Date Crasher Quotes

My roommate has a gerbil," Ryan said, grinning. "The little guy got loose and crapped all over my bed. It's just been a crazy day."
Nodding at his silly story, I heard a familiar voice. "That's fucking fascinating," Judd said from behind me. "Then, what happened?"
Judd was stalking me apparently.
He pulled a chair to the table. "What are we having for dinner?"
"Who are you exactly?" Ryan asked.
"Tawny's man. I don't do names or handshakes, so save it, kid."
When Ryan looked at me for help, I shook my head. "I have no control over him. If I did, he wouldn't be here."
"Oh, don't be like that," Judd said, caressing the back of my hair. "I like that sweater on you. Very autumn. Looks good with your eyes."
"Please, go away."
"I can't. I'm your ride tonight."
"Should I leave?" Ryan asked.
Judd glanced at my date. "Just catch onto that, did you?"
Ryan stood up. "See you around, Tawny."
"Can't you stay and ignore him?"
Judd's eyes narrowed. "No, he can't."
"We can still talk," I said, praying Ryan would stay. "He might leave if we treat him like static in the background."
Ryan considered staying until Judd's amused expression faded. "She's not fucking you, if that's what you're holding out for. In fact, you ain't even getting a goodnight kiss. Well, unless you want that to be the last thing your lips ever do before I rip them off your face."
"I'm going to leave," Ryan said, giving me ~ Bijou Hunter

She trusted him? She'd barely met him. Women. Thank God I've never wanted to date one. ~ J.L. Merrow

He wasn't a complete human being at all. He was a tiny bit of one, unnaturally developed; something in a bottle, an organ kept alive in a laboratory. I thought he was a sort of primitive savage, but he was something absolutely modern and up-to-date that only this ghastly age could produce. A tiny bit of a man pretending to be whole. ~ Evelyn Waugh

All men that date me have to know that their name may end up in a pop song. ~ Kesha

The boy listened to the sound of her voice and thought it to be more beautiful than the sound of the wind in the date palms. ~ Paulo Coelho

Remember, finding a publisher is a lot like a date. You can submit willfully and keep getting rejected, but in the end, you can always self-publish yourself. ~ Scott Schafer

She paused, and said, "May I ask you a question?" He said, "Sure." "Are we having dinner?" "That's what it said on the menu. Lunch was different, and this sure ain't breakfast." "No, I mean having dinner, as opposed to grabbing road food." "As in candlelight and piano music?" "Not necessarily." "Violin players and guys selling roses?" "If appropriate." "Like a date?" She said, "Broadly, I suppose." He said, "Honest answer?" "Always." "Suppose we had found Keever yesterday, maybe stepping off the train, or fallen over in a wheat field somewhere, with a sprained ankle, somewhat hungry and thirsty but otherwise OK, then yes, for sure I would have asked you out to dinner, and if you had accepted, then we'd be having that dinner right about now, so I guess this half-qualifies. ~ Lee Child

Making new friends as an adult is as nerve-racking as asking someone on a date. ~ Rachel Winters

Better known as the Secret of the Golden Flower, this is a famous neidan text that the Western world came to know through Richard Wilhelm's 1929 translation. The Chinese text used by Wilhelm was edited by Zhanran Huizhen zi in 1921. Besides this, at least five more versions are available, all of which date to the late Qing dynasty (1644-1911) and are ascribed to Lu Dongbin, who revealed them through spirit writing. ~ Monica Esposito

But as I looked at everything I was supposed to carry and thought about all the things I was supposed to know, I had to wonder: Do all girls go through this? Is every girl on a date really in deep cover? ~ Ally Carter

Say you're bored. Or you can't sleep. Maybe your mom is yelling at you, or the boy/ girl you like doesn't like you back in the same way, or you're too fat to even consider going to prom. Or the closet person to you since you were babies in the cradle together has killed herself. The usual stuff. Dread not. Don't be depressed. Be a junkie!
You can't count on people to nurture you through the trauma that is existence. But you already knew that.
Start by drawing the shades in your bedroom. Welcome the darkness. Lift the pill from your nightstand, clutch the water glass in your hand. Offer your divine thanks in advance. Be greedy-swallow the pill whole rather than spit it in half to spread the wealth for a later date. Dilution is wasteful. Savor the wholesome wholeness.
Now lay down in bed. Close your eyes.
Wait.
Just a little longer. ~ Rachel Cohn

