Bugger All Quotes

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth. ~ Graham Chapman

I guess it really had been brave . . . because it was so bugger-all stupid, and if there was one thing I'd come to realize, ti was that bravery and bugger-all stupidity went hand in hand. ~ Peter David

I know bugger all about golf. ~ Charlotte Church

it the bloody-brinjal-and-bugger-all. Which is ~ Abraham Verghese

I heard this story once," she said, "where this bloke got locked up for years and years and he learned amazin' stuff about the universe and everythin' from another prisoner who was incredibly clever, and then he escaped and got his revenge."
"What incredibly clever stuff do you know about the universe, Gytha Ogg?" said Granny.
"Bugger all," said Nanny cheerfully.
"Then we'd better bloody well escape right now. ~ Terry Pratchett

Love's a dictator. I know this, yet the blast furnace in my ribcage roars You You You You You You just the same, and there's bugger-all I can do about it. ~ David Mitchell

it's disconcerting how many people billing themselves as 'experts in the occult' have bugger-all qualifications in the subject. Instead, they have a list of qualifications in studies on the occult THROUGH THE BIASED VIEWS of their own religions... This is NOT the same thing. ~ Christina Engela

Just about everyone I've ever interviewed has told me that by doing something or other--recovering from cancer, climbing a mountain, playing the part of a serial killer in a movie--they have learned something about themselves. And I always nod and smile thoughtfully, when really I want to pin them down: What did you learn from the cancer, actually? That you don't like being sick? That you don't want to die? That wigs make your scalp itch? Come on, be specific. I suspect it's something they tell themselves in order to turn the experience into something that might appear valuable, rather than a complete and utter waste of time.

In the last few months, I have been to prison, lost every last molecule of self-respect, become estranged from my children, and thought very seriously about killing myself. I mean, that little lot has got to be the psychological equivalent of cancer, right? And it's certainly a bigger deal than acting in a bloody film. So how come I've learned absolutley bugger all? What was I supposed to learn? I've found out that prison and poverty aren't really me. But, you know, I could have had a wild stab in the dark about both of those things beforehand. Call me literal-minded, but I suspect people might learn more about themselves if they didn't get cancer. They'd have more time, and a lot more energy. ~ Nick Hornby

I know what you be thinking, an' you be wrong. Different Gawain, no relation to the Gawaine that were in Arthur's court. But he is knighted, I believe, because he carries a mighty sword with him under that great-cloak." "Well, bugger me! A Crusader! ~ Adam Copeland

Aw, bugger it. Don't die wondering. ~ Kirsty Eagar

His ancestors had been keen on pyramids. The pharaoh wasn't. Pyramids had bankrupted the country, drained it drier than ever the river did. The only curse they could afford to put on a tomb these days was 'Bugger Off'. The ~ Terry Pratchett

Anna mews next to me like a baby kitten and snuggles closer, her knee rubbing my thigh. And, oh, bugger me ... her hand lands on my lower stomach. Just a few inches south, and I would be a happy man. ~ Wendy Higgins

Arts degrees are awesome. And they help you find meaning where there is none. And let me assure you, there is none. Don't go looking for it. Searching for meaning is like searching for a rhyme scheme in a cookbook: you won't find it and you'll bugger up your soufflé. ~ Tim Minchin

No truth on this goddamn planet ever made its way out of your mouth. If truth was hanging out of your nose you'd blow that goddamn truth bugger into a snot rag and toss it into a fire pit ~ Vera Jane Cook

Royce sighed. The sigh was new. "You don't know this woman. This isn't your problem."

"I know that."

"So why are you helping her?"

"Because that's what people do. They help each other. If you saw a man lying in the road with an arrow in him, you'd stop, wouldn't you?"

"Of course," Royce replied, "anyone would. A wounded man is easy pickings, unless you could see from your saddle that someone else has already taken his purse."

"What? No! No one would rob a wounded man and leave him to die."

Royce nodded. "Well, no. You're right. If he has a purse and you take it, it's best to slit his throat afterward. Too many people live through arrow wounds, and you don't want the bugger recovering and coming after you."

