The Oatmeal Quotes

Don't be a baked potato. Be a person. ~ The Oatmeal

Runners aren't impervious to pain, we're just better at choosing what kind of pain we have to feel.

And when I run, that's exactly what I'm doing.

I'm asserting control over the uncontrollable.

I'm housebreaking a tornado. ~ The Oatmeal

It extols death with the luminescent brilliance of a dying star. It is Genghis Khan bathed in sherbet ice cream. The mantis shrimp is the harbinger of blood-soaked rainbows. ~ The Oatmeal

One of life's best coping mechanisms is to know the difference between an inconvenience and a problem. If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire – then you've got a problem. Everything else is an inconvenience. Life is inconvenient. Life is lumpy. A lump in the oatmeal, a lump in the throat and a lump in the breast are not the same kind of lump. One needs to learn the difference. ~ Robert Fulghum

It's a thousand tiny impulses, building on one another. First you decide it's a good idea to check the oatmeal bin for bugs. Next you're going through all the canisters, and before you know it, you're wearing a hazmat suit and examining the frosted flakes for ground-up glass. Each action further enforces the obsessive-compulsive circuit. When the disease is full-blown, sufferers are firmly entrenched in the neural loops that make them repeat thoughts and actions over and over. In other words, your brain keeps getting back in line for the same carnival ride it didn't enjoy in the first place. You lose your sunglasses, you throw up on your shirt, and two minutes later you're back on the Whizzer. Wheeee. ~ Jennifer Traig

If I am sedentary at a time when I have zero excuse for being sedentary, I call this "blerching. ~ Matthew Inman

I did not become a runner to lose weight, I did it to escape my computer ~ The Oatmeal

For a long time I was incredibly nervous about going through the checkout line at the supermarket. I'd assume that the checkout lady would be silently evaluating my groceries: "She could use more vegetables... Is the girl going to eat all of this tonight?... She should put the frozen yogurt back and pick the bagels OR the oatmeal." Maybe she is. More likely she's wondering when the hell her shift is over and should she grab some of that cereal to take home to her family. Either way, what I buy is not her concern. She can think whatever she wants. ~ Wendy Shanker

If you find yourself debating whether or not you should go exercise, it means you have the time and the means, your're simply talking yourself out of doing something difficults ~ The Oatmeal

Dear Complete and Utter Stranger,
The first thing that I have to say is that I hate oatmeal. I really hate it. And you know what? If you like oatmeal at all? I mean even the tiniest bit? I mean, say you were lost in the Himalayas, right, and you hadn't eaten anything except a Mars Bar for about seven years, right, and you're really cold and your fingers are all dropping off, right, and you look behind this rock, and there's this bowl of oatmeal?
Say you would even think about eating the oatmeal?
Well, JUST DON'T BOTHER WRITING TO ME, OKAY? ~ Jaclyn Moriarty

1 cup milk (more or less, depending on how thick you like your oatmeal) ½ cup quick-cook rolled oats ¼ cup canned pumpkin puree ¼ teaspoon pumpkin pie spice ¼ teaspoon cinnamon ¼ teaspoon salt ½ banana, sliced ¼ cup walnuts, chopped 2 tablespoons maple syrup Whipped cream (optional) Bring the milk to a boil in a saucepan. Add the oats, then stir in the pumpkin, spices, and salt. Cook, stirring constantly, about 2 minutes (or as indicated by the package directions on the rolled oats). Pour the oatmeal into a bowl and add sliced banana, walnuts, maple syrup, and whipped cream (if desired). ~ Jordan Reid

Life is lumpy. And a lump in the oatmeal, a lump in the throat, and a lump in a breast are not the same lump. One should learn the difference. ~ Robert Fulghum

I'm not much of cook, but I cook a mean bowl of oatmeal. ~ Mahershala Ali

Poetry comes out of you like a pot of oatmeal boiling over. ~ Dennis Vickers

ESTHER'S RECIPE FOR BOYFRIEND COOKIES Ingredients: 1 cup butter, softened ¾ cup granulated sugar ¾ cup brown sugar, packed 3 eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla ¼ cup whole wheat flour ¼ cup soy flour 3½ cups quick-cooking oatmeal 1½ cups salted peanuts, coarsely chopped 1 cup carob chips Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cream butter and sugars. Add eggs and vanilla, beating until fluffy. Sift flours and add to creamed mixture. Fold in oatmeal, peanuts, and carob chips. Drop by teaspoon 2 inches apart on greased baking sheet and bake 8 to 10 minutes. Yield: 7 to 8 dozen cookies. ~ Wanda E. Brunstetter

