Boner Quotes

You're the one sitting there with a boner. You'll
terrify your charity guys, walking in with that thing pointing
at them. ~ Sherilee Gray

Seeing someone naked for the first time is incredible. Everyone's naked body looks slightly different, it's like unwrapping a lovely fleshy present. And nothing is better than looking down on a boner that you created. Pure joy. ~ Flo Perry

Look, I'm a guy. Your ass was touching my groin. Of course I'm going to pop a boner. It's a natural reaction. ~ Gwen Hayes

Broccoli has almost as much calcium as milk," she told him, amused. "It gives you strong bones."
His gaze slid to hers, and she felt her face heat again. He had strong bones. And as they both knew, a few minutes ago, he'd had one particularly strong boner to boot. But mercifully he let the comment go. ~ Jill Shalvis

And then Gary choked and said, "Hot motherfucking damn, that is some good shit right there."
So I turned around.
And immediately realized I was wearing the wrong kind of pants to be on the boner carriage to Holy Fuck Me Town.
"Sweet molasses," I managed to say. ~ T.J. Klune

I wish I was gay," he says ruefully.
A snicker pops out. "Uh-huh. Go on. I'm willing to follow you down this rabbit hole and see where it leads."
"Seriously, Gretch, I love him. I have a boner for him." Morris sighs. "If I'd known he existed, I wouldn't have asked you out in the first place."
"Gee, thanks."
"Oh, shut up. You're awesome, and I'd tap that in a second. But I can't compete with this guy. He's operating on a whole other level when it comes to you. ~ Elle Kennedy

That pretty-boy king went down like a boner in church. ~ Laura Thalassa

Raphael pulled out a paperback and handed it to me. The cover, done back in the time when computer-aided imagine manipulation had risen to the level of art, featured an impossibly handsome man, leaning forward, one foot in a huge black boot resting on the carcass of some monstrous sea creature. His hair flowed down to his shoulders in a mane of white gold, in stark contrast to his tanned skin and the rakish black patch hiding his left eye. His white, translucent shirt hung open, revealing abs of steel and a massive, perfectly carved chest graced by erect nipples. His muscled thighs strained the fabric of his pants, which were unbuttoned and sat loosely on his narrow hips, a touch of a strategically positioned shadow hinting at the world's biggest boner.
The cover proclaimed in loud golden letters: The Privateer's Virgin Mistress, by Lorna Sterling.
"Novel number four for Andrea's collection?" I guessed.
Raphael nodded and took the book from my hands. "I've got the other one Andrea wanted, too. Can you explain something to me?"
Oh boy. "I can try."
He tapped the book on his leather-covered knee. "The pirate actually holds this chick's brother for ransom, so she'll sleep with him. These men, they aren't real men. They're pseudo-bad guys just waiting for the love of a 'good' woman."
"You actually read the books?"
He gave me a chiding glance. "Of course I read the books. It's all pirates and the women they steal, apparently so they can enjoy lo ~ Ilona Andrews

Your boner lie-detector test has determined that's the truth! ~ T.S. Joyce

Declan and Regin:
"Kiss you?" As he waited for the revulsion to seize him, he found himself wondering how she would react. Would she moan into his mouth?
"It will help you remember me. Kiss me. Come on, you know you want to so bad. You want me so bad."
"Never." Bloody get off her, get away from her. But he needed to be above her like this, to master her, overpower her.
"Never? That boner of yours just called you a lair. ~ Kresley Cole

What about you, how are you going to set about finding your alpha mate?"

"He'll find me."

"I don't think alpha men just happen along these days, Dee-Dee. You ave to look for them in the right places."

"If by right places you mean fetish clubs then I'm not interested...I don't want some bonehead with a boner and a whip. I want a natural dominant...who knows when to draw the line, and who knows how to take care of me in every sense. ~ Fabian Black

Making sure the person shared your interest in sushi and Wes Anderson movies and made you get a boner anytime you touched her hair would seem far too picky. Of course, people did get married because they loved each other, but their expectations about what love would bring were different from those we hold today. ~ Aziz Ansari