The old woman looked at Royce aghast.

Now it was Hadrian's turn to sigh. "Don't mind him; he was raised by wolves. ~ Michael J. Sullivan

What are you waiting for?" shanna asked. "He's dying! Do it!"
Conner looked at Angus. "Ye do it. It was yer idea."
"Nay? Ye were the first to suggest it. Ye do it."
"I'm no' touching him." Conner said.
He nudged Phineas "Ye do it."
"I don't even know how!" Phineas poked at Robby. "You do it."
"Why me?" Robby turned to Angus. "Ye're the expert. Ye do it."
Angus grimaced. "I'm no' doing it. I hate the bugger."
"Stop it!" Shanna screamed "You- Forget it! I'll do it myself."
"Shanna you don't know how," Roman said.
"Gods blood. I guess I have to do it."
"You guess?" Shanna cried "Are you going to let him die?"
"He threatens to kill me every time he sees me. ~ Kerrelyn Sparks

Bugger off sweetheart Nanny's busy ~ Terry Pratchett

My pulse sped up at the thought of him and Becca wet and nearly naked.
"Nothing happened beyond a bit of soaking." He tilted his head. "Well, no' between us. Some of the others, I could tell you stories."
"Stories about who?"
"Ah no, you won't get that for free. You have to be nice to me for two minutes straight."
"I am nice to you."
"I mean, really nice." He nudged my knee with his foot."Father Christmas might call it naughty, but he's a filthy old bugger. ~ Jeri Smith-Ready

Well, bugger me," cried Jonas when he saw Richie with his bow, "is it Robin Hood or Adam Bell come to save us? Nay, it's Richie O'the Bow, hero of ballad and song! ~ David Pilling

Kate smirked.
"What?"
"Your horse looks pink."
"So?"
"If you paste some stars on her butt you'll be riding My Little Pony."
"Bugger off." I patted the mare's neck. "Don't listen to her, Sugar. You are the cutest horsey ever. The correct name for her color is strawberry roan, by the way."
"Strawberry Shortcake, more like it. Does Strawberry Shortcake know you stole her horse? She will be berry, berry angry with you."
I looked at her from under half-lowered eyelids. "I can shoot you right here, on this road, and nobody will ever find your body. ~ Ilona Andrews

I became famous, I think, really because of the interpretation of other people's songs, way back when, and that's what I enjoy the most. And I'm a lazy bugger. ~ Rod Stewart

What is withdrawal?"
"Let's see, since you know your scripture so well, was that Onan? Yes, that bugger. What he did."
"Spilling his seed on the floor?"
"Yes," continued her husband, "it would be lovely if I could take you and spill my seed somewhere else. Not on the floor, mind you. But perhaps on your very soft belly. Perhaps even on your splendid breasts. and perhaps, if I'm in a really terrible mood, I'll make you swallow it.
- Vere to Elissande ~ Sherry Thomas

Now, here's a philosophical dilemma for a vicar ... is it a lie if you don't know you're lying? Is it a lie if you're lying to yourself?"
"Is it a sin if I tell my cousin to bugger off? ~ Julie Anne Long

I'm not even tone deaf, that's the arse-mothering, fuck-nosed, bugger-sucking wank of the thing. ~ Stephen Fry

So reports of my madness, as they say, were greatly exaggerated. Not that I give a bugger either way. ~ David Icke

It's best to keep America just like that, always in the background, a sort of picture post card which you look at in a weak moment. Like that, you imagine it's always there waiting for you, unchanged, unspoiled, a big patriotic open space with cows and sheep and tenderhearted men ready to bugger everything in sight, man, woman or beast. It doesn't exist, America. It's a name you give to an abstract idea ... ~ Henry Miller

A lot of people say there's a fine line between genius and insanity. I don't think there's a fine line, I actually think there's a yawning gulf. You see some poor bugger scuffling up the road with balloons tied to his ears, he's not going home to invent a rocket, is he? ~ Bill Bailey

