Just Kidding Not Really Quotes

The werewolf pointed at a bench next to the door into the Kirkwoods' tomb. "Sit. Wait."
Did I mention werewolves were chatty? ~ Mindee Arnett

Then what's wrong?"
He couldn't be that obtuse. "You're kidding, right?"
"Ah, yeah, gotcha. Modesty issue, huh?" He drove in a deceptively relaxed way. "Look, yours isn't the first tail I've ever seen, okay?"
Fury stole Priss's breath. She reacted without thinking, slugging his hard in the shoulder.
"Ow!" He grabbed her wrist and tossed her hand back at her. "I was trying to comfort you, woman."
"Comfort!" He couldn't be serious. No man could be that dense. "You're a . . . a Neanderthal!"
"Am not."
Flattened by his careless attitude, Priss stared at him in disbelief. He was a gorgeous guy, but still a jerk. Shaggy blond hair, darker and more unkempt than Trace's, piercing green eyes, a strong jaw and . . . she peeked at his naked chest . . . Built.
Her chin lifted. "Where in the world did they even find you?" It had to be under a rock. Or deep in a cave.
He glared at her. "They who?"
"Trace and Dare."
Giving her a cautious frown, Jackson rubbed at one bloodshot, swollen eye. "That's top secret."
That's top secret, she mouthed, making fun of him, lashing out in her embarrassment.
He went rigid with affront. "Goddamn it, woman, you blinded me, nutted me, and damn near clubbed me to death. Now you have to ridicule me, too?"
He dared to complain to her? "You snuck into my bathroom. You saw me naked!"
"Yeah." His mouth twitched. He nodded just a little. "Yeah, I did." As he turned on his headlights and pull ~ Lori Foster

They are always telling us that Carolina Blue is not a color, that it is really Columbia blue or sky blue. But there is no bad blood amongst the teammates. All of our kidding is in good fun. ~ Lorrie Fair

I was just kidding, shuck-face," Minho said. "Let's all go over there. She could have an army of psycho girl ninjas hiding in that shack of hers."
"Psycho girl ninjas?" Newt repeated, his voice showing he was surprised, if not annoyed, by Minho's additude. ~ James Dashner

Me: It will get better, right? Eventually, it will get better.

Scarlett: I'm sorry I'm not the type to lower our discourse to emoji use since you totally deserve a smiley face right now. Yes, it will get better.

Me: Ha. It's just. Whatever. Sorry to keep whining.

Scarlett: That's what I'm here for. BTW, that email you forwarded? My guess: TOTALLY A SECRET ADMIRER.

Me: You've read too many books. I'm being set up. And stop YELLING AT ME.

Scarlett: No way. I didn't say he was a vampire. I said he was a secret admirer. Most def.

Me: Wanna take bets?

Scarlett: You should just know by now that I'm always right. It's my one magic power.

Me: What's mine?

Scarlett: TBD.

Me: Thanks a lot.

Scarlett: Kidding. You are strong. That's your power, girl.

Me: My arms are v. toned from stress-eating ALL the cookies. Hand to mouth. Repeat 323 times. Hard-core workout.

Scarlett: Seriously, for a second, J? Just because you're strong doesn't mean you shouldn't ask for help sometimes. Remember that. I'm here, ALWAYS, but you might want to take up that offer from someone local.

Me: Whatever. Ugh. Thanks, Dr. Phil. I miss you!

Scarlett: Miss you too! Go write back to SN. NOW. NOW. NOW. Now tell me the truth? Anyone at your school unusually pale? ~ Julie Buxbaum

I'm not kidding myself. My voice alone is just an ordinary voice. What people come to see is how I use it. If I stand still while I'm singing, I'm dead, man. I might as well go back to driving a truck. ~ Elvis Presley

When you're not fully trusting in the Lord you're concerned mostly about rescue. "I'm a Christian, get me out of here!" And the Lord is saying, "You're kidding, right? I want to teach you who you are in this situation!" In some of our situations, He gives us power and authority to move. In other situations He gives us patience because that works just as powerfully, it's just going to take a few extra weeks. ~ Graham Cooke

