will have to be committed before I finish high school. ~ Jen Naumann

I liked my face. Ethan liked my face. A lot of people liked my face. Besides, makeup was really just glorified face paint. ~ D.A. Paul

Popular kids are just a powerful union of needy, insecure losers. ~ Jay Bell

On time for us was thirty minutes before actually started, because the half hour before the first bell was the highlight of our social calendars: standing outside the side door that led into the band room and just talking. ~ John Green

Around eighth grade Margot started getting really sensitive about her weight, even though she wasn't remotely fat - just a little round-faced. So Margot did what any normal fourteen-year-old girl would do. She started puking on purpose, every day after fifth period. Of course now, she does more than puke. But we don't talk about that. Because real friends don't judge each other for what they do to survive in hell. ~ Isobel Irons

Getting you a date to prom is so hard that the hypothetical idea itself is actually used to cut diamonds," I added. Radar tapped a locker twice with his fist to show his approval, and then came back with another. "Ben, getting you a date to prom is so hard that the American government believes the problem cannot be solved with diplomacy, but will instead require force. ~ John Green

Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another. ~ Elizabeth Eulberg

English and Gym. That's it. Look, do you know how difficult it is to write about being at school convincingly? It's been years since Stephfordy graduated, so it'll save us all a lot of time and effort if we just stick to two real subjects... ~ Stephfordy Mayo

I know what you're thinking. 'How the hell does this broke ass piece of trailer trash know words like caveat,' right? Well guess what? I've read every single book on the New York Times list of 'Top 100 Literary Classics,' not to mention every Jane Austen, Sylvia Plath or Bronte sisters' book ever written. And fuck you very much for judging me, by the way. ~ Isobel Irons

Did you meet your soul mate? That always happens on the first day of school, right?'

'Oh God, Charlie, she's letting you read again! You went straight to the paranormal section, didn't you? ~ Francesca Zappia

A lot of people have it in for me. It's practically a school sport. ~ Nenia Campbell

If the story had been about anyone else, it would been dismissed as laaf, that Afghan tendency to exaggerate
sadly, almost a national affliction; if someone bragged that his son was a doctor, chances were the kid had once passed a biology test in high school. ~ Khaled Hosseini

When Grant Blue reaches me, he bends his head down close enough that I can smell the soap and promise on his skin. Clean living and popularity - It's quite the aftershave, let me tell you. If I'm being honest, the fact that he even has to bend to talk to me is making me want to swoon a little ... But just a little. ~ Isobel Irons

Eugene's got a fake ID, and he actually gets away with using it because he looks like he's thirty-six, thanks to his devotion to tasseled shoes and his ridiculous carpet of chest hair. ~ Flynn Meaney

You need to be more careful, or you could hurt yourself.
Right. Thank you, Mrs. Detweiler. I never would have come to that conclusion by myself. I was planning on incorporating a backflip into my next walk across the classroom but on second thought ... ~ Janette Rallison

Even in high school, I had friends that I didn't know were gay until years later. I'd find out on Facebook or something and be like, 'Oh, that explains some things,' or 'Wow, no wonder they were so cool.' ~ Kellan Lutz

When Bill Burke asked my mother out, she experienced the unluckiest day of her life. Diana (to become my high school sweetheart-and wife) agreeing to go out with me was the luckiest day of my life. ~ M.J. Burke Sr.

Apparently, in high school, Cookie had been voted Person Most Likely to Die Any Second Now. ~ Darynda Jones

Admittedly, most high school guys lack emotional intelligence. They develop it later in life."
I smiled. "Are you telling me guys are dumb? ~ Heather Davis

