Beets Humor Quotes

Nobody ever says, "Can I have your beets? ~ Bill Cosby

Breath Properly, Stay Curious, and Always Eat Your Beets! ~ Tom Robbins

There are three things that none of the young men of the present generation can do.They can't sit over their wine;they can't play at wist;and they can't pay a lady a compliment. ~ Wilkie Collins

I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific. ~ Steven Wright

That took a while." Frank was looking not at her but at his brother. She needed to tell somebody. "It was awful. That horse really is vicious. I wish I could go back and relive last Sunday, and we wouldn't be here." Frank said, "The thing you've got to learn is that Cord's meaner than most of what he comes up against. You were worried about him the day he half-killed those poor yahoos too, if I remember. ~ Ellen O'Connell

Holy mother of rectangles. ~ Dan Howell

I didn't notice him coming, but he didn't seem to be looking for an autograph signature ~ George Harrison

Maybe she's helping him because his hands are full," Lydia suggested.
The girl kissed a trace of chocolate from the corner of his mouth.
"Or not. ~ Diana Peterfreund

I read the fuck out of every book I can get my hands on. ~ Nick Hornby

Just being alive should make you late for everything. In case you've never noticed, the dead are always on time. ~ Arlene Ang

Fiction is the poor persons travel agent. ~ L.Douglas Muncy

My brain? That's my second favorite organ. ~ Woody Allen

When in doubt .....RUN ~ Terry Pratchett

I challenge you to find a more innocuous sentence containing the words sperm, suction, swallow, and any homophone of seaman. And then call me up on the homophone and read it to me. ~ Mary Roach

No men who really think deeply about women retain a high opinion of them ~ Otto Weininger

I have been asked to explain what I meant by saying that "Literature is a luxury; fiction is a necessity." I have no notion when I said it or where I said it, or even whether I said it; in the sense that I do not now remember ever saying it at all. But I do know why I said it; if I ever said it at all. ~ G.K. Chesterton

After that, we don't talk, instead we get hammered. Shot after shot we down, chasing each one with a Little Debbie snack. Before we know it, we're hanging on to the bar counter floating around in a sugar and alcohol coma, just the way I like it.

"There's my girl," Racer shouts as he topples off his stool and onto the floor, laughing hysterically. Georgie stops in her tracks and looks over at Emma, who's standing next to her, both holding two boxes of Little Debbie snacks each.

"Emmmmmmmma," Tucker drags out, waving his glass in the air. "You brought the snacks."

"Oh, Jesus," Emma mutters as she approaches us.

I point to my mouth and say, "Feed me. Daddy needs sugar."

Racer is beside me, tangled in the pegs of his bar stool, still laughing. "Did you bring Oatmeal Pies, George? Please tell me you have the pies."

"Uh, I think you've had enough for tonight," she says, looking down at her boyfriend.

"Never!" Racer struggles to get up and finally knocks the chair over to free himself. "Fucking bitch chair, digging into me with its claws." Talking to the stool directly he says, "I'm taken, warm someone else's ass."

"He's going to propose, chair, leave him alone," Tucker announces, causing me to cringe.

"Dude, don't say it out loud." I punch Tucker in the shoulder. "Georgie is right there." All three of us turn to Georgie, who's shaking her head in humor. Hopefully.

"I'll tak ~ Meghan Quinn

And i'm thinking, aren't i supposed to be the one who's freaking out here? tiny is going to be the first b-b-b- (i can't do it) boy-f-f-f (c'mon, will) boyf-boyf (here we go) boyfriend of mine that she's ever met. ~ David Levithan

God likes a little humor, as is evidence by the fact that he made the monkeys, the parrot
and some of you people. ~ Billy Sunday

Fireball doesn't need a search warrant. ~ Bryan Fields

Who wouldn't want to see some owl eggs?"
I said, "Come on then, they are down here."
He said, "Tallulah, the answer to who wouldn't want to see some owl eggs is ... me!!!! ~ Louise Rennison

I am an evil Giraffe. ~ Eddie Izzard

I'm not a criminal," said Paddington, hotly. "I'm a bear! ~ Michael Bond

I don't drink a lot. My family calls me an old soul. And my friends call me a pussy. ~ Mike Birbiglia

