Funny Simon Cowell Quotes

What other people think about me is none of my business . ~ Simon Cowell

I LOVE ONE DIRECTION!!!!!!!!!!! ~ Simon Cowell

Sincerity is romantic. I don't think you need gestures. ~ Simon Cowell

That was extraordinary. Unfortunately, extraordinarily bad. ~ Simon Cowell

Talking to celebrities is too much effort. They all think the same. ~ Simon Cowell

I probably get more satisfaction from making a show than being on a show. ~ Simon Cowell

Sometimes you feel there's like a tidal wave of stuff that continues to come. You feel trapped. ~ Simon Cowell

My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't. ~ Simon Cowell

There's no need for me to get married. I live with someone; we're happy; end of story. ~ Simon Cowell

You are a saucy little thing aren't you? ~ Simon Cowell

I don't think I can do this anymore. ~ Simon Cowell

You didn't beat the compotition you crushed the compotition! ~ Simon Cowell

I actually don't understand a word Paula's saying anymore. It's like a new language. ~ Simon Cowell

What luxury would I take to a desert island? A mirror. It's true. I'd miss me. ~ Simon Cowell

When I look at it now, the whole punk thing is sort of comedy in a weird way. ~ Simon Cowell

My own saying is: 'Create the hype, but don't ever believe it.' ~ Simon Cowell

It's not my habit to kiss and tell. I've never done it. ~ Simon Cowell

It's not our intention to be mean. That's just within us. ~ Simon Cowell

You sounded like someone who should be singing on a cruise ship. Halfway through your song, I wished the ship was sinking. ~ Simon Cowell

Women say hello and then put their hands down my trousers. I thought it was my hand they were supposed to shake. ~ Simon Cowell

No one really has any job security anymore, including myself. ~ Simon Cowell

Rules equal boredom, and I don't like that. ~ Simon Cowell

Anyone who goes on 'The X Factor' to make big money will be in for a big shock. ~ Simon Cowell

Every show I've ever, you know, produced, essentially it's the show I want to watch myself. ~ Simon Cowell

Choosing how you vote should not be a snap verdict based on a few minutes of television. ~ Simon Cowell

There was nothing I could - and wanted to - learn in school. It was just a complete waste of my time. ~ Simon Cowell

The only magazines I read are car magazines. ~ Simon Cowell

So I would only feel guilt if I misled somebody who was terrible. ~ Simon Cowell

It would hurt my feelings if I respected your opinions. ~ Simon Cowell

Praise a stranger with a few nice words and he becomes a stranger that calls you a friend. ~ Simon Cowell

You don't go into anything contemplating failure, because if you did, you wouldn't make it. ~ Simon Cowell

I think that by ignoring the show you're ignoring the audience who put you there. ~ Simon Cowell

If you've got a big mouth and you're controversial, you're going to get attention. ~ Simon Cowell

I've always treated the music business as a business. ~ Simon Cowell

When you're making a reality show, you can't even plan a week ahead now. ~ Simon Cowell

You know what the secret to weight loss is? Don't eat much. ~ Simon Cowell

Not everybody is perfect, and I don't think we should be looking for perfect people. ~ Simon Cowell

You always want to go to a party where you get an invite. ~ Simon Cowell

I was 12 years old when I first realized that food could be hot. That's why I turned out the way I am. ~ Simon Cowell

In TV, film, and music there's a lot of snobbery, and I don't like it. I've never been a cultural snob. ~ Simon Cowell

I think you have to judge everything based on your personal taste. And if that means being critical, so be it. I hate political correctness. I absolutely loathe it. ~ Simon Cowell

I work out three or four times a week, I have Botox, take tons of vitamins and vitamin infusions - if you believe that these things work, you will feel better. ~ Simon Cowell

I do see a big difference in the American work ethic compared to the British work ethic in a lot of artists. ~ Simon Cowell

I hate belongings. I hate clutter. It really bothers me because I can't think properly. If you've got distractions in front of you, your mind goes nuts. ~ Simon Cowell

