Pet Humor Quotes

See?" I'd whispered to Bones, nudging him with a grin. "He never argues with her. Isn't that sweet?"
A snort preceded his response. "Keep dreaming, pet. ~ Jeaniene Frost

Garrick was panting when he replied, "You're not forcing me to do anything. I just want you to be sure. You can say stop at anytime." His lips pulled wide. "You don't need to make up a new pet. ~ Cora Carmack

I don't always have thoughts, but when I do, they're deep. ~ Gunnar D Ridgeback (Lori Wittenwiler)

Your dislike for the project will be duly noted, and ignored. ~ John Flanagan

Did he mean me or Jenny Mullendore was a slut?" Joanne wondered. "Because honestly, I don't see how she has the time for slut activities with those two preschoolers of hers. Me, I've got lots of time. ~ Nora Roberts

I'll make it pleasurable for you, Injun, he promised. And we'll do it face to face, so your wolf won't think I'm dominating you. No doggy style. ~ Charlie Richards

Do as the song says and let it go. ~ Penny Reid

Some people respect some people only because some people respect them. ~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I do beg you to have some regard for my pride. A million years? I assure you I would stop asking after the first thousand. ~ Mary Balogh

No. I came here to see you. I didn't believe the rumors,but after hearing it on so many continents I had to come andsee for myself."
"See what?"
His eyes widened in adulation, his voice taking on areverent tone. "If it was true that Helen of Troy, nay, Aphrodite herself had been reincarnated in gym teacher form."
The room was utterly silent. Except Vicious Redhead's jaw dropping to the ground with a little plink. Or maybe I imagined that. And then the class did the worst thingpossible: They started giggling. Miss Lynn was going tomurder me. ~ Kiersten White

Can I ask you about Caroline Mathers?"
"And you say there's no afterlife. ~ John Green

I don't even pretend to believe I know everything; I just believe in arguments God told me I had a pretty good chance of winning, while I was traveling through hell. ~ Shannon L. Alder

As a kid, I loved 'Godot' because of the poetry and the humor and the strangeness, but then as you get older, it's much more resonant. ~ Nathan Lane

Naomi looked around the room, then down at the cup. Then back around the room. Then again at the cup. No. Way. "Hello?" "Hello! Is this how you greet all new acquaintances? Trap them, maim them, and then chit chat? ~ S.A. Hunter

If you ever wanted to take a run at it, I'd say now's your time. There's hardly any competition, unless you count me. Though I am of course very handsome, even dead. ~ Amie Kaufman

The True-Blue American"

Jeremiah Dickson was a true-blue American,
For he was a little boy who understood America, for he felt that he must
Think about everything; because that's all there is to think about,
Knowing immediately the intimacy of truth and comedy,
Knowing intuitively how a sense of humor was a necessity
For one and for all who live in America. Thus, natively, and
Naturally when on an April Sunday in an ice cream parlor Jeremiah
Was requested to choose between a chocolate sundae and a banana split
He answered unhesitatingly, having no need to think of it
Being a true-blue American, determined to continue as he began:
Rejecting the either-or of Kierkegaard, and many another European;
Refusing to accept alternatives, refusing to believe the choice of between;
Rejecting selection; denying dilemma; electing absolute affirmation: knowing
in his breast
The infinite and the gold
Of the endless frontier, the deathless West.

"Both: I will have them both!" declared this true-blue American
In Cambridge, Massachusetts, on an April Sunday, instructed
By the great department stores, by the Five-and-Ten,
Taught by Christmas, by the circus, by the vulgarity and grandeur of
Niagara Falls and the Grand Canyon,
Tutored by the grandeur, vulgarity, and infinite appetite gratified and
Shining in the darkness, of the light
On Saturdays at th ~ Delmore Schwartz

They watched the rain and downed their Cokes like a pair of diabetics in a suicide pact. ~ Paco Ignacio Taibo II

