Last Words Funny Quotes

I did not know that we had ever quarreled. ~ Henry David Thoreau

Everybody has got to die, but I have always believed an exception would be made in my case. ~ William, Saroyan

I am about to - or I am going to - die; either expression is correct. ~ Dominique Bouhours

All right, then, I'll say it: Dante makes me sick. ~ Lope De Vega

The taste of death is upon my lips. I feel something that is not of this earth. ~ Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

I am curious to see what happens in the next world to one who dies unshriven. ~ Pietro Perugino

While they poured their troubles into the comforting depth of his comprehending silence, he watched their faces in the soft light that shone through the spotless muslin curtains in the window, and learned more from the shadows around the eyes and the play of expression about the mouth than he did from the flow of confused words. Yet he listened attentively while he watched, quick to detect alike the hesitant truth and the glib evasion, and though he was impatient by nature, he never interrupted until the last word had been uttered. He knew how a flow of words, like a flow of blood, can wash away poison. ~ Elizabeth Goudge

You cannot till this year's land using last year's sun. ~ Matshona Dhliwayo

I have taken care of everything in the course of my life, only not for death, and now I have to die completely unprepared. ~ Cesare Borgia

He didn't go down to dinner at all that night, didn't eat, didn't drink, simply thought of his wife, trying to decide what to do with her. He'd wanted her to suffer, and she'd suffered. He'd wanted her to pay for her deceits, and she'd saved his life. He'd wanted to torment her with the knowledge that she would never see him again and had instead created his own private hell. He wanted her to come to him again, giving herself to him as she had that night before her attempted escape, and he wanted to hear words she would never speak. He'd even started lying to himself as he lay sleepless in his bed, reliving each moment of their last night together, telling himself it was real, that she'd meant every word. He was going mad. ~ Elizabeth Elliott

Location. Alaina gave a last pat to the freshly made bed in the newly occupied room and sat down on it, facing Mindy. She smoothed the quilted bedspread beside her as she asked, "Will you sleep here now?" Mindy's nod came without hesitation, but again there were no words, only the fleeting smile, ~ Kathleen E. Woodiwiss

Humans like stories. Humans need stories. Stories are good. Stories work. Story clarifies and captures the essence of the human spirit. Story, in all its forms - of life, of love, of knowledge - has traced the upward surge of mankind. And story, you mark my words, will be with the last human to draw breath. ~ Jasper Fforde

On my way. Nearly there! These were their last foolish (and often misspelled) words. Madeline ~ Liane Moriarty

The deeds we do, the words we say,Into still air they seem to fleet;We count them ever past;But they shall last -In the dread judgment theyAnd we shall meet. ~ John Keble

The universe is full of echoes and shadows, the afterimages and last words of dead civilizations that have lost the struggle against entropy. Fading ripples in the cosmic background radiation, it is doubtful if most, or any, of these messages will ever be deciphered. Likewise, most of our thoughts and memories are destined to fade, to disappear, to be consumed by the very act of choosing and living. That is not a cause for sorrow, sweetheart. It is the fate of every species to disappear into the void that is the heat death of the universe. But long before then, the thoughts of any intelligent species worthy of the name will become as grand as the universe itself. ~ Ken Liu

Annie clouded up. For a second, he thought she was going to erupt, and flinched. She saw that...and got control of herself with an visible effort. She took three deep breaths, each longer than the last, and her features became serene.
All at once it seemed totally clear to Mike that she was right and he was nuts - that his ingenius theory was nonsense, childish, fantasty bullshit. His conviction evaporated, and he was ashamed. He felt his cheeks grow hot, groped for words with which to backtrack -
"I have to admit I have no better explanation for the the facts," Annie said slowly.
Again, Mike did an emotional instant 180. "Holy shit -"
She held up a hand. "I am going to think now. Very hard, for a long time. You will be as quiet as possible while I do." She got up from the computer, went to the bed, and lay down. "Think yourself, or read, or play games with the headphones on, or go Topside if you like." She clasped her hands on her belly, closed her eyes and appeared to go to sleep ~ Spider Robinson

