Funny Locked Up Quotes

I do not see how my agreeing to marry a scruffy old brute will have the power to keep a fire-breathing dragon locked beneath a mountain. And if I don't agree to marry him, will I truly be fed to the dragon? That is savage, and inhumane, and crazy. ~ Bethany Wiggins

I played a lot of serious parts in a lot of TV movies and early miniseries but what happens is that you get sort of locked into "Oh no, he's a serious actor." Well, I was a serious actor for nine years or 10 years and then I get into comedy and everybody said, "Oh no, he's funny. He can do comedy," and then all of a sudden, you're just a comedy guy. ~ Barry Bostwick

Raquel laughed, and David joined her. They sounded slightly manic. "You're free now," he said.
"Of all of it," she answered, and I looked up to see them locked in a gaze I'd previously only observed between actors on Easton Heights - one filled with all the things unspoken over the years, all the betrayals and fears and pain left behind in favor of overwhelming love. It was beautiful.
Oh, who am I kidding, it was awkward as all heck and I didn't have time for it. "Okay! So, you may have noticed Lend is in the kitchen."
"Mmm hmm," Raquel answered, reaching up to smooth down a stray piece of David's hair.
"Yeah, that'd be the big faerie curse."
"Farie curse?" She actually turned toward me; David took both her hands in his.
"Yup. Really funny one, too. See, any time Lend and I are in the same room or can see each other or could actually, you know, touch, he falls fast asleep."
"Oh," Raquel frowned.
"So I need your help. You know all the names of the IPCA controlled faeries, right?"
She nodded, her frown deepening.
"Well, it was a dark faerie curse, so I figure we need a dark faerie to undo it. So you call an Unseelie faerie, we give him or her a named command to break the curse, ta-da, we can double-date!"
"Wait, who can double-date?" Lend asked.
"I'll let your dad tell you. So. Faerie?"
Raquel heaved a sigh, along the lines of her famous things never get easier, do they? sign, and, boy, I agreed with her.
"T ~ Kiersten White

I don't want to talk about it," she said. Once again he was close. Too close. So damn close. "At all," she added, hearing with some alarm that her voice had softened. Everything had softened, at just his proximity. "Ever," she whispered, and found her gaze locked on his mouth.
He had a really great mouth.
"I don't want to talk, either," that mouth said very seriously. And then he lowered his head and kissed her. ~ Jill Shalvis

He´d followed her in, locked the door and tried to kiss her,…. He missed having the tip of his tongue bitten off by millimeters. Then she kneed him in the nuts and went at him with the closest weapon at hand, which happened to be a toilet brush - but hey, those bristles could hurt if shoved somewhere with enough force. ~ Tracey Alvarez

What about the backyard stuff?" he asked.
"What about it?"
"Is it okay if I use it, too?"
"Oh, sure. The equipment is in a metal shed in the back. Just help yourself. It's not locked or anything. And if you want company, just let me know. I'd be happy to play with you."
Did I just say that? I did not just say that. Like we were six years old and heading for a sandbox.
He was grinning again, like he thought it was funny or stupid or I was having a Tiffany moment.
"I didn't mean play with you exactly," I said. "I meant…you know, keep you company so you don't feel awkward…you know, like I exercised with you."
"I'll be okay alone in the backyard." He stepped off the treadmill. "I'm going to go shower."
He waited a heartbeat, like he expected me to say I'd be happy to keep him company in the shower, too.
Fortunately, my brain finally kicked in, and I kept my mouth shut.
I watched him walk out of the room. I thought I'd known everything that would be involved in having a baseball player living with us for the summer.
I was discovering that I didn't have a clue. ~ Rachel Hawthorne

And you would know so much about women, locked up in your castle."
"Locked up with eight wives. And sometimes I make house calls for my bargainers. There's many a lovely woman desperate enough to bargain with me."
This idea had never occurred to me before. "You touch another woman and I'll cut your hands off," I snapped.
He looked delighted. "I thought you were afraid of hurting me. ~ Rosamund Hodge

He put on his hat and wrapped his scarf around his jaw, but did without the wig and the sunglasses. He clicked his key chain and the car beeped and the doors locked.
"That's it?"
He looked up. "Sorry?"
"Aren't you afraid it might get stolen? We're not exactly in a good part of town."
"It's got a car alarm."
"Don't you, like, cast a spell or something? To keep it safe?"
"No. It's a pretty good car alarm. ~ Derek Landy

It's just that I have this funny objection to torturing small animals no matter how scrumptious their body parts might be ... Our food industries are equal opportunity abusers: cows, chickens, pigs, and a special mention to those little calves who for their short, miserable lives are locked into crates too small to allow movement just so we can eat veal. ~ Ron Reagan