You and I are going to figure out what is going on, and then we're going to make it stop," he said.
"Okay," she said.
He smiled. "And in return, you will never again ask me to vet one of your dates."
She shook her head, reluctantly amused. "That really irritated you, didn't it?"
"A hell of a lot more than I anticipated."
"Why?"
"Probably because there's a conflict of interest involved. When this is over I want to be your next date. If you say yes, you're going to have to ask someone else to do the background check. ~ Jayne Ann Krentz

Yo, Y.T.," Roadkill says, " 'sup?"
"'Sup with you?"
"Surfing the Tura. 'Sup with you?"
"Maxing The Clink."
"Whoa! Who popped you?"
"MetaCops. Affixed me to the gate of White Columns with a loogie gun."
"Whoa, how very! When you leaving?"
"Soon. Can you swing by and give me a hand?"
"What do you mean?"
Men. "You know, give me a hand. You're my boyfriend," she says, speaking very
simply and plainly. "If I get popped, you're supposed to come around and help
bust me out." Isn't everyone supposed to know this stuff? Don't parents teach
their kids anything anymore?
"Well, uh, where are you?"
"Buy 'n' Fly number 501,762."
"I'm on my way to Bernie with a super-ultra."
As in San Bernardino. As in super-ultra-high-priority delivery. As in, you're
out of luck.
"Okay, thanks for nothing."
"Awwww," he begins.
"Surfing safety," Y.T. says, in the traditional sarcastic sign off.
"Keep breathing," Roadkill says. The roaring noise snaps off.
What a jerk. Next date, he's really going to have to grovel. But in the
meantime, there's one other person who owes her one. The only problem is that
he might be a spaz. But it's worth a try. ~ Neal Stephenson

Tale a rain check on that date?' I said, turning to Perkins. 'In the Magic Industry,it's kind of "Spell First, Fun Second".'
'I kind of figured that,' he replied, 'so why don't we make this assignment the date?' Intimate candlelit dinners for two are wildly overrated. I could even bring some sandwiches and a Thermos of hot chocolate.'
'Okat,' I said, touching his hand, 'you're in. A sort of romantic uncandlelit "recapturing a dangerously savage beast for two" sort of date - but no dressing up and we split the cost.'
'Game on. I'll go and make some sandwiches and a Thermos.'
And with another chuckle, he left. ~ Jasper Fforde

If you're on a date and somebody comes up and says, "Oh, I loved you in Harry Potter," it's a bit weird, because you suddenly start thinking, "Oh, God. Is this weird for the other person I'm here with, or is this weird for my family?" But generally speaking, I don't really think because I was thrown into it so young and kind of always had that, it's just something you get used to. And most of the time ... It was interesting. ~ Daniel Radcliffe

Matthew hereby declares that Katherine Galloway is retroactively responsible for all embarrassing and painful incidents that have occurred in his life to date. Including, but not limited to, that time he broke his own nose with a tennis racket in eighth grade. KATHERINE'S FAULT. ~ Lauren James

We're late. For a VERY important date ~ Elle Lothlorien

Abstaining from sex, hitting the books, and wearing loose-fitting clothes are common ways that girls try to molt their "slutty" image. But more often their shame leads them to self-destructive behavior. They become willing to do things that they wouldn't have dreamed of doing before they were scandalized because they now feel they have so little to offer. Some girls do drugs or drink to excess in an attempt to blot away their stigma. Others become depressed and anorexic. And others think so little of themselves that they date boys who insult or beat them. ~ Leora Tanenbaum

If you have ten grand, set a date and move forward. If Tom Hanks calls you on Sunday and tells you he wants to be in the film, if he's not there Monday morning, you're shooting without him. ~ William Dickerson

I like to save people, to take care of them ... So, the pattern is that I date guys before they become big, and then they become successful and - whoops - there goes my project! ~ Sonam Kapoor

On a sticky August evening two weeks before her due date, Ashima Ganguli stands in the kitchen of a Central Square apartment, combining Rice Krispies and Planters peanuts and chopped red onion in bowl. ~ Jhumpa Lahiri

