Writer Humor Quotes

W. P. Kinsella, who was born on a farm near Edmunton, Alberta, has earned wide recognition for his wild imagination and rash humor as a writer. ~ Gerald Vizenor

Buford, my beloved vintage 1930's Underwood Universal Champion Portable typewriter. You are both my writing partner and my best friend. This journey you and I have been on has been fun. Although in 2016 you gave me carpal tunnel. In both hands. Didn't think I knew it was you, did you? You sneaky sombitch. ~ A.K. Kuykendall

I can eraser you out just as easily as I can pencil you in. ~ Brenda Lee Compton

If a writer writes poems and short stories and novels, but nobody ever reads them, is she really a writer? ~ Jennifer Weiner

I have so many people in my head, I can't keep up with the real people around me. But it's okay, I'm a writer. ~ Shannon Taylor Vannatter

I've found that the best way to win at shatranj is usually to turn into a giant snake and tear my opponent's throat out."
– Dread Empress Vindictive III ~ ErraticErrata

I feel much more comfortable as a writer than an actor. I feel like I am a much better writer than I am an actor. ~ Seth Rogen

We weren't really friends yet, just knowers of each other's secret stuff. ~ M. Beth Bloom

The children were overwhelmingly morbid. Not a single adult asked me where butterflies go when they die, but this question was more popular than pixie sticks with the under-four-foot set. I cursed parents for not preparing their children. When I was five, my mother and sister sat me up on the kitchen counter and explained the facts of life: the Easter Bunny didn't exist, Elijah was God's invisible friend, with any luck Nana would die soon, and if I ever saw a unicorn, I should kill it or catch it for cash. I turned out okay. ~ Sloane Crosley

Yeah, so? I was ignorant, but I'm not a fucking moron. Why would I give the shit to you just so I could buy it back from you later?" I leaned back against the counter. "Hon, you're fucking with the wrong chick. I've been around too many drug dealers to buy into a scheme like that."
He shocked me by bursting out laughing. "Drug dealers? Well, that's an interesting analogy." He shook his head but a sardonic smile stayed on his face. ~ Diana Rowland

And finally, and most importantly, the next time we go to war, don't give a specific reason for the war that the left can seize upon and later flog us with it ad nauseam, just do it. Remember, the first rule of Fight Club is that you don't talk about Fight Club. ~ Dennis Miller

Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility. ~ James Thurber

I prefer to make up my own quotes and attribute them to very smart people, so that I can use them to win arguments ~ Albert Einstein

There are essentially three types of people: those who love life more than they fear it, those who fear life more than they love it, and those who have no clue what I'm talking about. ~ Neel Burton

FBI Girl is touching and funny, inspiring and tragic, enlightening and sad. I closed the book with tears in my eyes and admiration in my heart for the girl Maura Conlon was and the writer she became. ~ Beverly Donofrio

Never tickle a girl when she has diarrhea ~ David Spade

(Joan,1941) She wrote me a letter asking,"How can I read it?,Its so hard." I told her to start at the beginning and read as far as you can get until you're lost. Then start again at the beginning and keep working through until you can understand the whole book. And thats what she did ~ Richard Feynman

Snake eyes is a gambling term, and an animal term, too. ~ Mitch Hedberg

I would sooner a writer were vulgar than mincing; for life is vulgar, and it is life he seeks. ~ W. Somerset Maugham

Carisoprodol. Comes in a white tablet like a big-ass vitamin, 350 mg of muscle liquefier for those tense, recovering athletes and furniture movers. Too much, and those relaxed muscles include your diaphragm, then your heart. ~ Craig Clevenger

My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror." ~ Frank Carson

A Writer in Love.

I was just a word weaver
What did I know of love?

Only that
Some days when the words weren't enough,
I knew
I was in love. ~ Saiber

It would be a primal offering of food from man to woman and a satisfyingly primitive declaration of intent. However, he mused, one could never be sure these days who would be offended by being handed a dead mallard bleeding from a breast full of tooth-breaking shot and sticky about the neck with dog saliva. ~ Helen Simonson

You can never fully trust the validity of quotes on the internet. ~ Abraham Lincoln

We'd better get. But y'all have a nice night,' I say. Apparently, fear turns me Texan. A startling personality insight that I'll jot down later if I'm not dead in a ditch. ~ A.M. Robinson

Among the dragons, the prohibition against asking direct questions did not exist, and-as Harrier discovered immediately-dragons were even more outrageous gossips than sailors. ~ Mercedes Lackey

These people are civilians, Moira. Look at them. They didn't try to hurt Holcomb's workers and they're certainly no threat to the Cabal." I smiled and waved my right hand, palm out. "Come on. You know these aren't the druids you're looking for." No one even chuckled. So much for diffusing the situation with humor. ~ Mercedes Lackey

You may be interested to know that we've just broken the sound barrier!" "All right, own up. Who broke it? ~ Terry Pratchett

It is India and It will always be India forever "The Golden Bird" of Union World. ~ Divya Soni

A big part of wisdom is to learn which situations to get involved in, or not get involved in - it really is as simple as that. ~ Art Hochberg

Is it not superfluous to write more than one novel if the writer has not become, say, a new man? Obviously, all the novels of an author not infrequently belong together and are to a certain degree only one novel. ~ Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel

Hire great writers If you are trying to decide among a few people to fill a position, hire the best writer. It doesn't matter if that person is a marketer, salesperson, designer, programmer, or whatever; their writing skills will pay off. That's because being a good writer is about more than writing. Clear writing is a sign of clear thinking. Great writers know how to communicate. They make things easy to understand. They can put themselves in someone else's shoes. They know what to omit. And those are qualities you want in any candidate. ~ Jason Fried

I am a deeply uncertain individual. I often find myself acting like a fool to make the people around me laugh. When they're laughing, they're not watching me quite as closely. I smile to put people at ease. But what if I opened my mouth one day, spoke my actual thoughts, and the people glared at my opinions? What if they thought me disgusting or frightening or ugly because of my words? Would you keep your lips shut for the rest of your life to not face that judgment? Just for the sake of someone else's comfort? For these strangers, who I will never know? If I can't speak then I'll write. These strangers, whose opinions crush me, will be forced to listen. Because when they read my words those words will make a home within their heads. They may even end up using my own opinions against me. But at least I'll be hidden behind the pages of a book. ~ F.K. Preston

We made too many wrong mistakes. ~ Yogi Berra

I kept a picture of me kissing my dad's corpse on the forehead in my wallet for years. I'd break it out any time someone showed me a baby picture, just so they would know how it ends. ~ Doug Stanhope

He wanted one drink, and understood precisely why he wasn't going to have one. One drink ended up arriving in a dozen glasses. ~ Terry Pratchett

One is a writer, or one is not. ~ Monique Wittig