Corporal Carrot Quotes

Have - have you got an appointment?' he said.
'I don't know,' said Carrot. 'Have we got an appointment?'
'I've got an iron ball with spikes on,' Nobby volunteered.
'That's a morningstar, Nobby.'
'Is it?'
'Yes,' said Carrot. 'An appointment is an engagement to see someone, while a morningstar is a large lump of metal used for viciously crushing skulls. It is important not to confuse the two, isn't it, Mr-?' He raised his eyebrows.
'Boffo, sir. But-'
'So if you could perhaps run along and tell Dr Whiteface we're here with an iron ball with spi- What am I saying? I mean, without an appointment to see him? Please? Thank you. ~ Terry Pratchett

Corporal Carrot, Ankh-Morpork City Guard (Night Watch), sat down in his nightshirt, took up his pencil, sucked the end for a moment, and then wrote: ~ Anonymous

sliced into ¼-inch pieces 1 carrot, ~ Scott Jurek

But this controversy did not involve the corporal who refused to give thought to what his life had become as a case. God did not think of a man as a case. For a case is to be solved - and a man cannot be solved. ~ Joyce Carol Oates

Have you ever really watched him? I bet he'd found out everything about Jabbar by the time he'd talked to him for ten minutes. I bet he knows the name of every camel. And he'll remember it all. People don't take that much interest in other people, usually.' Her fingers idly traced a pattern in the sand. 'So he makes you feel important.'
'Politicians do that-' Vimes began.
'Not the way he does, believe me. I expect Lord Vetinari remembers facts about people-'
'Oh, you'd better believe that!'
'-but Carrot takes an interest. He doesn't even think about it. He makes space in his head for people. He takes an interest, and so people think they're intesting. They feel... better when he's around. ~ Terry Pratchett

Dan would entertain Owen and me by describing Mr. Tubulari's pentathlon, his "winterthon." "The first event," Dan Needham said, "is something wholesome, like splitting a cord of wood - points off, if you break your ax. Then you have to run ten miles in deep snow, or snowshoe for thirty. Then you chop a hole in the ice, and - carrying your ax - swim a mile under a frozen lake, chopping your way out at the opposite shore. Then you build an igloo - to get warm. Then comes the dogsledding. You have to mush a team of dogs - from Anchorage to Chicago. Then you build another igloo - to rest." "THAT'S SIX EVENTS," Owen said. "A PENTATHLON IS ONLY FIVE." "So forget the second igloo," Dan Needham said. "I WONDER WHAT MISTER TUBULARI DOES FOR NEW YEAR'S EVE," Owen said. "Carrot juice," Dan said, fixing himself another whiskey. "Mister Tubulari makes his own carrot juice. ~ John Irving

The Army had your soul, once you'd been in it all those years - there were things you couldn't shake off so easy, because they'd gone deep into you, and it was painful when they came out, because of the roots they'd grown, right deep down in your guts.
Name and number? Watson, 606. Smarten up there, Private Watson! You're a soldier now, you know, not a bloody jelly fish! Get that salute right, private! Sir! Sir! Sir! Corporal, what's your unit? Corporal Watson, dress that man! You are in charge of this rabble, Corp'l Watson? Sir! Report to my quarters, Sarnt Watson, oh six hundred hours! You should know better than that, Sergeant - now get those men in order! Sir! Sir! Sir!
Hold, Watty. ~ Elleston Trevor

Stop talking like a sailor, Adjutant Stormy,' Nok said. A smile amidst the red, bristling beard. 'Ain't no Adjutant any more, Admiral.' Thin brows rose, and Nok said, 'Title alone gifts the bearer with intelligence?' Stormy nodded. 'That it does, sir. Which is why Gesler's a sergeant and I'm a corporal. We get stupider every year that passes.' 'And ~ Steven Erikson

When you eat a carrot that is nothing but carrot it zooms through your system as a carrot. When you eat a piece of mass-produced carrot cake that contains 32 ingredients, your metabolism screeches to a halt while your body tries to figure out what all those things are that you just swallowed, and what it is supposed to do with them. Therefore, the problem isn't "fat", its piles of excess ingredients your body's stacked on shelves and vowed to sort out later. ~ Cathy Guisewite

