Matchmaker Santa Quotes

I used to have Santa and the whole coal thing, but between Wade and their father, the little shits get whatever they want. They no longer feel like they need the fat bastard! ~ Ethan Day

I am always amazed by the novel angles that people come up with for kids' Christmas books. Even if a family is not religious, who could resist, say, "Olive, the Other Reindeer," about Olive the dog who thinks the song refers to her and heads for the North Pole to help Santa out? ~ Jabari Asim

I never believed in Santa Claus. None of us kids did. Mom and Dad refused to let us. They couldn't afford expensive presents and they didn't want us to think we weren't as good as other kids who, on Christmas morning, found all sorts of fancy toys under the tree that were supposedly left by Santa Claus.
Dad had lost his job at the gypsum, and when Christmas came that year, we had no money at all. On Christmas Eve, Dad took each one of us kids out into the desert night one by one.
"Pick out your favorite star", Dad said.
"I like that one!" I said.
Dad grinned, "that's Venus", he said. He explained to me that planets glowed because reflected light was constant and stars twinkled because their light pulsed.
"I like it anyway" I said.
"What the hell," Dad said. "It's Christmas. You can have a planet if you want."
And he gave me Venus.

Venus didn't have any moons or satellites or even a magnetic field, but it did have an atmosphere sort of similar to Earth's, except it was super hot-about 500 degrees or more. "So," Dad said, "when the sun starts to burn out and Earth turns cold, everyone might want to move to Venus to get warm. And they'll have to get permission from your descendants first.
We laughed about all the kids who believed in the Santa myth and got nothing for Christmas but a bunch of cheap plastic toys. "Years from now, when all the junk they got is broken and long forgotten," Dad said, "you'll still have your stars. ~ Jeannette Walls

When I was 18 at the Santa Ana River Jetty is where I put my first board in the water that I ever got from Joe Quigg. I was just riding the whitewater in, and I was just in heaven. ~ Dick Dale

All great ideas, all great leaps of progress, all have a wake of sacrificial bodies. ~ Volker G. Fremuth

Climate alarmists insist that the apparently missing heat (from CO2 warming)is hiding in the deep ocean -- which is like telling a child Santa Claus lives at the North Pole, as deep ocean heat can't be measured.
-- Ralph B. Alexander, Letter to The Oregonian, January 28, 2013 ~ Ralph B. Alexander

The redwood is the glory of the Coast Range. It extends along the western slope, in a nearly continuous belt about ten miles wide, from beyond the Oregon boundary to the south of Santa Cruz, a distance of nearly four hundred miles, and in massive, sustained grandeur and closeness of growth surpasses all the other timber woods of the world. ~ John Muir

I paid you five thousand instead and promised the balance only if you made the match. As it turns out, this is your lucky day because I've decided to write you the full check, whether the match comes from you or from Portia. As long as I have a wife and you've been part of the process, you'll get your money." He toasted her with his beer mug. "Congratulations."

She put down her fork. "Why would you do that?"

"Because it's efficient."

"Not as efficient as having Powers handle her own introductions. You're paying her a fortune to do exactly that."

"I'd rather have you."

Her pulse kicked. "Why?"

He gave her the melty smile he must have been practicing since the cradle, one that made her feel as though she was the only woman in the world. "Because you're easier to bully. Do we have a deal or not?"

"You don't want a matchmaker. You want a lackey."

"Semantics. My hours are erratic, and my schedule changes without warning. It'll be your job to cope with all that. You'll soothe ruffled feathers when I need to cancel at the last minute. You'll keep my dates company when I'm going to be late, entertain them if I have to take a call. If things are going well, you'll disappear. If not, you'll make the woman disappear. I told you before. I work hard at my job. I don't want to have to work hard at this, too."

"Basically, you expect me to find your bride, court her, and hand her over at the al ~ Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Don't laugh, it's people like her who make this lousy
world a place worth visiting.'
'Whores?'
'No. We're all whores, sooner or later. I mean
good-hearted people. And don't look at me like that. Weddings turn me to jelly.'
We remained there embracing that special silence, gazing at the reflections on the water. After a while dawn tinged the sky with amber, and Barcelona woke up. We heard the distant bells from the basilica of Santa Maria del Mar, just emerging from the mist on the other side of the harbour.
'Do you think Carax is still there, somewhere in the
city?' I asked.
'Ask me another question.'
'Do you have the rings?'
Fermin smiled. 'Come on, let's go. They're waiting for us, Daniel. Life is waiting for us. ~ Carlos Ruiz Zafon

