Aisha Tyler Quotes

I'm my own boss and my boss is a total ass.

I was this weird little bookish giant.

I always wanted to be as busy as possible so that if one job went away I'd still have plenty of other things to do.

Am I going to complain about being typecast as smart? I don't think so.

My parents were vegetarians. I'd show up at school, this giant black kid, with none of the cool clothes and a tofu sandwich and celery sticks.

I don't want to be pandered to, so I try not to pander.

Marriage is a mystery and part of it is just being kind to each other, not being selfish.

Nothing really worth having is easy to get. The hard-fought battles, the goals won with sacrifice, are the ones that matter.

Because a rebel is just a guy who doesn't have the good sense to go the same way the crowd is going, and the composure to act like that was his idea all along.

But I love stand-up, and it's where I came from creatively, so it's something I never want to walk away from.

I like to be nice. I want to be a hero. I want to save people. Or just kill zombies, because they deserve it, because they're already dead and they can't feel it. They don't have feelings.

I visualize myself winning the Olympic Pentathlon, inventing a phone that can be controlled by brain waves, or doing the laundry. I do not actually DO these things, but I see myself doing them, and that is almost MORE satisfying, because I am also lying down.

I don't believe in superheroes but I love Batman movies. There's a part of every person that is entertained by the idealistic, the fantastic.

How can you not tweet? How else will people know what you ate for breakfast or what you are listening to on Spotify or what your gamerscore is? Ridiculous. Not tweeting is not an option. I am a dolt for even suggesting it.

I have one girlfriend who is dating right now - she's divorced - and she's on Tinder, so we play Tinder. I know that's not a real game, but it's my favorite thing to do.

I think diversity in television is important. It's not about trying to fill a quota or satisfy some idea of diversity, but I think what diversity brings to any daypart is more eyeballs, just more opportunity.

Yes, I do get recognized in public. It's pretty nice.

On general principle, I boycott shows that don't employ actors.

You know, it's about getting out there and having a good time. Not about worrying - all these young books for women are like I'm 29 with a closet full of Prada shoes and I can't get a date. Come on.

You can only really learn from failure ... To win, you need to fail, and fail hard.

I liked comedy, but didn't know it was something you could do for a living. I actually wanted to be an attorney.

I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.

Wounds turn into scars and scars make you tough.

I believe fully that if you want to do something, you just go do it. You can sit around, think about it, waiting until things are perfect, wringing your hands, dithering and hesitating and slowly twisting your panties into a perfect little fisherman's knot. Or you can get up off your lazy fucking ass and do something. What's the worst that can happen?

Omnipresence can be a good or bad thing, I suppose. I don't want to spend a lot of time thinking about it. I'm super-grateful.

I'll tell you what else fucks with a kid's optimism and sense of stability: when your parents fight all the time. That shit can really suck. Listening to your parents yell, or cry, or stomp off in anger, or worse, that deafening silence that falls over a home when the two biggest residents aren't speaking to each other, and only reply in jagged monotone when the kids ask for seconds or beg to be excused from the dinner table - that is damaging

Maybe the nails are a little stubby and gnawed on, but I definitely do not have man hands.

I'm just going to be the best version of me that I could possibly be and be as funny as I possibly can. I've just got to be myself and hopefully people will find me. And my audience did find me.

I want to point out, that this is not my fault that everyone's afraid of me, because I did not kill a couple people the other day.

When I get old and slow down I want to look behind me and see all the fire and the wreckage and no stone left unturned.

You know, I read graphic novels but not encyclopedically.

A bra was not for little kids who dreamed of being astronauts. What are you gonna do with boobs in space? Unless they are currency for some far-flung civilization, all they're going to do is interfere with proper oxygen flow inside your space suit.

I was raised by a single dad, so I've always just kind of liked "guys" stuff. I think my dad just took me to the things he was interested in.

I might not agree with myself in a year.

I'm just myself, so I don't know that I think of myself as a nerd icon.

One thing we do really well on Archer and one thing I've always tried to do in my comedy and my writing and my podcast is to never speak down to my audience.

doesn't teach. Winning rewards. You can only really learn from failure. And in the end, after you have taken a prolonged physical and psychological beating that would destroy a lesser man or woman, you will understand that success is not the absence of failure, but rather the presence of not quitting when you do fail. To win, you need to fail, and fail hard.

Sometimes the mistake I see people make is thinking that they're always going to be up, and I think that's impossible for anyone.

If you haven't noticed yet, working sucks. Unless you are a racecar driver or an astronaut or Beyonce, working is completely and utterly devoid of awesome. It is hard, it lasts all day, the lighting is generally fluorescent, and, apparently, drinking at your desk is frowned upon. If you ever needed to ruin someone's fun, I mean really poop a party, just move things to the workplace. Fun terminated.

And I was the only black kid in my school for almost all of my childhood, until I was a teenager. So imagine, if you will, being 6 feet tall by third grade, so essentially being a living maypole.

I love it when I come across a word I don't know. And I would never treat my audience like they weren't smart enough to come along with me.

I'm such a geek, and have always been a real nerd.

I'm sure I had low-level scurvy all of my childhood.

I like grown up comedy.

I love to be busy and be challenged. I'm my happiest when I'm under pressure and almost overwhelmed by how much I have to get done.

I'm black, and black don't crack. It does droop.

Pop culture hales you and wants you to fail.

So much of a stand-up's life is doing live radio and having to be funny and quick on the spot with these strangers, and sort of surgical in terms of how funny I can be in three minutes.

You rarely see women being nice to each other on television anymore.

I have always been a softie, and I fight it with every fiber of my being.
Sadly, my being's fibers need to hit the gym.

They always say some women like to fix people. I don't like to fix people, but you like a challenge.

People challenge my nerd cred all the time. I just show them the photo of me winning my middle-school science fair, wearing my Casio calculator watch and eyeglasses so big they look like they can see the future.

Just give me a second to get my wind back. Who the hell put that pole there?

The best advice anybody could have given me was to keep getting up over and over again.

I love being married. I love my husband. I think married people always have that thing where they think that the grass is greener on the single side, but all my single friends are like, "Trust me, you don't want to have to actually interact with these people."

I don't know if I was always an open person, but I think stand-up comics specifically have this way of running towards embarrassing things - whereas regular people tend to run away - because the embarrassing story is always going to be the really funny story.