Feeling good" is your way of telling yourself that your last thought was truth, that your last word was wisdom, that your last action was love. To measure how highly you have evolved, simply look to see what makes you "feel good. ~ Neale Donald Walsch

Oh no, oh no ... don't lift me, don't lift me. ~ Robert Kennedy

And we offer each other words of consolation or distraction or encouragement when we see that one or the other of us is in need of such words. We also miss each other (vaguely) when we're not together, she's one of those people (in everyone's life there are four or five such people whose loss one truly feels) to whom you're used to telling everything that happens to you, that is, one of those people you think about when something happens to you, be it funny or dramatic, and for whom you store up events and anecdotes. You accept misfortunes gladly because you know you can tell those five people about them afterwards. ~ Javier Marias

You said it to me once. It was the last day we had together. And that was 39 days ago. I can still hear your whisper loud as a horn in my ears, when you told me that you love me. This memory is so clear in my head, as if it were yesterday. Even though I am not sure how to describe your voice, how it sounds, these three words you said. I know. And I have to trust them. ~ D.S. Wrights

Sheep are funny," the Whitlock said. "Now, you look at how they behave when you throw some grub over the fence to them, such as corn stalks. Why, they'll spot that from a mile away." The Whitlock chuckled. "They're smart when it comes to what concerns them. And maybe that helps us see what true smartness is; it isn't having read a lot of big books, or knowing long words...it's being able to spot what's to our advantage. It's got to be useful to be real smartness. ~ Philip K. Dick

Whatever you may say, genuine emotions are aroused by people. The first smile of a newborn, love confession, hang-loose chatting with friends, weekly meetings with dears, and a lot more other things initiated by two or several individuals trigger the feeling of happiness. There are more specific emotions native to females and males. Whereas the first ones are pleased at hearing sweet words. We live and work in the tradition of love and not hatred. As for us, it is the unconditional acceptance of all people, the scale of our love for them. Let's treat every person as a person in his uniqueness at eye level.
Love is one of the strongest feelings one can ever have. It comes over you all of a sudden and totally absorbs before you manage to realize the fact. Emotions which arise with the feeling require some way of expression. Furtive glances, sweet words, touching, and romantic dates are a usual manifestation of affection. Still, there is a more inventive way to expose oneself – dedicating a special beautiful love quote to your beloved. ~ Oscar Auliq-Ice

I'm tired. I'm going back to bed. ~ George Reeves

Man's highest blessedness, In wisdom chiefly stands; And in the things that touch upon the Gods, 'Tis best in word or deed To shun unholy pride; Great words of boasting bring great punishments, And so to grey-haired age Teach wisdom at the last. ~ Sophocles

Help!"
This was my last cry. My mouth filled with water, I struggled against being drawn the abyss. Suddenly my clothes were seized by a strong hand, and I felt myself quickly drawn up to the surface of the sea; and I heard, yes, I heard these words pronounced in my ear:
"If master would be so good as to lean on my shoulder, master would swim with much greater ease."
I seized with one hand my faithful Conseil's arm.
"Is it you?" said I, "you?"
"Myself," answered Conseil; "and waiting master's orders."
"That shock threw you as well as me in the sea?"
"No; but, being in my master's service, I followed him."
The worthy fellow thought that was but natural. ~ Jules Verne

Francesca Rossi, you're even prettier than you were last summer."
"You always say that."
"And I always mean it. I'm not in the habit of wasting words. ~ L.J. Shen

Now comes the mystery! (last words) ~ Henry Ward Beecher

One day, you find it,' repeated Rodolphe, 'one day, quite suddenly, when you've given up hope. Then new horizons stretch before you, and it's like a voice that cries: "Here it is!" You long to tell this person everything that's ever happened to you, to give everything, to sacrifice everything to this person! There's no need for words - you can read each other's thoughts. You've seen each other in your dreams.' (He was staring at her.) 'So, at last, it's here, this treasure you've been so desperately seeking, here, before you, bright and sparkling. But you still feel unsure, you daren't believe in it; you're dazzled, as if you'd come from out of the shadows into the light. ~ Gustave Flaubert