Back then, come July, and the blazers would again make their way out of the steel trunks and evenings would be spent looking at snow-capped mountains from our terrace and spotting the first few lights on the hills above. It was the time for radishes and mulberries in the garden and violets on the slopes. The wind carried with it the comforting fragrance of eucalyptus. It was in fact all about the fragrances, like you know, in a Sherlock Holmes story. Even if you walked with your eyes closed, you could tell at a whiff, when you had arrived at the place, deduce it just by its scent. So, the oranges denoted the start of the fruit-bazaar near Prakash ji's book shop, and the smell of freshly baked plum cake meant you had arrived opposite Air Force school and the burnt lingering aroma of coffee connoted Mayfair. But when they carved a new state out of the land and Dehra was made its capital, we watched besotted as that little town sprouted new buildings, high-rise apartments, restaurant chains, shopping malls and traffic jams, and eventually it spilled over here. I can't help noticing now that the fragrances have changed; the Mogra is tinged with a hint of smoke and will be on the market tomorrow. The Church has remained and so has everything old that was cast in brick and stone, but they seem so much more alien that I almost wish they had been ruined.'
('Left from Dhakeshwari') ~ Kunal Sen

My second grade teacher told me I would never graduate high school. That I was going to be a juvenile delinquent. ~ Miles Teller

Honestly, I'd rather be anywhere else. Even home, where my dad begins almost every conversation with, "You should lose the black clothes and wear something with color." Puh-lease. Like I want to look like every Barbie clone in Hell High, a.k.a. Oklahoma's insignificant Haloway High School. Ironically, Dad doesn't appreciate the bright blue streaks in my originally blond/now-dyed-black hair. Go figure. That's color, right? ~ Gena Showalter

During most of my freelancing, I made what I would have made in charge of the cafeteria at a pretty good junior-high school. ~ Kurt Vonnegut

Why don't you wear those tiny shorts when you run, like they do in the movies?" His voice was low and sexy, and he knew it.
"Because I'm not in a movie. I know it's confusing, since you obviously live 'The Saxon Show' day and night, but some of us want to live a boring, old, normal high school life, you know? ~ Liz Reinhardt

When I was starting out, I followed along the path that seemed to be marked out for me - from high school to college to law school to professional life. ~ Peter Thiel

I like watching
from inside, as if locked away
and stealing the distinct pleasure
of a high school marching band drum section's
pure perfection. How stoically they play
in the exhaust of a fire engine's wake. ~ Kristen Henderson

In high school, my prom date fooled around with another guy - on prom night! ~ Matthew Perry

When I was in high school, I was always really envious of those girls who seemed to have everything: the perfect hair, perfect clothes, perfect boyfriend, perfect life. It wasn't until I was older that I realized that nobody's life is perfect, and that those girls probably had a lot of the same problems I did. ~ Sarah Dessen

Instead, California is one of only 10 states that provides in-state college and university tuition to illegal immigrants. That's grossly unfair to a legal high school student who moves out of California for a year, then returns to attend college. ~ Elton Gallegly

There's probably no better example of the throttling of creativity than the difference between what we observe in a kindergarten classroom and what we observe in a high school classroom," she writes in Teach Your Children Well. "Take a room full of five-year-olds and you will see creativity in all its forms positively flowing around the room. A decade later you will see these same children passively sitting at their desks, half asleep or trying to decipher what will be on the next test. ~ Madeline Levine

I grew up in Pennsylvania in a small town. Real small, like one high school and one movie theater. Well, there was a state college there, that was the only good thing about it. ~ Keith Haring

Our pre-kindergarten programs have shown a better work force and have attracted more businesses into the state. We implemented our Smart Start program in 1993. In my first two terms in the 1970s, we focused on elementary and high schools. We realized we were starting too late. We knew to be effective we had to start even earlier. ~ James Hunt

When I was a sophomore, a friend asked me to go to a local acting seminar with him. Two guys were very interested in me and wanted me to come out to L.A. I wanted to finish high school before doing anything like that. I figured they'd just forget about me, but they kept after me for two years. ~ Jensen Ackles

As my mom says, I was a little bit of a slacker in high school. I really was just kind of unmotivated, a little bit lazy, so my grades weren't that good. ~ Savannah Guthrie