Blackmailers are never satisfied." His laughter faded into bitterness.
"Aren't they? How do you know?"
His words were empty, hollow. "When you're the brother of a duke and your wife died in mysterious circumstances, sharks come out of the woodwork."
"That's a mixed metaphor."
"Bugger metaphors. They're human sharks and they come out of the shadows when you least expect them. ~ Jennifer Ashley

And just when you'd think they were more malignant than ever Hell could be, they could occasionally show more grace than Heaven ever dreamed of. Often the same individual was involved. It was this free-will thing, of course. It was a bugger. ~ Terry Pratchett

He saw the reflection of her face in a compact mirror as she painted on her re lips. She did it with such care, he had felt she was trapping something behind the colour.
She had touched life, played with it a little, bit it was a slippery bugger,and finally we must close the door, and leave it behind. ~ Rachel Joyce

They don't even visit the dying
anymore. Their argument being that if someone is dying, there's no
point interrupting a good game of golf, and they'd best just get on with
dying. However, they do give you a helpline number for an
organisation called 'Dying To Help You Out.' A volunteer talks you
through the process of dying alone without medical attention: "feeling
a bit chilled are you, love, don't fret, it's just your lifeblood
congealing in your veins, you'll be gone any second now, hang on pet,
I've got a corpse on line nine, if I don't get back before you peg it,
have a nice afterlife," and then they bugger of leaving you with
Robbie Williams singing Angels. ~ Gillibran Brown

You think you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it's only some bugger with a torch bringing you more work. ~ David Brent

Some men are terrified by the dark nature of the Moon, but not the Devil. The Devil is afraid of nothing he can fuck. And there's very little the Devil won't stick his dick in. He'll bugger the Priest, orgy with Art, and rape the shit out of Justice. The whole of the Universe is the only hole he won't try to fill. ~ Tanya Thompson

Take Marcus Aurelius! That's right! What did that old bugger do? In very similar situations! Harassed! Maligned! Transduced! On the brink of succumbing under the welter if abject plots ... of murderous perfidies! ... He withdrew, Ferdinand! ... He abandoned the steps of the Forum to the jackals! Yes! In solitude! In exile! That's where he sought his balm! That's where he found new courage! ... That's right! ... He took counsel on himself! And no one else! ... He didn't ask the mad dogs for their opinion! ... No! Faugh! ... Ah, despicable recantation! ... ~ Louis Ferdinand Celine

Because, of course, of how intelligent you are. And funny. Not that you aren't attractive. Because you are. Attractive. Oh, bugger ... "
I wait.
"Are you still there, or did you hang up because I'm such a bleeding idiot?"
"I'm here."
"God, you made me work for that. ~ Stephanie Perkins

I guess you'll have to be a sodding duke now," I tried-clumsy, tasteless, and he only winced.
"Sorry." I covered his hand with mine. "That was dumb."
"No, you're right. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been stewing about it. Me and Reggie both. I think it's safe to say that this isn't remotely what either of us wanted."
"I'm sure you'll do swimmingly."
"Bugger that," he said, tired. "And bugger Aubrey, too. I wish I could say that to his face, even if he did go down a hero in a dogfight. Tell him what an ass he is for dying. For leaving me here like this."
"I know."
His hand twisted around until it covered mine. ~ Shana Abe

No wonder everyone is keen to put their feet up and let Fate look after them. It's rather like your granddad. Or a very hands-on organised person, sort of your own personal PA.
Only in my experience Fate is no such thing, and the same goes for his little brother, Destiny. Quite frankly they've made a real mess of things where I'm concerned. So from now on they can bugger off and stop meddling. I'm taking charge of my own life, and when it comes to love, Fate can mind its own bloody business. ~ Alexandra Potter

My God, girl, you can bugger up any well-thought-out scheme. ~ Kiki Hamilton

But he wouldna do it. John." He looked up then, and gave me a crooked smile. "He loved me, he said. And if I couldna give him that in return - and he kent I couldn't - then he'd not take counterfeit for true coin." He shook himself, hard, like a dog coming out of the water. "No. A man who would say such a thing is not one who'd bugger a child for the sake of his father's bonny blue eyes, I'll tell ye that for certain, Sassenach. ~ Diana Gabaldon

