Academia Humour Quotes

On my first day in London I made an early start. Reaching the Public Record Office not much after ten, I soon secured the papers I needed for my research and settled in my place. I became, as is the way of the scholar, so deeply absorbed as to lose all consciousness of my surroundings or of the passage of time. When at last I came to myself, it was almost eleven and I was quite exhausted: I knew I could not prudently continue without refreshment. ~ Sarah Caudwell

It only confirmed what I'd always thought - that for all their education university professors can't even imagine political developments having any effect on their careers : they consider themselves untouchable. ~ Michel Houellebecq

So Caymen ... "
"So, Xander ... "
"Like the islands."
"What?"
"Your name. Caymen. Like the Cayman Islands. Is that your mom's favourite place to visit or something?"
"No, it's her third favourite place. I have an older brother named Paris and an older sister named Sydney."
"Wow." He opens the bag, takes out a muffin, and hands it to me. The top glistens with sprinkled sugar. "Really?"
I gently unwrap it. "No. ~ Kasie West

the great advantage of really contemporary fiction is that one finds oneself mirror on every page ~ Peter Ackroyd

Enough of that, you damned conspirators, you will have us hanged a great deal sooner than we will. ~ Naomi Novik

They took off running like a couple of spastic marathoners. ~ John Green

His jaw was set, telling me I should back off. Unfortunately, being a gobby cow meant I couldn't. ~ Kyra Lennon

If Beyoncé Knowles and Miley Cyrus represent the latest branch of feminism, then surely the male-dominated power elite must be aroused with concern. ~ Mitchell Rhodes

I've met at least three Great Beast 666's over the last few years, and not one of them had even one-tenth of the wit, humour, wisdom or panache that I would expect from a figure of Crowleyan proportions. Isn't it curious how those who strive to be someone else are very selective; yes, I can see that you've got the heroin habit and mastered the art of beating up on your 'scarlet women,' but you haven't been extradited [sic] from any countries, you haven't published anything, nor have you climbed any mountains of late. ~ Phil Hine

When you walk into a chocolate store, suddenly the most difficult decision you will ever have to make in your life, is which chocolates to pick! It is pure torture! Especially when you are in Belgium surrounded by Belgian chocolates! ~ C. JoyBell C.

A book a day keeps the reality away! ~ Thanha Rahman

A humour of reading books, except those of devotion or housewifery, is apt to turn a woman's brain... All affectation of knowledge beyond what is merely domestic, renders them vain, conceited and pretending. ~ Jonathan Swift

And realising that humour is the most powerful way to make a political statement and say the things that you want to say. And it's not used enough, at least not in the U.S. ~ Michael Moore

Because, as someone who does feng shui for a living, there's no way I could do my feng shui if I was whacked out on crack, because my business is about discerning energy fields, and if you're cracked up, or on pot, or even if you've had too much coffee, the energy field gets all wonky, believe me, I know used to smoke! ~ George Saunders

You said cray cray."
"I'd say anything for you. ~ H.M. Ward

I make films, and festivals, museums, and academia are embracing the work. It will be heard. It's bound to happen because cinema is universal. You create it, some people will notice it, some people will watch it. ~ Lav Diaz

John, let me make one thing clear," Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. "Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis' penis would be larger than your penis." ...
... "Fuck all of you," John retorted. "You don't even exist. We're all just a figment of my cock's imagination. ~ David Wong

What sort of look are you going for?"
Damn, how did he answer this? "Something ... normal," he finally said. ~ Toni Blake

I didn't realise you'd ridden here on your high horse ~ Robyn Schneider

Am sorry to note that abuse and condemnation of a common acquaintance often constitutes very strong bond of union between otherwise uncongenial spirits. ~ E.M. Delafield

It was the usual sort of academic battle: footnotes at ten paces, bolstered by snide articles in academic journals and lots of sniping about methodology, a thrust and parry of source and countersource. My sources had to be better. ~ Lauren Willig

Curly: Wait a minute! Y'know I'm temperamental.
Moe: Ya, 95 percent temper,5 percent mental ~ The Three Stooges

Let's turn now to the citation of authors, found in other books and missing in yours. The solution to this is very simple, because all you have to do is find a book that cites them all from A to Z, as you put it. Then you'll put that same alphabet in your book, and though the lie is obvious it doesn't matter, since you'll have little need to use them; perhaps someone will be naive enough to believe you have consulted all of them in your plain and simple history; if it serves no other purpose, at least a lengthy catalogue of authors will give the book an unexpected authority. Furthermore, no one will try to determine if you followed them or did not follow them, having nothing to gain from that. ~ Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra

