Fred George Weasley Humor Quotes

Are you trying to weasel out of showing us any of this stuff?' said Zacharias Smith.
'Here's an idea,' said Ron loudly, 'why don't you shut your mouth?'
'Well, we've all turned up to learn from him, and now he's telling us he can't really do any of it,' he said.
'That's not what he said,' said Fred Weasley.
'Would you like us to clean out your ears for you?' inquired George, pulling a long and lethal-looking metal instrument from inside one of the Zonko's bags.
'Or any part of your body, really, we're not fussy where we stick this,' said Fred. ~ J.K. Rowling

What do we want to be prefects for?" said George, looking revolted at the very idea. "It'd take all the fun out of life. ~ J.K. Rowling

What are we doing here? Has something gone wrong?"
"Oh no, Ron," came Fred's voice, very sarcastically. "No, this is exactly where we wanted to end up. ~ J.K. Rowling

Time is Galleons, little brother. ~ J.K. Rowling

Fred and George turned to each other and said together, 'Wow, we're identical!'
'I dunno though, I think I'm still better looking,' said Fred, examining his reflection in the kettle. ~ J.K. Rowling

Ron held up his badge. Mrs Weasley let out a shriek just like Hermione's. 'I don't believe it! I don't believe it! Oh, Ron, how wonderful! A prefect! That's everyone in the family!' 'What are Fred and I, next-door neighbours?' said George indignantly, as his mother pushed him aside and flung her arms around her youngest son. ~ J.K. Rowling

This isn't your average book, it's pure gold: Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches. Explains everything you need to know about girls. IF only I'd had this last year I'd have known exactly how to get rid of Lavender and I would've known how to get going with ... Well Fred and George gave me a copy, and I've learned a lot. You'd be surprised, it's not all about wandwork, either. ~ J.K. Rowling

Okay, men," he said. "And women," said Chaser Angelina Johnson. "And women," Wood agreed. "This is it." "The big one," said Fred Weasley. "The one we've all been waiting for," said George. "We know Oliver's speech by heart," Fred told Harry, "we were on the team last year." "Shut up, you two," said Wood. "This is the best team Gryffindor's had in years. We're going to win. I know it." He glared at them all as if to say, "Or else." "Right. It's time. Good luck, all of you. ~ J.K. Rowling

We didn't give it to him because he's a Muggle!" said Fred indignantly. "No, we gave it to him because he's a great bullying git," said George. "Isn't he, Harry?" "Yeah, he is, Mr. Weasley," said Harry earnestly. ~ J.K. Rowling

Longbottom, if brains were gold, you'd be poorer than Weasley, and that's saying something. ~ J.K. Rowling

You're a prefect? Oh Ronnie! That's everyone in the family!"
"What are Fred and I? Next door neighbors? ~ J.K. Rowling

Are all your family wizards?" asked Harry, who found Ron just as interesting as Ron found him.
"Er- yes, I think so," said Ron. "I think Mom's got a second cousin who's an accountant, but we never talk about him."
"So you must know loads of magic already."
The Weasleys were clearly one of those old wizarding families the pale boy in Diagon Alley had talked about.
"I heard you went to live with Muggles," said Ron. "What are they like?"
"Horrible- well, not all of them. My aunt and uncle and cousin are, though. Wish I'd had three wizard brothers."
"Five," said Ron. For some reason, he was looking gloomy. "I'm the sixth in our family to go to Hogwarts. You could say I've got a lot to live up to. Bill and Charlie have already left- Bill was head boy and Charlie was captain of Quidditch. Now Percy's a prefect. Fred and George mess around a lot, but they still get really good marks and everyone thinks they're really funny. Everyone expects me to do as well as the others, but if I do, it's no big deal, because they did it first. You never get anything new, either, with five brothers. I've got Bill's old robes, Charlie's old wand, and Percy's old rat."
Ron reached inside his jacket and pulled out a fat gray rat, which was asleep.
"His name's Scabbers and he's useless, he hardly ever wakes up. Percy got an owl from my dad for being made a prefect, but they couldn't aff- I mean, I got Scabbers instead."
Ron's ears went pink. He seemed to thi ~ J.K. Rowling

We've got it [Percy's Head Boy badge]," Fred whispered to Harry. "We're improving it."
The badge now read Bighead Boy. ~ J.K. Rowling

Wow, we're identical! ~ J.K. Rowling

Hey, look - Harry's got a Weasley sweater, too!"
Fred and George were wearing blue sweaters, one with a large yellow F on it, the other a G.
"Harry's is better than ours, though," said Fred, holding up Harry's sweater. "She obviously makes more of an effort if you're not family. ~ J.K. Rowling

