Rachel Cohn Quotes

You don't know who Nicholas Sparks is?" Dash asked. I shook my head. "Please don't ever find out," he said. ~ Rachel Cohn

There are certain things a girl just knows, like that a fourth minute on a punk song is a bad, bad idea, ~ Rachel Cohn

Nick stands up and offers his hand to me. I have no idea what he wants, but what the hell, I take his hand anyway, and he pulls me up on my feet then presses against me for a slow dance and it's like we're in a dream where he's Christopher Plummer and I'm Julie Andrews and we're dancing on the marble floor of an Austrian terrace garden. Somehow my head presses Nick's t-shirt and in this moment I am forgetting about time and Tal because maybe my life isn't over. Maybe it's only beginning. ~ Rachel Cohn

Of course you want to get to know her. But at the same time, you want to feel like you already know her. That you will know her instantly. Such a fairy tale. ~ Rachel Cohn

Cinderella was such a dork. She left behind her glass slipper at the ball and then went right back to her step-monster's house. It seems to me she should have worn the glass slipper always, to make herself easier to find. I always hoped that after the prince found Cinderella and they rode away in their magnificent carriage, after a few miles she turned to him and said, Could you drop me off down the road please? Now that I've finally escaped my life of horrific abuse, I'd like to see something of the world, you know? ... I'll catch back up with you later, Prince, once I've found my own way. ~ Rachel Cohn

Ash has a huge customized Barbie collection. Aside from Horror Movie Barbie (head lopped halfway off, torn and bloody clothes), Commando Barbie (camouflage bandana, pistol-whipping Ken with toy guns stolen from Josh), there is my personal favorite, Fat Barbie (dressed in a muumuu, sporting extra body girth and a double chin, thanks to the discreet placement of Silly Putty), I think Fat Barbie is genius but Nancy flipped out when she saw her. Our mother, whose statuesque blond Minnesouda beauty makes her look like a Barbie, is a size four on her bloated days. ~ Rachel Cohn

It was Chaos on Glitter Ice. A massacre of librarians. ~ Rachel Cohn

I'm so into you, it's not even funny. (Naomi & Ely's No Kiss List) ~ Rachel Cohn

The worse people feel the next day, the better the party. ~ Rachel Cohn

Why do girls always fall for guys with the attention span of drosophila? ~ Rachel Cohn

Danger is a state of mind." Farzad informs me. "Conquer it, and you ride heaven. ~ Rachel Cohn

I've always been sort of a closet sci-fi geek. ~ Rachel Cohn

Drosophila," I said, remembering the word.
"What?" Lily asked.
"Why do girls always fall for guys with the at ention span of drosophila?"
"What?"
"Fruit flies. Guys with the attention span of fruit flies."
"Because they're hot?"
"This," I told her, "is not the time for being truthful. ~ Rachel Cohn

Sofia was miffed. And if American girls make being miffed a sweet-and-sour emotion, European girls always manage to add an undercurrent of murder to it. ~ Rachel Cohn

Goodwill to all.' I know it's techinically 'goodwill to all men,' but in my mind, I drop the 'men' because that feels segregationist/elitist/sexist/generally bad ist. Goodwill shouldn't be just for men. It should also apply to women and children, and all animals, even the yucky ones like subway rats. I'd even extend the goodwill not just to living creatures but to the dearly departed, and if we include them, we might as well include the undead, those supposedly mythic beings like vampires, and if they're in, then so are elves, fairies, and gnomes. Heck, since we're already being so generous in our big group hug, why not also embrace those supposedly inanimate objects like dolls and stuffed animals. I'm sure Santa would agree. 'Goodwill to all. ~ Rachel Cohn

Tal told me he loved me, and told me and told me, but you don't tell someone that and then tell them they're not experienced enough in bed and should read a book or something to learn, or they should try wearing deep-red lipstick and tight skirts to look hot like their best friend once in a while. If Tal hadn't lied to me when he said he loved me, I might not be without a future right now, a sucker who was so chickenshit she allowed herself to believe a false dream from a false god. I'm not sure I ever even liked Tal, much less loved him. ~ Rachel Cohn

