Allie Beckstrom Humor Quotes

You threw Shackle," Terric said. "At his head. With a hell of a lot of magic."
"He was trying to kill you guys. He'd trapped Zay. What did you want me to do, challenge him to a game of dominos? I was supposed to ride to the rescue, right? I rode. ~ Devon Monk

Okay, that was so far down Creepy Lane that it had intersected with Scaring the Hell Out of Me Avenue. I hated that avenue. ~ Devon Monk

I was now officially Beckstrom the storm rod. And I hated it. ~ Devon Monk

Instinct told me it was dangerous.
I could handle dangerous. Dangerous and me went back a long way. We did lunch when dangerous was in town. ~ Devon Monk

Magic is a heartless bitch, and she's had me by the throat for years. ~ Devon Monk

You have to learn which pose works best to enhance your bodies in your lingerie." My blank expression only pissed her off further. "It adds to the seduction process!" Taran sighed when the rest of us exchanged what-the-hell glances."Watch and learn." She folded her arms and leaned over her dresser. Emme jumped when Taran threw out her butt like some sort of weapon. ~ Cecy Robson

When you're out in the wilderness and get back to base camp only to discover sleeping bag turndown service ... .that's no chocolate on the pillow ~ Josh Stern

Star, pillows don't attack dogs," Sam said.
"Or anything else," Turtle added. ~ Jennifer Priester

Rumi and Shams bring to our lives the simple truth that we are not alone, that God really does care. And God's joyous love for each of us is rivaled only by Her divine sense of humor. ~ Jamila Hammad

Men die. It's practically what they're for. ~ Catherynne M Valente

Of course, in Los Angeles, everything is based on driving, even the killings. In New York, most people don't have cars, so if you want to kill a person, you have to take the subway to their house. And sometimes on the way, the train is delayed and you get impatient, so you have to kill someone on the subway. That's why there are so many subway murders; no one has a car. ~ George Carlin

Don't destroy Half-Blood while we're gone," was Chiron's parting instruction. Argus pointed two fingers at his eyes and then at us. This took a few minutes since he has one hundred eyes, but we got the message - be good, or else. ~ Rick Riordan

Yes, and you did it spectacularly. They were the best non words ever not spoken. ~ Robert Thier

In a girl I look for honesty above all, someone who I can carry on a conversation with, someone who has a good sense of humor, someone who's true to herself, and to top it, someone who can get ready for a date in less than ten minutes. ~ Erik Von Detten

Why a woman turns fifty and certain people to whom she gave birth start thinking she should be wearing orthopedic shoes is completely beyond me. ~ Kelly Hunter

I always splash on the cologne before a blind date because dogs can smell fear ~ Josh Stern

Robert explained how much simpler it was to pay money for things than to exchange them as the people were doing in the market. Later on the soldier gave the coins to his captain, who, later still, showed them to Pharaoh, who of course kept them and was much struck with the idea. That was really how coins first came to be used in Egypt. You will not believe this, I daresay, but really, if you believe the rest of the story, I don't see why you shouldn't believe this as well. ~ E. Nesbit

The next time you lose your temper, better use torch light and find it so that you won't be careless with it anytime soon. ~ Vincent Okay Nwachukwu

And Daniel?" She asked.
"Daniel was a player-"
"Hey!"
"That's what they called the actors." Bill rolled his eyes. ~ Lauren Kate

Under that smiling exterior," Casey said ominously as we took our seats, "lies the soul of a ruthless killer. ~ Robin Brande

Unless you're under 12 or into role playing, you shouldn't be wearing Mickey Mouse ears #AHOLE ~ A.O. Storm

I suppose I wanted to have my cake and eat it.
But then again, what were you going to do with your cake if not eat it?
Frame it?
Use it as a sachet in your underwear drawer? ~ Marian Keyes

He stepped colser. Looked deep into my eyes. Hesitated a millisecond, and then dove in. "I think I'm falling in love with you."
Oh. No.
"Cole
"
"I know how you feel. About me. About him. I just wanted you to know-we could be good together. We could have a life. Kids. Vacations. On Sunday mornings I could serve you breakfast in bed."
He gave me his I-know-you-find-me-irrestible grin. "And then I could make you something to eat. ~ Jennifer Rardin

I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me! ~ Zach Galifianakis

Reason tried to whisper a warning, but Libido drowned him out. ~ Catherine Mulvany

This is my risk to take.Not yours. I can live with getting myself killed."
"Technically, you can't live if you get yourself killed. ~ Brandon Mull

Be careful what you tell me. You could end up in my next novel. ~ P.C. Zick

A genuine sense of humor is having a light touch: not beating reality into the ground but appreciating reality with a light touch. The basis of Shambhala vision is rediscovering that perfect and real sense of humor, that light touch of appreciation. ~ Chogyam Trungpa

I had a dream about you. You were wearing Sylvester Stallone's sneer as pants, but his lips were saggy on your legs, so you had to wear a mustache as a belt. ~ Dora J. Arod

So we climb," Meg announced.
"Hello?" I said miserably. "Paralysed former god here."
Grover grimaced at Meg. "Duct tape?"
"Duct tape," she agreed.
May the gods defend me from heroes with duct tape. And heroes always seem to have duct tape. Meg produced a roll from a pouch on her gardening belt. She propped me into a sitting position, back-to-back with Grover, then proceeded to loop tape under our armpits, binding me to the satyr as if I were a hiking pack.
With Meg's help, Grover staggered to his feet, jostling me around so I got random views of the walls, the floor, Meg's face and my own paralysed legs manspreading beneath me. ~ Rick Riordan

Once was Apollo
Now a rat in the Lab'rinth
Send help. And cronuts ~ Rick Riordan

Each year, the Great Pumpkin rises out of the pumpkin patch that he thinks is the most sincere. He's gotta pick this one. He's got to. I don't see how a pumpkin patch can be more sincere than this one. You can look around and there's not a sign of hypocrisy. Nothing but sincerity as far as the eye can see. ~ Charles M. Schulz

As Richard has pointed out on several occasions, I subscribe to the irregular verb theory of life: I am a trained investigator, you have a healthy curiosity, she/he is a nosy parker. ~ Val McDermid

I was finally convinced of something I had suspected for a long time: God has a sense of humor, and because the world is wondrous, God expects us to find reasons to smile even on the darkest days. ~ Dean Koontz

I'm a pirate," I remind him.
"Yes. I just can't figure out if you're a good pirate or a really good pirate. ~ Tricia Levenseller