I'm gonna master it just like I mastered the other kind of French." He winks at me.
Kitty and I both scream at him for that. "Don't talk like that in front of my sister!" I yell, shoving him in the chest.
"I was kidding!"
"Also, you're not that good at French kissing." Even though, yeah, he is.
Peter gives me a Who are you kidding? look, and I shrug, because who am I kidding? ~ Jenny Han

So what do your parents do?"
"Think up creative ways to kill each other." Vane cringed as that flew out of his mouth. He was so used to saying it that he didn't think about it until he'd heard himself say it.
"No, really."
Vane looked away uncomfortably. Bride's jaw went slack as she realized he wasn't kidding. "Why would they do that?"
Vane actually squirmed a bit before he answered. "It's a long story. My mother ran off not long after I was born and my father wants me dead, so here I am with you."
She didn't know what to think of that. "This um this family insanity, it's not hereditary, is it?"
"It doesn't appear to be," he said seriously. "But if it creeps up on me, feel free to shoot me. ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

He came to find me," I offered, a small indication, maybe,that this was a Phillite boy who'd grown into doing the right thing.
"I'll give him that. He could have just sucked down his spaghetti and gone." Frankie stuck the cap back on the lipstick. "You look very pretty in..." He flipped the tube over and read. "You've gotta be kidding. Poysonberry? Who comes up with this stuff? Anyway.I'm sure Alex Bainbridge will agree."
"Thank you."
"Anytime.Just keep this in mind, if you would, please. I know that you look very pretty every day, with or without the ridiculously named wax products."
"Saint Francis," I teased, feeling just delightfully poysonous enough in the glow of his approval. "Too good for this world."
"That's just what Connor said." Frankie's most recent boy. They met in a bookstore.
"Bookstore Connor of the fantasy realm?"
Behind us,the gong went. Frankie started to scoop his stuff together. "Careful.His fantasies do not involve one-dimensional Phillites or dead men."
I tapped him on the tip of his perfect nose. He hates that. "How do you know? He might have a thing for dead, one-dimensional Phillites. ~ Melissa Jensen

Grandma just said 'sex'." Jake commented behind Char. "I think this is my favorite night ever."
"And you!" Grandma pointed the gun at Kacey. "Stop tempting him! He's a boy! He can't help his urges."
"Just kidding," Jake said. " 'Urges', 'urges' trumps 'sex'."
"Now! The both of you, back into your rooms so you can put this fornicating business behind you!"
"There it is," Char whispered. "The winner of the night."
"Fornication." Jake held out his hand from behind Char. She gave him a high five before they slowly closed their door.
Grandma called out their names.
"Quick!" Char yelled. "Get on the floor! This is not a drill! ~ Rachel Van Dyken

Uhh, Emerson, are you okay?" Ryker asked as he unfolded his tall frame from the pickup, flickering his attention to Bash.
"She's fine," Bash answered for me.
"I sure as hell am not!" I answered.
"Are you going to stand there while this caveman carries me off?" Bash's hand tightened across my ass in response.
Ryker tilted his head and sighed. "Fuck my life, you two. You're not in the same town for a week and you're already at each other. Bash, are you going to hurt her? Rape her? Lock her away in a cave?"
"Don't be a pain in my ass, Ryker. Of course not."
"Emerson, are you honestly scared of Bash?" "What? No. He's just an asshole! Put me down!" I kicked my foot and Bash grunted. Good. "Okay, well you two kids have a nice night and work your shit out. Emmy, give him hell." He waved us off and went into the bar where his sister waited.
"Looks like it's just us, Emmy."
"You have to be kidding me," I groaned. ~ Rebecca Yarros

My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you're kidding? ... Noooo ... as funny as that is, I'm not ~ Ellen DeGeneres

You know that I'm not for sale, right?"
"I know. Or I would have already bought you."
I grinned, thinking he was kidding, but he just stared into my eyes.
Too intense! So I tried a playful turn. "And what would you do if you owned me?" I tweaked his strong chin. "Would I be your slave?"
He shook his head. "I would free you, Victoria. And then I would buy you the entire goddamned world. ~ Kresley Cole