The sound of the ocean breaking our silence was like chocolate syrup poured into a glass of milk, dispersing into awkward dark clumps while waiting to be stirred. ~ Rachel Cohn

Better to end this dream before it becomes a nightmare. ~ Rachel Cohn

Fuck Tris. I would give body parts to have a guy write something like that for me. My kidney? Oh, both of them? Here, Nick, they're yours - just write more for me. I'll give you a start: boy in punk club asks strange girl to be his girlfriend for five minutes, girl kisses boy, boy kisses back, boy then meets girl - what did you notice about this girl? Nick, let's hear some lyrics. Please? Ready. Set. Go. ~ Rachel Cohn

I hope I never love someone so much that they could hurt me the way Langston was hurt. ~ Rachel Cohn

Yeah. I know, I'm so bridge-and-tunnel - for as long as I've been able to catch the train, I've been sneaking into the city to go to Midtown. Hang out with the bankers, merge some mergers and acquire some acquisitions. The whole thing just reeked of sex and rock 'n' roll to me. Can't you feel it in the air? Close your eyes. Feel it? I ~ Rachel Cohn

I'm liking that I can throw any kind of sentence at her without worrying it's too out there. ~ Rachel Cohn

Many years ago, he owned a neighborhood family grocery store on Avenue A in the East Village. ~ Rachel Cohn

And I honestly like her about twenty times more now than I did when we were dating. But love needs to have a future. ~ Rachel Cohn

Father says we are all Defects, in our way. Humans and clones. He says the word is really just a scare tactic to incite disobedient beings into subservience. He says that's all it really is - just a word. ~ Rachel Cohn

There's no such thing as ready," she says. "There's only willing. ~ Rachel Cohn

I shouldn't, but I do.
I trust. ~ Rachel Cohn

What's better, I wonder - to be a toy for the humans, or to control your own destiny , even if the only way to do so is suicide? ~ Rachel Cohn

(Snarl sent me candy! Oh, how I might love him!) ~ Rachel Cohn

She doesn't want the boy causing the distinction between "love" and "in love ~ Rachel Cohn

I go from chords to cords, amped to amps. ~ Rachel Cohn

If you could offer me a guarantee, Ely, a guarantee that the hurt that makes my heart feel like a boulder sitting inside my chest, beatless, if I knew this hurt would eventually go away and I could feel hope again - for me, for you, for us - then maybe my lips could "unlock" now and we could get on with this. The End. ~ Rachel Cohn

Things change all the time, mostly in little ways. ~ Rachel Cohn

I mean, they're only the best punk band out there right now, named for the fucking apathy of a xenophobic fucking nation oblivious to the fucking terror its leaders wreak on the rest of the world because they're too busy worrying if their cat might be stuck up a tree or something. ~ Rachel Cohn

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, they sang. ~ Rachel Cohn

It's that the silence hanging between us, the awkward and painful glance we share, acknowledges that I'm sitting in his seat. I start to stand up, but Ely shakes his head and gestures for me to stay seated. "It's cool," he whispers. I watch him stride away to the elevator. ~ Rachel Cohn

When in doubt, ingest carbs. ~ Rachel Cohn

Perhaps it's only the vehicle that won't start, but it feels like it's my life that won't start. Yes, this Yugo with the passenger-side seat metal coming through the torn seat fabric, scratching against the back of my thigh, this Cold War relic that won't respond to Nick's turn of the ignition key is like the fucking metaphor for my sorry-ass life: STALLED. ~ Rachel Cohn

A department store two days before Christmas Eve is like a city in a state of siege ... ~ Rachel Cohn

My hands were starting to shake a little. Because I hadn't known that I knew these things. Just having a notebook to write them in, and having someone to write them to, made them all rise to the surface. ~ Rachel Cohn

Males are the most incomprehensible species. ~ Rachel Cohn

I'm not fine. Soon, the tears will come. I can sense them building in the pit of my stomach, coating the belly of candy. They will come when I am alone in the dark, in my own bed, with no one to comfort me. I will mourn Laura then, in private. A Category 5 hurricane is building in my heart and soul, but right now it's offshore, waiting to make landfall, waiting to crush me. ~ Rachel Cohn

