Joe Morelli Quotes

You're going to find this hard to believe, but cops aren't required to carry emergency condoms.
Joe Morelli ~ Janet Evanovich

He lowered his mouth and kissed me. I know I should have kneed him in the groin, but the kiss was delicious. Joe Morelli still knew how to kiss. ~ Janet Evanovich

It's not the pizza, darlin', its my masculine presence.
Joe Morelli ~ Janet Evanovich

Stephanie: "I have a list of Kenny's friends. I'm going to run through it."
Morelli: "Where'd you get this list?"
Stephanie: "Privileged information."
Morelli: "You broke into his apartment and stole his little black book."
Stephanie: "I didn't steal it. I copied it."
Morelli: "I don't want to here any of this. You're not carrying concealed, are you?"
Stephanie: "Who, me?"
Morelli: "Shit, I must be crazy to work with you ~ Janet Evanovich

Next time I fall in love it's going to be with someone who isn't an expert in fibbing."
"You're in love with me?"
"You didn't know that?"
"I did, but it's nice to hear."
"Scares the hell out of me. ~ Janet Evanovich

My sex life is okay."
"Yeah," Morelli said. "But sometimes it's fun to have a partner. ~ Janet Evanovich

You can run, but you can't hide, Cupcake." Morelli said. "I'll find you."
"You are such a cop."
"Tell me about it. ~ Janet Evanovich

Honey, a man can't keep his gun in a cookie jar. It just isn't done. ~ Janet Evanovich

Joe" I said. "It's Stephanie."
"Does this involve death?"
"Not yet."
"Does this involve sex?"
"Not yet."
"I can't imagine why else you'd be calling me. ~ Janet Evanovich

We don't usually write up accidents involving rabbits.
- Joe Morelli ~ Janet Evanovich

I'd kiss you, but you smell like a gym bag. ~ Janet Evanovich

I like the way you've let your hair go curly," he finally said. "Suits your personality. Lots of energy, not much control, sexy as hell,"
Joe Morelli to Stephanie Plum ~ Janet Evanovich

And the closest I've come to an out-of-body experience was when Joe Morelli took his mouth to me fourteen years ago, behind the eclair case. ~ Janet Evanovich

Suppose I lay down on the pavement and you run over me a few times with my own car ... just for old times. ~ Janet Evanovich

The sun, like a boil on the bright blue ass of day, rolled gradually forward and spread its legs wide to reveal the pubic thatch of night, a hairy darkness in which stars crawled like lice, and the moon crabbed slowly upward like an albino dog tick striving for the anal gulch. ~ Joe R. Lansdale

All actors bring something unexpected to the role because they have to translate what's on the page and make a real character out of the black-and-white text that's there in the script. ~ Joe Johnston

He still didn't have half an idea how to behave around her. There was a hell of a gap between them in the daylight, a yawning great gap of race, and age, and language that he wasn't sure could ever be bridged. Strange, how the gap dwindled down to nothing at night. They understood each other well enough in the dark. Maybe they'd work it out, in time, or maybe they wouldn't, and that'd be that. Still, he was glad she was there. Made him feel like a proper human man again, instead of just an animal slinking in the woods, trying to scratch his way from one mess to another. ~ Joe Abercrombie

We could not have launched Causes without Facebook Platform, providing real identity and real friends. Facebook Platform was created so that experiences that are inherently social in our off-line lives could be brought online as an authentic expression of who we are; Facebook did this best in revolutionizing photo sharing. ~ Joe Green

You want to become aware of your thoughts, you want to choose your thoughts carefully and you want to have fun with this, because you are the masterpiece of your own life. You are the Michelangelo of your own life. The David that you are sculpting is you. And you do it with your thoughts. ~ Joe Vitale

Think about the decade after Iraq, not just the day after. ~ Joe Biden

For us to get to those huts and no one's home, it's going to be a kick to the nuts. ~ Joe Teti

1. The Amazing Race
2. I Thought This Show Was Gonna Be About Aryans
3. Oh.
(Joe O'Neill, from Opium) ~ Dave Eggers

Remember when welfare mothers were robbing us all blind and driving Cadillacs? ~ Joe Bageant

If you have children, you don't want to have drugs and drinks in the house. It's just not good. ~ Billie Joe Armstrong

Knives,' muttered Calder, 'and threats, and bribes, and war?'

Bayaz' eyes shone with the lamplight. 'Yes?'

'What kind of a fucking wizard are you?'

'The kind you obey. ~ Joe Abercrombie

This is a great country. You're trying to tell me we can't keep people from coming into our country if we really had the desire to do it? I don't buy it. ~ Joe Arpaio

Well, well, well. The mighty Uthman-ul-Dosht comes with mercy, and offers peace. These are strange times we live in, eh, Tulkis? Have the Gurkish learned to love their enemies? Or simply fear them?'
'One need not love one's enemy, or even fear him, to desire peace. One need only love oneself.'
'Is that so?'
'It is. I lost two sons in the wars between our peoples. One at Ulrioch in the last war. He was a priest, and burned in the temple there. The other died not long ago, at the siege of Dagoska. He led the charge when the first breach was made.'
Glokta frowned and stretched out his neck. A hail of flatbow bolts. Tiny figures, falling in the rubble. 'That was a brave charge.'
'War is harshest on the brave. ~ Joe Abercrombie

