Jen Campbell Quotes

CHILD: Mummy, who was Hitler? MOTHER: Hitler? CHILD: Yeah. Who was he? MOTHER: Erm, he was a very bad man from a long time ago. CHILD: Oh. How bad? MOTHER: He was like ... he was like Voldemort. CHILD: Oh! That's really, really bad. Mother: Yes. CHILD: (Pause) So, did Harry Potter kill Hitler, too?

Bookshops are
time machines
spaceships
story-makers
secret-keepers
dragon-tamers
dream-catchers
fact-finders
& safe places.
(this book is for those who know this to be true)

Art and science are made when people are terrified that they are going to die. (about "Arcadia" by Iain Pears)

CUSTOMER:Will you be open so I can buy the new Harry Potter book?
BOOKSELLER: Yep, we're having a midnight opening.
CUSTOMER: Great! What time?

Customer: I'm looking for a book for my son. He's six.
Bookseller: How about this one - it's about-
Customer: Yeah, whatever, I'll take it.

Customer: Where are your fictional novels?

Customer: Forgotten my glasses, could you read the beginning of this book to me to see if I like it?

CUSTOMER: Do you have any of those books where you can change the names of the main character to the name of the person you're giving the book to? Do you have Alice in Wonderland, but not Alice, I'd like Sarah in Wonderland.
BOOKSELLER: I'm afraid you have to buy those from the publisher, as they're a print on demand service.
CUSTOMER: Yeah, I don't really have time to do that. Do you have a copy of Alice? Then I can buy some Tipp-ex or something, and edit it.

CUSTOMER: Hi.
BOOKSELLER: Hi there, how can I help?
CUSTOMER: Could you please explain Kindle to me.
BOOKSELLER: Sure. It's an e-reader, which means you download books and read them on a small hand-held computer.
CUSTOMER: Oh OK, I see. So ... this Kindle. Are the books on that paperback or hardback?

It makes me sad that grown up books don't have pictures in them. You're brought up with them when you're younger, and then suddenly they're all taken away.

I figure whatever I choose to create, I'll be neglecting somebody - so my art may as well make me happy. - Audrey Niffenegger

Who wouldn't want to get married in a room full of love stories?

CUSTOMER (to their friend): God, the Famous Five titles realy were crap, weren't they? Five Go Camping. Five Go Off in a Caravan ... If it was Five Go Down To a Crack House it might be a bit more exciting.

CUSTOMER: OK, so you want this book?
THEIR DAUGHTER: Yes!
CUSTOMER: Peter Pan?
THEIR DAUGHTER: Yes, please. Because he can fly.
CUSTOMER: Yes, he can - he's very good at flying.
THEIR DAUGHTER: Why can't I fly, daddy?
CUSTOMER: Because of evolution, sweetheart.

You see, bookshops are dreams built of wood and paper. They are time travel and escape and knowledge and power. They are, simply put, the best of places.

There are many different types of beginnings. And who's to say we haven't imagined our lives up to this point? Who's to say we haven't been propelled into this world from a parallel universe? One that's just come into existence? This could be the very beginning of it, now. I mean, there's no one else here. Listen. It's completely quiet.

CUSTOMER: Hi, I just wanted to ask: did Anne Frank ever write a sequel?
BOOKSELLER: ........
CUSTOMER: I really enjoyed her first book.
BOOKSELLER: Her diary?
CUSTOMER: Yes, the diary.
BOOKSELLER: Her diary wasn't fictional.
CUSTOMER: Really?
BOOKSELLER: Yes... She really dies at the end – that's why the diary finishes. She was taken to a concentration camp.
CUSTOMER: Oh... that's terrible.
BOOKSELLER: Yes, it was awful -
CUSTOMER: I mean, it's such a shame, you know? She was such a good writer.

CUSTOMER: Do you have a book with a list of careers? I want to give my daughter some inspiration.
BOOKSELLER: Ah, is she applying to university?
CUSTOMER: Oh no, not yet. She's just over there. Sweetheart? (a four year old girl comes over)
CUSTOMER: There you are. Now, you talk to the nice lady, and I'm going to find you a book on how to become a doctor or a scientist. What do you think about that? (The girl says nothing)
CUSTOMER (to bookseller): Won't be a sec. (Customer wanders off into non-fiction) BOOKSELLER: So, what's your name? CHILD: Sarah.
BOOKSELLER: Sarah? That's a beautiful name.
CHILD: Thank you.
BOOKSELLER: So, Sarah, what do you want to be when you grow up?
CHILD: . . . A bumblebee.
BOOKSELLER: Excellent.

Perhaps that is the best way to say it: printed books are magical, and real bookshops keep that magic alive.