Santa was dead, to begin with. There was no doubt whatsoever about that. The after-action report was signed by the field commander, the director of operations, the secretary of the Office of Sidhe Affairs, and the chief battle-mage. Janus had signed it - and Janus's word could be counted upon for anything he chose to put his name to. Old Saint Nicholas, the Sidhe Lord of the Yuletide, was as dead as a door-nail.
It didn't stick. ~ Chris Lester

I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. Underneath the mistletoe last night. She didn't see me creep down the stairs to have a peep; She thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep. Then, I saw mommy tickle Santa Claus Underneath his beard so snowy white; Oh, what a laugh it would have been. If daddy had only seen. mommy kissing Santa Claus, last night. ~ Jimmy Boyd

I used to figure that Santa was the zombie. Not like modern zombies, more like the voodoo ones. The elves resurrect this long dead saint to do their festive bidding every year because they were magically restricted to the North Pole. It's entirely possibly my mom let me watch too many horror movies. ~ Thomm Quackenbush

She stared at the castle. She had actually been summoned to a castle. A week before Christmas. ~ Fern Michaels

Everyone thinks of God as a man - you can't help it - Santa Claus was a man, therefore God has to be a man. ~ Patti Smith

From the baking aisle to the post office line to the wrapping paper bin in the attic, women populate every dark corner of Christmas. Who got up at 4 a.m. to put the ham in the oven? A woman ... Who sent the Christmas card describing her eighteen-year-old son's incarceration as 'a short break before college?' A woman. Who remembered to include batteries at the bottom of each stocking? A woman. And who gets credit for pulling it all off?
Santa.
That's right. A man. ~ Rachel Held Evans

I don't know what I'm doing in Santa Teresa," Amalfitano said to himself after he'd been living in the city for a week.
"Don't you? Don't you really?" he asked himself.
"Really I don't," he said to himself. And that was as eloquent as he could be. ~ Roberto Bolano

As a children's minister, I always believed that I was an evangelist, and at the end of the book, there's a simple prayer that, whoever's reading the book could accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior ~ Soraya Diase Coffelt

Great and terrible was the year of Our Lord 1918, of the Revolution the second. Its summer abundant with warmth and sun, its winter and snow, highest in its heaven stood two stars: the shepherds' star, eventide Venus; and Mars- quivering, red. But in days of blood and of peace the years fly like an arrow and the thick frost of a hoary white December, season of Christmas trees, Santa Claus, joy and glittering snow, overtook the young Turbins unawares. For the reigning head of the family, their adored mother, was no longer with them. ~ Mikhail Bulgakov

They will tell you that to be political is to be merely angry, and therefore artless, depthless, "raw," and empty. They will speak of Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. They will tell you that great writing "breaks free" from the political, thereby "transcending" the barriers of difference, uniting people toward universal truths. They'll say this is achieved through craft above all. Let's see how it's made, they'll say- as if how something is assembled is alien to the impulse that created it. As if the first chair was hammered into existence without considering the human form. ~ Ocean Vuong

Almost all of the stories in The Matchmaker, the Apprentice, and the Football Fan are told in the first person, yet, depending on the angle and distance of the narrator, they exert different effects. The best are those in which the speaker never poses as an objective outsider. ( ... ) Other stories are damaged by the urge to distance the narrator. ~ Yiyun Li

Hey, I have an idea," Lex said. "Give me a sec."
He kept trying. "Idea as in 'good idea,' or idea as in 'let's take the Ferris wheel, everyone, I'm sure it'll be a carefree ride of thrills and delights and whimsy' - "
"Does this help?"
Driggs opened his eyes and, in the space of a yoctosecond, popped right into a solid body. Lex half expected to hear a wacky boing sound effect.
She grabbed his arm to keep him that way, while he kept on staring at her bare chest. "So," he said, swallowing, "good idea, then."
"Thank you."
He pulled her close and gave her a kiss. "And thank you for sparing me your devil corset."
She held it up and waved it in his face. "It's a standard bra, Driggs. From, like, Target."
"Satan employs many disguises."
"Like you're from the Land of Superior Underwear. Let's see what sort of designer boxers you've chosen to grace my presence with today." She unzipped his pants and looked. "Dude. Penguins?"
"Um, penguins are officially recognized as the most adorable bird on the planet," he said, a hint of anxiety creeping into his voice. "What's wrong with penguins?"
"Nothing - "
"And igloos. See their little igloos?"
"Yes - "
"The Santa hats are a bit much, I'll give you that, but they were a Christmas present, okay? And if I'd known that I was going to die while wearing them and be forever doomed to their Arctic quirkiness - and of hypothermia, too, how's that for irony - "
"Driggs," she i ~ Gina Damico