Jess pushed herself up to sit next to him. "In case you didn't get the memo, it' s my turn to take care of you right now." Ike dropped his face into his hands on a groan, and Jess's cool hand massages his neck. "Oh, my God. You're so hot."
He chuffed out a small laugh. "Why, thank you."
Jess Chuckled. "You realize you don't have to fish for compliments, right? Not from me. Because I will straight-up tell you that the sight of your Ravens tat stretched over all these muscles gives me a lady boner." Her fingers traced the design across his shoulder blades - a spread-winged raven perches on the hilt of a dagger sunk into the eye socket of a skull. The block letters of the club's name arched over the menacing black bird.
He threw her some major side-eye. "I know I'm sick because the perverted part of my brain just heard you say my ink gives you a lady boner. ~ Laura Kaye

Consider, if you will, the morning boner. What a metaphor of hope and renewal! How can anyone give way to despair when one's groin greets each day with such a gala spectacle of physical optimism? ~ C.D. Payne

It's not like I come in here every night. That would be lame. I just think about coming here every night. I think about Kat.
This isn't me.
It's not good.
It's not cool.
But hey, I've filled three notebooks with lyrics that vary from shitty to decent and recorded a dozen demos of songs that are basically about having a non-stop boner, so there's that. ~ Kayley Loring

Ruger's in there too. Hands covered in blood so they arrested him. He had to tackle your girl to get the gun away from her. She'd gone all Pulp Fiction on us, ready to defend you by killing all of us if she had to. Crouched over your body like Wonder Woman. Gives me a boner just thinking about it. ~ Joanna Wylde

As Boy had once heard his father say: Your desire will tell you who you are, you can't reason with a boner – it's as simple as that! ~ Nemo Euler

After being dry for a couple a weeks, three cocktails went down quicker than a boner in a busted rubber. ~ Brian Azzarello

What is love? Love is when your heart has a raging boner. ~ Oliver Markus Malloy

There was something about the man that was throwing her right off, and it had everything to do with the boner in his pants. ~ Rosanna Leo

Every guy got morning wood. It didn't mean anything that Chris had woken with a boner that morning while camping. And the fact that he'd been rubbing said boner against Peter's hip? Well… Chris hadn't been awake enough to know what he'd been doing. ~ Daisy Harris

Holy mother of whoring nuns she's hot. Fuck! I haven't just crossed the border into boner territory, Mr Happy's erected a tent from my jeans and is setting up camp there. ~ Carmen Jenner

Get your fang boner under control. Your freaking out my person ~ Alanea Alder

You read a book for the story, for each of its words," Gordy said, "and you draw your cartoons for the story, for each of the words and images. And, yeah, you need to take that seriously, but you should also read and draw because really good books and cartoons give you a boner."

I was shocked:

"Did you just say books should give me a boner?"

"Yes, I did."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah... don't you get excited about books?"

"I don't think that you're supposed to get THAT excited about books."

"You should get a boner! You have to get a boner!" Gordy shouted. "Come on!"

We ran into the Reardan High School Library.

"Look at all these books," he said.

"There aren't that many," I said. It was a small library in a small high school in a small town.

"There are three thousand four hundred and twelve books here," Gordy said. "I know that because I counted them."

"Okay, now you're officially a freak," I said.

"Yes, it's a small library. It's a tiny one. But if you read one of these books a day, it would still take you almost ten years to finish."

"What's your point?"

"The world, even the smallest parts of it, is filled with things you don't know."

Wow. That was a huge idea.

Any town, even one as small as Reardan, was a place of mystery. And that meant Wellpinit, the smaller, Indian town, was also a place of ~ Sherman Alexie

But I don't follow Kate. And the reason is simple: Have you ever tried to run with a boner staring up at you?

No?

Well, it's damn near impossible. ~ Emma Chase

Hydrogen, helium, lithium -"

She stared at him. "What are you doing now?"

"Listing the chemical elements so I can answer the door without a boner."

"And knowing my mother is on your porch isn't taking care of that?"

