Alastair Clarkson Quotes

Multi-tasking is the ability to screw everything up simultaneously. ~ Jeremy Clarkson

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler ~ Jeremy Clarkson

Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish Delight. All we know is he's called the Stig. ~ Jeremy Clarkson

Honestly, I just think we all have special gifts, everyone. You know, obviously, some are more noticeable than others and that's why there's the limelight. Everybody's in it. ~ Kelly Clarkson

You worry that we're becoming monsters. Merlin, we already were monsters. You didn't make us any worse. ~ Alastair Reynolds

I'm so happy now. I love that I'm in a relationship right now ... I want a life ... The past five years or so I've found my groove and my balance. ~ Kelly Clarkson

America has developed a pie tradition unequivocally and unapologetically at the sweet end of the scale, and at no time is this better demonstrated than at Thanksgiving. ~ Janet Clarkson

I do think it's strange that I get associated with Iraq more than the people who were Foreign Secretary or Defence Secretary. It's because of my closeness to Tony [Blair], which I don't regret at all. I think that was a privilege. ~ Alastair Campbell

I'm not capable of having an affair. You can ask my wife. I'm not physically capable. ~ Jeremy Clarkson

To address this, we must wage a war on the militants. First, we must make it an offence, punishable by many years in jail, to ride a bicycle in anything other than what I like to call home clothes. Cycling shops selling gel for your bottom crack and outfits with padded gussets will be raided by the police and the owners prosecuted. This way, cyclists will be stripped of their uniforms and made to look like human beings. ~ Jeremy Clarkson

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what BEING STABBED? ~ Jeremy Clarkson

The human capacity for grief. It just isn't capable of providing an adequate emotional response once the dead exceed a few dozen in number. And it doesn't just level off - it just gives up, resets itself to zero. Admit it. None of us feel a damn about these people. ~ Alastair Reynolds

I like to think of myself as a free spirit. I've never married. I'm not conventional in that way. But I do like romance. I've been fortunate enough that I've had great love, and I've dated remarkable men in my life. I'm very thankful for all of that. ~ Patricia Clarkson

If there are singles who find the waters of singleness dark and deep, who feel, 'I sink in deep waters; the billows go over my head; all his waves go over me,' this is my message to you concerning singleness: Be of good cheer, my brother, my sister; I feel the bottom, and it is good. ~ Margaret Clarkson

My winning is getting to perform. That's my victory. ~ Kelly Clarkson

Nonetheless, we offer our forgiveness. What is the point in being a superior civilisation if you can't do that once in a while? I ~ Alastair Reynolds

He [Tony Blair] was always ambivalent about the [Rupert] Murdoch papers. But he gave other papers the chance to believe it was just about The Independent. And that was wrong. ~ Alastair Campbell

I stand before you and my heart is in your hands,
And I don't know how,
I'd survive without your kiss,
'cause you've given me a reason to exist ~ Kelly Clarkson

Whenever I'm suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I'm straight off. ~ Jeremy Clarkson

No act of knowledge acquisition is entirely without risk. ~ Alastair Reynolds

It's an ancient technique known as lying, Khouri. ~ Alastair Reynolds

And more so now, since having a family - I don't seek out any other acceptance. ~ Kelly Clarkson

If I can wake up everyday before I die and know that I don't have to serve anyone food or drinks, I will be happy! ~ Kelly Clarkson

Consider all the inanimate matter in the universe, all the dumb atoms, all the mindless molecules, all the oblivious dust grains and pebbles and rocks and iceballs and worlds and stars, all the unthinking galaxies and superclusters, wheeling through the oblivious time-haunted megaparsecs of the cosmic supervoid.
In all that immensity, she had somehow contrived to BE a human being, a microscopically tiny, cosmically insignificant bundle of information-processing systems, wired to a mind more structurally complex than the Milky Way itself, maybe even more complex than the rest of the *whole damned universe*! ~ Alastair Reynolds

Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York, and that he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face. All we know is he's called the Stig. ~ Jeremy Clarkson

I'm cute - and God I hate that. Because that's not cool. I'm like your niece, and nobody wants to date their niece. It's the chubby cheeks. The whole reason people voted for me on American Idol is because I'm an everyday, normal girl. ~ Kelly Clarkson

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning, and you think you are an onion, this is your car, (about the BMW X3). ~ Jeremy Clarkson

Back in August 1960 an American pilot called Joe Kittinger climbed into the open gondola beneath a balloon called Excelsior III and floated up to 102,800 feet. At this point, 20 miles above the Earth in what is technically space, he jumped. Moments later he became the first man to go through the sound barrier without the benefit of a plane. It was, and still is, the highest parachute jump ever, and it proved you can 'abandon ship' even when you're in space. ~ Jeremy Clarkson

Behold the wedding gun,' the Ordinator said, holding the box aloft. ~ Alastair Reynolds

I therefore have to use The Force. And weirdly, this doesn't work very well. I don't understand why, because on the last census, I put my religion down as Jedi Knight ... ~ Jeremy Clarkson

But no, had I been successful in my 20s I would have been just fine. But it is nice to defy the odds. ~ Patricia Clarkson

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite ~ Jeremy Clarkson

But you will come to regret this, Abigail. This won't be like one of the memories that fritters away into nothing when you come out of that game. This will leave a stain. You'll carry for it for ever, when you could have had a few more years of blissful innocence. Are you sure, now? ~ Alastair Reynolds

Furious activity is no substitute for analytical thought. ~ Alastair Pilkington

When writers die they become books, which is, after all, not too bad an incarnation.
[As attributed by Alastair Reid in Neruda and Borges, The New Yorker, June 24, 1996; as well as in The Talk of the Town, The New Yorker, July 7, 1986] ~ Jorge Luis Borges

I'm fascinated by steam engines and with Victorian engineering generally, and as a corollary to that, I'm fascinated by the idea of long-lived technologies. ~ Alastair Reynolds

In an ideal world, it would not take a film star to get the media focused on mental illness. ~ Alastair Campbell

I couldn't ever write a straight crime novel: there'd be an intrusion of weirdness at some point. ~ Alastair Reynolds

If my gravy train stops at SAG, honey, it's been a great ride. ~ Patricia Clarkson

I have a pathological terror of falling through ice. I nearly drowned once. I fell off a boat and got a cramp, and was rescued by an oil-rig diver, a great bear of a man who simply leant into the water and scooped me out with one finger. ~ Jeremy Clarkson

At best noise, at worse a potentially damaging input. ~ Alastair Reynolds

To me, marriage is partly a religious thing and I'm not religious. ~ Alastair Campbell

Paul Keating told us before we were elected that you can do deals with [Rupert] Murdoch without saying you were doing a deal. Did we do that kind of thing? Maybe. But from around about the turn of the century, I felt strongly that we had to do something about media ownership and self-regulation. Tony [Blair] disagreed. ~ Alastair Campbell

When Soyer said of pies that they are 'one of our best companions du voyage through life', he was referring consumers, but he might just as well been referring to his professional colleagues, for pies have always been enormously useful to caterers and cooks, particularly at events where a large number must be fed efficiently. In modern times this is usually at sporting events such as football games, but the original experts in mass catering were the military. ~ Janet Clarkson

I love healthy stuff and junk an equal amount. Whatever I'm craving, I go for it. I'm never trying to lose weight - or gain it. I'm just being. ~ Kelly Clarkson

I'll read a script maybe twice, but I'll think about the role more than I'll rehearse lines. ~ Patricia Clarkson