I guess that's where faith comes in, the faith of a child to believe in Santa, the faith of an adult to believe in God, maybe faith is what makes something real? Maybe Rose had believed enough to create her own afterlife, maybe that's the reward of faith ... ~ Gillibran Brown

His hands are caressing her skin, hips, thighs, and ass. One slips between her legs, gently stroking, opening her a little for him, and then he lifts his head and she feels it. His mouth, right there. Blair's eyes fall shut. Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. She ~ Andrea Simonne

Like the waters of the river, like the motorists on the highway, and like the yellow trains streaking down the Santa Fe tracks, drama, in the shape of exceptional happenings, had never stopped there. ~ Truman Capote

The director mentions the whispers about Clifton's sexual orientation, a supposed gig on a porn site years ago, a rumor about a very famous actor and a tryst in Santa Barbara and Clifton's denial in a Rolling Stone cover story about the very famous actor's new movie which Clifton had a small part in: 'We're so into girls it's ridiculous. ~ Bret Easton Ellis

We're not mad at God, just like atheists don't hate Santa or Unicorns, they're just not there! ~ Hemant Mehta

My dad founded the 'Rancho Santa Fe Times' and won a lot of journalism awards. ~ Chris Hillman

Harper?" Cash murmured after a long moment.
"Hmm?" I turned my head.
"Do you believe in Santa?"
I shifted onto my side to look at him, smiling. "Yeah, I do."
He adjusted his head to look at me. "Even though he's something our parents say isn't real?"
I nodded. "Yeah, definitely. There's usually some kind of truth behind stories."
He looked up to the tree then to me. "Think we can see him tonight?"
I laughed and sat up. "Who? Santa? Why not? It couldn't hurt to try. ~ Shaye Evans

My dear Rosie,

Unbeknownst to you I took this chance before, many, many years ago. You never received that letter and I'm glad because my feelings since then have changed dramatically. They have intensified with every passing day.
I'll get straight to the point because if I don't say what I have to say now, I fear it will never be said. And I need to say it.
Today I love you more than ever; I want you more than ever. I'm a man of fifty years of age coming to you, feeling like a teenager in love, asking you to give me a chance and love me back.
Rosie Dunne, I love you with all my heart. I have always loved you, even when I was seven years old and I lied about falling asleep on Santa watch, when I was ten years old and didn't invite you to my birthday party, when I was eighteen and had to move away, even on my wedding days, on your wedding day, on christenings, birthdays and when we fought. I loved you through it all. Make me the happiest man on this earth by being with me.
Please reply to me.

All my love,
Alex ~ Cecelia Ahern

The fact is that Santa and Satan are alter egos, brothers; they have the same origin. ~ Phyllis Siefker

CALVIN:
This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn't make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery?
If the guy exists why doesn't he ever show himself and prove it?
And if he doesn't exist what's the meaning of all this?
HOBBES:
I dunno. Isn't this a religious holiday?
CALVIN:
Yeah, but actually, I've got the same questions about God. ~ Bill Watterson

It`s better to ask Santa Claus for a pair of slippers for Christmas rather than peace on earth. You might actually get it. ~ Terry Pratchett

When I was out for the Christmas Holidays in school, I would go skiing up to the mountains and there they had Santa on a sled. Pulled by horses and other reindeer, it was a very, very picturesque time and that struck me very emphatically then and has remained with me all this time. ~ William Shatner

It was that magical time of year, a time to enjoy and cherish those whom she loved so dearly. ~ Fern Michaels

Christmas movies, it's a hard thing to do. The danger is you just end up with a Hollywood star with a Santa beard. You risk it being fake and cheesy and not real. ~ Peter Baynham

I thought you were all-seeing."
All-knowing, not all-seeing!" he snapped. "I'm a God, not Santa Claus! ~ Kelley Armstrong

Being a teenager is a curse and a gift. It's the age where fairytales cease to exist and Santa isn't real but parts of our hearts want to say 'What if... ~ Brittainy C. Cherry

Our local department store had two Santas - one for regular kids and one for kids who wanted ten toys or less. ~ Milton Berle

Becks?"
"Yes?"
"Santa smoked a reefer and decorated my house."
"What? Hold on, I'll be there in a few minutes. ~ Dana Marie Bell

I liked Christmas and this was Christmassy enough for us. Ellie and Adam's flat looked like Santa had dropped around for a party, had too much to drink and puked up Christmas everywhere. ~ Samantha Young