Science Humor Government Quotes

The President of the Universe holds no real power. His sole purpose is to take attention away from where the power truly exists ... ~ Douglas Adams

Where have all the Fembots gone? ~ Ren Garcia

Get him inside somewhere and keep that man alive."
"Man?" Screwface laughs. "Hic est Lupus, motherfucker. ~ Pierce Brown

I actually like how doctors talk. I like the sound of science. I like how words you don't understand explain things you can't understand. ~ R.J. Palacio

I don't mind you in my head. I refuse to be embarrassed for thinking the truth. You have to know how good-looking you are. Fortunately for you, you seem to have brains and humor to go with your looks. ~ Christine Feehan

As fandom grew more variegated, genzines reflected a broadening of interests, carrying personal columns of humor and reflection, science articles, amateur fiction, stylish gossip, and inevitably, thoughtful pieces on the future of fandom. ~ Gregory Benford

Throughout my academic career, I'd given some pretty good talks. But being considered the best speaker in the computer science department is like being known as the tallest of the Seven Dwarfs. ~ Randy Pausch

Life is complex. It has real and imaginary parts. ~ Anonymous

[In the Universe it may be that] Primitive life is very common and intelligent life is fairly rare. Some would say it has yet to occur on Earth. ~ Stephen Hawking

Life is better with a partner. ~ Melissa Mae Palmer

In the U.S. there are two types of hipsters: those who know how to program and those who serve coffee. ~ Cesar Hidalgo

New Rule: Now that liberals have taken back the word "liberal," they also have to take back the word "elite." By now you've heard the constant right-wing attacks on the "elite media," and the "liberal elite." Who may or may not be part of the "Washington elite." A subset of the "East Coast elite." Which is overly influenced by the "Hollywood elite." So basically, unless you're a shit-kicker from Kansas, you're with the terrorists. If you played a drinking game where you did a shot every time Rush Limbaugh attacked someone for being "elite," you'd be almost as wasted as Rush Limbaugh.

I don't get it: In other fields--outside of government--elite is a good thing, like an elite fighting force. Tiger Woods is an elite golfer. If I need brain surgery, I'd like an elite doctor. But in politics, elite is bad--the elite aren't down-to-earth and accessible like you and me and President Shit-for-Brains.

Which is fine, except that whenever there's a Bush administration scandal, it always traces back to some incompetent political hack appointment, and you think to yourself, "Where are they getting these screwups from?" Well, now we know: from Pat Robertson. I'm not kidding. Take Monica Goodling, who before she resigned last week because she's smack in the middle of the U.S. attorneys scandal, was the third-ranking official in the Justice Department of the United States. She's thirty-three, and though she never even worked as a prosecutor, was tasked with overseeing ~ Bill Maher

Science is not about what's true. It's about what people with originally diverse viewpoints can be forced to believe by way of public evidence. ~ Lee Smolin

Within environments capable of sustaining humans, there are constant tsunamis, volcanoes, earthquakes, hurricanes, mudslides, poisonous mushrooms, and lawyers, all of which make human life painfully fragile. ~ Noson S. Yanofsky

A passport, as I'm sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly. ~ Lemony Snicket

Looking for a supernova, therefore, was a little like standing on the observation platform of the Empire State Building with a telescope and searching windows around Manhattan in the hope of finding, let us say, someone lighting a twenty-first birthday cake. ~ Bill Bryson

We should - we will - welcome people of faith into the political process ... It is essential that believers enter the arena. Your involvement in politics helps determine how well our democracy works. We have finally learned that government programs cannot solve our problems. Government can hand out money, but government cannot put hope in our hearts or a sense of purpose in our lives. ~ George W. Bush

Emotional states are fairly quick bursts of neuronal gossip. Traits, on the other hand, are more like the neuronal equivalent of committed relationships. ~ Yongey Mingyur

Alternatively, anyone who favors Intelligent Design in lieu of evolution might pause to wonder why God devoted so much of His intelligence to designing malarial parasites. ~ David Quammen

Fish and visitors stink after three days. ~ Ursula K. Le Guin

To begin with, for you to be here now, trillions of drifting atoms had somehow to assemble in an intricate and intriguingly obliging manner to create you. It's an arrangement so specialized and particular that it has never been tried before and will only exist this once. For the next many years (we hope) these tiny particles will uncomplainingly engage in all the billions of deft, cooperative efforts necessary to keep you intact and let you experience the supremely agreeable but generally under appreciated state known as existence ~ Bill Bryson

You'd be surprised what an eleven-year-old can get away with." - Tuppence ~ Richard Due

