Mark Twain Cigar Quotes

Tom Sawyer said I was a numskull. ~ Mark Twain

He well knew the futility of trying to contend against witches, so he gave up discouraged. But it occurred to him that he might as well have the marble he had just thrown away, and therefore he went and made a patient search for it. But he could not find it. Now he went back to his treasure-house and carefully placed himself just as he had been standing when he tossed the marble away; then he took another marble from his pocket and tossed it in the same way, saying:
"Brother, go find your brother!"
He watched where it stopped, and went there and looked. But it must have fallen short or gone too far; so he tried twice more. The last repetition was successful. The two marbles lay within a foot of each other. ~ Mark Twain

The first half of my life I went to school, the second half of my life I got an education. ~ Mark Twain

The secret of success is making your vocation your vacation. ~ Mark Twain

There was a freshness and breeziness, too, and an exhilarating sense of emancipation from all sorts of cares and responsibilities, that almost made us feel that the years we had spent in the close, hot city, toiling and slaving, had been wasted and thrown away. ~ Mark Twain

The old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of his anatomy from head to foot, and ended by saying that such a laugh was money in a man's pocket, because it cut down the doctor's bills like everything. ~ Mark Twain

And now the tiresome chirping of a cricket that no human ingenuity could locate, began. Next the ghastly ticking of a death-watch in the wall at the bed's head made Tom shudder - it meant that somebody's days were numbered. ~ Mark Twain

The Church has opposed every innovation and discovery from the day of Galileo down to our own time, when the use of anesthetics in childbirth was regarded as a sin because it avoided the biblical curse pronounced against Eve. ~ Mark Twain

No church property is taxed and so the infidel and the atheist and the man without religion are taxed to make up the deficit. ~ Mark Twain

You are about as happy as you make up your mind to be. ~ Mark Twain

Temperate temperance is best; intemperate temperance injures the cause of temperance. ~ Mark Twain

There was never a century nor a country that was short of experts who knew the Deity's mind and were willing to reveal it. ~ Mark Twain

So the king went all through the crowd with his hat swabbing his eyes, and blessing the people and praising them and thanking them for being so good to the poor pirates away off there; and every little while the prettiest kind of girls, with the tears running down their cheeks, would up and ask him would he let them kiss him for to remember him by; and he always done it; and some of them he hugged and kissed as many as five or six times - and he was invited to stay a week; and everybody wanted him to live in their houses, and said they'd think it was an honor; but he said as this was the last day of the camp-meeting he couldn't do no good, and besides he was in a sweat to get to the Indian Ocean right off and go to work on the pirates. When ~ Mark Twain

Sir Walter Scott created rank & caste in the South and also reverence for and pride and pleasure in them. Life on the Mississippi
Don Quixote swept admiration for medieval chivalry-silliness out of existence. Ivanhoe restored it. Mark Twain, Life on the Mississippi ~ Mark Twain

It is better to give than receive- especially advice. ~ Mark Twain

Mere life is a luxury, and the color of the grass, of the flowers, of the sky, the wind in the trees, the outlines of the horizon, the forms of clouds, all give a pleasure as exquisite as the sweetest music to the ear famishing for it. The ~ Mark Twain

Is it, perhaps, possible that there are two kinds of Civilization-one for home consumption and one for the heathen market? ~ Mark Twain

Additional problems are the offspring of poor solutions. ~ Mark Twain

To forget pain is to be painless; to forget care is to be rid of it; to go abroad is to accomplish both. ~ Mark Twain

Over middle of mantel, engraving - Washington Crossing the Delaware; on the wall by the door, copy of it done in thunder-and-lightning crewels by one of the young ladies - work of art which would have made Washington hesitate about crossing, if he could have foreseen what advantage was going to be taken of it. ~ Mark Twain

A man may have no bad habits and have worse ~ Mark Twain

Whenever a copyright law is to be made or altered, then the idiots assemble. ~ Mark Twain

A Russian imbues his polite things with a heartiness, both of phrase and expression, that compels belief in their sincerity. ~ Mark Twain

It don't make no diference whether you do right or wrong, a person's conscience ain't got no sense, and just goes for him anyway. If I had a yaller dog that didn't know no more than a person's conscience does I would pison him. It takes up more room than all the rest of a person's insides, and yet ain't no good, nohow. ~ Mark Twain

An open mind leaves a chance for someone to drop a worthwhile thought in it. ~ Mark Twain

Every man is born to one possession which out values all his others - his last breath. ~ Mark Twain

Tom got out a bit of paper and carefully unrolled it. Huckleberry viewed it wistfully. The temptation was very strong. At last he said: "Is it genuwyne?" Tom lifted his lip and showed the vacancy. "Well, all right," said Huckleberry, "it's a trade." Tom enclosed the tick in the percussion-cap box that had lately been the pinchbug's prison, and the boys separated, each feeling wealthier than before. ~ Mark Twain

We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess. ~ Mark Twain

Do your duty today and repent tomorrow. ~ Mark Twain

My faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. ~ Mark Twain

One day I was handed a few volumes of new literature unlike anything I had ever read before and so captivating as to make me utterly forget my hopeless state. They were the earlier works of Mark Twain and to them might have been due the miraculous recovery which followed. Twenty-five years later, when I met Mr. Clemens and we formed a friendship between us, I told him of the experience and was amazed to see that great man of laughter burst into tears. ~ Nikola Tesla

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also. ~ Mark Twain