So far Tris was immune to the new version of the serum we created--it had no effect whatsoever. It's very strange that a person's genes would make them so resistant to mind manipulation of any kind."
"Maybe it's not her genes," I say, shrugging. I switch feet. "Maybe it's some kind of superhuman stubbornness."
"Oh, are we at the insult part of the breakup?" she says. "Because I got in a lot of practice after what happened with Will. I have several choice things to say about her nose."
"We didn't break up." I grin. "But it's nice to know you have such warm feelings for my girlfriend."
"I apologize, I don't know why I jumped to that conclusion." Cara's cheeks flush. "My feelings toward your girlfriend are mixed, yes, but for the most part I have a lot of respect for her."
"I know. I was just kidding. It's nice to see you get flustered every once in a while."
Cara glares at me.
"Besides," I say, "what's wrong with her nose? ~ Veronica Roth

The irony of it, is how Freemasons have been trying to create and fulfill prophecy, and in their endeavor to hide behind secrecy they have been the catalyst for prophetic fulfillments. Moreover, I have taken the worst excrement ever defecated by mankind and have turned it into knowledge. Therefore, I have made the Thought a Thing and have aided the march of a TRUTH which I have bequeathed to mankind as a personal estate to hold in trust and I have dropped it into the world's wide treasury as an example of a human excellence of growth that shall make the spiritual glory of the human race greater because this endowment has been cultivated from Truth as raw as a diamond in the rough. For what man develops and creates will always be artificial and glorified fabrication that when dismantled, is nothing more than just a lie regardless of how sophisticated the deception. A con artist will never be more than just a thief, and a cubic zirconia will never be more perfect than a diamond. Thus I have written in the same line as Moses and he who died upon the cross, and I have achieved an intellectual sympathy with the Deity himself and since[according to Albert Pike] the best gift we can bestow on humanity, is manhood, then I shall call it:
ANTI - CHRIST ENDOWMENTS
Because I'm the Little Horn with the biggest horn on the field. They were not kidding when they said I would be more stout than my fellows. ~ Alejandro C. Estrada

Great. Okay. That, uh ... was easier than I thought."
Jack cocked his head. Wait a second ... He couldn't decide if he was pissed or really impressed. He hooked a finger into the waistband of the workout pants she'd changed into and pulled her closer. "Did you fake me out with those tears, Cameron?"
She peered up at him, defiantly, seemingly outraged by the suggestion. "Are you kidding? What, after the day I've had, I'm not entitled to a few tears? Sheesh."
Jack waited.
"This wedding is very important to me
I can't believe you're even doubting me. Honestly, Jack, the tears were real."
He waited some more. She would talk eventually. They always did.
Cameron shifted under the weight of his stare. "Okay, fine. Some of the tears were real." She looked him over, annoyed. "You are really good at that."
He grinned. "I know. ~ Julie James

Come back, come back, dear friend, only friend, come back. I promise to be good.
If I was short with you, I was either kidding or just being stubborn; I regret all this more than I can express. Come back and all is forgotten. It is unbearable to think you took my joke seriously. I have been crying for two days straight. Come back. Be brave, dear friend. All is not lost. You only need to come back. We will live here once again, bravely, patiently. I'm begging you. You know it is for your own good. Come back, all of your things are here. I hope you now know that our last conversation wasn't real. That awful moment. But you, when I waved to you to get off the boat, why didn't you come? To have lived together for two years and to have come to that! What will you do? If you don't want to come back here, would you want me to come to you?

Yes, I was wrong.

Tell me you haven't forgotten me.

You couldn't.

I always have you with me.

Listen, tell me: should we not live together anymore?
Be brave. Write immediately.
I can't stay here much longer.
Listen to your heart.
Now, tell me if I should come join you.
My life is yours. ~ Arthur Rimbaud

Go to sleep, dweller-baby. I'll kill Elowin as soon as we find her." He didn't sound like he was kidding. Each word was low and laced with truth.