"Good point. ~ Jill Shalvis

I became a diligent condom carrier and when most subsequent lovers had the good fortune to lie under my grunting, sweaty mass, they were always the grimacing recipient of an eager and rubber-sheathed penis boner. ~ Rob Delaney

I didn't know you liked to dance," she said.
"I don't. It gives me an excuse to hold you close without getting disapproving looks … And holding you close covers up my boner. ~ Robin Covington

It's a boner not a monster," he growled, waving a hand to the erection her gaze continued to flicker back and forth from. "You're watching it like you expect it to bite."
"It looks angry enough." A nervous little smile touched her lips before it fell and she watched him somberly. "You look angry enough."
kane and sherra ~ Lora Leigh

I put my hand over my erection and turned away. "No. That's not for you. I have to go to the bathroom." "Well get up! I have a whole day of birthday activities planned and you're spoiling my fun with your sleeping ... and your pee boner." I laughed. "I hate it when you call it that." "Yeah? Well I hate that I can't play with it. Why the hell is it so hard if I'm not supposed to play with it? That's false advertising, Mister. ~ C.J. Roberts

Did I arch my back when his gazes finally made it to my chest? Of course I did. And was rewarded with a nostril flare, the equivalent of a facial boner. ~ Alice Clayton

I love when you get boner spam for boner pills and the subject is Be a better lover. Oh, the boner was the problem on that? That's why I'm a bad lover? Do you have a pill that's gonna make me care if she cums? That would be a medical miracle. ~ Doug Stanhope

At least, not as familiar as you are with fetish wear."
Her gaze jerked over to him. Those delicately arched brows pinched down. "What are you talking about?"
"You." Using the gun, he gestured at her body. "In that boner-inspiring fluff called underwear. You're more than comfortable with it. Hell, a real innocent wouldn't even have figured out how to wear it, much less used it to taunt me."
Her lips curled. "Oh, poor Trace. Did you feel taunted?"
"Yeah." He stared at her mouth. "I did. ~ Lori Foster

Holy shit, he was harder that a rod of steel, and as his leg ground out a torturous rhythm between my thighs, I realized I was hotter than spring in Seattle.
This was not a dream, this was real, and I had just fondled the boner of the Grim Reaper. ~ Tara West

Hair spray was king, and the eighties silhouette in Burlington was big hair, giant shoulder pads, chunky earrings, thick belts, and form-fitting stretch pants. My silhouette was an upside-down triangle. Add in my round potato face and hearty eyebrows and you've got yourself a grade-A boner killer, so remember that before you try to jerk it to my teenage-nurse story. ~ Amy Poehler

Usually the thought process for a seventeen-year-old boy went girl touching me > omg > boner. ~ Leah Raeder

Relax."
"You try relaxing with a huge boner rubbing against your back. I'm trying to break up with you – not that we're even together – and your penis is not helping. ~ Kylie Scott

I'm sorry, did you just say your boyfriend ditched you to go shoe shopping?" my mom asks her.

Charlotte sighs and crosses her arms in front of her. "He didn't ditch me. I told him he could go because I was tired."

"You don't really mean shoe shopping right? You meant to say shopping for sports equipment or a new surround sound system, right?" Aunt Liz asks.

"He told us his favorite book of all time was Under the Rainbow: The Real Liza Minnelli. I'm pretty sure shoe shopping would be right up his alley," Mom reminds her.

"Has Rocco gotten the memo yet that he's gay?" Aunt Liz questions her.

Tyler starts laughing hysterically and reaches his hand up to fist-bump my aunt.

"Seriously, Mom? Are you judging him? That's really low," Charlotte complains.

"I'm not judging him. Some of the best people I've ever met are gay. I just don't particularly want my daughter dating someone who's gay."

Charlotte stomps her foot and growls at Liz, and I have to tell myself not to get too excited. I love seeing her get fired up. Her cheeks turn pink and her eyes sparkle. Now is NOT the time to get a boner.

"He is NOT gay! He's just … he's in touch with his feminine side."

Tyler snorts and Charlotte shoots an angry look in his direction.

"Honey, he doesn't have a feminine side. He has a vagina," Aunt Liz informs her. ~ Tara Sivec

That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone ... forever? ~ Adam Carolla

Dontcha mean you wanna get your eyes all over your girl, what's it been, an hour since ya seen her? Ah, can't beat young love, son. Enjoy it while it lasts, then they all turn into my old lady with the nagging. But..I still get a boner every time I see my Helen. ~ V. Theia