CUSTOMER: I'm always on night shift at work.
BOOKSELLER (jokingly): Is that why you're buying so many vampire novels?
CUSTOMER (seriously): You can never be too prepared.

WOMAN: Hi, where are your copies of Breaking Dawn? I can't see any on the shelf.
BOOKSELLER: Sorry, I think we've sold out of the Twilight books; we're waiting on more.
WOMAN: What?
BOOKSELLER: We should have some in tomorrow.
WOMAN: But I need a copy now. I finished the last one last night.
BOOKSELLER: I'm sorry, I can't help you.
WOMAN: No, you don't understand. I've taken the whole day off work to read it.
BOOKSELLER: Erm…
WOMAN: I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS! NOW!
BOOKSELLER: Erm…
WOMAN: Can you call your wholesaler and see if they can deliver this afternoon?
BOOKSELLER: They only ---
WOMAN: And then I can wait here for them.
BOOKSELLER: I'm sorry, they only deliver in the morning.
WOMAN: BUT WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?
BOOKSELLER: . . .we have many other books.
WOMAN (sniffs): Do any of those have Robert Pattinson in them?

And if I had a bookshop of my own? Well, it wouldn't make any money. So I am no help to anyone. But I would set it somewhere with a garden, where light poured in through the windows. Sit in the sun, I'd tell my customers. Open this book. Try it. It won't do any harm, after all, to sit a while and read.

CUSTOMER: (holding up a paperback) If I buy this book, can I transfer it onto my friend's Kindle?

BOOKSELLER: ... No.

CUSTOMER: Oh. How do they put physical books on a Kindle, then? Is it like that part in the film of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, where Mike Teavee wants to become part of television, and he flies over everyone's heads in tiny little pieces?

CUSTOMER: Do you have a copy of Nineteen Eighty Six?
BOOKSELLER: Nineteen Eighty Six?
CUSTOMER: Yeah, Orwell.
BOOKSELLER: Oh – Nineteen Eighty Four.
CUSTOMER: No, I'm sure it's Nineteen Eighty. Six; I've always remembered it because it's the year I was born.

MAN: Do you have black and white film posters?
BOOKSELLER: Yes, we do. They're over here.
MAN: Do you have any posters of Adolf Hitler?
BOOKSELLER: Pardon?
MAN: Adolf Hitler.
BOOKSELLER: Well, he wasn't a film star, was he.
MAN: Yes, he was. He was American. Jewish, I think ...

I'd like a book for a friend about saving the world from alien invasion. I'd like the main character to be a little like Freddie Mercury and a little like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Does anything spring to mind?

Bookshop Customer: 'Who wrote the bible?'
Customer's friend: 'Jesus.

There aren't many things in life better than books, tea and cake

CUSTOMER: You know that film, Coraline?
BOOKSELLER: Yes, indeed.
CUSTOMER: My daughter loves it. Are they going to make it into a book?

CUSTOMER: I'd like to buy this audiobook.
BOOKSELLER: Great.
CUSTOMER: Only, I don't really like this narrator.
BOOKSELLER: Oh.
CUSTOMER: Do you have a selection of narrators to choose from? Ideally, I'd like Benedict Cumberbatch

CUSTOMER: Oh, look, these books are all signed. (Pause) I wonder who signed them ?

CUSTOMER: I'd love to write a book.
BOOKSELLER: Then you should write one.
CUSTOMER: I really don't have the time.
BOOKSELLER: I'm sure you could make time.
CUSTOMER: No, you don't get it; I really don't have the time. I had my fortune read on Monday, and the fortune teller lady said that I'm going to get knocked down by a bus next week. She said that it'll probably kill me
BOOKSELLER: ... Oh. Well, er, that doesn't sound very nice.
CUSTOMER: No, it doesn't, does it? It's really annoying, too, 'cause I'd booked a holiday for next month, and I was really looking forward to it.

CUSTOMER: These books are really stupid, aren't they?
BOOKSELLER: Which ones?
CUSTOMER: You know, the ones where animals like cats and mice are best friends.
BOOKSELLER: I suppose they're not very realistic, but then that's fiction.
CUSTOMER: They're more than unrealistic; they're really stupid.
BOOKSELLER: Well, writers use that kind of thing to teach kids about accepting people different to themselves, you know?
CUSTOMER: Yeah, well, books shouldn't pretend that different people get on like that and that everything is 'la de da' and wonderful, should they? Kids should learn that life's a bitch, and the sooner the better.

Customer: This book has a couple of tears to some of the pages.

Me: Yes, unfortunately some of the older books haven't had as much love as they should have done from previous owners.