Drafting is like painting the Golden Gate Bridge.
The closer you get to the end, the more you start to worry about the beginning. ~ Peter James West

Miss Mapp had experienced a cruel disappointment last night, though the triumph of this morning had done something to soothe it, for Major Benjy's window had certainly been lit up to a very late hour, and so it was clear that he had not been able, twice in succession, to tear himself away from his diaries, or whatever else detained him, and go to bed at a proper time. Captain Puffin, however, had not sat up late; indeed he must have gone to bed quite unusually early, for his window was dark by half-past nine. To-night, again the position was reversed, and it seemed that Major Benjy was "good" and Captain Puffin was "bad". On the whole, then, there was cause for thankfulness, and as she added a tin of biscuits and two jars of Bovril to her prudent stores, she found herself a conscious sceptic about those Roman roads. Diaries (perhaps) were a little different, for egoism was a more potent force than archaeology, and for her part she now definitely believed that Roman roads spelt some form of drink. She was sorry to believe it, but it was her duty to believe something of the kind, and she really did not know what else to believe. She did not go so far as mentally to accuse him of drunkenness, but considering the way he absorbed red-currant fool, it was clear that he was no foe to alcohol and probably watered the Roman roads with it. With her vivid imagination she pictured him--

Miss Mapp recalled herself from this melancholy reflection and put up her hand just in time ~ E.F. Benson

For the purposes of life and conduct, and society, a little good sense is surely better than all this genius, and a little good humour than this extreme sensibility. ~ David Hume

He bent down so I could hear him over the music. "What are you doing here?" he asked with a hard tone.

Okay. Not the best first line. Something like, you look beautiful, have my babies would have been a little bit better. ~ R.S. Grey

Make a run for it! A voice in my head commanded me. Make a run for it, before it's too late! This voice was clearly sensible. However, sometimes I wasn't sensible, especially when intrigue was involved. ~ Adele Rose

My eyes must spend at least fifty per cent of any given day rolled to the back of my head. ~ Candice Carty-Williams

Gay men are French women...with penises. ~ Simon Doonan

Where to start, Fitger thought. The department was a funhouse of dysfunctional characters. Academia was, traditionally, a refuge for the poorly socialized and the obsessive; but English, at Payne, had a higher percentage of crackpots than most. ~ Julie Schumacher

Im.' The monosyllable was heavy with contempt. 'E's a twat.'
'Is he?'
'Yeah, 'e is. Ask Kieran.'
She gave the impression that she and Kieran stood together, sane, dispassionate observers of the idiots populating Lula's world. ~ Robert Galbraith

It comes in pints? ~ Peter Jackson

The rottweiler stood his ground and waited for me to take the next step in the dance of ritualized intimidation. Instead, I leaped at him. Screw ritual. Now was not the time to stand on ceremony. ~ Kelley Armstrong

Rogue Squadron doesn't run. Unless we really, really have to."
"No, this will be Wraith Squadron's mission."
"We don't mind running. Even when we don't have to. ~ Aaron Allston

Between the 6th and 7th grade, something happens to your eyes. they water a lot. I think its so you can get all the watering out of the way before you begin wearing mascara. ~ Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

A Prayer was like a tickle.Sooner or later God would have to look down to see what was tickling his bum. ~ Lloyd Jones

Where I cannot satisfy my reason, I love to humour my fancy. ~ Thomas Browne

Everybody has to be somewhere! ~ Spike Milligan

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

Life is a huge farce, and the advantage of possessing a sense of humour is that it enables one to defy fate with mocking laughter. ~ George Gissing

-To me women are the most unknown factors in the universe, Vieng had then continued, -that is what makes them so interesting to us. So it's like us men have an instinctively born scientific nature to study women. As I said before it takes a long time to understand women, if it is at all possible, so once you find the right woman to love then you will never get bored of trying to study her. ~ Andrew James Pritchard

I will not eat Craster's food, he decided suddenly. "I broke my fast with the men, my lord." Jon shooed the raven off Longclaw. The bird hopped back to Mormont's shoulder, where it promptly shat. "You might have done that on Snow instead of saving it for me," the Old Bear grumbled. The raven quorked. ~ George R R Martin

I saw more stupid people in graduate school and three decades in academia than I ever did who ran 100 acres without going broke. ~ Victor Davis Hanson

You are not the first, and will not be the last, to say so. I wear my "warped" label with pride. ~ Jessica Park