I never had a desire to hurt anybody. I have at certain times had violent urges, but I don't think I ever have hurt anybody. Tried to a couple times, but I don't think I have. Yeah, guess I have. In high school. I was dirty then. Kick 'em. I might not've hurt 'em, though, they might've just been afraid of me. ~ Joe Greene

Money buys the most experienced teachers, less-crowded classrooms, high-quality teaching materials, and after-school programs. ~ Robert Reich

What shall we do with ... the Jews? ... set fire to their synagogues or schools and bury and cover with dirt whatever will not burn, so that no man will ever again see a stone or cinder of them. ~ Martin Luther

There was a pause. Finally, dubiously, Jack said, "I'm sorry, but it sounded like you just confessed to being able to talk to bones. Why have we never heard this before?"
"Because I was there when you said you could raise the dead. I saw how everybody reacted, and I enjoy having a social life at this school," said Christopher. ~ Seanan McGuire

I always enjoyed participating in artistic endeavors, and I remember in high school participating in chorus, drama and singing madrigals, mainly because they were an easy A. I loved being in plays and musicals too, but you didn't really get credit for those. ~ Roger Bart

My dad didn't graduate from high school, ended up being a printing salesman, probably never made more than $8,000 a year. My mom sold real estate and did it part time. ~ Al Franken

Most parents send their children off to school with little bromides like "Have a great day! I can't wait to see you later!" or "Do your best at school today. We're having your favorite pizza for dinner tonight!" My mother would send me off with "Enjoy yourself. We could all be dead tomorrow. ~ Melissa Rivers

If I had to describe Trish, I would say: "high school parking lot." She smokes. She wears too much makeup. She probably gives great hand jobs. ~ Blake Nelson

I started modeling when I was about 2 or 3 years old; I started with Baby Guess, and I did Guess Kids, and that was the extent of my modeling career as a kid. I took all of my elementary, middle and high school years off to focus on school and sports. ~ Gigi Hadid

Pianists of extraordinary talent, such as Christina Petrowska,spend a large part of their early lives perfecting technique ... Miss Petrowska,a Canadian with a phenomenal ability to play the most difficult music cleanly, gave a demonstration of her achievements at Carnegie Recital Hall. A product of the Juilliard School who studied with Karlheinz Stockhausen and Gyorgy Ligeti in Europe, Miss Petrowska built most of her program around fiercely difficult contemporary works. She has fingers that work like chrome-plated pistons, and her high-seated position let her bring pulverizing power to bear. ~ Donal Henahan

High school sweetheart is such an
innocuous-sounding term for something that can tear out your guts. ~ Daria Snadowsky

Maybe the Merlin was right. Maybe its better to look stupid but strong, than it is to look smart but weak, I don't know. I'm not sure I want to believe that the world stage bears that strong a resemblance to high school. ~ Jim Butcher

My wife gave birth 4 times and still fits in her prom dress from high school.
I gave birth 0 times and I don't fit in my pants from March. ~ James Breakwell

I don't read books. I read 'On the Road' in high school, and that was awesome, so I guess that's my favorite book. 'To Kill a Mockingbird,' even though I didn't read it, that's the greatest story. SparkNotes came in when I was in high school, and that was the greatest invention. ~ Meghan Trainor

I think my first experience of art, or the joy in making art, was playing the horn at some high-school dance or bar mitzvah or wedding, looking at a roomful of people moving their bodies around in time to what I was doing. There was a piano player, a bass player, a drummer, and my breath making the melody. ~ Robert Pinsky

You know I got kicked out of high school and I used to go to Hendrix concerts. I used to go see Marvin Gaye and B.B. King and so here I am on television as an actor playing the part of this really sweet wholesome all American boy. The reality was I had a much different kind of teenage life. ~ David Cassidy

Painting, drawing - I'm really into photography, I've done it since high school. ~ Dianna Agron

Doing well in school was a cool thing to do when I was in high school, so I had a blast. ~ Monica Raymund

All those girls who were mean to me[in high school], I pay them back by going through the drive-through window and asking for my burger. That feels really great. ~ Jenny McCarthy