Well sure, who doesn't need a boyfriend? but realistically, those exotic creatures are hard to come by. At least a quality one. ~ Rachel Cohn

He sold the business but kept the corner block building, ~ Rachel Cohn

I don't think it's a matter of ready-I mean, not in an all-the-way sense. You're never completely ready-you just get to the point where you're ready enough. ~ Rachel Cohn

I inspect the notebook of CDs laying on the floor. There's the usual suspects in there, Green Day and The Clash and The Smiths, yeah, but there's also Ella and Frank, even Dino, some Curtis Mayfield and Minor Threat and Dusty Springfield and Belle & Sebastian, ~ Rachel Cohn

Beneath the water, I can know her. She was fierce, uncompromising. When she loved, she loved deeply, passionately. She loved the blue-eyed water god. She owned him. His heart.
But then she felt betrayal, she hated, and she was feared.
Hate gave her power. ~ Rachel Cohn

What an idiot Santa is for flying around alone. Because who would want to travel the world without another person's heartbeat beside him? ~ Rachel Cohn

What's of more concern: If I don't shut down my brain soon, my imagination will take off so far about what could be with this guy, that nothing will ever be able to just be. ~ Rachel Cohn

That's funny. I've always liked Naomi's version of me the best. I'm always much more interesting when she talks about me. ~ Rachel Cohn

But there was something so empty about the prospect of a Christmas Day without opening presents ~ Rachel Cohn

I am bigger than the box I'm in. ~ Rachel Cohn

Please return this notebook to where you found it. ~ Rachel Cohn

No one would want to read a book in which I explain the science of cloning because it would be very dull and it would also make no sense. ~ Rachel Cohn

I wanted to go home to the safety of my bed and to my stuffed animals and to my people I'd known my whole life. I had nothing to say to anybody, and fervently prayed that no one there would have anything to say to me. ~ Rachel Cohn

I haven't been able to reach her. And if I can't reach her, there's no way to keep her from being lost. ~ Rachel Cohn

I love you for answering the call of a red notebook once upon a time. ~ Rachel Cohn

I started to write: Langston deserves to be sick. But I erased that and wrote, Okay. I'll make him some. ~ Rachel Cohn

I was coming down off the last painkiller left in my dresser drawer after Autumn tossed my stash. In that moment I was so groggy and happy I would have accepted a date with Oscar the Grouch - and planned to do some serious feeling up on the green furry beast too. Yeah, stooping to pharmaceutical-inspired sex fantasies about garbage can Sesame Street characters - that had to be the best Just Say No drug lecture a girl in a leg cast could ever receive to make her go cold turkey off the meds. ~ Rachel Cohn

From behind I don't see Caroline but I do that stupid bitch, Tris, rhymes with bris, cuz that's what she'll do to a guy, rip apart his piece. ~ Rachel Cohn

I want to believe there is a somebody out there for me. I want to believe that I exist to be there for that somebody. ~ Rachel Cohn

The only use she has for the word fun is to make the word funeral. ~ Rachel Cohn

I know it's technically goodwill to all men, but in my mind, I drop the men because that feels segregationist/elitist/sexist/generally bad ist.
Goodwill shouldn't be just for men. It should also apply to women and children, and all animals, even the yucky ones like subway rats. I'd even
extend the goodwill not just to living creatures but to the dearly departed, and if we include them, we might as well include the undead, those
supposedly mythic beings like vampires, and if they're in, then so are elves, fairies, and gnomes. Heck, since we're already being so generous in our
big group hug, why not also embrace those supposedly inanimate objects like dolls and stu ~ Rachel Cohn

I'm mad at global warming for all the obvious reasons, but mostly I'm mad at it for ruining Christmas. This time of year is supposed to be about teeth-chattering, cold weather that necessitates coats, scarves, and mittens. Outside there should be see-your-breath air that offers the promise of sidewalks covered in snow, while inside, families drink hot chocolate by a roaring fire, huddled close together with their pets to keep warm. ~ Rachel Cohn

