Funny Newt Quotes

You! she said, stepping forward with a vehement expression and her finger pointed. Heart pounding, I pressed into Al. Funny how he seemed so much safer now. (Newt, Rachel and Al) ~ Kim Harrison

I had a period of thinking that I would have been called 'Newt the McPherson,' as in 'Robert the Bruce.' ~ Newt Gingrich

NEWT shuffles over awkwardly to the bereft THESEUS. NEWT hesitates, struggling to find words of comfort. Then for the first time in his life, he puts his arms around his brother. They hug.

NEWT: I've chosen my side. ~ J.K. Rowling

It is perfectly American to be wrong. ~ Newt Gingrich

People change after a while, and they're no longer who you once knew ~ Newt Scamander

NEWT (serious): Jacob?
JACOB: Yeah?
NEWT: In my case, in the pocket there, you'll find a pair of tweezers.
JACOB: Tweezers?
NEWT: They're thin and pointy -
TINA: Thin, little pointy things.
JACOB: Yes, I know what tweezers are. ~ J.K. Rowling

Bowing to the Saudi king is not an energy policy. ~ Newt Gingrich

Support charters; insist on change for failing schools. ~ Newt Gingrich

We need a dramatically expanded use of statecraft. ~ Newt Gingrich

Established systems are inherently hostile to change. ~ Newt Gingrich

The sacrament of marriage is based on a man and woman. ~ Newt Gingrich

The Congress is pretty powerful if it wants to be. ~ Newt Gingrich

NEA includes most bizarre & extreme misuse of tax funds. ~ Newt Gingrich

I think Ron Paul's views are totally outside the mainstream of virtually every decent American. ~ Newt Gingrich

Private scholarships for students at hopeless schools. ~ Newt Gingrich

I'm a controversial guy. ~ Newt Gingrich

It's a normal way of doing business. ~ Newt Gingrich

Focus on prevention; would save $14B with diabetes. ~ Newt Gingrich

I think former President Clinton and even Newt Gingrich have said it was a mistake to repeal Glass Steagall. ~ Martin O'Malley

Opposing taxes is a key conservative value. ~ Newt Gingrich

1995 government shutdown from GOP underestimating Clinton. ~ Newt Gingrich

ACLU has become eccentric and destructive. ~ Newt Gingrich

What's up, Tommy?" Newt exclaimed, his face filled with genuine happiness at the pleasant surprise that'd been sprung on them. Thomas couldn't remember exactly how long it'd been since the last time he'd seen Newt. "You look bloody fantastic for three in the morning. ~ James Dashner

America is experiencing an Islamist cultural-political offensive designed to undermine and destroy our civilization. ~ Newt Gingrich

I believe most evangelicals know that defeating Obama is at heart of our country's future. ~ Newt Gingrich

I think what you'll find is overall, overwhelmingly, evangelicals would prefer me to Barack Obama. ~ Newt Gingrich

When a court goes too far, it actually weakens our respect for judicial institutions. ~ Newt Gingrich

Now, I know among the politically correct, you're not supposed to use facts that are uncomfortable. ~ Newt Gingrich

Those Islamists and their apologists who argue for 'religious toleration' are arrogantly dishonest. ~ Newt Gingrich

I discourage a cult of personality. ~ Newt Gingrich

When we have 13,000 Americans living on the moon, they can petition to become a state, ~ Newt Gingrich

NEWT rummages in his pockets and pulls out a tiny bottle with only a couple of muddy drops left inside it.
TINA: Is that Polyjuice?
NEWT (of the bottle): Just enough to get me inside.
He looks down at his coat and finds one of THESEUS'S hairs on his shoulder. He adds it to the mixture, drinks, and turns into THESEUS, still wearing NEWT'S clothes.
TINA: Who - ?
NEWT: My brother, Theseus. He's an Auror. And a hugger. ~ J.K. Rowling

Newt Gingrich is a very intelligent man, if he says so himself. ~ John Podhoretz

If Thomas Edison invented electric light today, Dan Rather would report it on CBS News as, 'Candle-making industry threatened'. ~ Newt Gingrich

The most important social welfare program in America is a job. ~ Newt Gingrich

Both Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich supported the Wall Street bailout. ~ Michele Bachmann

Newt Gingrich would be a much better president than Barack Obama. ~ Rick Santorum

The time for double standards that allow Islamists to behave aggressively toward us while they demand our weakness and submission is over. ~ Newt Gingrich

Frankly, Governor Romney in his career has created more jobs than the entire Obama cabinet combined, so he could actually talk about it. ~ Newt Gingrich

I think we've had an invented Palestinian people who are in fact Arabs, and who were historically part of the Arab community. ~ Newt Gingrich

The evidence is sufficient that we should move towards the most effective possible steps to reduce carbon loading of the atmosphere. ~ Newt Gingrich

