Uncle Tex Quotes

You have a cat and go on vacation, you know who to call. Though, I warn you, I do both dry and wet food. I'm not into doin' just wet or just dry. They need a treat, but they need to keep their teeth clean. It's important."
-Tex
Rock Chick ~ Kristen Ashley

I mean, I'm an uncle of seven or eight, and I don't mind it at all! Kids are great. Kids are the best six-hour experience you can have! ~ Chris O'Dowd

The point is, you should have stayed right where you were and let us handle this. Now we're going to have to tie up your uncle and put him in one of the cells or something until we sort out everything and can prove your innocence. ~ Lynsay Sands

I realized I was humming "Uncle John's Band" to myself for no good reason. ~ Gillian Flynn

AK 47, is perfect copy, yes? Every detail. Like real thing. Yes. Kalashnikov. Your boy, he be happy for Uncle Sante, no?"
"I'm sorry, Sante. It's really nice of you, but I don't want Sofus playing with guns."
Conversation between George Hanson and Sante
In The Shadow of Sadd ~ Steen Langstrup

No, how about I kill the bitch for you, Uncle Ving?" Endia said, catching them all by surprise. ~ Paige Green

My father was strict and always taught me, no matter who it is, everybody is an uncle. To me, everybody was someone I respect like family. I grew up with that. ~ Mariano Rivera

Even if they're not Asian or super rich ... everyone has a nagging mother. Everyone has that obnoxious uncle, or that cousin who's a bit too snobby. ~ Kevin Kwan

The boy, Max Rüst, will later on become a tinker, father of seven more Rüsts, he will go to work for the firm of Hallis & Co., Plumbing and Roofing, in Grünau. At the age of 52 he will win a quarter of a prize in the Prussian Class Lottery, then he will retire from business and die during an adjustment suit which he has started against the firm of Hallis & Co., at the age of 55. His obituary will read as follows: On September, suddenly, from heart-disease, my beloved husband, our dear father, son, brother, brother-in-law, and uncle, Paul Rüst, in his 55th year. This announcement is made with deep grief on behalf of his sorrowing family by Marie Rüst. The notice of thanks after the funeral will read as follows: Acknowledgment. Being unable to acknowledge individually all tokens of sympathy in our bereavement, we hereby express our profound gratitude to all relatives, friends, as well as to the tenants of No. 4 Kleiststrasse and to all our acquaintances. Especially do we thank Herr Deinen for his kind words of sympathy. At present his Max Rüst is 14 years old, has just finished public school, is supposed to call by on his way there at the clinic for the defective in speech, the hard of hearing, the weak-visioned, the weak-minded, the in-corrigible, he has been there at frequent intervals, because he stutters, but he is getting better now. ~ Alfred Doblin

Uncle Mort glanced at Pandora, then back at the Juniors. "Okay, kids. Brace yourselves. And try not to yell too much."
Elysia's hand tensed on Lex's arm. "I hate it when he says that," she whispered.
Uncle Mort gave them a sympathetic smile. "Remember that old chestnut about the wickedest Grim of all time?"
He pounded on the roof. Grotton's head popped down through the ceiling, a snaky grin stretching from ear to ear.
The screams were so loud, Dora nearly drove into a tree ~ Gina Damico

It's a token for the arcade games at Laser Sport Time!" Dan hissed. "Uncle Alistair doesn't think so," Amy murmured. "He's a numismatist." "He takes his clothes off in public?" Dan said. ~ Peter Lerangis

He began to get the feeling that dear Uncle Carol "was drifting about in an Edwardian summer ~ Robert Sellers

Einstein was stoned to death ~ Uncle Tim

Sir Roderick Glossop, Honoria's father, is always called a nerve specialist, because it sounds better, but everybody knows that he's a sort of janitor to the looney-bin. I mean to say, when your uncle the Duke begins to feel the strain a bit and you find him in the blue drawing room sticking straws in his hair, old Glossop is the first person you send for. ... Practically every posh family in the country has called him in at one time or another, and I suppose that, being in that position - I mean, constantly having to sit on people's heads while their nearest and dearest phone to the asylum to send round the waggon - does tend to make a chappie take what you call a warped view of humanity. ~ P.G. Wodehouse