We have our mission and we are going to complete it. So grab your straws and suck it the fuck up. ~ Greg Rucka

There's no corporal punishment here, or any other form of punishment for that matter, and the children are encouraged to speak up for themselves. Unfortunately, they're not always particularly choosey about the things they say, and it can be rather alarming and embarrassing. ~ E.R. Braithwaite

Mace leaned on his shovel and did a passable imitation. "'I think we'd rather not.' Very good, guv'nor. I'll remember that next time."
"Divigation was nice. Where'd you get that one?"
"He swallowed a ****ing dictionary," Corporal Nettle said proudly. ~ Ian McEwan

The boldest of the three moved suddenly, grabbed Angua and pulled her upright. "We walk out of here unharmed or the girl gets it, all right?" he snarled.
Someone sniggered.
"I hope you're not going to kill anyone," said Carrot.
"That's up to us!"
"Sorry, was I talking to you?" said Carrot. ~ Terry Pratchett

Might have just been an innocent bystander, sir,' said Carrot
'What, in Ankh-Morpork?'
'Yes, sir.'
'We should have grabbed him, then, just for the rarity value ~ Terry Pratchett

Did Anton try the carrots?"
"I believe so. Flavio seems happier, at least on that count, and I have noticed now that Anton shudders whenever he sees anything vaguely resembling a carrot. Which I think is rather sad, as they are a beautiful root vegetable."
"Yes," said Joe seductively, remembering the huge carrots back on the kitchen table. ~ James Austen

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? ~ Steven Wright

Any form of corporal punishment or 'spanking' is a violent attack upon another human being's integrity. The effect remains with the victim forever and becomes an unforgiving part of his or hier personality
a massive frustration resulting in a hostility which will seek expression in later life in violent acts towards others. The sooner we understand that love and gentleness are the only kinds of called-far behavior towards children, the better. The child, especially, learns to become the kind of human being that he or she has experienced. This should be fully understood by all caregivers. ~ Ashley Montagu

When a man beats his boy, he wants a son who won't buck him. He's trying to make a coward. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, it works.
And the hundredth boy?
We can go either way. Kill the old man, or try to become a better one. ~ Mary Doria Russell

Comics don't like to see other comics do well. ~ Carrot Top

Love has three kinds of origin, namely: suffering, friendship and love. A human love has a corporal and intellectual origin. ~ Boethius

You see," said Colon, "thieves are organized here. I mean, it's official. They're allowed a certain amount of thieving. Not that they do much these days, mind you. If you pay them a little premium every year they give you a card and leave you alone. Saves time and effort all around."
"And all thieves are members?" said Angua.
"Oh, yes," said Carrot. "Can't go thieving in Ankh-Morpork without a Guild permit. Not unless you've got a special talent."
"Why? What happens? What talent?" she said.
"Well, being able to survive being hung upside down from one of the gates with your ears nailed to your knees," said Carrot. ~ Terry Pratchett

The rules were just different back then, especially in regard to corporal punishment. Not only could you hit your own children, but you could also hit other people's. ~ David Sedaris

Too bad for any parent who has become accustomed to ruling by force, because at some point the kids just get too big to slap around. ~ Barbara Ehrenreich

Well, I am terribly concerned for your health. One simply should not weigh so much at your age. Lady Maccon poked at a sagging carrot and wondered if anyone would miss her dear sister were she to be oh-so-gently tipped over the rail of the upper deck. ~ Gail Carriger

Carrot Top ... I gave him advice once and he ran with it. He should thank me. ~ Rip Taylor

