Funny Wine Quotes

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Quotes About Funny Wine

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A gourmet meal without a glass of wine just seems tragic to me somehow. ~ Kathy Mattea
Funny Wine quotes by Kathy Mattea
To buy very good wine nowadays requires only money. To serve it to your guests is a sign of fatigue. ~ William F. Buckley, Jr.
Funny Wine quotes by William F. Buckley, Jr.
Nothing makes the future look so rosy as to contemplate it through a glass of Chambertin. ~ Napoleon Bonaparte
Funny Wine quotes by Napoleon Bonaparte
The discovery of a wine is of greater moment than the discovery of a constellation. The universe is too full of stars. ~ Benjamin Franklin
Funny Wine quotes by Benjamin Franklin
God made only water, but man made wine. ~ Victor Hugo
Funny Wine quotes by Victor Hugo
I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. ~ Rose Kennedy
Funny Wine quotes by Rose Kennedy
Selling wine is all about sizing people up, and it takes a certain amount of chutzpah. The tableside bottle sell is a very funny thing - you take a look at the guy's blazer, what kind of shoes he's wearing, what kind of broad he's with. Is he trying to be a hero? ~ Joe Bastianich
Funny Wine quotes by Joe Bastianich
Give me books, French wine, fruit, fine weather and a little music played out of doors by somebody I do not know. ~ John Keats
Funny Wine quotes by John Keats
Penicillin cures, but wine makes people happy. ~ Alexander Fleming
Funny Wine quotes by Alexander Fleming
It was funny that she should have said that, for Julian chose that moment to begin baaing like a flock of sheep. His one long, bleating "baa-baa-aa-aa" was taken up by the echoes at once, and it seemed suddenly as if hundreds of poor lost sheep were baa-ing their way down the dungeons! Mr. Stick jumped to his feet, as white as a sheet. "Well, if it isn't sheep now!" he said. "What's up? What's in these "ere dungeons? I never did like them." "Baa-aa-AAAAAAAAAAP went the mournful bleats all round and about. And then ~ Enid Blyton
Funny Wine quotes by Enid Blyton
My father for advice he'd tell you, "The secret to being a successful comedian is to never stop talking until you hear someone laugh." Meaning: Persevere. Meaning: Be determined. Make just one person laugh; then leverage that person and that joke into more laughter. As some people decide you're funny, increasing numbers of people will begin to agree. ~ Chuck Palahniuk
Funny Wine quotes by Chuck Palahniuk
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg. ~ Rodney Dangerfield
Funny Wine quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
She's your lobster. C'mon you guys. It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You can actually see old lobster couples, walking around their tank, you know, holding claws". ... ~ Phoebe Buffay
Funny Wine quotes by Phoebe Buffay
As one would expect, the Pope's schedule is quite disciplined - he wakes up at four o'clock each morning and runs on the treadmill for an hour. I'm totally kidding. Nobody's knees have time for that. ~ Jared Brock
Funny Wine quotes by Jared Brock
It's a funny thing about the modern world. You hear girls in the toilets of clubs saying, "Yeah, he fucked off and left me. He didn't love me. He just couldn't deal with love. He was too fucked up to know how to love me." Now, how did that happen? What was it about this unlovable century that convinced us we were, despite everything, eminently lovable as a people, as a species? What made us think that anyone who fails to love us is damaged, lacking, malfunctioning in some way? And particularly if they replace us with a god, or a weeping madonna, or the face of Christ in a ciabatta roll
then we call them crazy. Deluded. Regressive. We are so convinced of the goodness of ourselves, and the goodness of our love, we cannot bear to believe that there might be something more worthy of love than us, more worthy of worship. Greeting cards routinely tell us everybody deserves love. No. Everybody deserves clean water. Not everybody deserves love all the time. ~ Zadie Smith
Funny Wine quotes by Zadie Smith
I put my hand on the altar rail. 'What if ... what if Heaven is real, but only in moments? Like a glass of water on a hot day when you're dying of thirst, or when someone's nice to you for no reason, or ... ' Mam's pancakes with Toblerone sauce; Dad dashing up from the bar just to tell me, 'Sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite'; or Jacko and Sharon singing 'For She's A Squishy Marshmallow' instead of 'For She's A Jolly Good Fellow' every single birthday and wetting themselves even though it's not at all funny; and Brendan giving his old record player to me instead of one of his mates. 'S'pose Heaven's not like a painting that's just hanging there for ever, but more like ... Like the best song anyone ever wrote, but a song you only catch in snatches, while you're alive, from passing cars, or ... upstairs windows when you're lost ... ~ David Mitchell
Funny Wine quotes by David Mitchell
You can't tell me the success of Kevin Bacon isn't somehow tied to his name. You're not going out to see a Kevin Hot-Dog movie. ~ Jim Gaffigan
Funny Wine quotes by Jim Gaffigan
Situated in some nebulous distance I do what I do so that the universal balance of which I am a part may remain a balance. ~ Antonio Porchia
Funny Wine quotes by Antonio Porchia
In order not to feel time's horrid fardel bruise your shoulders, grinding you into the earth, get drunk and stay that way. On what? On wine, poetry, virtue, whatever. But get drunk! ~ Charles Baudelaire
Funny Wine quotes by Charles Baudelaire
As Eve strode down the bright white corridor of the dead, Peabody hustled beside her.
"Man, this place is always a little spooky, but this is beyond. You know how you half expect one of these bags to sit up and grab at you?"
"No. Wait out here. If one of them makes a run for it, give me a call."
"I don't think that's particularly funny." And watching the still black bags warily, Peabody took her post at the door. ~ J.D. Robb
Funny Wine quotes by J.D. Robb
Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life. ~ Dave Attell
Funny Wine quotes by Dave Attell
I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny. ~ Paula Deen
Funny Wine quotes by Paula Deen
Why is abbreviation such a long word? ~ Teresa Monachino
Funny Wine quotes by Teresa Monachino
I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate. ~ Bob Monkhouse
Funny Wine quotes by Bob Monkhouse
They are lying every day. They are lying always, and mainly they are lying to their public opinion ~ Mohammed Saeed Al-Sahaf
Funny Wine quotes by Mohammed Saeed Al-Sahaf
I have a jar at home, and I put pennies in it whenever I curse. The other day I spilled the jar. I owe it about $25. ~ Demetri Martin
Funny Wine quotes by Demetri Martin
Really, the potential for, first of all, any college graduate today is enormously good. These are good times for anyone with a college degree today, particularly African Americans. With a college degree today, you really breach the unemployment rate. ~ Alexis Herman
Funny Wine quotes by Alexis Herman
There are several theories on sex and all of them are lies. ~ Santosh Kalwar
Funny Wine quotes by Santosh Kalwar
I went to a restaurant with my friend, and he said, "Pass the salt." I said, "Screw you! Sit closer to the salt." ~ Mitch Hedberg
Funny Wine quotes by Mitch Hedberg
Culver is a language magnet school. What it's mainly a magnet for, if you want to know the truth, is nerds. ~ Dave Barry
Funny Wine quotes by Dave Barry
Without sulfites, wine may smell and taste funky or re-ferment in the bottle. Many distributors and shop owners are consequently reluctant to stock wines made without sulfites. ~ Roger Morris
Funny Wine quotes by Roger Morris
Somebody said that carrier pilots were the best in the world, and they must be or there wouldn't be any of them left alive. ~ Ernie Pyle
Funny Wine quotes by Ernie Pyle
I get paid for what most kids get punished for. ~ Jerry Lewis
Funny Wine quotes by Jerry Lewis
The United States was a big country where everybody wore funny t-shirts and ate too much. ~ Adam Rex
Funny Wine quotes by Adam Rex
Just leave me alone, I want to be alone, she said when Jack tried to open the car door. She hit the lock, and wound the window up. Since the roof was down, it was a fairly pointless exercise. ~ Sarah Mayberry
Funny Wine quotes by Sarah Mayberry
It's a funny thing about Hollywood. Once you've been out here awhile, it's hard to go someplace else, and it gets harder the longer you stay here. Takes some real propulsion to make you leave. ~ Pamela Moore
Funny Wine quotes by Pamela Moore
Mother Goose will show newcomers to this world how astonishing, beautiful, capricious, dancy, eccentric, funny, goluptious, haphazard, intertwingled, joyous, kindly, loving, melodious, naughty, outrageous, pomsidillious, querimonious, romantic, silly, tremendous, unexpected, vertiginous, wonderful, x-citing, yo-heave-ho-ish, and zany it is. ~ Iona Opie
Funny Wine quotes by Iona Opie
If you can leave two black stripes from the exit of one corner to the braking zone of the next, you have enough horsepower. ~ Mark Donohue
Funny Wine quotes by Mark Donohue
[Christ's] mission and work it is to help against sin and death, to justify and bring life. He has placed his help in baptism and the Sacrament [i.e., communion/Eucharist/Lord's supper], and incorporated it in the Word and preaching. To our eyes Baptism [capitalized in original] appears to be nothing more than ordinary water, and the Sacrament of Christ's body and blood simple bread and wine, like other bread and wine, and the sermon, hot air from a man's mouth. But we must not trust what our eyes see. ~ Martin Luther
Funny Wine quotes by Martin Luther
High school is neither a democracy nor a dictatorship - nor, contrary to popular belief, an anarchic state. High school is a divine-right monarchy. And when the queen goes on vacation, things change. ~ John Green
Funny Wine quotes by John Green
Eric: But you already know...