I wondered if Tod and I looked as cute together as she and my uncle looked. My opinion was no doubt biased, but I was pretty sure we were damn near lethally adorable. ~ Rachel Vincent

The name 'Chuck Jones', according to my uncle, limited my choice of profession to second baseman or cartoonist. ~ Chuck Jones

I'll say my dad couldn't act to save his life and nor can my uncle, and they'll say I'm the worst actor in the world. ~ Laurence Fox

I want to know all of your family - your aunt and her husband and her son and also your uncle the pastor. I anticipate your uncle the pastor! He will try to convert me, maybe?"
"Are you kidding? Uncle Theron couldn't convert a kitten."
"Theron," Pyotr repeated. He made it sound like "Seron." "You are doing this to torture me?"
"Doing what?"
"So many th names!"
"Oh," Kate said. "Yes, and my mother's name was Thea."
He groaned. "What is the surname of these people?" he asked.
After the briefest pause, she said, "Thwaite."
"My God!" He clapped a hand to his forehead.
She laughed. "I'm pulling your leg," she told him. He lowered his hand and looked at her. "I was just kidding," she clarified. "Really their surname is Dell."
"Ah," he said. "You were joking. You made a joke. You were teasing me!" And he started capering around the cart. "Oh, Kate; oh, my comical Kate; oh, Katya mine…"
"Stop it!" she said. People were staring at them. "Quit that and tell me which syrup you want."
He stopped capering and selected a bottle, seemingly at random, and dropped it into the cart. ~ Anne Tyler

Abby had a little experience with the rap genre already - she used to spit rhymes with this little blond neighbor kid when she would visit her aunt and uncle in Detroit. Marshall something. Great kid. A little tightly wound. ~ Andrew Shaffer

That's point one," I said, affecting unaffectedness. "Points two through ten have to do with that ridiculous list your father made you as to how to deal with ... me."
Watson had the grace to wince. His father had given him a strange little journal into which he had compiled a list of suggestions for how to handle one's Holmes (as though I were a small-breed dog or similar), drawing not only from Dr. Watson's own accounts but also from his own efforts with my uncle Leander back when they'd been flatmates. This was absurd on many levels. Leander was very easy to live with. He hardly ever stalked around anymore with a pistol in his bathrobe pocket. ~ Brittany Cavallaro

Worked with his father and uncle. He ~ Richard Price

Cookie's cousin Lucille, for example. Or her second cousins. Or her uncle on her mother's side. Her whole family, in fact, was a Harvard study waiting to happen. ~ Darynda Jones

Things are more like they are now ... than they have EVER been before! ~ Uncle Arnie Mamath

Until I dicover the meaning of this sentence, I will neither eat nor sleep.
"My dear uncle-" I began.
"Nor you either," he added. ~ Jules Verne

The prints shop manager, a balding man of about thirty years old, dressed in a plaid work shirt and faded jeans, looked very shocked when he saw the headline text. "Sydney Tar Ponds, Is It As Dangerous As People Say? Well," he exclaimed, glancing at the front photo, which featured the Sydney Steel Corporation, along with its plumes of orange smog. "You know, most people your age are really against that mill, as if it's a disease. We have university students protesting every few weeks or so… strangely enough, the ones who have parents who rely on that steel mill to pay the bills."

"What about the pollution?" Wendy questioned, almost accusingly, as if it was his fault. "What if dangerous chemicals are in the environment?"