Honestly, woman, you call yourself our mother? ~ J.K. Rowling

Mad-Eye Moody?" said George thoughtfully, spreading marmalade on his toast. "Isn't he that nutter - " "Your father thinks very highly of Mad-Eye Moody," said Mrs. Weasley sternly. "Yeah, well, Dad collects plugs, doesn't he?" said Fred quietly as Mrs. Weasley left the room. "Birds of a feather ... " "Moody was a great wizard in his time," said Bill. "He's an old friend of Dumbledore's, isn't he?" said Charlie. "Dumbledore's not what you'd call normal, though, is he?" said Fred. "I mean, I know he's a genius and everything ... ~ J.K. Rowling

Give her hell from us, Peeves. ~ J.K. Rowling

The thing about growing up with Fred and George," said Ginny thoughtfully, "is that you sort of start thinking anything's possible if you've got enough nerve. ~ J.K. Rowling

Don't go downstairs for a bit." "Why not?" said Ron. "Mum's crying again," said Fred heavily. "Percy sent back his Christmas jumper." "Without a note," added George. "Hasn't asked how ~ J.K. Rowling

Why are they all staring?" demanded Albus as he and Rose craned around to look at the other students.
"Don't let it worry you," said Ron. "It's me. I'm extremely famous. ~ J.K. Rowling

Time to sit down," Fred told Harry, "Or we're going to get run over by the bride. ~ J.K. Rowling

Xenophilius Lovegood," he said, extending a hand to Harry. "My daughter and I live over the hill, so kind of the Weasleys to invite us. I think you know my Luna?" he added to Ron.
"Yes" said Ron. "Isn't she with you?"
"She lingered in that charming little garden to say hello to the gnomes, such a glorious infestation! How few wizards realize just how much we can learn from the wise little gnomes - or, to give then their correct names, the Gernumbli gardensi."
"Ours do know a lot of excellent swear words," said Ron, "but I think Fred and George taught them those. ~ J.K. Rowling

Who's avoiding you?" said Ron, sitting down next to them. "Wish you would," said Fred, looking irritated at the interruption. "What's a bummer?" Ron asked George. "Having a nosy git like you for a brother," said George. ~ J.K. Rowling

So that's little Scorpious. Make sure you beat him in every test, Rosie. Thank god you've inherited your mother's brains. ~ J.K. Rowling

Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, Fleur and Mundungus drank. All of them gasped and grimaced as the Potion hit their throats: at once, their features began to bubble and distort like hot wax. Hermione and Mundungus were shooting upwards; Ron, Fred and George were shrinking; their hair was darkening, Hermione's and Fleur's appearing to shoot backwards into their skulls. ~ J.K. Rowling

We're coming or you whether the Muggles like it or not, you can't miss the World Cup, only Mum and Dad reckon it's better if we pretend to ask their permission first. If they say yes, send Pig back with your answer pronto, and we'll come and get you at five o'clock on Sunday. If they say no, send Pig back pronto and we'll come and get you at five o'clock on Sunday anyway. ~ J.K. Rowling

I'm Draco Malfoy, I'm Draco, I'm on your side!"
Draco was on the upper landing, pleading with another masked Death Eater. Harry Stunned the Death Eater as they passed: Malfoy looked around, beaming, for his savior, and Ron punched him from under the cloak. Malfoy fell backward on top of the Death Eater, his mouth bleeding, utterly bemused.
"And that's the second time we've saved your life tonight, you two-faced bastard!" Ron yelled. ~ J.K. Rowling

Merry Christmas," said George. "Don't go downstairs for a bit."
"Why not?" said Ron.
"Mum's crying again," said Fred heavily. "Percy sent back his Christmas jumper." [I guess that's a sweater, though my jury is still out on it until I get a future confirmation.]
"Without a not," added George. "Hasn't asked how Dad is or visit him [in the hospital] or anything ... "
"We tried to comfort her," said Fred, moving around the bed to look at Harry's portrait. "Told her Percy's nothing but a humongous pile of rat droppings
"
"
didn't work," said George, helping himself to a Chocolate Frog. "So Lupin took over. Best let him cheer her up before we go down for breakfast, I reckon. ~ J.K. Rowling

There you go, Harry!" Ron shouted over the noise. "You weren't being thick after all - you were showing moral fiber! ~ J.K. Rowling

George: "I can't see anyone trying to bump off a quidditch team."
Fred: "Wood might've done the Slytherins if he could've got away with it. ~ J.K. Rowling

Fred at six years old thought her the nicest girl in the world, making her his wife with a brass ring which he had cut from an umbrella. ~ George Eliot