Principal courtyard, which was very large, with walks encircling it under arcades in the old Florentine fashion, and gardens planted with magnificent trees. In the dining-room, a long and superb gallery which was situated on the ground-floor and opened on the gardens, M. Henri Puget had entertained in state, on July 29, 1714, My Lords Charles Brulart de Genlis, archbishop; Prince d'Embrun; Antoine de Mesgrigny, the capuchin, Bishop of Grasse; Philippe de Vendome, Grand Prior of France, Abbe of Saint Honore de Lerins; Francois de Berton de Crillon, bishop, Baron de Vence; Cesar de Sabran de Forcalquier, bishop, Seignor of Glandeve; and Jean Soanen, Priest of the Oratory, preacher in ordinary to the king, bishop, Seignor of Senez. The portraits of these seven reverend personages decorated this apartment; and this memorable date, the 29th of July, 1714, was there engraved in letters of gold on a table of white marble. ~ Victor Hugo

Material pleasures have an expiry date. You need to fill them with love to last. ~ Frank Van Der Kok

I was not a womanizer; I didn't date a lot. If I kissed somebody, I was basically married from that point on. ~ Shelley Long

It was like he knew how to treat a lady, he just didn't know how to treat a date. ~ Kiera Cass

In those early days of our relationship though, I always thought that she was so perfect that there had to be a catch. But there wasn't one. Five months and two days after our very first meeting, we were engaged and nine months after that we were married. And every day that I spent on this planet in the company of Ashling, I experienced the same sense of euphoria that I had tasted on our first date. I experienced something that in its simplest form can only be described as true love. ~ Ronan O'Brien

Can dragons fly?"
The apparent change of subject didn't seem to startle the Mage. "No. Not at all. They do not have wings, ... "If you want a flying spell creature, you need a Roc."
"A what?"
"A Roc. It is a giant bird," Alain explained.
Mari shook her head. "A giant bird. I'm crazy to be listening to this, you know that?"
"I have thought…" He fumbled for words, for a moment looking just like any other seventeen-year-old young man. Was that actually embarrassment showing? "You might…be interested…someday….in flying…on a Roc. I mean…with me." 
"Are you asking me on a date?" Mari tried desperately not to laugh at his discomfort. "A date on a giant bird?"
"Um…I do not know…just something to do…together. That is not dangerous," Alain added hastily. 
"Doing something together, that isn't dangerous?" Mari asked. "That would be a change of pace for us, wouldn't it? … "Have you ever gone…flying…with a girl before?" 
Was he blushing? Just the faintest hint of it, but - stars above. She had made a Mage blush. 
"No," Alain said. ~ Jack Campbell

I had a blind date with a dentist - and he told me to come back in six months. ~ Joan Rivers

Whenever we read a book we love, we change it, to some extent. We read into it our own interpretations, and the meanings which the words have taken on in our time. If a book is so rigid that it cannot lend itself to these fluctuations, it is useful only while it seems strictly true, and afterwards it is completely out of date. ~ John Erskine

When the adversaries of Erasmus had got the Trinity into his edition, they threw by their manuscript as an old almanac out of date. ~ Isaac Newton

Feminism, like Boston, is a state of mind. It is the state of mind of women who realize that their whole position in the social order is antiquated, as a woman cooking over an open fire with heavy iron pots would know that her entire housekeeping was out of date. ~ Rheta Childe Dorr

We talked a little, I on a small spiral notepad, and Luke using a combination of his voice and some simple signs, which he taught me as they came up. My fingers felt clumsy around him; I was used to being good at things, and learning a new skill, especially when I wanted so badly to impress the teacher, made me nervous. He only grinned at my rookie mistakes, and took my hands in his, bending my fingers and adjusting my angles with a patient strength that made my stomach flutter. A lot of the date, though, was spent in silence. I was learning a whole volume of his smiles - how he grinned when he was nervous, and how he beamed when he was pleased. The small, secret, naughty smile that traced along his lips more than a few times, which meant that was thinking something he wasn't going to share. For a man who had loved words his whole life, who'd made a living writing them and singing them, I found a strange pleasure in listening to the silence and finding meaning in the canting of a head or the wink of a long-lashed, big, brown eye. ~ Peter Styles

So I had this date last night," Dane goes on, ignoring my order. "Do you remember that girl from Sigma Kappa Whatever? She was at the gig last night, and everything was going great, both of us eye-fucking for like four frickin' hours…" He pauses and turns to me, his voice turning urgent. "She takes me home, dude, and I'm sitting in the living room while she's in the bathroom, and I'm so ready, because she's so hot, right? And who walks in?"