Another last-minute, good-deed job," Royce grumbled as he stuffed
supplies into his saddlebag.
"True," Hadrian said, slinging his sword belt over his shoulder, "but
this is at least a paying job."
"You should have told him the real reason we saved him from Trumbul
because we wouldn't see the hundred tenents otherwise."
"That was your reason. Besides, how often do we get to do royal contracts?
If word gets around, we'll be able to command top salaries."
"If word gets around, we'll be hanged. ~ Michael J. Sullivan

Is he actually good?" Judith asked. "He's incredible." "Sorry, are we talking about the painting or the shagging?" Nev asked. "The painting!" He grinned. "Right. ~ Ruthie Knox

For months in the fall of 2001, our highways looked like a county fair on wheels. "Look out, Al-Qaeda
patriot on board!" I once saw a guy with five flags tell a guy with four flags to go back to Afghanistan. ~ Bill Maher

Maybe I should keep you in a walled garden so you can't ever leave.'
The image this conjured up was so vivid that for a moment he couldn't think how to answer. He glanced down at her, his mouth open as if to speak, but no words came out. The truth was, he thought, feeling humble, feeling stupid, he didn't think he would mind any more than the raelynx did being kept in perpetual service to the princess. 'Men generally don't make very good pets,' he said at last, and she went off in a peal of laughter. ~ Sharon Shinn

Haley and I would talk for hours about which member of 'N Sync we'd want to marry. After long deliberation, the answer was always J. C. Chasez. Joey
Fatone's last name was going to be "Fat One" no matter how great he was, and even though they didn't know at their
age that Lance Bass was gay outright, they sensed he'd make a better good friend and confidante. As for Justin Timberlake, well, JT was the coolest and hottest, but too flashy, so we couldn't trust him to be faithful. J. C. Chasez was the smart compromise. ~ Mindy Kaling

There is no pathos more bitter than that of parting from someone we have never met. ~ P.G. Wodehouse

You get work however you get work, but people keep working in a freelance world (and more and more of todays world is freelance), because their work is good, because they are easy to get along with and because they deliver the work on time. And you don't even need all three! Two out of three is fine. People will tolerate how unpleasant you are if your work is good and you deliver it on time. People will forgive the lateness of your work if it is good and they like you. And you don't have to be as good as everyone else if you're on time and it's always a pleasure to hear from you. ~ Neil Gaiman

That was some powerful shit. Like mind and pussy-numbing, fuckilepsy inducing, reproductive organ-exploding powerful. You really are some kind of flogger wielding sex God. ~ Ella Dominguez

By-the-bye, what became of the baby?" said the Cat. "I'd nearly forgotten to ask."
"It turned into a pig," Alice answered very quietly, just as if the Cat had come back in a natural way.
"I thought it would," said the Cat, and vanished again. ~ Lewis Carroll

You want him praising the Lord in the morning, you put a smile on his face tonight. ~ Mark Gungor

But there was one girl who had a big influence over me. Barbie. I worshipped Barbie. In fact, I would say Barbie was my twelve-inch plastic life coach. She had it all, a camper, a dune buggy, even a dream house. Part of why it was a dream house to me was that she was the only one who lived there. Her boyfriend, Ken, came to visit when she--er, I decided. She had a sports car and would bounce from job to job as she--er, I saw fit.Barbie owned zero floral baby-making dresses. I craved that indepence. And her weird-ass boobs? So what? She still reached the steering wheel of her royal blue sports car. Some people thought that the fact that her feet were fucked and she couldn't stand was a problem. But to me, it meant she was free. Free from standing at a stove, or a washing machine, or with a baby hanging off her hip. She has no hip. She has no hips. Plus, she didn't have to walk; she drove her convertible everywhere. God, I loved Barbie. She was free in every way I knew how to define freedom. ~ Lizz Winstead

What are you doing, Avery?"
I held up my bottle. "Drinking. What are you doing?"
His icy blue eyes narrowed. "That's not what I'm getting at and you know that. What are you doing?"
Damn. Hello attitude. I tried to give Cam the bitch look Steph had mastered, screwing my face up until I'm sure I looked like I was having a seizure. I sighed and gave up. ~ J. Lynn

Thinking is hard work, which is why you don't see many people doing it. ~ Sue Grafton

Then we kissed for about 25 years, I think." (184) ~ Geoff Herbach