"Hey kid, I don't even work at the mill, never have, but my father, my uncle, their father, cousins, all worked there," the prints shop man argued, placing the newspapers in a cardboard box and taping it shut. "When it comes down to all that 'go green' crap, you have to ask yourself, is it worth risking a person's income, their job, their family… their life? I'm not saying you're wrong, but these newspapers might have a point. ~ Rebecca McNutt

My uncle, gentlemen, could say nothing; he was so very much astonished The queerest thing of all, was, that although there was such a crowd of persons, and although fresh faces were pouring in, every moment, there was no telling where they came from. They seemed to start up, in some strange manner, from the ground, or the air, and disappear in the same way. ~ Charles Dickens

Gabriel could anticipate Uncle Dave and Uncle Junior's traditional wedding reception speech, entitled "If you hurt our girl, we will whip your ass." Only this time, they would be adding, "Vampire or not. ~ Molly Harper

Exchanging Hats

Unfunny uncles who insist
in trying on a lady's hat,
--oh, even if the joke falls flat,
we share your slight transvestite twist

in spite of our embarrassment.
Costume and custom are complex.
The headgear of the other sex
inspires us to experiment.

Anandrous aunts, who, at the beach
with paper plates upon your laps,
keep putting on the yachtsmen's caps
with exhibitionistic screech,

the visors hanging o'er the ear
so that the golden anchors drag,
--the tides of fashion never lag.
Such caps may not be worn next year.

Or you who don the paper plate
itself, and put some grapes upon it,
or sport the Indian's feather bonnet,
--perversities may aggravate

the natural madness of the hatter.
And if the opera hats collapse
and crowns grow draughty, then, perhaps,
he thinks what might a miter matter?

Unfunny uncle, you who wore a
hat too big, or one too many,
tell us, can't you, are there any
stars inside your black fedora?

Aunt exemplary and slim,
with avernal eyes, we wonder
what slow changes they see under
their vast, shady, turned-down brim. ~ Elizabeth Bishop

Driggs whispered to Lex out of the side of his mouth as they walked, "I never got grounded before you came here."
"You never touched a boob before I came here either."
"Touché." He flashed a goofy grin as Uncle Mort shoved him into his room and slammed the door. "Worth it! ~ Gina Damico

We liked our grandparents. We liked our uncle and our aunt. They had known our dad and our brother Ben. They had some of the same memories we did. Sometimes they even brought things up, like, "Remember when your dad went out in the kayak at Aspen Lake and he flipped over and we had to save him in our paddleboat?" and we would all start laughing because we had the same picture in our minds, my dad with his sunglasses dangling from one ear and his hair all wet. And they knew that Ben's favorite kind of ice cream wasn't ice cream at all, it was rainbow sherbet, and he always ate green first, and so when I saw it in my grandma's freezer once and I started crying they didn't even ask why and I think I saw my uncle Nick, my mom's brother, crying too. ~ Ally Condie

There is nothing on earth so easy as to forget, if a person chooses to set about it. I'm sure I have as much forgot your poor, dear uncle, as if he had never existed; and I thought it my duty to do so. ~ Richard Brinsley Sheridan

How fares the thumb, boy? well? Aye, merry, 'tis the sign of the penis. With the women, look you, observe the ear. The parts appear and come together. So obesity and malice. So grumbling and nagging. So gossip, envy, spite, and avarice. Slowly settling into. So feminine weakness. Heartless piety. Savage morals. They come together. No more goody geedge. Ruthless, lifelong revenge. Zrrr. Grease in a cold pan. Stay off from gingerly lobed and delicately whorled ones. Thus appear the parts. Mind your uncle, boy, who knows. And the men then. Lewd speech and slovenly habits. And the peasant's suspicion, his cruelty and rancor, his anger, drunkenness, pig-headed ignorance and bestiality. Inevitable they should be parts. Hoolyhoohoo. All in the normal course of nature. And they were saying we had evolved. What did it mean? But, he said in a voice that was clearly audible, I protest this world of unilluminated cocks. He caught the sense of his own words - so absurd - and his body began to shake - half in laughter, half in despair. ~ William H. Gass