At 20, you're cocky and you think you can rule the world, and you get it all wrong. ~ Simon Cowell

I'm not that musical. I don't really know how a record is produced, and, funnily enough, I don't want to. ~ Simon Cowell

The best way to kill someone is from the inside, by crushing their hopes and dreams. ~ Simon Cowell

It's personalities, it's conflict, it's all of these things that actually make performers interesting. ~ Simon Cowell

You don't hate the mosquito; you just want it out of your face. ~ Simon Cowell

I'm obsessed with cleanliness for myself, so I will take a bath three times a day, sometimes a steam twice a day in addition to that. ~ Simon Cowell

Holding auditions in front of an audience is testing. ~ Simon Cowell

I was never given any hand-outs. I started at the bottom and was very good at finding people who knew more than me and learning from them. ~ Simon Cowell

We have hated the French for years. Now you have just joined the club. It makes you much more likable. ~ Simon Cowell

I am quite miserable because I'm never satisfied with what I've got. You're always looking for that next high, and that is what I would define as happiness. ~ Simon Cowell

Being different is good; embrace it. ~ Simon Cowell

Britain's got talent, enormous talent; that's very obvious. ~ Simon Cowell

I've spent hundreds of thousands of pounds on the very best security and I can assure you my homes are as safe as the Bank of England. ~ Simon Cowell

If I tape an 11-hour day, guess which parts end up on air. Not the bits when I'm pleasant, but the parts when I'm obnoxious. ~ Simon Cowell

Every time I sat in a chemistry lesson, I thought, 'What am I doing this for? I don't ever want to be in a job that involves a Bunsen burner.' ~ Simon Cowell

I didn't have any qualifications when I left school - I had three O-levels. ~ Simon Cowell

Beyonce is good-looking. Jennifer Lopez is good-looking. Madonna used to be good-looking. ~ Simon Cowell

I still put punctuation in my texts. If it's an 'I', I make sure it's a capital. ~ Simon Cowell

Harshness to me is giving somebody false hopes and not following through. That's harsh. Telling some guy or some girl who've got zero talent that they have zero talent actually is a kindness. ~ Simon Cowell

The only people with power today are the audience. And that is increasing with Twitter, Facebook, and everything else. We cater to their likes and dislikes, and you ignore that at your peril. ~ Simon Cowell

If I went to a psychiatrist, it would be a long session. I've always thought that I do have a number of issues that probably need dealing with, because I am quite odd in some ways. ~ Simon Cowell

I hated school, but I love work. ~ Simon Cowell

What I would argue in my defence is that shows like 'Britain's Got Talent' and 'The X Factor' have actually got people more interested in music again and are sending more people into record stores. ~ Simon Cowell

It simply works. You do it twice a year. Who cares? And it balances my smoking and drinking. ~ Simon Cowell

Would I like kids? If I knew I could be - and how could I put this delicately - faithful, then yes. I do like kids. ~ Simon Cowell

It was like orderin a hamburger and getting only the buns
(After Brooke White of season 7 on american idol sang the song 'Hero'
by Mariah Carey) ~ Simon Cowell

I think of stress as the creator of cancer and heart attacks, like a tiny little ball you feed. I believe that one of the reasons I've never got ill is that I'm not stressed. ~ Simon Cowell

I think the best singers in the world, historically, are American. Britain's got its fair share, as well, but some of the greatest singers, ever, whether you're talking about Whitney [Houston] or Mariah [Carey] or Aretha Franklin, are from the legacy here. ~ Simon Cowell

The minute you start assuming that the audience is very happy to see the same show again, you're dead. ~ Simon Cowell

If I was gay, why wouldn't I admit it? It wouldn't harm me. ~ Simon Cowell

When I think of invention, I always think of America. You're always seeing ads: 'Have you got the next big idea?' There seems to be that spirit in America of inventions and inventors. ~ Simon Cowell

