Leslie Nielsen Quotes

One thing a person won't do when he's laughing is try to beat you up.

I have always loved science fiction. One of my favorite shows is 'Star Trek.' I like the trips, where it drops my mind off, because they give you a premise and all of a sudden, you say, 'Oh!' and I'm fascinated by it.

I wore that same shirt yesterday playing golf. There goes the Nike account.

I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr. Poopy Pants?

Are you having problems hearing? If so, those around you already know it. Hearing loss is no laughing matter, so don't be a punchline.

It doesn't really matter where I go (Heaven or Hell). I'll have plenty of friends in both places.

Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts.

I've finally found my home - as Lt. Frank Drebin.

I like that kind of 'straight-faced' comedy. I like to be straight-faced and outrageous.

I don't think anybody can really sit down and decide that their mission in life is to make people think. I think their mission in life is to leave people alone!

Sometimes integrity is a punch in the face.

Don't call me Shirley!

I had always functioned with dignity, wanting to appear intelligent, macho, never vulnerable or insecure. But now I realize that ... a part of these comic characters is a fundamental part of me too.

Doing nothing is very hard to do ... you never know when you're finished.

I used to have this dream that somebody was knocking at my door. I'd say 'Who is it?' and they'd answer 'Police.' I'd open the door and they would say to me, 'Pack your bags. We realized you have no talent.

In episodic television you'll have a good guy who's on every week and that's his show! He's the regular on it, and you're not going to be "gooder" than he is; I mean, he's the guy who's got to solve your problem! So if you're playing a good guy, you have to have a problem, and he's going to solve it for you. And the only really strong dramatic part is the heavy, because the meaner and crueler and rottener you are, the better the good guy looks when he whips ya' at the end because he always is gonna whip ya! So, the best dramatic guest shot is the heavy.

There were 15 people in the village, including five of us. If my father arrested somebody in the winter, he'd have to wait until the thaw to turn him in.

Those who the gods seek to destroy first, learn how to play golf.

I'm afraid if I don't keep moving, they're going to catch me ... I am 81 years old and I want to see what's around the corner, and I don't see any reason in the world not to keep working. But I am starting to value my down time a great deal because I am realizing there might be other things to do that I am overlooking.

Who are you and how did you get in here?" "I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.

Yes, it's true, I've been called the Laurence Olivier of spoofs. I guess that would make Laurence Olivier the Leslie Nielsen of Shakespeare.

I had to weave and play around with a honey bear, you know, and I could wrestle with him a little bit, but there's no way you can even wrestle a honey bear, let alone a grizzly bear that's standing ten feet to eleven feet tall! Can you imagine? But it was fascinating to work that close to that kind of animal.

The reason there's a question mark on my front door is just in case I forget my address.

I played a lot of leaders, autocratic sorts; perhaps it was my Canadian accent.

I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible.

I really have to keep an eye on myself, because sometimes I think I might say something important.

It's not really that I've been an advocate for hearing aids for a long time, it's just that I've been losing my hearing for a long time! So it's actually very important for me because I'm actually hearing impaired and I simply want to hear better!

It's been dawning on me slowly that for the past 35 years I have been cast against type, and I'm finally getting to do what I really wanted to do.

The violence or the vaudeville style of comedy is a technique all by itself. You get up there, and you are a comedian, and you're doing one thing. That is, you're going to make the audience laugh.

Do your part to silence gossip - don't repeat it.

It was a boy's name first.

There's an old saying that God exists in your search for him. I just want you to understand that I ain't looking.

You know it's very difficult to be an actor, and to have people depending on you to say the right line, at the right time, and to not be able to hear your cues! I can't tell you how many times I would've had to have said What? if I didn't have my hearing aids. So my hearing aids are a life saver, and they allow me to practice my craft.