I object!
What?
Bugger, was that acting?
Is not courtroom, Katya.
Shut up! I'm not good at having two conversations at once. And I hate Scott's plan!
You mean you "object" to it. ~ Joss Whedon

There was a pretty fair bike shop in McLean, and Bernstein drove there to kill a couple of hours and look halfheartedly for a replacement for his beloved Raleigh. But his mind was on Jeb Magruder. He had picked up a profoundly disturbing piece of information that day: Magruder was a bike freak. Bernstein had trouble swallowing the information that a bicycle nut could be a Watergate bugger. ~ Carl Bernstein

Nobody seems to understand that in such matters the tact and sympathy should come from the one who is about to die, not the poor bugger who has to take the news. ~ Stephen Fry

At this season, the blossom is out in full now, there in the west early. It's a plum tree, it looks like apple blossom but it's white, and looking at it, instead of saying "Oh that's nice blossom" ... last week looking at it through the window when I'm writing, I see it is the whitest, frothiest, blossomest blossom that there ever could be, and I can see it. Things are both more trivial than they ever were, and more important than they ever were, and the difference between the trivial and the important doesn't seem to matter. But the nowness of everything is absolutely wondrous, and if people could see that, you know. There's no way of telling you; you have to experience it, but the glory of it, if you like, the comfort of it, the reassurance ... not that I'm interested in reassuring people - bugger that. The fact is, if you see the present tense, boy do you see it! And boy can you celebrate it. ~ Dennis Potter

Great big bugger,' said Aziraphale. 'Sleepeth beneath the thunders of the upper deep. Under loads of huge and unnumbered polypol - polipo - bloody great seaweeds, you know. Supposed to rise to the surface right at the end, when the sea boils. ~ Terry Pratchett

Maybe there's a perception of me as grumpy old bugger who suffers from depression. It's a total misconception. I don't think of myself as any grumpier than the next person. I'm not even grumpy first thing in the morning. ~ Paul Merton

I'm here." St. Clair is angry. "I'm just sorry I'm not there. With you. I wish there was something I could do."
"Wanna come beat her up for me?"
"I'm packing my throwing stars right now."
I sniffle and wipe my nose. "I'm such an idiot. I can't believe I thought he liked me.That's the worst part, knowing he was never even interested."
"Bollocks.He was interested."
"No,he wasn't," I say. "Bridge said so."
"Because she's jealous! Anna, I was there that first night he called you. I've seen how he looked at you in pictures." I protest,but he interrupts. "Any bloke with a working prick would be insane not to like you."
There's a shocked pause,on both ends of the line.
"Because,of course,of how intelligent you are. And funny.Not that you aren't attractive.Because you are. Attractive. Oh,bugger..."
I wait.
"Are you still there,or did you hang up because I'm such a bleeding idiot?"
"I'm here."
"God,you made me work for that."
St. Clair said I'm attractive.That's the second time.
"You're so easy to talk to," he continues, "that sometimes I forget you're not one of the guys."
Scratch that. He thinks I'm Josh. "Just drop it. I can't take being compared to a guy right now-"
"That's not what I meant-"
"How's your mom? I'm sorry, I've hogged ur entire conversation,and this was supposed to be about her,and I didn't even ask-"
"You did ask. It was the first thing you said when you answered. And technical ~ Stephanie Perkins

A writer flirts with schizophrenia, nurtures synesthesia, and embraces obsessive-compulsive disorder. Your art feeds on you, your soul, and, yes, to a degree, your sanity. Writing novels worth reading will bugger up your mind, jeopardize your relationships, and distend your life. You have been warned. ~ David Mitchell

Taking in their expressions, I just knew it.
Logan had enlisted them.
The bugger.
"Oh dear God." I let my head fall back as if in supplication to an unmerciful deity. "Why me?"
Joss snorted. "Yeah, doesn't it suck when gorgeous, funny, loyal Scotsmen fall in love with us? ~ Samantha Young

I eye the little fur ball with trepidation. He might like Stella, but the bugger is shitty as fuck. ~ Kristen Callihan

A legend is merely a history man decided to bugger. ~ Karen Chance