Greta: Well, yeah, but I still want us to have The Talk. All daughters get to have The Talk.

Eric: Fine. You remember the book "If you give a Mouse a Cookie"?

Greta: Ye-es.

Eric: It's like that.

Greta: No it isn't.

Eric: No. It absolutely is...

Eric: If you give a boy a kiss, he'll want to touch your cookies. If you let him touch your cookies, he'll want to unwrap them. If you let him unwrap them, he'll want to put them in his mouth. And THEN, if you let him put them in his mouth, the boy will want to pet your kitty. But if you let him pet your kitty, he'll want to see your kitty. And of course, if you let him see your kitty, then he'll want to feed it. And if you let him kiss you, touch your cookies, unwrap your cookies, put them in his mouth, pet your kitty, see your kitty, and feed your kitty, you'll get pregnant unless you make him wear a raincoat on his banana. So it's better if you just kick the boy in the nuts and run over him with the car.

Greta: I don't think that's how The Talk usually goes.

Eric: No?

Greta: No, but it's okay, Dad. I like your version, too. ~ J.F. Lewis
Funny Wine quotes by J.F. Lewis
Wine it is the milk of Venus, And the poet's horse accounted: Ply it and you all are mounted. ~ Ben Jonson
Funny Wine quotes by Ben Jonson
After all is said and done, more is said than done. ~ Aesop
Funny Wine quotes by Aesop
True, a little learning is a dangerous thing, but it still beats total ignorance. ~ Pauline Phillips
Funny Wine quotes by Pauline Phillips
You're not the butcher, selling sausages. You're the cow, pre-sausage. ~ Oliver Markus Malloy
Funny Wine quotes by Oliver Markus Malloy
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