"Next time, just say like … sleep well, or something normal," I said. "Not go to sleep, I'll be murdering someone in no time. It doesn't sound as comforting as you think it does. ~ Jaymin Eve

Condom," she gasped.
A movement stopped.
"What?"
Phoebe felt the earth open up in preparation of swallowing her. How could she have not mentioned this before?
"I'm not on anything right now," she whispered. "Birth control. I'm not on the Pill." She gestured helplessly.
"Shit, fuck, damn."
Disappointment tied her in knots. "I was really only interested in that middle part," she joked.
There was a second of silence, followed by a low chuckle. "You're never predictable, Phoebe. I'll give you that. Cross your fingers."
"What?"
"Cross your fingers. I might have a condom in my shaving kit."
There was movement and rustling, then the sound of a zipper being opened.
"I'm going to have to put on the light."
She briefly debated being polite and closing her eyes, but who was she kidding? She wanted to see Zane naked. In preparation, she raised up on one elbow and stared in his general direction. When the light came on, she saw all she wanted and more.
He was kneeling at the end of the sleeping bag. Naked, aroused and more physically perfect than any man had a right to be. She saw the definition in his arms, the broad strength of his chest and his flat stomach before lowering her attention to his large, hard penis.
The physical proof of his desire for her made her so happy, she nearly cried. Her other instinct was to part her legs, tell him never mind with birth control and protection and demand he take her right there ~ Susan Mallery

I do not want to date you."
He groaned. "Liv. You've got to be kidding me. I picked up my whole life, drove halfway across the country, and you've changed your mind? It's only been fifteen days since you told me you still love me!"
"Shut up, will you? Will you please just shut up and kiss me again, you big idiot?" With both hands on his face, she molded her lips to his as her heart did a happy dance in her chest. Between kisses, she said, "I want to live with you and marry you and have a family with you and share your life
all the things you said you wanted from me before I ruined it. So no, I will not date you. ~ Marie Force

Yeah, I get it; you're a vampire," she said. "Creepy. And okay, a little hot, I admit."
"You don't mean that."
"Come on. I still like you, you know, even if you... crave plasma."
Michael blinked and looked at her as if he had never seen her before.
"You what?"
"Like. You." Eve enunciated slowly, as if Michael might not know the words. "Idiot. I always have. What, you didn't know?" Eve sounded cool and grown-up about it, but Claire saw the hectic color in her cheeks, under the makeup.
"How clueless are you? Does it come with the fangs?"
"I guess I... I just thought... Hell. I just didn't think... You're kind of intimidating, you know."
"I'm intimidating? Me? I run like a rabbit from trouble, mostly," Eve said.
"It's all show and makeup. You're the one who's intimidating. I mean, come on. All that talent, and you look... Well, you know how you look."
" How do I look?" He sounded fascinated now, and he'd actually moved a little closer to Eve on the couch.
She laughed. "Oh come on. You're a total model-babe."
"You're kidding."
"You don't think you are?"
He shook his head.
"Then you're kind of an idiot, Glass. Smart, but and idiot." Eve crossed her arms.
"So? What exactly do you think about me, except that I'm intimidating?"

"I think you're…you're…ah, interesting?" Michael was amazingly bad at this, Claire thought, but then he saved it by looking away and continuing. "I think you'r ~ Rachel Caine

I would respect feminist who said "Single moms, are you kidding me? Stop taking government benefits because, the government is the patriarchy. So, you are taking things from the patriarchy so you dont have to be responsible. Any woman who takes money from the government using cops who usually extract it from men by force is not a feminist. Is a exceedingly bad bride of the state." I would admire that but, of course feminism doesn't have anything to do with any of that stuff.

Look, it's fine. Have your fun. Make fun of men. Go for it. Yea, we're all idiots, we're all selfish, greedy bastards. Ok, it's fine because the government is going to run out of money soon and then all these woman are going to try to find some guy to latch onto when the benefits stop flowing and I mean, you saw this happening with the soviet union. "Now we need you! You guys are great! We missed you so much! Give me some money!"