I love blood and violence! I've got a boner for murder! ~ Sarge

You think I like this?" I say defensively. "Trust me, I don't need this headache in my life." I swallow a mouthful of beer. "Hey. You know Twilight?" He blinks. "Excuse me?" "Twilight. The vampire book." His wary eyes study my face. "What about it?" "Okay, so you know how Bella's blood is extra special? Like how it gives Edward a raging boner every time he's around her?" "Are you fucking with me right now?" I ignore that. "Do you think it happens in real life? Pheromones and all that crap. Is it a bullshit theory some horndog dreamed up so he could justify why he's attracted to his mother or some shit? Or is there actually a biological reason why we're drawn to certain people? Like goddamn Twilight. Edward wants her on a biological level, right?" "Are you seriously dissecting Twilight right now?" God, I am. This is what Allie has reduced me to. A sad, pathetic loser who goes to a bar and forces his friend to participate in a Twilight book club. ~ Elle Kennedy

You know what's not sexy?" I pushed his hand away. "Barbies. Barbies are not sexy."
"But I bought condoms," he said. "I even practiced putting one on!"
The lost-puppy look on his face made me smile. "I'm proud of you, Boner Man, but that's not enough. ~ Laurie Halse Anderson

Letter to My Boner ~ January Nelson

But I couldn't resist sneaking a peek at his crotch a minute later. And then my breath hitched, because holy shit, he was hard, a long, thick erection straining beneath his athletic shorts. I was sporting the same visible boner, and I know he saw it. He probably thought it was the porn. Hell, that was the only reason he was turned on. ~ Sarina Bowen

Is Etienene okay?"
"Haven't seen him.He went to Ellie's last night."
Just when I thought I couldn't feel any worse.I twist the corners of my pillow. "Did I,uh,say anything weird to him last night?"
"Apart from acting like a jealous girlfriend and saying you never wanted to speak to him again? No. Nothing weird at all." I moan as she recounts the night for me blow by blow. "Listen," she says when she finishes, "what's the deal with you two?""
"What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean.You two are inseparable."
"Except when he's with his girlfriend."
"Right.So what's the deal?"
I groan again. "I don't know."
"Have you guys...you know...done anything?"
"No!"
"But you like him.And he likes you, too."
I stop choking my pillow. "You think?"
"Please.The boy gets a boner every time you walk in the room."
My eyes pop back open. Does she mean that figuratively or has she actually seen something? No. Focus, Anna. "So why-"
"Why is he still with Ellie? He told you last night. He's lonely, or at least he's scared of being lonely. Josh says with all of this stuff with his mom, he's been too freaked out to change anything else in his life."
So Meredith was right. Etienne is afraid of change. Why haven't I talked about this with Rashmi before? It seems obvious now.Of course she has inside information,because Etienne talks to Josh,and Josh talks to Rashmi.
"You really think he likes me?" I can't help it.
~ Stephanie Perkins

Der, die, das, dem, den, des. German's six ways of saying 'the', like six sexual positions you never knew existed. Hey, I just sprung a boner. ~ Barry Webster

Hey self, Stop having a lady boner moment! ~ Georgia Cates

Apparently I had a boner in the acceptance video ~ Ashton Irwin

On True Blood
I've never told anybody this
but I was so nervous and then I was so drunk that after I shot the scene I was going up to the crew members
I had just met all these people the day before
and I was going up to all of them like, 'You got a boner! You do! You've got one!' It was horrible. ~ Lizzy Caplan

Thank you for all the birthday wishes, it's brought a tear to my eye, and a boner to my pants. ~ Jack Barakat

Holy crap, you are like a dog with a bone," I commented to Ryan.
"Or just one with a boner. ~ Stacey Marie Brown

She kissed my cheek and pulled away quickly, heading off into the crowd of people, leaving me standing in the middle of the kitchen with a freaking boner as usual. ~ Kirsty Moseley

I saw your foner." "Foner?" "Your female boner. ~ H.J. Bellus

Up to you if you want to go out with a
boner like some creepy old perv. ~ Sherilee Gray

Please. The boy gets a boner every time you walk into the room.
My eyes pop back open. Does she mean that figuratively or has she actually seen something? No. Focus, Anna. ~ Stephanie Perkins

Writing is like sex, you are always learning new things and nuances. ~ T-Boner

McCleary was an unpolished, semi attractive man in his late thirties or early forties. His hair was grey. His suit was cheap. His cologne was cheaper and his attitude was a hundred percent asshole. He have me an instant boner. ~ Dani Alexander