How are you, G.I. Joe? It seems to me that most of you are poorly informed about the going of the war, to say nothing about a correct explanation of your presence over here. Nothing is more confused than to be ordered into a war to die. ~ Hanoi Hannah

This suntan lotion acts as an accelerator and an extender, meaning that this fire will burn brighter and longer. ~ Joe Teti

You were born with your legs apart. They'll send you to the grave in a Y-shaped coffin. ~ Joe Orton

The stench of self-satisfaction is becoming quite suffocating. If you mean to kill me, blast me to a cinder now and let's be done, ~ Joe Abercrombie

To all the staff members that take care of us every single day, From Donnie Strack, to Joe Sharpe, Tony Katz, Dave Bliss, Josh Longstaff, Will, Wilson, St, Mark, Dwight, I could down the line, All you guys have made me a better player. I wish I had a Sharpie, So I could write all your names on here 'Cause you had a hand on this. You made me believe in myself. You made me a better person, A better player. Your words of encouragement, Your love, Your positivity, Got me through. And I thank you guys. ~ Kevin Durant

She felt woozy, as if she'd been running around on a full stomach in the August heat. A big man in a white undershirt stood behind the cash register. His shoulders were hairy and crimson with sunburn, and there was a line of zinc painted on his nose. A white plastic tag on his shirt said PETE. ~ Joe Hill

I met Tiger Woods, and I looked in his eyes - and I saw Derek Jeter. They don't have to tell people they're good. They just prove it by the way they love the competition. ~ Joe Torre

Greed, it ain't going anywhere. They should have that in a big billboard across Times Square. Without people you're nothing ~ Joe Strummer

When a man has been consistently battering his wife, he shouldn't expect a bouquet of roses from her the morning after he promises to stop. ~ Joe Slovo

I think I could have become an outstanding professional baseball player, but I don't think I could have reached the heights that I have in football - being one of the very top players in the game, being a world champion. ~ Joe Namath

It's one of my short-term goals, to be able to actually record music and release it simultaneously and not just hold on to it. ~ Joe Budden

That's common sense Joe! And your tiny mind is not common! ~ Gordon Ramsay

It was the highlight of my life being in the Mae West show, because I saw and did things I never had before. ~ Joe Gold

But for the blood he could have been a normal Joe out on a stroll. But for the kid's scalp swinging in the breeze, he could've been anyone. But he wasn't. He was Kreagar Hallet. Murdering, kid-killing bastard Kreagar Hallet. Took me far too long to figure that out and no prettied-up words would change it now. I ~ Beth Lewis

A man is an angel that has become deranged, Joe Fernwright thought. Once they – all of them – had been genuine angels, and at that time they had had a choice between good and evil, so it was easy, easy being an angel. And then something happened. Something went wrong or broke down or failed. And they had become faced with the necessity of choosing not good or evil but the lesser of two evils, and so that had unhinged them and now each was a man. ~ Philip K. Dick

Thousands of men are converging on a forgotten ring of stones, on a worthless hill, in an unimportant valley, and they've brought a lot of sharpened metal with them ~ Joe Abercrombie

Maybe I'm regular and the world needs to adjust? ~ Joe Budden

One of the most powerful energies you can ever experience is gratitude. ~ Joe Vitale

The Chicago Cubs are like Rush Street-a lot of singles, but no action. ~ Joe Garagiola

Choochiness is yet another British term that has no precise meaning, but, like pornography, you know it when you see it. The way I have things stacked up, choochiness is a particularly British amalgam of cuddlywuddliness, cutesypiedness, and butter-wouldn't-melt-in-my-mouthedness that embraces everything from shops named The Ketch to Hugh Grant's stammer. It is a grating and often maddening behavioral pattern that makes others want to reach out and pinch the choochster's cheeks while secretly longing to stuff a hand grenade right down his throat. "Paul McCartney is choochy; John Lennon is not," says my brother-in-law, Max, who fled England for France in 1976, largely to escape from rampant choochiness. "Paul McCartney: choochy. John Lennon: not choochy. That's the difference." THERE ~ Joe Queenan

The script was classic Joe Eszterhas, intelligent, steamy and provocative. At one time, Eszterhas was Hollywood's highest paid writer, illiterate rock and roll bad boy whose 14 films glorified sex, drugsa nd cigarettes. Eszterhas also fought publicly with producers and politicians. In 1995 he argued that some of the misdeeds of the Nixon, Reagan and Bush administrations were more obscene than anything in an "R" rated movie. ~ David Shuster

It's what I'll be singing in the morning. It won't be God Save the Ruddy King or All Things bleeding Bright and Beautiful. It'll be Orange and Lemons for Big Joe, for all of us. ~ Michael Morpurgo

His first instinct was to help me, not sit like a deer in headlights, I now know that Matt isn't one to panic ~ Joe Teti

There was a time I thought I couldn't enjoy rock 'n' roll unless I had heroin in me ~ Joe Perry

Essentially, wines are fermented grape juice, so I'm trying to make the point that the wine world is about scores and marketing and kind of creating a scarce resource where they don't really exist. ~ Joe Bastianich

The number one reason why marijuana is illegal is because the Pharma Cartel does not want you to grow your own medicine. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper. The first car ever made ran on hemp oil. Hemp seeds are also the healthiest food on the planet with the highest protein content out of any plant. ~ Joe Rogan

I love the idea of playing a good guy who's fighting his own demons. ~ Joe Flanigan