It's just a bunch of noise from a bunch of people who are stealing from the productive. ~ Stefan Molyneux

I took a step back and appraised the sight of the naked torso in front of me. He'd always had an amazing body, but Christ. Trip had gotten freaking ripped.
I put my hands to my hips and asked, "Are you kidding me? What the hell is this?"
My anger probably missed its mark, considering I was standing there totally nude. It's hard to be taken seriously when you're not wearing any clothes.
He knew exactly what I was talking about and was trying to contain a smile as he asked, "What?"
I rolled my eyes. "When did this happen? Jesus. Look at you! Give a girl a heads up about such a thing, huh?"
That made the smile crack his features. "What? So I've been hitting it a little harder lately. I just came off a gladiator film and I'm starting a hockey flick in a few weeks. Occupational hazard, I guess."
"Yeah. A hazard to me, maybe! Here I am with my saggy ass and you're standing there looking like Michelangelo's David, you jagweed!"
He stepped closer, grabbing my butt and pulling me into direct contact with what was assuredly going to be revealed as his perfect dick. He probably lifted weights with that thing, too. His cock probably possessed its own set of washboard abs. ~ T. Torrest

Are you kidding? That's exactly why I hate him! He knew that this was just the first step of a long war and we were going to need men like him to help win it. Fucking coward. Remember what I said about being beholden to your conscience? You can't blame anyone else, not the plan's architect, not your commanding officer, no one but yourself. You have to make your own choices and live every agonizing day with the consequences of those choices. He knew this. That's why he deserted us like we deserted those civilians. He saw the road ahead, a steep, treacherous mountain road. We'd all have to hike that road, each of us dragging the boulder of what we'd done behind us. He couldn't do it. He couldn't shoulder the weight. ~ Max Brooks

I would say, 'I'm alone, but I'm not lonely.' But I was just kidding myself. ~ Bruce Willis

Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about. ~ Ellen DeGeneres

I just find it funny what people will comment on, I try to not pay that much attention to it, but the crazy part is that if I'm doing a squat and I have an action photo, they're like, "Oh your form is off!" And I'm like, are you kidding? I'm still at the gym and you're not! ~ Khloe Kardashian

She has eyes that shine like a night-hunting cat, and she's so lethal she can kill somebody with just her pinky. I'm not kidding about that. ~ Ann Aguirre

All of my friends went to college and I got a job at Circle Pizza, where I worked for 24 hours. I had to call my mother four times to ask her how to spell Parmesan. I'm not kidding. I was a terrible speller. I think I was really nervous that I somehow didn't feel right out in the world in that way. ~ Sarah Paulson

I'm the most experienced cinematographer in this medium, so there's no point in having that extra conversation in the middle of the loop. You're making the film in relation to what's happening now, and you can't really affect what's happening now. It's not like you're in control of anything in front of the camera. If you're calling yourself the director and you're not the cinematographer, I think you're kidding yourself. ~ David Douglas

An umeboshi plum is a little Japensese salt plum. The best thing for motion sickness is to take one of these plums ... and tape it to your belly button. I'm not kidding you. This really, really works. ~ Marilu Henner

I saw a picture of you and Vincent in a 1968 newspaper that said you died in a fire," I said, turning to Ambrose.
He nodded at me with a little smile, urging me on.
"So how can you be here now?"
"Well, I'm glad we're starting with the easy questions," he said, stretching his powerful arms and then leaning toward me. "The answer would be ... because we're zombies!" and he let out a horrible groan, stretching his mouth open and baring his teeth as he curled his hands into claws.
Seeing my terrified expression, Ambrose began cracking up and slapping his knee with his hand. "Just kidding," he cackled, and then, calming down, looked at me sedately. "But no, seriously. We're zombies."
"We are not zombies!" said Charlotte, her voice rising with annoyance. ~ Amy Plum

I'm not some piece of ass that you can just use for the night," Jake said, surprised at his own outrage. "You've got to be kidding. ~ Katie Rose