Twoflower Quotes

Twoflower was a tourist, the first ever seen on the discworld. Tourist, Rincewind had decided, meant 'idiot'. ~ Terry Pratchett

If you're going to suggest I try dropping twenty feet down a pitch dark tower in the hope of hitting a couple of greasy little steps which might not even still be there, you can forget it," said Rincewind sharply.

"There is an alternative, then."

"Out with it, man."

"You could drop five hundred feet down a pitch black tower and hit stones which certainly are there," said Twoflower. ~ Terry Pratchett

Sometimes I think a man could wander across the disc all his life and not see everything there is to see,' said Twoflower. 'And now it seems there are lots of other worlds as well. When I think I might die without seeing a hundredth of all there is to see it makes me feel,' he paused, then added, 'well, humble, I suppose. And very angry, of course. ~ Terry Pratchett

No," said the shopkeeper, "not really. I always say home is where you hang your hat." "Um, no," said Twoflower, always anxious to enlighten. "Where you hang your hat is a hatstand. A home is - ~ Terry Pratchett

Another thing Bethan had learned was that there was no real point in trying to understand anything Twoflower said, and that all anyone could do was run alongside the conversation and hope to jump on as it turned a corner. ~ Terry Pratchett

What, playing with cards?" "It's a special kind of playing," said Twoflower. "It's called - " he hesitated. Language wasn't his strong point. "In your language it's called a thing you put across a river, for example," he concluded, "I think. ~ Terry Pratchett

You see," the tourist went on, "you know that thing you do with seaweed?"
Bethan, brought up on the Vortex Plains, had only heard of the sea in stories, and had decided she didn't like it. She looked blank.
"Eat it?"
"No, what you do is, you hang it up outside your door, and it tells you if it's going to rain."
Another thing Bethan had learned was that there was no real point in trying to understand anything Twoflower said, and that all anyone could do was run alongside the conversation and hope to jump on it as it turned a corner.
"I see," she said.
"Rincewind is like that, you see."
"Like seaweed."
"Yes. If there was anything at all to be frightened about, he'd be frightened. But he's not. The star is just about the only thing I've ever seen him not frightened of. If he's not worried, then take it from me, there's nothing to be worried about."
"It's not going to rain?" said Bethan.
"Well, no, metaphorically speaking."
"Oh." Bethan decided not to ask what "metaphorically" meant, in case it had something to do with seaweed. ~ Terry Pratchett

It's not that he doesn't appreciate beauty, he just appreciates it in his own way. I mean, if a poet sees a daffodil he stares at it and writes a long poem about it, but Twoflower wanders off to find a book on botany. ~ Terry Pratchett

I mean, if a poet sees a daffodil he stares at it and writes a long poem about it, but Twoflower wanders off to find a book on botany. And treads on it. Then ~ Terry Pratchett

Twoflower didn't just look at the world through rose-tinted spectacles, Rincewind knew
he looked at it through a rose-tinted brain, too, and heard it through rose-tinted ears. ~ Terry Pratchett

But if you must know, your moon here is rather more powerful than the ones around my own world."
"The moon?" said Twoflower. "I don't under-"
"If I've got to spell it out," said the troll, testily, "I'm suffering from chronic tides. ~ Terry Pratchett

Picturesque meant - he decided after careful observation of the scenerey that inspired Twoflower to use the word - that the landscape was horribly precipitous. Quaint, when used to describe the occasional village through which they passed, meant fever-ridden and tumbledown. Twoflower was a tourist, the first ever seen on the discworld. Tourist, Rincewind had decided, mean 'idiot'. ~ Terry Pratchett

He'sh mad?"
"Sort of mad. But mad with lots of money."
"Ah, then he can't be mad. I've been around; if a man hash lotsh of money he'sh just ecshentric. ~ Terry Pratchett

I hope you're not proposing to enslave us,' said Twoflower.
Marchesa looked genuinely shocked. 'Certainly not! Whatever could have given you that idea? Your lives in Krull will be rich, full and comfortable-'
'Oh, good,' said Rincewind.
'-just not very long. ~ Terry Pratchett

Don't you understand?" snarled Rincewind. "We are going over the Edge, godsdammit!"
"Can't we do anything about it?"
"No!"
"Then I can't see the sense in panicking," said Twoflower calmly. ~ Terry Pratchett

I expect everything will turn out all right in the end,' said Twoflower.
Rincewind looked at him. remarks like that always threw him.
'Do you really believe that?' he said. 'I mean, really?'
'Well, things generally do work out satisfactorily, when you come to think about it.'
'If you think the total disruption of my life for the last year is satisfactory then you might be right. I've lost count of the times I've nearly been killed
'
'Twenty-seven,' said Twoflower.
'What?'
'Twenty-seven times,' said Twoflower helpfully. 'I worked it out. But you never actually have.'
'What? Worked it out?' said Rincewind, who was beginning to have the familiar feeling that the conversation had been mugged. ~ Terry Pratchett

I just think the world ought to be more sort of organized.'
'That's just fantasy,' said Twoflower.
'I know. That's the trouble.' Rincewind sighed again. ~ Terry Pratchett