I don't mind being cast as some kind of a pantomime baddie, but I am very fair in business. I always have been. I pride myself on being fair. ~ Simon Cowell

I met someone the other night who's 28 years old, and he hasn't worked a day since he left college because he's pursuing a dream he'll never, ever realize: He thinks he's a great singer. Actually, he's crap. ~ Simon Cowell

If I said to most of the people who auditioned, 'Good job, awesome, well done,' it would have made me actually look and feel ridiculous. It's quite obvious most of the people who turned up for this audition were hopeless. ~ Simon Cowell

People confuse ego, lust, insecurity with true love. ~ Simon Cowell

I grew up when the whole Motown thing was huge. The charts in those days were dominated by groups more than solo artists at one point. ~ Simon Cowell

Of course I have an ego, but you have to have an ego. You have to be incredibly competitive. I can get competitive at times, way too much, and it becomes a little bit obsessive. ~ Simon Cowell

The end of the animal trade would leave more time to trap or beat to death pop star wannabes. ~ Simon Cowell

Sometimes when you have a record out, you think you're going to go in at No. 1 but you go in at No. 8. So your second record has to be better. That's how I treat it. ~ Simon Cowell

The object of this competition is not to be mean to the losers but to find a winner. The process makes you mean because you get frustrated. ~ Simon Cowell

I look at him [son Eric] and I think of my dad all the time ... I was born to be a dad. ~ Simon Cowell

I love producing shows. And so when you're on a show where other people are making decisions you don't necessarily agree with it, after a while you start to feel like a passenger. ~ Simon Cowell

Work hard, be patient, and be a sponge while learning your business. Learn how to take criticism. Follow your gut instincts and don't compromise. ~ Simon Cowell

If we had to choose one American Idol to go out to dinner with, it would be Fantasia. There are no airs and graces about her ... I like her. ~ Simon Cowell

I can't admit things; that's why I can't go to funerals and stuff like that. I find it very, very difficult to deal with that kind of reality. I shut myself off totally because it affects me so badly. ~ Simon Cowell

I've never liked the idea you have to be a certain age to be a pop star. I like the idea that anybody can enter, anybody can compete. ~ Simon Cowell

I turned down many chances to be on TV before 'Pop Idol' because I really wasn't interested in being famous. I didn't need it and didn't want it. ~ Simon Cowell

One thing I've learnt is you should never fight it. They're natural emotions and when you try and bottle everything up, that's what can make you depressed. Luckily I have fantastic memories [about my parents] and they really help. ~ Simon Cowell

Have I got a black book? Yes, it's called a mobile phone. I do get offers. There is no shortage of people if you want to go on dates - working in TV, living in L.A., it is there if you want it. ~ Simon Cowell

Anything I shouldn't laugh at makes me laugh. I mean, I'm bad at that, when somebody is singing something terribly and I'm thinking to myself, 'If I laugh now, this is the absolute worst thing I could ever do,' and then I start laughing and I can't stop. ~ Simon Cowell

You can't put': Hiccup in charge, sir, he's USELESS. ~ Cressida Cowell

You have to be original. The people creating a buzz on YouTube are taking risks, and they're doing something different. I like it when 15 year-olds come on and tell me what to do rather than the other way around. ~ Simon Cowell

If I had one dog, I'd want a hundred. If I had one kid, I'd probably want a hundred. I mean, it's just the way I am. ~ Simon Cowell

If I go into a relationship with an artist, which at most is going to last five years, we have a 100-page contract covering every eventuality. Whereas with marriage you go into it with no contract, with laws that date back hundreds of years, and I don't think that's right. ~ Simon Cowell

I suggest we bring some normality back to this country and say if you are carrying a knife, there must be zero tolerance. If it was up to me, everyone caught with a knife would get an automatic ten year sentence. ~ Simon Cowell

Well, suffering swordfish," exclaimed Fishlegs. "Hiccup is LEFTHANDED. ~ Cressida Cowell