Considering the number of ghastly love poems that had been written and which seemed fairly clearly a waste of everyone's time, Jonathan couldn't help but be surprised that coffee hadn't been thus immortalized. ~ James P. Blaylock

The rituals surrounding vacations among Manhattan's wealthiest and best-connected citizens are strange and specific. By vacations I don't mean country houses, which are part of the regular ebb and flow of life and which are frequently subjects for complaint - The kids never want to go! The caretaker missed the roof leak! The pipes froze! - as though having a six-thousand-square-foot, cedar-shingled cottage on five acres overlooking the ocean is nothing more or less than a constant test of character. ~ Anna Quindlen

Mountain logic has a lot more logic than people might think," Alex said. ~ Lyn Gala

She took her husband's jokes and joviality as patiently as everything else, considering that "men would be so", and viewing the stronger sex in the light of animals whom it had pleased Heaven to make naturally troublesome, like bulls and turkey-cocks. ~ George Eliot

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. ~ Quentin Tarantino

I believe I've met your grandfather, the Bloody Butcher of Odar." "That's correct." "I remember now. A delightful man, wonderfully dry sense of humor." Arland blinked. "My grandfather has been called many names in his lifetime. Delightful was not one of them. He remembers you also. You tried to poison him." Caldenia waved her fingers. "I've tried to poison everyone at one time or another. Don't take it personally. ~ Ilona Andrews

We have been together for 40 years, married for 36. There have been three times in our relationship when we were unable to resolve an issue on our own. We used all the skill that we have and yet it was still unresolved. In those three times we sought professional help because there was a blind spot for each of us. The therapist was able to listen to both of us and help us come to a place of resolution that we both felt good about. I feel very grateful for that help. Most times we have been able to work things through on our own. Sometimes we can clear the issue in a matter of a few minutes, sometimes an hour and sometimes it can take several days. But we still keep working on it until we both say that we feel complete, we understand our own part and responsibility in the issue rather than simply blaming each other, are willing to go on, and there is an even deeper connection and sometimes even humor to the situation. In working each issue through to completion we have been able to retain a beautiful lightness in our relationship that we both cherish. ~ Joyce Vissell

You are just landmark stupid, aren't you? Has Guinness called yet about that world record? ~ Rachel Caine

See, they say it's 'survival of the fittest', but you and I really know that it's 'survival of the most heavily armed ~ Lia Habel

Toronto's already ass-deep in cockroaches and conservatives; what's one more lower life-form? ~ Tanya Huff

The English laws punish vice; the Chinese laws do more, they reward virtue. ~ Oliver Goldsmith

True evil is always petty and often incompetent. ~ Claire Chilton

I don't think I would describe my sense of humor. Doesn't sound like the kind of thing I'd do. ~ Tommy Lee Jones

I divorce myself from listeners who aren't tolerant of humor. I did notice universally that, especially when it comes to weight, people look in the mirror and get the angle just right, tell themselves it's all right, and then they go out. ~ Ben Folds

After tonight I will not date put pen to paper again. A blank page to me is like a drink to an alcoholic. ~ Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey

My Uriah,' said Mrs. Heep, 'has looked forward to this, sir, a long while. He had his fears that our umbleness stood in the way, and I joined in them myself. Umble we are, umble we have been, umble we shall ever be,' said Mrs. Heep. ~ Charles Dickens

Grandfather informs me that is not possible. ~ Jonathan Safran Foer

Don't tell me you have OCD about this?"
"OCD, ADHD - pretty sure if they come up with some new acronym tomorrow I'd have it. ~ Cyma Rizwaan Khan

Gadfangled girl things, always robbed me of my common sense. ~ Bruce Coville

Threat Level Fuchsia. Fuchsia! ~ Charlie Cochet

The love of books is among the choicest gifts of the gods. ~ Arthur Conan Doyle

Piece of Heaven?"
"No, that other place I'm going to go to for thinking what I'm thinking. ~ Richelle Mead