As a kid, I got three meals a day. Oatmeal, miss-a-meal and no meal. ~ Mr. T

My mom is very structured. She gets up, she does her prayers, and she eats her oatmeal with blueberries and Greek yogurt, and she has her prayer list, and she doesn't worry too much about things. ~ Maria Bamford

I love oatmeal raisin cookies. ~ Halston Sage

I do two cups of coffee with a little bit of raw sugar and soy creamer, and then I do a bowl of plain oatmeal with walnuts and blueberries. Now, if I could do what I really wanted to do with my life, every morning I would have a salami-and-cheese omelet with hash browns and a buttermilk biscuit - and pancakes. But my heart would explode. ~ Ike Barinholtz

I love my daughter, but she had me on couscous and fixed me pastas and made me eat oatmeal every morning and what else, turkey burgers, turkey bacon, and that kind of stuff. So she wants her dad to live a long time, and I do, too. ~ Dusty Baker

There is no doubt that some plant food, such as oatmeal, is more economical than meat, and superior to it in regard to both mechanical and mental performance. Such food, moreover, taxes our digestive organs decidedly less, and, in making us more contented and sociable, produces an amount of good difficult to estimate. ~ Nikola Tesla

Keeping her wild-honey-and-chamomile-soaked hair from falling into her oatmeal-and-yogurt face mask ~ Emma McLaughlin

I eat a huge breakfast every morning - it's what I look forward to. I'll do steel-cut oatmeal with blueberries and strawberries, an egg white scramble with mushrooms, zucchini, and onion, and a piece of cinnamon Ezekiel bread with almond butter. I could do that every single day. ~ Heather Mitts

in mushy, wet oatmeal. "Are ~ Abby Klein

Now and then a giggling trail of mermaids appeared in our wake. We fed them oatmeal. ~ Tove Jansson

STAY HOME FROM SCHOOL FAUX VOMIT:
1 cup of cooked oatmeal
1.2 cup of sour cream (or buttermilk ranch dressing or anything that smells like rancid, sour milk)
2 chopped cheese sticks (for chunkiness)
1 uncooked egg (for authentic slimy texture)
1 can of split pea soup (for putrid green color)
1/4 cup of raisins (to increase gross-osity)
Mix ingredients and simmer over low heat for 2 minutes
Let mixture cool to warm vomit temperature
Use liberally as needed
Makes 4 to 5 cups ~ Rachel Renee Russell

It takes only one bad amp to turn your ears to oatmeal: That's how old hippies became Yanni fans. ~ Rob Sheffield

Trying a case a second time is like eating yesterday morning's oatmeal. ~ Lloyd Paul Stryker

My wife gets pampered pretty well. She's had me trained since she was pregnant, when I started making her oatmeal with fresh berries every morning. ~ Michael Weatherly

I feel better all day if I start off by eating healthy. Breakfast is simple: multigrain toast with natural peanut butter, oatmeal, yogurt, fruit, or healthy cereal. ~ Natalie Morales

I am a believer in nutrient timing and supplementation, through 8Zone. I love eggs, apples, wild fish, leafy greens, brown rice, pasta, oatmeal, home grown Washington Potatoes, and cooking with coconut and olive oils. ~ Apolo Ohno

I don't eat a lot of junk food anymore, but I sure remember it. I used to go through boxes of Little Debbies. I liked Star Crunch, and of course those oatmeal pies. ~ CeeLo Green

Eyebrows and hair singed off, Hector is barely recognizable under a lathering of day-glow orange. He appears to have been tarred-and-feathered with orange tar and oatmeal feathers. ~ Ray Palla

Oatmeal is a cheap and healthy breakfast. ~ Marcus Samuelsson

Breakfast is so important, so I'll make an omelet with cheese and deli meats, and then I'll eat muesli and yogurt mixed with fruit or oatmeal with fruit - and then a side of baked beans. ~ Andrew Luck

There's no dishonor in being forced by a superior power into slavery, but it is an eternal disgrace to voluntarily surrender one's liberty for a filthy bowl of oatmeal and promise of security by liars. ~ Charley Reese

I live a pretty domestic and normal life. I make my kids breakfast most mornings, but nothing too elaborate - soft-boiled eggs and oatmeal. ~ Pierce Brosnan

Fairy dust is very useful. I use it to turn oatmeal into cake. ~ David Shannon

If you're craving oatmeal cookies, apple sauce won't do.. ~ Eric Jerome Dickey

My breakfast is usually some oatmeal and berries and some agave, or a protein shake. ~ Ron Funches