DUMBLEDORE: Do you know why I admire you, Newt? More, perhaps, than any man I know? (off NEWT'S surprise) You don't seek power or popularity. You simply ask, is the thing right in itself? If it is, then I must do it, no matter the cost. ~ J.K. Rowling

That Newt Gingrich or any mainstream Republican has the nerve to look down from what they perceive as their moral mountaintop at anyone is laughable. ~ Henry Rollins

You can never study Franklin Delano Roosevelt too much. ~ Newt Gingrich

Why not aspire to build a real Jurassic Park? ~ Newt Gingrich

Newt Gingrich would cream Barack Obama in a debate. ~ Monica Crowley

EXT. LONDON BACK STREET - EVENING
NEWT apparates and walks on briskly beneath an increasingly stormy sky. Seconds later, STEBBINS, an Auror, Apparates some yards behind him. They have been playing this game for an hour. NEWT turns a corner into a darker alleyway, peers back around the corner, and points his wand back at STEBBINS.
NEWT (sotto voce): Ventus.
STEBBINS is immediately caught in a hurricane for one. To the confusion and amusement of passing Muggles, his hat flies away, he is almost knocked off his feet, and cannot proceed.
Smiling slightly, NEWT withdraws his head. ~ J.K. Rowling

I don't think we have conclusive proof that humans are at the center of [global warming] ~ Newt Gingrich

If the Obama administration is this afraid of Glenn Beck, how do they deal with the Iranians? ~ Newt Gingrich

We don't we agree that litigation reform to lower the cost of healthcare would be a good starting point? ~ Newt Gingrich

If the Soviet empire still existed, I'd be terrified. The fact is, we can afford a fairly ignorant presidency now. ~ Newt Gingrich

It's going to be a bummer if Mars turns out to be like us. ~ Newt Gingrich

The terrorism danger to the United States is even worse than September 11th, when 19 hijackers murdered almost 3,000 Americans. ~ Newt Gingrich

There is a gay and secular fascism in this country that wants to impose its will on the rest of us. ~ Newt Gingrich

A good officer learned to take care of the feet of his men first, and from there their stomachs and hearts. By that means, he could motivate their souls. ~ Newt Gingrich

I have an enormous personal ambition. I want to shift the entire planet. ~ Newt Gingrich

The U.S. cannot be the policeman of the world. When we tried that in Vietnam, they beat us up. ~ Newt Gingrich

Cincinnati has one of the most diverse animal collections in the world, with more than 500 species represented. They also have a really good insect exhibit. ~ Newt Gingrich

DUMBLEDORE conjures NICOLAS FLAMEL'S card from thin air and offers it to NEWT, who eyes it with suspicion.
NEWT: What's that?
DUMBLEDORE: It's an address of a very old acquaintance of mine. A safe house in Paris, reinforced with enchantments.
NEWT: Safe house? Why would I need a safe house in Paris?
DUMBLEDORE: One hopes you won't, but should things at some point go terribly wrong, it's good to have a place to go. You know, for a cup of tea.
NEWT: No, no, no - absolutely not. ~ J.K. Rowling

Even if Iraq IS a civil war, people have won civil wars. ~ Newt Gingrich

Somebody ought to have the courage to tell the truth. These people are terrorists. ~ Newt Gingrich

To have a major breakthrough in policy, you have to be able to stop and think. ~ Newt Gingrich

You know, modern liberals are just, I think frankly, totally off the deep end ... their only answer is to yell racism and hide. ~ Newt Gingrich

Newt Gingrich never received more than 100,000 votes in his life. He'll never be president. ~ John Podhoretz

Politics and war are remarkably similar situations. ~ Newt Gingrich

All of us have a responsibility to help pay for health care. ~ Newt Gingrich

If I had to choose Reaganomics or 13 staffers quitting, I think for the average working American, Reaganomics was a much better deal. ~ Newt Gingrich

I don't know of a single economist who disagrees that when you raise the minimum wage, you kill jobs for the poor. ~ Newt Gingrich

We have big ideas. I just think that's part of how you campaign. You talk to the American people about big things. ~ Newt Gingrich

Nixon had this remarkably effective, deeply intense will to power. Reagan and I have a will to ideas. ~ Newt Gingrich

Nazis don't have the right to put up a sign next to the Holocaust museum in Washington. ~ Newt Gingrich

If you get involved in a controversy, then that becomes the mesmerizing event that people remember you by. ~ Newt Gingrich

I helped lead the effort to defeat communism in the Congress. ~ Newt Gingrich

My style is to stay on the offensive: to take risks, to recover very fast when you make a mistake, but to keep moving forward. ~ Newt Gingrich

I clearly have done things that were wrong. I've clearly had to seek God's forgiveness. ~ Newt Gingrich

Islamic extremism may well be the greatest threat to Western values and Western security in the world. ~ Newt Gingrich

Newt Gingrich seldom misses a chance to note that he is a historian. ~ Adam Hochschild