Answer all the questions that I'm too afraid to ask ~ Rachel Cohn

The important people in our lives leave imprints. They may stay or go in the physical realm, but they are always there in your heart, because they helped form your heart. There's no getting over that. ~ Rachel Cohn

Villains made no special guest appearances in our Once Upon A Time story games. They scared Laura and bored me, so instead we made up heroines with ghastly itchy skin but magnificent tresses of hair, and the occasional sleeping disorder. Those heroines had enough on their hands without having to worry about warding off true evil. ~ Rachel Cohn

But that's what I love about punk music. It has a sense of humor about itself, doesn't pretend to be something it's not. It's kickass funk with a heavy-metal edge, but with a conscience. Good ~ Rachel Cohn

I was strictly a college-ruled man myself, having no talent for illustration and a microscopic scrawl that made wide-ruled seem roomy. The blank pages were usually the most popular ~ Rachel Cohn

He can act a bit loner-ish, but I think he's some serial killer waiting to happen; he's just his own best company sometimes. And he's comfortable with that. I guess there's nothing wrong with that. ~ Rachel Cohn

Books. I'd probably spend all my time alone and lost in books if I could. It's easier that way. ~ Rachel Cohn

I figured being a bed salesman was a job of biblically bad paradox. I mean, here he was, forced to stand for eight or nine hours a day, and the whole time he's surrounded by beds. And not only that, he's surrounded by shoppers who see the beds and can't help but think, Man, I'd love to lie down on that bed for a second. So not only does he have to stop himself from lying down, but he has to stop everyone else from doing it, too. I knew if I were him, I would be desperate for human company. ~ Rachel Cohn

It's always the ones who believe who are hurt the most when things go wrong. She ~ Rachel Cohn

I've always resented Hermione, because I wanted to be her so badly and she never seemed to appreciate as much as I thought she should that she got be her. She got to live at Hogwarts and be friends with Harry and kiss Ron, which was supposed to happen to me. ~ Rachel Cohn

I feel like you may be a special and kind person. And I would like to make it my business to know special and kind people. Especially if they are boys my age. ~ Rachel Cohn

I wondered what kind of monsters lurked in theaters to prey on people sitting by themselves because their brothers wouldn't get out of bed to take them to the movies. ~ Rachel Cohn

Aesthetic and utilitarian considerations aside," I said, "Those mittens don't particularly make sense. Why would you want to hitchhike to the North Pole? Isn't the whole gimmick of Christmas that there's home delivery? You get up there, all you're going to find is a bunch of exhausted, grumpy elves. Assuming, of course, that you accept the mythical presence of a workshop up there, when we all know there isn't even a pole at the North Pole, and if global warming continues, there won't be any ice, either."
"Why don't you just fuck off?" the woman replied. Then she took her mittens and got out of there. ~ Rachel Cohn

Who's Jessie?"
"My Yugo"
"You have a name for your Yugo? Please don't tell me you're one of those guys who also names his dick."
"Unfortunately, I've yet to find the perfect name for mine, so it's in this netherworld of nameless identity right now. ~ Rachel Cohn

From a distance, a clone's luminous eyes are meant to draw in humans and make them feel safe. Up close, the eyes appear hollow. Because of that, humans tend not to look into our eyes too closely, which I've been told is socially preferable, as eyes without souls behind them can be frightening. ~ Rachel Cohn

Prayer or not, I want to believe that, despite all evidence to the contrary, it is possible for anyone to find that one special person. That person to spend Christmas with or grow old with or just to take a nice silly walk in Central Park with. Somebody who wouldn't judge another for the prepositions they dangle, or their run-on sentences, and who in turn wouldn't be judged for the snobbery of their language etymology inclinations. ~ Rachel Cohn

His absence is time gained to spool my un-truths. ~ Rachel Cohn

She smells like marijuana smoke. It's not a bad smell. Just a sad one. ~ Rachel Cohn

