Hail Funny Quotes

Luis is right there. I point to the corner of the yard, where my little brother is the centre of attention doing imitations of barnyard animals. I have yet to inform him that talent isn't as much of a chick magnet when you get into junior high. ~ Simone Elkeles

Well," Loraz said, her voice as dry as the rest of her was not. "At least you still have clothes on. ~ Laini Taylor

I think it's actually a misperception that I am a comedic actress. I do more drama than comedy but very little of it has been seen. When you are in big funny movies and they do well and your little part in it kind of explodes people perceive you as a comedian. ~ Octavia Spencer

Funny thing, how people keep fighting about religion, when really it's all the same. Seems to me it's the priests who make all the problems; most folks just want good harvests and healthy babies, just trying to get along. If it's not the cattle stampeding, it's the priests haranguing the crowds. ~ Marion Zimmer Bradley

I'm the living dead. I feel no connection to any other human. I have no friends and I don't really care much about my family any longer. I feel no love for them.

I can feel no joy. I'm incapable of feeling physical pleasure. There's nothing to ever look forward to as a result. I don't miss anyone or anything. I eat because I feel hunger pangs, but no food tastes like anything I like.

I wear a mask when I'm with other people but it's been slipping lately. I can't find the energy to hide the heavy weight of survival and its effect on me. I'm exhausted all the time from the effort of just making it through the day.

This depression has made a mockery of my memory. It's in tatters. I have no good memories to sustain me. My past is gone. My present is horrid. My future looks like more of the same. In a way, I'm a man without time. Certainly, there's no meaning in my life. What meaning can there be without even a millisecond of joy? Ah, scratch that. Let's even put aside joy and shoot for lower. How about a moment of being content? Nope. Not a chance.

I see other people, normal people, who can enjoy themselves. I hear people laughing at something on TV. It makes me cock my head and wonder what that's like. I'm sure at sometime in my past, I had to have had a wonderful belly laugh. I must have laughed so hard once or twice that my face hurt. Those memories are gone though. Now, the whole concept of "funny" is dead. I stopped going to movies ~ Ahmed Abdelazeem

Funny thing how when you reach out, people tend to reach right back. Best, then, to make sure your hand is open and not fisted. ~ Richelle E. Goodrich

I had rather have a fool to make me merry than experience to make me sad and to travel for it too! ~ William Shakespeare

With comedy, you have to do it right. In a drama, there's a lot of different ways to succeed in a moment. But comedy comes from reality. You can't try to be funny. ~ Jack Nicholson

"I've done your dog. It's got nine eyes down the side, I made his head all square, 15 legs. What do you think of that?" "Fido looks a bit weird." ~ Eddie Izzard

Half of all marriages end in divorce- and then there are the really unhappy ones. ~ Joan Rivers

To be able to make a good living in a challenging medium like soap operas is great. The best is that I get to act and am rewarded for it. And the people I work with are great. Funny, intelligent, hard working. They're all great to be around. ~ David Canary

What the hell? Ian asked, holding his hands over the front of his Christmas briefs. Sara had ordered them from the Internet, and he'd worn them to please her. Too bad there hadn't been enough time for the underwear to meet with an unfortunate accident. A lot could be blamed on a washing machine. ~ Rose Wynters

Robert Hoffman is kind of infamous for beinga prankster, funny guy. ~ Carter Jenkins

Arguments of convenience lack integrity and inevitably trip you up. ~ Donald Rumsfeld

Audiences are tearing down the stereotypes that Hollywood has promoted for so long. You don't have to be blonde-haired or blue-eyed to be a sex symbol. Black actors can play more than just the funny or stupid characters. Latinas are not just prostitutes or toilet cleaners… you get the point. ~ Jeetendr Sehdev

Our Constitution is in actual operation; everything appears to promise that it will last; but in this world nothing is certain but death and taxes. ~ Benjamin Franklin

It's funny, how fast life changes. One minute you are present, and the next, you might find yourself futilely trying to get back to the world you were once part of. You might find yourself looking for people who can no longer hear you. You are in the world, but not of it. ~ Jodi Picoult

Matthew Watkins: I need an afternoon pick-me-up. I accept cash and/or prizes that can be exchanged for cash. Also, hobbits. ~ Jessica Park

I am not schizoid. A little manic-depressive, maybe."
"'Know thyself.'"
"We try, sir. ~ Lois McMaster Bujold

In this world, everyone wants to know everything about you, and I think that's funny. ~ Leighton Meester

FBI Girl is touching and funny, inspiring and tragic, enlightening and sad. I closed the book with tears in my eyes and admiration in my heart for the girl Maura Conlon was and the writer she became. ~ Beverly Donofrio

And then computers got to a point where you could just record directly into them. So when that happened, funny enough, I thought, Right, I'm going to learn how to do this because then I can understand that part. ~ Thom Yorke

What would a pie chart of your malicious to non-malicious thoughts look like? How big a piece of the pie is non-malicious? ~ Emma Mills

It's difficult isn't it, when you're in a Mosque and everyone's praying and you really enjoy leapfrog. ~ Milton Jones

When people are bored, it is primarily with their own selves that they are bored. ~ Eric Hoffer

I never know how much of what I say is true. ~ Bette Midler

Our family's special holiday tradition is going over to my grandparent's house on Christmas morning. My grandma cooks a big breakfast, and I love hearing her tell old funny stories. ~ Caroline Sunshine

I wish I had only offered you
a sovereign instead of ten pounds. Give me back nine pounds, Jane; I've a use for it.'
'And so have I, sir,' I returned, putting my hands and my purse behind me. 'I could not spare the money on any account.'
'Little niggard!' said he, 'refusing me a pecuniary request! Give me five pounds, Jane.'
'Not five shillings, sir; nor five pence.'
'Just let me look at the cash.'
'No, sir; you are not to be trusted. ~ Charlotte Bronte

These are the best things I've ever had in my mouth! ~ Mora Early

Studies have shown a woman looking for a
'sense of humour' wants a man who
makes jokes and who likes to laugh.
A man looking for the same quality in a
woman does not expect her to be funny;
rather, he wants her to laugh at his jokes. ~ Lili Boisvert

FREEDLEY: Will I feel better after I take it? DR. FITCH (coldly): I, am a physician, Freedley, not an astrologer. If you want a horoscope, there's a gypsy tearoom over on Lexington Avenue. ~ S.J Perelman

He hated YouTube. He wishes it would die of mad cow disease. ~ Andrea Speed