"Dane." I close my eyes, willing him to shut the fuck up.

"Her mom, dude!" he bursts out. "Her mom in her light pink nightie with legs for days. And let me tell you, man…Stacy's mom has got it going on?"

I can't help myself. I break out in a laugh at the song reference and pinch the bridge of my nose, tired but a fraction more relaxed, even if I'd never admit it to him.

Such an idiot. ~ Penelope Douglas

We're cut off. We've lived our whole lives in this stream of information: television, radio, Facebook, Twitter, ABC, SBS, Sky News, Seven, Nine, Ten, Reuters and AFP and AP and the BBC. Up-to-date, up to the second, right there in your pocket. Now it's gone and we have no idea whether anyone else is alive or dead. They might be or they might not be. Schroedinger's world. ~ Shane Carrow

Has he killed any of us in the wars of his state or in our continuous uprisings against his date? Can he developed an appetite for killing? Or is he performing a military duty he cannot avoid? Is there anyone who has tested his humanity? His own individual humanity? I know everything about the inhumanity of his job. He is a soldier of the occupation, and in any case his situation is different from mine, especially at this moment. Can he know this is my humanity? The humanity of Palestinians will pass under the shadow of his shining gun every day? ~ Mourid Barghouti

Full of meal plans today. Lunch?"
"Sorry? Oh, yes. Apparently Magdelana remembered I'm an early riser." He slipped the date book he had on his desk into his pocket as he got to his feet. "We'll have lunch."
"So I heard. You're going to want to be careful there, pal."
"Of what?"
"It wouldn't be the first old friend you've had come around hoping you'd dip back into the game for old times' sake. You might want to remind her you're sleeping with a cop these days. ~ J.D. Robb

To me, if you're trying to impress a girl, get a date, they're gonna like that more because you're a confident guy. That's what it comes down to. ~ Tom Brady

I don't know how old you are. But I know the lie you hear. You are too young. You are too old. You don't know enough, or you know too much. The truth is that courage doesn't have an expiration date. Courage doesn't have a marker that says, "You must be taller than THIS to ride this ride. ~ Annie F. Downs

We need to avoid the caretaker," I said.
"Good thinking. Overalls and the smell of bleach don't really do it for me."
"Remind me to douse some overalls in bleach and wear them the next time I see you."
"Planning out next date already? Steady. I want to take this slowly. ~ C. Gray

The path to accepting your sexuality has to start somewhere. For those identify as heterosexual, the childhood bliss of an early crush is typically encouraged and praised. Milestones such as your first date and the prom are celebrated by parents and friends.
But when you're anything other than straight, it's more complicated; your growth gets shrouded and stunted. That's why a lot of queer people, when they fall in love and get into a relationship for the first time, revert to a kind of prepubescent puppy love: spontaneous, impulsive, obsessive, and ecstatic. I've heard many people express annoyance at friends who "just came out and it's totally cool and whatever, but do they have to talk about it all the time?" My answer to that is "Yes. Yes, they do. Don't you remember puppy love? Well, imagine if you had to hide it for twenty years. So yeah, if they wanna gush about it, let them gush. There's a first time for everything. ~ Hannah Hart

Son of a bitch!" "What is it?" asked Coleman. "Our flight's delayed!" "But only fifteen minutes," said Coleman. "I've seen this movie before. 'Fifteen minutes' is code for 'at least three to five hours.' They know the plane's stuck in Pittsburgh, where they wrestled another drunk pilot to the runway, but they don't want an open passenger revolt, so they incrementally string us along fifteen minutes at a time, until you're across the international date line." Serge paced in front of the departure screen. Fifteen minutes later, Serge grabbed Coleman and pointed. "Sweet Jesus! They just added another fifteen minutes! ~ Tim Dorsey

Dining in restaurants is disappointing more often than not, I have learned. Even in the most celebrated restaurants---especially in the most celebrated restaurants. It's impossible for anything to live up to expectations set so high. There's chemistry involved in making a magical night out. Where you are sitting, your mood and that of your date, your rapport with the server, all these elements are as important as the food, and rarely do they all combine in harmony. Still when you hit it, it's so superb that it's worth taking the chance and going out every so often. ~ Giulia Melucci