Love is a funny word. We use it so much that we seem to forget its meaning. We say we love objects, seasons, times of day, movies, TV shows, and everything. And we use this same word to describe people. We say we love our parents, our friends, our family. It's one of the most used words in the English language, but it remains special. Love is different like that. You can use it to talk about anything, but when you find that one person that you know you want to spend the rest of your life with, love is completely new. And saying, "I love you" becomes the best sound you could ever say or hear. Love grows and changes with us, it is just as alive as those who use it. So love as much as you want! Because love will always find a way to be new. ~ H.W.

I couldn't figure out if it was fate or faith that had brought me there. How funny those two words sounded when paired together. One was the inevitable, something I could not change in my life, while the other was the hope and belief that I could. These two words were enemies of each other, and one of them was down right dangerous for a slave to have anywhere near his mind. ~ Jay Grewal

I'll never forget my grandmother's last words. She said 'What are you doing?' ~ Zach Galifianakis

I bite my lip as I begin reading: She needs some sun! Her eyes are hard to see - they're too dark; her nose is thin; no cheek bones!; I think her lips are uneven; her chin is really square, and my favorite: is that a mole or a zit? Awesome. Twenty pages of these cryptic remarks sure do make a girl feel good about herself. The last page changes my sour mood completely. On it there is a sketch of my face - no, sketch is the wrong word. It's too common a word. This is more than a sketch. This is a portrait of my face. The image of the girl staring back at me is so stunning, that I actually gasp. The handwriting on the bottom of the page, which is small and elegant, holds only two words: You're perfect. ~ Danielle Bannister

Amy, amante, amour, he whispered, as if the words themselves were smuts of ash rising and falling, as though the candle were the story of his life and she the flame. He lay down in his haphazard cot. After a time he found and opened a book he had been reading that he had expected to end well, a romance which he wanted to end well, with the hero and heroine finding love, with peace and joy and redemption and understanding. Love is two bodies with one soul, he read, and turned the page. But there was nothing - the final pages had been ripped away and used as toilet paper or smoked, and there was no hope or joy or understanding. There was no last page. The book of his life just broke off. There was only the mud below him and the filthy sky above. There was to be no peace and no hope. And Dorrigo Evans understood that the love story would go on forever and ever, world without end. He would live in hell, because love is that also. ~ Richard Flanagan

Nations do not plunge at once into ruin - governments do not change suddenly - the causes which bring about the final blow, are scarcely perceptible in the beginning; but they increase in numbers, and in power; they press harder and harder upon the energies and virtue of a people; and the last steps only are alarmingly hurried and irregular. A republic without industry, economy, and integrity, is Samson shorn of his locks. A luxurious and idle republic! Look at the phrase! - The words were never made to be married together; every body sees it would be death to one of them. ~ Lydia Maria Francis Child

I came to London to make my dreams come true - big, naive head on me at twenty-two. Going to work every day physically hurts.' I hadn't realised how strongly I felt about my lack of a career, my Groundhog Day existence, until I uttered those last two words and realised I wasn't exaggerating. A kind of agony wrapped me in its razor-edged wires every day as I cycled to the Sugar Pot, to Kenneth and to my hideaway cupboard; it was dull, like my skin was smeared with a strong numbing cream. ~ Melanie Murphy

Last words are a kindness and I am not feeling kind. ~ Heather Demetrios

He thought about history, the hidden human anxieties behind momentous events. The tiny trivial things that were probably bothering Einstein or Darwin or Newton as they formulated their theories: arguments with the landlady, maybe, or concern over a blocked fireplace. The pilots who bombed Dresden, fretting over a phrase in a letter from back home: What did she mean by that? Or what about Columbus, when he was sailing toward the New Land ... who knows what was on his mind? The last words spoken to him by an old friend, perhaps, a person not even remembered in history books ... ~ Michel Faber

It's really funny, because if you make up words, then people project their own meanings onto it, which I find interesting. ~ Aphex Twin