Customer: So, will you lower the price? It says here it's £20.

Me: I'm sorry but we take into account the condition of the books when we price them; if that book was in a better condition, it would be worth a lot more than £20.

Customer: Well, you can't have taken this tear here into account *points to page* or this one here *points to another page* because my son did those two minutes ago.

Me: So, the book is now more damaged than it was before, because of your son?

Customer: Yes. Exactly. So will you lower the price?

Because whether we're in the middle of the desert or in the heart of a city, or the top of a mountain or on an underground train: having good stories to keep us company means the whole world.

So ... in the beginning... In the beginning there was nothing. Not a ripple moved throughout the Universe because there were no atoms, and there was no energy. And then - because that's always how things go - and then. And then there was something.

Customer: Did Charles Dickens ever write anything fun?

They are a brilliant device for shape-shifting as we can slip into the skin of authors from other times, other cultural backgrounds, brilliant minds who give us a new perspective on life and the world - something we all need from time to time. - Cornelia Funke

CUSTOMER: I read a book in the sixties. I don't remember the author, or the title. But it was green, and it made me laugh. Do you know which one I mean?

We've always used stories as a way to pass on our history, as a way to explain things in life that we don't understand. We use them to make us feel connected to everything around us, and to help us escape to another time or place.
Bookshops across the world are full of these stories.
From travelling booksellers and undercover bookshops, to pop-up stalls and community hubs, walking into a good bookshop is like walking into another zone.These places are time machines, spaceships, story-makers, secret-keepers. They are dragon-tamers, dream-catchers, fact-finders and safe places. They are full of infinite possibilities, and tales worth taking home.
Because whether we're in the middle of the desert or in the heart of a city, on the top of a mountain or on an underground train: having good stories to keep us company can mean the whole world.

CUSTOMER: Which was the first Harry Potter book?
BOOKSELLER: The Philosopher's Stone.
CUSTOMER: And the second?
BOOKSELLER: The Chamber of Secrets.
CUSTOMER: I'l take The Chamber of Secrets. I don't want The Philosopher's Stone.
BOOKSELLER: Have you already read that one?
CUSTOMER: No, but with series of books I always find they take a while to really get going. I don't want to waste my time with the useless introductory stuff at the beginning.
BOOKSELLER: The story in Harry Potter actually starts right away. Personally, I do recommend that you start with the first book – and it's very good.
CUSTOMER: Are you working on commission?
BOOKSELLER: No.
CUSTOMER: Right. How many books are there in total?
BOOKSELLER: Seven.
CUSTOMER: Exactly. I'm not going to waste my money on the first book when there are so many others to buy. I'l take the second one.
BOOKSELLER: . . . If you're sure.
(One week later, the customer returns)
BOOKSELLER: Hi, did you want to buy a copy of The Prisoner of Azkaban?
CUSTOMER: What's that?
BOOKSELLER: It's the book after The Chamber of Secrets.
CUSTOMER: Oh, no, definitely not. I found that book far too confusing. I ask you, how on earth are children supposed to understand it if I can't? I mean, who the heck is that Voldemort guy anyway? No. I'm not going to bother with the rest.
BOOKSELLER: . . .

CUSTOMER (to her friend): What's this literary criticism section? Is it for books that complain about other books?

I still think that going in on that Friday afternoon and spending that money was one of the happiest experiences of my life.

CUSTOMER: I'm looking for a biography to read that's really interesting. Could you recommend one?
BOOKSELLER: Sure. What books have you read and liked?
CUSTOMER: Well, I really loved Mein Kampf.
BOOKSELLER: ...
CUSTOMER: Loved is probably not the right word.
BOOKSELLER: No. Probably not.
CUSTOMER: Liked, is probably better. Yes. Liked. I liked it a lot.
BOOKSELLER: ...

CUSTOMER: You know how they say that if you gave a thousand monkeys typewriters, then they'd eventually churn out really good writing? BOOKSELLER: ... yes. CUSTOMER: Well, do you have any books by those monkeys? BOOKSELLER: ...

And then I kissed you and, for that second, just for that one moment, the whole world and all its bullshit completely disappeared.

Bookseller: Can I help at all?
customer: Yes, where's your fiction section?
bookseller: It starts over on the far wall. Are you looking for anything in particular?
customer: Yes, any books by Stefan Browning.
bookseller: I'm not familiar with him, what kind of books has he written?
customer: I don't know if he's written any. You see, my name's Stefan Browning, and I always like to go into
bookshops to see if anyone with my name has written a book.
bookseller: ... right.
customer: Because then I can buy it, you see, and carry it around with me and tell everyone that I've had a novel published.Then everyone will think I'm really cool, don't you think?