If you're not in 'The Washington Post' every day, you might as well not exist. ~ Newt Gingrich

INT. DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS CLASS - FOURTEEN YEARS PREVIOUSLY - DAY
It is Boggart time. DUMBLEDORE supervises the line of teenagers advancing to try their luck. "Riddikulus" - "Riddikulus" - gusts of hilarity as a shark becomes a flotation device, a zombie's head turns into a pumpkin, a vampire turns into a buck-toothed rabbit.
DUMBLEDORE: All right, Newt. Be brave.
16-YEAR-OLD NEWT moves to the front of the queue. The Boggart turns into a Ministry desk.
DUMBLEDORE: Mmm, that's an unusual one. So Mr. Scamander fears what more than anything else in the world?
16-YEAR-OLD NEWT: Having to work in an office, sir.
The class roars with laughter.
DUMBLEDORE: Go ahead, Newt.
16-YEAR-OLD NEWT: Riddikulus!
NEWT turns the desk into a gamboling wooden dragon and moves aside.
DUMBLEDORE: Well done. Good job. ~ J.K. Rowling

Newt changed the frame of reference of all of our candidates. That's why we won so big in 1994. ~ Pete Du Pont

A beat as Queenie drinks the whole story out of Newt's head. She looks both intrigued and saddened. Newt continues to work, trying hard to pretend Queenie isn't reading his mind. ~ J.K. Rowling

We have to frankly break the back of the secular-socialist machine, elect people committed to representing the American people, and then methodically rip the system apart. ~ Newt Gingrich

We have to be as militant defending America as the enemies of America are in trying to destroy America. ~ Newt Gingrich

NEWT: What d'you think I should say to her, if I see her?
JACOB: Oh, well, it's best not to plan these things. You know, you just say whatever comes to you in the moment.
A beat. They walk.
NEWT (reminiscently): She has eyes just like a salamander.
JACOB: Don't say that. ~ J.K. Rowling

As [House] speaker, I came back, working with President Bill Clinton. We passed a very Reagan-like program: less regulation, lower taxes. Unemployment dropped to 4.2 percent. We created 11 million jobs. ~ Newt Gingrich

Only the elites despise earning money. ~ Newt Gingrich

INT. NEWT'S HOUSE - NIGHT
NEWT opens the front door cautiously. Inside, a baby Niffler is swinging from the brass cord of a table lamp, causing the light to flicker on and off. The baby Niffler succeeds in stealing the brass cord before spotting NEWT. It scampers away, knocking all manner of objects to the floor.
NEWT spots a second baby Niffler sitting on a set of weighing scales, pinned down by gold-colored weights it is clearly attempting to steal.
As the first baby makes it to the dining table, NEWT lightly drops a saucepan on top of it, which continues moving across the table. NEWT tosses an apple into the opposite weighing scale, sending the baby Niffler flying into the air. NEWT catches both baby Nifflers as they fall, then tucks them into his pockets.
Satisfied, NEWT heads toward the door to his basement but turns at the last moment to see a third escaped baby Niffler climbing onto a bottle of champagne on the counter. With a sense of inevitability, the champagne bottle pops and the baby Niffler zooms toward NEWT on top of the cork, soaring past him and down the stairs to the basement. ~ J.K. Rowling

Have you heard a single national figure tell you all of the crises of the recent past are not economic, they're cultural? ~ Newt Gingrich

It may just be because I get homesick, but I have concluded Washington's cherry blossoms are just plain overrated. ~ Newt Gingrich

We have a choice between those who are failing to deliver and those who are unthinkable ... Neither party currently is where the country is. ~ Newt Gingrich

Governor Romney may be running for CEO, I'm running for President ~ Newt Gingrich

Little Newt snorted. "Religion!"
"Beg your pardon?" Castle said.
"See the cat?" asked Newt. "See the cradle? ~ Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

By definition, the person who learns enough to become the nominee is almost certainly the best person for the general election. ~ Newt Gingrich

I think my health is probably fine. Let's be honest, you never know what could happen to somebody, but I think I'm in very good shape right now. ~ Newt Gingrich

My guest Newt Gingrich shut down the government during the Clinton administration. I'll ask him when it's gonna start working again. ~ Stephen Colbert

Newt Gingrich has a restless and outsized intelligence that is tragically unleavened by any kind of critical sensibility. ~ John Podhoretz

I'm delighted to make as many people feel ashamed as possible. There's probably a site like that for everybody. I've heard Newt Gingrich has his own as well. ~ Dylan Moran

What's going on?" Newt asked, looking back and forth between Thomas and Aris. "Why're you guys looking at each other like you just fell in love? ~ James Dashner

I believe most Americans are pro-choice and anti-abortion. ~ Newt Gingrich

Book cover, 'Reefer Club' Totalitarianism is when people believe they can punish their way to perfection. ~ Newt Gingrich