Jimmy Durante Quotes

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.

Man is the only animal that can be skinned more than once.

If I'd known how old I was going to be I'd have taken better care of myself.

At four o'clock in the morning most people have been asleep for hours, but at four o'clock in the morning the night-club children of a few years ago were just getting hot. The band jazzed at full blast. The air was so thick you could pick it up in handfulls and through it around like snowballs. The dance-floors were crowded with couples who couldn't do anything but wiggle hips and feet.

It dawned on me then that as long as I could laugh, I was safe from the world; and I have learned since that laughter keeps me safe from myself, too.

To his orchestra Stop da music, stop da music! You're supposed to follow da music, not chase it all over da place.

Me and my big mouth! I'd get rid of it, only it's such a handy place to keep my teeth.

Nobody realizes that I work 18 hours-a-day for a solid month to make that TV hour look like it's never been rehearsed!

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

Now you know that you can't go wrong ... If you start each day with a song.

Everybody wants to get into the act!

Be awfully nice to them going up, because you're gonna meet them all coming down.

My nose isn't big. I just happen to have a very small head.

Why can't everybody leave everybody else the hell alone.

Start off each day with a song

That's the conditions that prevail!

Be nice to people on your way up becuase you meet them on your way down

All of us have schnozzles ... if not in our faces, then in our character, minds or habits. When we admit our schnozzles, instead of defending them, we begin to laugh, and the world laughs with us.

I was hurt so deep that I made up my mind never to hurt anybody else, no matter what. I never made jokes about anybody's big ears, their stut- terin', or about them bein' off their nut.