The day we were all allowed to bring our pets into the classroom was going to be special. It was a nice sunny morning and Batty my black mouse had been spruced up for the occasion. He was in his new second-hand plastic cage, it was mustard coloured, had the mandatory wheel and sleeping chamber but had previously been a torture chamber for my cousin's late hamster. Despite my best efforts to revitalise it the wire remained rusty in places but at least it was more secure than the wooden enclosure my father had made... and Batty had instantly, and repeatedly, chewed his way out of.
Sadly the species list for the class was a meagre four: rabbit, hamster, guinea pig and... one domesticated house mouse, Batty. They all ignored him, they cooed over the 'bunnies' and those chubby-fat tailless things whose eyes bulged when you squeezed them a bit, and queued to offer carrot and cabbage to those cow-licked multicoloured freaks with scratchy claws, but not one of the kids wanted to see, let alone hold, my mouse.
By mid-afternoon the teacher finally caught sight of the lonely boy whispering into his mouse cage in the corner and gingerly agreed to let the rodent walk onto her hand in front of the class. Batty promptly pissed and then pooed three perfect wet little pellets, the classroom erupted with a huge collective 'urrgh' and then a frenzy of giggling, she practically threw him back in his cage and then made a big deal about washing her hands. With soap. Then we were all mea ~ Chris Packham

Pleasure is the carrot dangled to lead the ass to market; or the precipice. ~ Robinson Jeffers

Spare the rod and spoil the child. ~ Samuel Butler

I never looked at Gallagher like he was a threat to me. ~ Carrot Top

Gawd, he thought furiously, he hadn't expected it to be like this. Just a lousy walk down the yard to give a carrot to the gangly chestnut. Guilt and fear and treachery. They bypassed his sneering mind and erupted through his nerves instead. ~ Dick Francis

In my first video diary I explained my love for women who have a taste in carrots. Since then, I have received plenty of carrots. Now I also have a keen interest in women who like Lamborghinis. ~ Louis Tomlinson

If I had an orange penis, and an erection, I might take offense at carrot eaters. Baby carrots. ~ Jarod Kintz

If I have to get into a bikini, then I eat carrot sticks for three days. ~ Margot Robbie

Oh, good grief," said Vimes. "Look, it's quite simple, man. I was expected to go "At last, alcohol!", and chugalug the lot without thinking. Then some respectable pillars of the community" - he removed the cigar from his mouth and spat - "were going to find me, in your presence, too - which was a nice touch - with the evidence of my crime neatly hidden but not so well hidden that they couldn't find it." He shook his head sadly. "The trouble is, you know, that once the taste's got you it never lets go."
"But you've been very good, sir," said Carrot. "I've not seen you touch a drop for -"
"Oh, that," said Vimes. "I was talking about policing, not alcohol. There's lots of people will help you with the alcohol business, but there's no one out there arranging little meetings where you can stand up and say, "My name is Sam and I'm a really suspicious bastard. ~ Terry Pratchett

This king governs without decapitation or corporal punishments. Criminals are simply fined, lightly or heavily, according to the circumstances. Even in cases of repeated attempts at wicked rebellion, they only have their right hands cut off ... Throughout the country the people do not kill any living creature ... ~ Faxian

A thick carrot soup, green salad, lamb chops and mashed potatoes, cheese and fruit, a chocolate cake. ~ Suzanne Collins

Carrot-and-stick reinforcement' the behaviorists are telling us is needed for this bird to carry out these operations, thirteen different types of construction jobs? B. F. Skinner did a very good thing: in World War ~ William Peter Blatty

I needed to say something. Something romantic! Something to sweep her off her feet.
"You're like a potato!" I shouted after her. "In a minefield."
She froze in place. Then she spun on me, her face lit by a half-grown fruit. "A potato," she said flatly. "That's the best you can do? Seriously?"
"It makes sense," I said. "Listen. You're strolling through a minefield, worried about getting blown up. And then you step on something, and you think, 'I'm dead.' But it's just a potato. And you're so relieved to find something so wonderful when you expected something so awful. That's what you are. To me."
"A potato."
"Sure. French fries? Mashed potatoes? Who doesn't like potatoes?"
"Plenty of people. Why can't I be something sweet, like a cake?"
"Because cake wouldn't grow in a minefield. Obviously."
She stared down the hallway at me for a few moments, then sat on an overgrown set of roots.
Sparks. She seemed to be crying. Idiot! I thought at myself, scrambling through the foliage. Romantic. You were supposed to be romantic, you slontze! Potatoes weren't romantic. I should have gone with a carrot. ~ Brandon Sanderson

In my experience, Corporal, the best police work looks like nothing at all and is always soon forgotten." I ~ Philip Kerr