Because that's bullshit. Okay, maybe the Las Vegas thing was our fault, well mostly Uncle Jared's and Jason's fault, but it was supposed to be a twenty-four hour buffet," he explained. "And that Disneyworld thing," he shook his head in disgust, "was all a simple misunderstanding. There was no need to get the police involved," he said on a sniff. ~ R.L. Mathewson

There's no happy ending ... Nevertheless, we might well say that is exactly Harriet Beecher Stowe's point. In 1852 slavery had not been abolished. Slaves were still on the plantations and many of them were in the hands of people like Legree. Her book was written to shame the collective conscience of America into action against an atrocity which was still continuing. So a happy ending would have been, frankly, a lie and a betrayal. ...

Most of the charges are basically true. Stowe did stereotype. She did sentimentalize. She offered a role model which later offended African American pride. On the other hand, what she did worked. She wasn't trying to provide a role model for African Americans. She was trying to make white Americans ashamed of themselves. ...

Perhaps the short answer to her critics is to ask, "Do you want glory, approval, all those good things? Or do you want to achieve your goal? ~ Thomas A. Shippey

He thought it was a bit rich of Uncle Vernon to call anyone "dumpy," when his own son, Dudley, had finally achieved what he'd been threatening to do since the age of three, and become wider than he was tall. ~ J.K. Rowling

Uncle Henry can call cremation pagan if he wants to, but this open-coffin shit is the real pagan rite. She doesn't look like my mother, she looks like a stuffed rabbit. ~ Stephen King

Uncle Eric holding court, proud the only time he ever left Yorkshire was to kill Germans. ~ David Peace

You aren't stupid, Lillian,' said Uncle Victor, smiling and shaking his head, 'but sometimes the things you do are. ~ Geraldine McCaughrean

I am not my uncle. I am not my father, but I do subscribe to the twenty rules he taught me from the cradle. One, if you're afraid to fight, then you'll never win. Two, in times of tragedy and turmoil, you'll learn who your true friends are. Treasure them because they are few and far between. Three, know your enemies, and never become your own worst one. Four, be grateful for those enemies. They will keep you honest and ever striving to better yourself. Five, listen to all good advice, but never substitute someone else's judgment for your own. Six, all men and women lie. But never lie to yourself. Seven, many will flatter you. Befriend the ones who don't, for they will
remind you that you're human and not infallible. Eight, never fear the truth. It's the lies that will destroy you. Nine, your worst decisions will always be those that are made out of fear. Think all matters through with a clear head. Ten, your mistakes won't define you, but your memories, good and bad, will. Eleven, be grateful for your mistakes as they will tell you who and what you're not. Twelve, don't be afraid to examine the past, it's how you learn what you don't want to do again. Thirteen, there's a lot to be said for not knowing better. Fourteen, all men die. Not everyone lives. Fifteen, on your deathbed, your greatest regrets will be what you didn't do. Sixteen, don't be afraid to love. Yes, it's a weakness that can be used against you. But it's also a source of the greatest strength you will ever ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

Uncle Mort to Lex and Driggs: And if I hear any article of clothing being unzipped, unstrapped, unhooked, or unbuckled, you will lose the body part that it corresponds to. Understand? ~ Gina Damico

Another song for Harry is don't tell'm by Jeremiah it compares to Harry because he got to keep as secret from everyone that he is a wizard and only his cousin, aunt, and uncle know ~ J.K. Rowling

One of the most important lessons, perhaps, is the fact that SOFTWARE IS HARD. From now on I shall have significantly greater respect for every successful software tool that I encounter. During the past decade I was surprised to learn that the writing of programs for TeX and Metafont proved to be much more difficult than all the other things I had done (like proving theorems or writing books). The creation of good software demand a significiantly higher standard of accuracy than those other things do, and it requires a longer attention span than other intellectual tasks. ~ Donald Knuth