Morbid Humor Quotes

Worms have crawled up your nose and eaten your wits. ~ George R R Martin

No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot. ~ Scott Adams

Hey, Margo, this looks like a big job. Why don't you send out for pizza? The best place in town is Antonio's. I recommend the green chili and pepperoni. Shall I fax the order now? ~ Douglas Preston

He who smiles in a crisis; has finally found someone to blame. ~ Anonymous Hedge Fund Manager

Those Who want by the yard but try by the inch should be kicked by the foot... ~ Dueep JS

If the facts don't fit your theory, just find some new facts. ~ Susan Juby

Sometimes I'm beside myself wondering who is next to me. ~ U.L. Harper

Emily's ginger brows were knit tight, the edges of each almost meeting over the bridge of her pert nose. You know I will, you daft baggage. As if we have any other option. ~ Kady Cross

Humor is just truth, only faster! ~ Gilda Radner

They tell ya when t' start and they tell ya when t' stop. All you have to do is run! ~ Mark K. Henderson

Humor is a tool to ease the harsh realities of life. ~ Ken Poirot

When people keep telling you that you can't do a thing, you kind of like to try it. ~ Margaret Chase Smith

I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep. ~ Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Why can't the world be simpler, like it is for guinea pigs? They only have a few rules: Crying will get you attention. If it fits in your mouth, it's food. Scream if you don't get your share. ~ Cynthia Lord

I was into third guesses with Theo and Maddy. Anyway, that's one of the reasons I opted to buy
the van and drive cross-country instead of dumping us all in a plane. It gave us some time. Nothing
like a three-thousand-mile drive in an enclosed vehicle to cement a family unit - if you live through
it."
"It was very brave of you."
"You want to talk courage?" He drove easily up the lane to the villa. "I've been chief taste-tester
on this wine experiment Maddy's conducting. It's brut ~ Nora Roberts

If the self-help books worked, it would be a shrinking industry not a growing one. ~ Steve Maraboli

Stupid is a condition. Ignorance is a choice. ~ Wiley Miller

A sleep-deprived wizard is a truly dangerous thing. ~ Jenelle Leanne Schmidt

That's it then. This is how it ends. I haven't even read Proust. ~ James Turner

I refuse to admit that I am more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate. ~ Nancy Astor

Most people live lives that are full of mysteries, lives whose ultimate purpose we may never really understand. But for the sake of serenity, we must believe in life's nobleness. ~ Janvier Chouteu-Chando

Ted thought maybe he could start a fight about Shelly that could serve as a distraction. Or maybe he should just knock over the nearest video display and flee the state. ~ Kristen Roupenian

It doesn't matter if they hate you, or embarrass you, or simply don't appreciate your genius for inventing the internet-"
"You invented the internet?"
It was my idea, Martha said.
Rats are delicious, George said.
"It was my idea!" Hermes said. "I mean the internet, not the rats. But that's not the point. ~ Rick Riordan

I'd said it before and meant it: Alive or undead, the love of my life was a badass. ~ Richelle Mead

Don't put all your eggs in one basket ~ Nikki Ziehl

There is no one who has ever created music with the combination of intelligence, intuition, depth, creativity, and humor that Jerry Garcia has. His work and life will continue to be a limitless source of inspiration for all of us. ~ Bruce Hornsby

It was incomprehensible to her that anyone should be amused by such a circumstance, but both Gilly and Gideon plainly thought it excessively funny, so she smiled dutifully, realizing the truth of her mama's dictum, that there was never any knowing what stupidities men would find diverting. ~ Georgette Heyer

I've been working on something that merges rap with classical…. I call it Baby's Got Bach. ~ Michael LaRocca

There is no one alive who is youier than you ~ Dr. Seuss

Is that what you are calling it? A message? It felt more like emotional terrorism to me.-Zephyr ~ Amy A. Bartol

I happen to be immature, undisciplined, and self-centered, pretty much a little boy in a man's body, although I'd appreciate it if you didn't quote me on that.
-Bobby Tom ~ Susan Elizabeth Phillips

My Zombie apocalypse plan is simple but effective; I fully intend to die in the very first wave.
Seems more logical than undergoing all kinds of hardships only to die eventually anyway (through bites/malnutrition/or terminally chapped lips) ~ Graham Parke

Well, you'll have to wait till tomorrow. I'm out of commission." (he points to his shirt) "Look. Jammies. ~ Cassandra Clare

So you see, you have nothing to be afraid of.
Oh no, thought Otto, just squads of hired goons wandering around with experimental energy weapons. Nothing to be afraid of at all. ~ Mark Walden

I'll make Goyle do lines, it'll kill him, he hates writing," said Ron happily. He lowered his voice to Goyle's low grunt and, screwing up his face in a look of pained concentration, mimed writing in midair. "I ... must ... not ... look ... like ... a ... baboon's ... backside. ~ J.K. Rowling

He's like six hundred years younger than you are. I refuse to be the moral compass of our cell! Most weekends I have an intoxispell bong attached to my mouth like a respirator. I love scatological humor, and I list 'pranks involving nuclear waste' and 'making demons eat things' as my hobbies. ~ Kresley Cole

Everything begins with white. ~ Jayson Engay

Not very tall, not very dark but very...very handsome,' was his way of describing himself. ~ Anurag Shourie