But Langston repeated, Lily, you just don't understand. What you need is someone to keep you occupied. You need a boyfriend. ~ Rachel Cohn

When your mom noticed me watching a Buffy rerun on the little TV on the doorman desk one slow night on the job, she admitted that watching Buffy was her shared solace with you after your dad left. She told me how you cry and cry for Buffy. You cry when Angel shows up to be Buffy's prom date even though they'd already recognized the futility of their true love and broken up. You cry when Buffy's mom is taken away by natural instead of supernatural causes. You cry when seasons six and seven really don't reflect the quality of seasons one through five except for the musical episode. ~ Rachel Cohn

We met in the park to wrest the afternoon into the shape of a stroll. ~ Rachel Cohn

Basically, it says that the world has been broken into pieces. All this chaos, all this discord. And our job - everyone's job - is try to put the pieces back together. To make things whole again. ~ Rachel Cohn

Know what the best thing your true love can give you is?" I asked him.
"What?" said Dash.
"True love. ~ Rachel Cohn

I want to believe that, despite all the evidence to the contrary, there is reason to hope. ~ Rachel Cohn

What do you want ?
It was a hard question, especially if I had to bat en down the sarcasm. I mean, there was the beauty pageant answer of world peace, although I'd probably have to render it in the beauty pageant spelling of world peas. ~ Rachel Cohn

The way you're singing in your sleep The way you look before you leap The strange illusions that you keep You don't know But I'm noticing Fuck ~ Rachel Cohn

Life is funny, baby, and that's no joke ~ Rachel Cohn

I don't see why ogling same-sex kissing should be the exclusive domain of frat boys whacking off to lesbian action, that's so sexist. Feminism should be all inclusive- it should be about sexual liberation, equal pay for equal work, and the fundamental girl right of boy2boy appreciation. ~ Rachel Cohn

Say you're bored. Or you can't sleep. Maybe your mom is yelling at you, or the boy/ girl you like doesn't like you back in the same way, or you're too fat to even consider going to prom. Or the closet person to you since you were babies in the cradle together has killed herself. The usual stuff. Dread not. Don't be depressed. Be a junkie!
You can't count on people to nurture you through the trauma that is existence. But you already knew that.
Start by drawing the shades in your bedroom. Welcome the darkness. Lift the pill from your nightstand, clutch the water glass in your hand. Offer your divine thanks in advance. Be greedy-swallow the pill whole rather than spit it in half to spread the wealth for a later date. Dilution is wasteful. Savor the wholesome wholeness.
Now lay down in bed. Close your eyes.
Wait.
Just a little longer. ~ Rachel Cohn

These humans - they are cruel monsters. Liars. Deceitful. For the first time, I want to hurt them the way they hurt me. This is so unfair. My body feels numb, my energy spent, my mind deceived and angry. ~ Rachel Cohn

She was laughing at something Dov was saying to her, but she was looking at me, like he was the distraction and I was the conversation. ~ Rachel Cohn

I want to be the girl Zhara once was.
Hellbeast
Maybe I am, already.
I go to Astrid's drawer. I take: her knife.
In the siding of the drawer, I notice her scrawl carved into the wood. She wrote:
To open the blind eyes, to bring out the prisoners from the prison, and them that sit in darkness out of the prison house. - Isaiah 42:7
Amen, sister.
Someone should pay for their sins. ~ Rachel Cohn

You dueled?" Lily asked
"Yes. And if we do it again, it will be-"
"DON'T SAY IT!" Thibaud screamed.
"-a dual duel," I completed, with satisfaction. ~ Rachel Cohn

I am a classic Star Trek fanatic. When I was a kid, my mom and I used to go to conventions. ~ Rachel Cohn

That's what I like about sports. No matter if everyone playing the game speaks completely different languages, on the field, or the court, wherever they are playing, the language of moves and passes and scores is all the same. Universal. ~ Rachel Cohn

My heart literally aches, that shit is not made up; it hurts for an unexpected, brief time warp of suddenly wanting and longing and believing, but then not having. ~ Rachel Cohn