I had a dream, and I needed to go back and find out for sure if something - someone - was there."
When she glanced up, Violet saw the muscles in his jaw flex. "So?" he asked though clenched teeth. "Did you? Find something, I mean?"
Violet's cheek was getting sore from where her teeth were ripping it apart. "N-no," she stammered. "I mean, kind of."
"Well, shit, Violet, what's that's supposed to mean?"
"It means there's someone locked inside one of those gigantic shipping containers down on the docks. But I couldn't get inside, so I still don't know for sure. I mean, not in any way I can prove."
Jay jumped up from his chair. It was more than he could take. "Are you telling me you went down to the shipyards before it was even light out? In the middle of the night? All by yourself?"
Violet smiled then. She didn't mean to, but she couldn't help herself; she felt the corners of her mouth twitching upward before she could stop them. She was never going to get used to this, his worrying about her.
"Yeah," she challenged, taking a step toward him. "Something like that." She walked to where he was standing, barely containing his frustration. She didn't try to hide her grin. She put her palms against his chest and could feel his heart beating wildly. "You think you're gonna be okay? Do you need to sit down? Do you want me to get you a cup of tea or something?"
"Hell, Violet, it's not funny. ~ Kimberly Derting

The Times Square Incident wasn't a terrorist attack, it was a Jim Carrey movie. The terrorist locked the keys to the safe house he was going to escape to in the carbomb. And I love that he locked the carbomb. Nobody's getting my Ipod. Then he left the keys to carbomb hanging out of the tailgate of the carbomb, and built the carbomb out of fertilizer that wouldn't explode. I have been doing comedy for 25 years and I have never been that funny. ~ Christopher Titus

Go to the cops then!" I shout. "But mind if I ask what you plan on telling them? Because saying two dead teenagers came to you in the middle of the night and told you something or someone is going to kill you is only going to get you locked in a cozy, padded cell."
"Well, it has to be better than spending another second with you."
"Make sure they put that on your headstone, will you? Right below 'Here lies Benedict Bartholomew Ford. He had no friends and a really stupid name'. ~ Rebecca Harris

I am a vicious and unrepentant killer who should be locked up. With him, my idiot boyfriend. ~ Kylie Scott

Eric approached the octagonal nurses' station, and a blonde nurse
looked up from her computer monitor, smiled, and pointed to
examining room D. Everybody recognized the hospital shrinks
from the bright red W on their lanyard IDs. The W stood for
Wright, the wing that contained the locked psych unit, but the
staff teased that W stood for Wackos. He'd heard all the jokes
How do you tell the psychiatrists from the patients in the hospital?
The patients get better and leave. Eric told the best psychiatrist
jokes, though he never told the ones about psychiatrist's kids. He
didn't think those were funny. He lived those. ~ Lisa Scottoline

That cat doesn't have a lick of sense,' I said, sighing.
Well, honey, he's not right in the head,' Dad said, flipping his cigarette into the front yard.
I glared at him. 'And just what do you mean by that?'
Dad counted on his fingers. 'He's cross-eyed; he jumps out of trees after birds and then doesn't land on his feet; he sleeps with his head smashed up against the wall, and the tip of his tail is crooked.'
Oh yeah? Well, how about this: he once got locked in a basement by evil Petey Scroggs in the middle of January and survived on snow and little frozen mice. When I'm cold at night he sleeps right on my face. Of that whole litter of kittens he came out of he's the only one left. One of his brothers didn't even have a butthole.'
I stand corrected. PeeDink is a survivor. ~ Haven Kimmel

The door handle turned. Someone knocked, and a man's voice called, "Uh, hello?"
Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery, looked back at the others, looked at Skulduggery again.
"Hello," Skulduggery said, speaking loudly to be heard over the alarm.
"Hi," said the man. "The door's locked."
"Is it?"
"Yes."
"That's funny" said Skulduggery. "Hold on a moment." He reached out, jiggled the handle a few times, then stepped back. "Yes, it's locked. You wouldn't happen to have the key, would you?"
There was a delay in response from the other side. "I'm sorry," the man called, "Who am I speaking with?"
Skulduggery tilted his head. "Who am I speaking with?"
"This is Oscar Nightfall."
"Are you sure?"
"What?"
"Are you sure you are who you say you are? This is the Great Chamber, after all. It's a very important place for very important people. It is not beyond the realms of possibility that someone, and I'm not saying that this applies to you in particular, but someone could conceivably lie about who they are in order to gain access to this room. I have to be vigilant, especially now. There's a war on, you know."
Oscar Nightfall sounded puzzled. Who are you?"
"Me? I'm nobody. I'm a cleaner. I'm one of the cleaners. I was cleaning the thrones and the door shut behind me. Now I can't get out. Could you try and find a key?"
"What's your name? Give me you name."
"No. It's mine."
"Tell me your name!"
"My name is Os ~ Derek Landy

...delayed gratification? "Is that where I tie you to the bed, go out and kill a platoon of ogres before returning to have my wicked way with you?"
"Sounds like we have our first anniversary plans already locked and loaded. ~ Jane Cousins

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911. ~ Erma Bombeck

The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them
words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear. ~ Stephen King