If our sides were unequal our angles might be unequal. Instead of its being sufficient to feel, or estimate by sight, a single angle in order to determine the form of an individual, it would be necessary to ascertain each angle by the experiment of Feeling. But life would be too short for such a tedious groping. The whole science and art of Sight Recognition would at once perish; Feeling, so far as it is an art, would not long survive; intercourse would become perilous or impossible; there would be an end to all confidence, all forethought; no one would be safe in making the most simple social arrangements; in a word, civilization would relapse into barbarism. ~ Edwin A. Abbott

Poor minds , its a Poverty nation. ~ Rudzani Ralph

In accordance with the terms of the Clarke-Asimov treaty, the second-best
science writer dedicates this book to the second-best science-fiction
writer.
[dedication to Isaac Asimov from Arthur C. Clarke in his book Report on Planet Three] ~ Arthur C. Clarke

There, just beyond his open palm, was our mother's face. I wasn't expecting it. We hadn't requested a viewing, and the memorial service was closed-coffin. We got it anyway. They'd shampooed and waved her hair and made up her face. They'd done a great job, but I felt taken, as if we'd asked for the basic carwash and they'd gone ahead and detailed her. Hey, I wanted to say, we didn't order this. But of course I said nothing. Death makes us helplessly polite. ~ Mary Roach

Sadly, my socks are like snowflakes, no two are exactly alike. ~ Graham Parke

ALL GLORY TO THE SCIENCE RULES OF SCIENCE! ~ Seanan McGuire

In the sciences, looking good was usually a negative. It implied you wasted time on outdoor activities instead of building something useful. Even using hair product or makeup implied misguided priorities. Like you thought how things looked mattered, instead of how they worked. We liked to look at attractive people. We expected it of our movie stars and TV characters. But we did not respect it. We knew physical attractiveness was inversely correlated with intelligence, because look at us. ~ Max Barry

And we're not lost."
We are so fucking lost. Literally adrift in the nothing space between universes. ~ Blake Crouch

It is perhaps beside the point to remark that bowling alleys and supermarkets have nursery facilities, while schools and colleges and scientific laboratories and government offices do not. ~ Betty Friedan

She lifted me back into the seat with a wicked grin, and breathed, 'Just don't stop talking. Whatever you do, just don't stop talking,' and swallowed my manhood. I scrambled desperately through the darkened corners of my memory until I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed her by the hair and said, 'Now bend over, and I'll do to you what the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries wants to keep the Federal government from doing to the state of Alaska. ~ Phillip Andrew Bennett Low

The federal government has never been known for its sense of humor. ~ Laurell K. Hamilton

But what about the End of the Universe? We'll miss the big moment."
I've seen it. It's rubbish," said Zaphod,"nothing but a gnab gib."
A what?"
Opposite of a big bang. Come on, let's get zappy. ~ Douglas Adams

3. When making your dramatic exit, crawl along one of the web strands that extend outward from the center. Avoid the webbing that runs in concentric circles, as it's the stickiest.
4. Once you've escaped, say something snarky to the queen, like "Sorry I couldn't stick around. ~ Andrew Shaffer

Humor is rare in science fiction ... there's so little of it that it automatically reminds you of other heroes with that acerbic humor when you find it. ~ John Scalzi

You're Professor Mills? The new one who teaches history?
As opposed to the old Professor Mills who preached overthrow of the government? ~ Josh Lanyon

At best he read popular science magazines like the Scientific American he had now, to keep himself up-to-date, in layman's terms, with physics generally. But even then his concentration was marred, for a lifetime's habit made him inconveniently watchful for his own name. He saw it as if in bold. It could leap out at him from an unread double page of small print, and sometimes he could sense it coming before the page turn. ~ Ian McEwan

Let's go inside before a Sector-hopping horde of hungry flervers smells your fear and zeroes in on us from across the galaxy."
"Don't make fun of me."
I put my hand over my heart. "I would never."
Tess's scowl didn't fool me. The humor in her eyes told the real story. "They'll eat you first. More muscle."
"If it keeps you alive, I'm happy to sacrifice my biceps. ~ Amanda Bouchet

An international power supply is the device which means it doesn't matter what country you're in, or even if you know what country you're in (more of a problem than you might suspect) - you just plug your Mac in and it figures it out for itself. We call this principle Plug and Play. Or at least, Microsoft calls it that because it hasn't got it yet. In the Mac world we've had it for so long we didn't even think of giving it a name. ~ Douglas Adams

It seems to me that sometimes-or perhaps I might venture most of the time-occurrences have no cause at all. New stars appear and old ones vanish. Short hats become popular again. Things are as they are and do as they please for absolutely no reason at all. ~ Galen Beckett

Calculus was not math. It was a fucking science experiment gone wrong. ~ Abbi Glines