Listeria, wisteria. Ha. Funny words. She ~ Liane Moriarty

Erroneous plurals of nouns, as vallies or echos.
Barbarous compound nouns, as viewpoint or upkeep.
Want of correspondence in number between noun and verb where the two are widely separated or the construction involved.
Ambiguous use of pronouns.
Erroneous case of pronouns, as whom for who, and vice versa, or phrases like "between you and I," or "Let we who are loyal, act promptly."
Erroneous use of shall and will, and of other auxiliary verbs.
Use of intransitive for transitive verbs, as "he was graduated from college," or vice versa, as "he ingratiated with the tyrant."
Use of nouns for verbs, as "he motored to Boston," or "he voiced a protest."
Errors in moods and tenses of verbs, as "If I was he, I should do otherwise," or "He said the earth was round."
The split infinitive, as "to calmly glide."
The erroneous perfect infinitive, as "Last week I expected to have met you."
False verb-forms, as "I pled with him."
Use of like for as, as "I strive to write like Pope wrote."
Misuse of prepositions, as "The gift was bestowed to an unworthy object," or "The gold was divided between the five men."
The superfluous conjunction, as "I wish for you to do this."
Use of words in wrong senses, as "The book greatly intrigued me," "Leave me take this," "He was obsessed with the idea," or "He is a meticulous writer."
Erroneous use of non-Anglicised foreign forms, as "a strange phenomena," or "two ~ H.P. Lovecraft

He had a book to finish. Ten-thousand words. The other ninety thousand had been difficult. This last tenth seemed impossible. His plot had become derailed. He was unable to see his way through the smoke and coke dust of a mythical railway track that should stretch ahead. Yes, the characters were there, good and solid. Indeed, the story's engine was strong and had shunted yet forward and forward, with only one or two sharp halts. But six weeks ago he met the bumpers. R. was now stuck in a deserted station, his progress blocked. ("Out Back") ~ Garry Douglas Kilworth

I'm not afraid of death. I'm going home. ~ Patrick Swayze

I'm going to have to start booking you guys a month in advance."
"Or you could invite Ms. Rothschild over," Kitty suggests. "Her weekends are pretty lonely too."
He gives her a funny look. "I'm sure she has plenty she'd rather do than watch The Sound of Music with her neighbor."
Brightly I say, "Don't forget the tacos al pastor! Those are a draw, too. And you, of course. You're a draw."
"You're definitely a draw," Kitty pipes up.
"Guys," Daddy begins.
"Wait," I say. "Let me just say one thing. You should be going on some dates, Daddy."
"I go on dates!"
"You've gone on, like, two dates ever," I say, and he falls silent. "Why not ask Ms. Rothschild out? She's cute, she has a good job, Kitty loves her. And she lives really close by."
"See, that's exactly why I shouldn't ask her out," Daddy says. "You should never date a neighbor or a coworker, because then you'll have to keep seeing them if things don't work out."
Kitty asks, "You mean like that quote 'Don't shit where you eat'?" When Daddy frowns, Kitty quickly corrects herself. "I mean 'Don't poop where you eat.' That's what you mean, right, Daddy?"
"Yes, I suppose that's what I mean, but Kitty, I don't like you using cuss words."
Contritely she says, "I'm sorry. But I still think you should give Ms. Rothschild a chance. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out."
"Well, I'd hate to see you get your hopes up," Daddy says.
"That's life," Kitty says. "Things ~ Jenny Han

There is nothing that can be said by mathematical symbols and relations which cannot also be said by words. The converse, however, is false. Much that can be and is said by words cannot successfully be put into equations, because it is nonsense. ~ Clifford Truesdell

Men pass away, but their deeds abide. [His last words.] ~ Augustin-Louis Cauchy

What is the answer?
[ I [Alice B Toklas] was silent ]
In that case, what is the question? ~ Gertrude Stein

How about a favor?" I asked impulsively –foolishly.

Oh, but how I would regret these words. I was sure about that. But nothing else came to mind, and to regret it, I still had to live. ~ Jina S. Bazzar

Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow. ~ Steve Jobs